


Moonbeams

by freedomatsea



Category: Prospect (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Character, Cock Warming, Cunnilingus, Discussion of Abortion, Doggy Style, F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Isolation, Kidnapping, Missionary Position, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Poetry, Pregnancy, Recreational Space Drug Use, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Romance, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Unplanned Pregnancy, Werewolf Sex, drugged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 101,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26822974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: You had heard the rumors, but never once had you believed that they were true. A werewolf living on a moon? Werewolves were the stuff of fairytales. They weren’t real.
Relationships: Ezra (Prospect 2018)/Reader, Ezra (Prospect 2018)/You
Comments: 90
Kudos: 166





	1. Moonbeam

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Non-graphic description of bodily injury and smut (cunnilingus, doggy style sex, mentions of masturbation). 
> 
> Reader Details: To the best of my knowledge, there are no references to Reader’s physical details, beyond being a bisexual woman. I tried my best to keep it as vague as possible.

You had heard the rumors, but never _once_ had you believed that they were true. A werewolf living _on_ a moon? Werewolves were the stuff of fairytales. They weren’t _real_. 

They _weren’t_ real. 

But someone who had come before you had clearly considered the potential. Why else had someone thought to set up a cleverly concealed steel trap?

The pain was overwhelming. Worse than anything you’d ever encountered before. You were lucky your leg hadn’t snapped in two — your heavy coveralls were your saving grace. 

You howled out in pain as you dropped to your knees, trying in vain to pry the trap off your leg. The sharp teeth had bit through the fabric of your coveralls and the dark stain forming told you everything you needed to know about your future. If you didn’t get the trap off soon, you were going to bleed out. 

And _then_ you’d become a smorgasbord for whatever creatures lived on this moon. There had to be _something_ terrifying in the forest that had convinced everyone to believe in werewolves. 

“ _Kriff_.” You swore, your arms throbbing with effort as you tried yet again to free your leg from the trap. You dropped back onto your ass, before sinking down onto the soft mossy ground beneath you. 

At least the stars were out. You could see them through the bareboned trees as they swayed above you in the evening breeze. 

The pain wasn’t so bad at a certain point, most likely because of the blood loss. That would do it. That woozy, tingling sensation that had your vision blurring at the edges. 

A branch snapped nearby, sending a dull spike of nerves through you. You hadn’t made a study of the flora and fauna on the moon — but that certainly didn’t sound like a small creature. 

“Please don’t eat me.” You mumbled, tilting your head to look in the direction of the sound. The filtered moonlight from the crescent moon above barely illuminated the forest around you and your flashlight was just out of reach. 

You heard the sound of another branch snapping under foot, “Hello?” 

All men are beasts in their own right, but the man that stepped into your line of view seemed an unlikely candidate. 

“I do believe that trap was not set to ensnare one such as you,” He drawled out with a honey-sweet cadence as he moved towards you.

“I don’t think it’s broken,” You offered weakly, trying to sit up as he knelt beside you, but your vision blurred harshly and you sank back onto the ground. 

“How fortuitous you are that I take my evening stroll through this very copse of trees.” He mused, effortlessly freeing your leg from the steel trap. 

“How—“

“You have lost a _considerable_ amount of blood, little lamb. I would be most obliged to offer shelter and succor. These woods are no place to remain alone. One can never know what creatures fresh blood may attract.”

You exhaled shakily as you stared up at the stars above you. He was right — you’d never make it back to your transport alone on your leg. “Promise not to kill me?” You cracked, tilting your head to look at him.

He flashed you a toothy grin, “I _promise_.” 

“What is your name?” You asked as he hoisted you into his arms, with surprising ease. 

“Ezra.” He told you, looking down at you. “And what is your name, little lamb?”

“ _Ezra_.” You repeated softly, resting your cheek against his chest as he carried you through the forest. You gave him your own name, feeling a strange warmth wash through you when he repeated it back in that beguiling tone of his. 

“Am I right in my assumption that you are the occupant of the transport that arrived just two nights ago.” Ezra questioned quietly. 

“Depends on who is asking.” You jested lightly, “I am. Reconnaissance mission for a mining program.” 

“ _Ah_ ,” His grip on you seemed to tighten. “Another greedy venture to strip the moon of its precious lunaxium?” 

“I can only assume.” You glanced up at him, “Above my pay grade.”

“You should leave within the week.” Ezra remarked, keeping his sharp gaze focused ahead of him. “It won’t be safe for you.”

“You don’t believe in that stupid story, do you?” You questioned, “Isn’t that just a tale to keep prospectors from coming here?”

“I once believed that.” Ezra muttered, before falling silent for the remainder of the journey to his humble abode. 

* * *

You had so many questions for your serendipitous savior, but he tended to your leg in relative silence and then left you to rest in his bed. 

From what you could tell, Ezra had fashioned a home for himself out of a crashed transport vessel that you could only assume had been his own at one time. Perhaps he’d been like you once upon a time, a drifter picking up odd jobs and landing in _bad_ situations. 

Ezra was _handsome_. The moonlight hadn’t tricked you into thinking that — in the garish light of his bedroom, he was still just as striking. Warm eyes, long lashes, a mess of chestnut hair with a shock of blonde, and a wiry frame. 

How long had he been living on Lykaios? Had his vessel crashed on a wayward venture and he’d had no one to come looking for him? Not that anyone would come looking for _you_ either. 

Maybe Shiva. They would’ve probably come looking for your corpse just to get what was owed to them. 

It was a damn miracle that Ezra had stumbled upon you. How had he even found you? The woods all looked the same. 

Sleep came slowly and fitfully. Despite the shot Ezra had given you, your leg was _agonizingly_ painful if you moved at all. Fortunately, there were books within reach — well-loved, with worn pages. You wondered if they had been Ezra’s to start with, or if he’d found someone’s abandoned transport. 

He had excellent taste. 

You hadn’t seen a stack of Chaucer since you were much younger. His copy of _Canterbury Tales_ had been opened so many times the spine wilted in your palm. 

Ezra announced himself with a short knock, before sliding open the durasteel door. “I expected you to be asleep. You had quite the evening, little lamb.”

“I tried.” You made a note of the page you were on before closing the book and sitting it aside on the bedside shelf. “I got distracted by… _your_ collection of novels.”

He chuckled, leaning against the doorframe. “I see you’re getting acquainted with my old oppo Chaucer.” 

“I’ll have you know, Chaucer is _my_ friend.” You quipped, drumming your fingers against the cover of the book. “It was nice to retrace old lines.” 

“He’s an acquired taste,” Ezra tucked his hands behind his back and stepped into the room. “Youth may outrun the old, but not outwit.”

You smiled a little, “Earn what you can since everything’s for sale.” 

Ezra chuckled, shaking his head. “And how _true_ that is.” He gestured grandly towards your leg, “But oftentimes it comes with folly.”

“Is that how you ended up here?” You questioned, “I wanted to ask you last night, but with everything...” 

He shrugged, dragging over a trunk and perching on the edge of it. “Five years ago I stood where you stand. They were looking for a new form of _clean_ energy — lunaxium seemed like the answer.” Ezra pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, looking away from you then. “This place is filled with hidden dangers. Once you can put weight on your leg, I encourage you to _leave_.” 

“You could come with me.”

Ezra’s gaze snapped towards you, “ _No_.” 

Your brows furrowed together, “Alright.” 

“I need to change your bandages,” Ezra exhaled heavily as he rose from the trunk, he turned his back to you as he moved to retrieve the roll of gauze from a shelf. 

Your eyes widened as you spotted a twisted scar that ran up the back of his neck into his hairline and vanished down the back of his shirt. You hadn’t noticed it last night while he fussed over you. 

“Ezra, why can’t you leave?” 

Ezra sighed heavily as he sat down on the foot of the bed, drawing your leg into his lap. “It’s home.” He answered simply, unwinding the bandages. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but this—“ He gestured around him. “It’s _mine_.” 

“And you haven’t gone stir crazy after five years?” You questioned, grimacing as he prodded at your wound. “I was gone for two months on a solo mission once and I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to Shiva again. Even if they did rob me blind during liar’s dice.” 

“You get used to solitude.” Ezra glanced at you briefly, before turning his attention to the task at hand. He cleaned the area around the wound, before wrapping fresh bandaging around it. “Once or twice a year, someone like yourself arrives and…”

“ _And_ the mythical werewolf eats them?” You jested, sinking back against the mattress as he laid your leg back down on the bed. 

“Something like that.” He offered dryly, eyeing at you warily. “There’s a full moon in eleven days. I would advise you not to wait around to discover whether or not it is simply lore.” 

Your brows knit together and you sat up, arms curled around your waist. “You say that like there’s a chance it _is_ true. You’ve been here for five years… What have you seen?” 

“I have things I must attend to away from here.” Ezra said abruptly, “Rest and I’ll return in a few hours to escort you back to your transport.”

Ezra did little to assuage that sinking sensation that told you that _maybe_ just maybe there were werewolves on Lykaios. 

* * *

“Before you settled here, what did you do?” You questioned, leaning into Ezra’s side as he kept a firm hand coiled around you for support. “Your transport didn’t offer many clues, outside of your exquisite taste in literature.”

Ezra chuckled, looking at you from the corner of his eyes. “I was a harvester. A damn good one, at that. But seasons get hard, tides turn, allegiances bend. Fell into a bit of a snare with an associate and had to dig my way out.” 

“I think we’ve all been there before,” You shook your head. “I enjoy gambling. Nasty habit.” You admitted. “I wasn’t meant to be the one to come to Lykaios. My friend — the one I mentioned before — had been assigned to this mission. They lost it in a dicey bet with me.” 

“ _Dicey_?”

“What gambler plays honorably?” You countered. “I cheated.” 

“And this friend of yours was meant to come here instead?” 

You nodded, “Tried to win it back right up until the moment I took off.” Shiva had been _furious_ that they’d lost and even more furious knowing that you hadn’t played fair. “I’ve heard the stories about Lykaios and I wanted to find out if they were true.”

“One shouldn’t go looking for the stuff of myth.” Ezra drawled out. “In my erstwhile profession, I had a certain predilection for danger. It can be damning.” 

“Look, I don’t mean to pry, but… is there a reason you can’t leave?” You stopped abruptly, causing him to stumble slightly. “My transport has life support for _three_. If there’s someone else you’ve got here — if that’s why you don’t want to leave.” 

You could feel Ezra’s gaze bore into your skin. 

“I’m _not_ leaving.” You told him, when he made no attempt to answer your question. “I’ll take a day or two to rest, but I’m finishing what I’ve started.” 

“It’s not safe.” 

“Then why don’t _you_ leave?” You pushed back. “If it’s so dangerous, why aren’t you trying to leave?”

Ezra worked his jaw slowly, before looking towards the sky and sighing heavily. “I’m not the _only_ inhabitant on this moon. Some have been here for much longer than me and they…” He shook his head slowly. 

You curled your fingers around his forearm, turning to stare at him. “They’re _what_?” 

“Little lamb, be glad you were found by me and not one of them.” Ezra gritted out, holding your gaze. “Consider your luck and leave before it runs out.” 

He wasn’t going to relent. Whatever secrets Lykaios held, he wasn’t going to reveal them to you. 

“Will you at least let me give you a few of my books?” You questioned, squeezing his arm tight as you used him to support your weight. 

“Depends on what you’re offering.” Ezra retorted, “But we need to keep moving. You need to get your leg up.” 

* * *

Ezra was _entranced_ with your small collection of books. Like a man starved, he snatched up every book — flipping through its pages with reverence. You couldn’t imagine spending five years without getting your hands on a new book. 

You thought he would abruptly leave once he had you safely tucked into your transport — but he lingered. 

“Nothing in the world is single; all things by a law divine in one another's being mingle. Why not I with thine?” Ezra read, the words falling from his tongue with a richness that your mind had never been able to give them. 

“Shelley?” You questioned, tilting your head to try to get a look at the book he was holding. 

“ _Indeed_.” He closed the book and held it to his chest. “Our dear friend Percy had quite a way with words. Overshadowed — and _rightfully_ so — by his beloved wife.” 

“I haven’t been able to get my hands on _Frankenstein_. Not since I was maybe fourteen.” You admitted. 

Ezra snapped his fingers, “You should’ve spoken up, little lamb. Mary has kept me company on many lonely nights.”

“I will part with Percy,” You told him, hobbling towards him on your wounded leg. “But _only_ if you are willing to part with Mary.” 

He hummed thoughtfully, still clutching the book to his chest. “I will have to consult with her.” Ezra told you with a soft smile, “I have no doubt that she is as tired of my company as anyone would be.” 

You reached out and covered his hand with yours, “I will let you reunite the couple for just _one_ night. But you have to promise me that you’ll bring me _Frankenstein_.”

Ezra’s gaze lowered to where your hand was on his, a faint color rising in his cheeks. “Promise me you’ll leave once books have been exchanged.” He covered your hand with his other hand, squeezing gently. “If you stay, I won’t be able to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

“Me.” Ezra breathed out, his dark eyes setting on yours. “I will bring you lunaxium that you can take back to whomever hired you. Warn them from this place and forget it.” 

“It’s not that simple.” You found yourself leaning into him for support, “I have to complete testing and analysis. _Reports_. I can’t just take back a lump of lunaxium and hope for the best.”

A growl like sound rose up in the back of his throat, “Then I’ll do the reports for you. I know more than I ever cared to know of lunaxium and this godsforsaken rock. You are _not_ to venture beyond this transport.”

You pulled your hand away from his, “I’ll do as I please, thank you.” 

Ezra gritted his teeth, “Do you have a death wish? Now isn’t the time for obstinance. Not this close to a full moon.” 

You blinked at him, “Are _you…_?”

His expression faltered, fingers twitching against the book before he held it out to you, “Keep it and leave tonight. _Please_.” 

“No.” You shook your head, “I want to know.” 

“Among these stories,” He gestured to your shelf of books, “I’m afraid it’s an unimpressive tale.”

“I’m always looking to hear new stories.” You told him, grimacing as you put too much weight down on your leg. “ _Shit_.”

“Please sit,” Ezra urged, moving swiftly to curl his arm around your waist as he guided you towards the makeshift sofa you’d made from a weapon crate and oversized pillows. 

He sank down onto the opposite end, hands covering his face as he let out a heavy sigh. “Five years ago, I was just like you. Starry-eyed, devil-may-care.”

“Is that how you see me?”

“ _Yes_.” He glanced at you from the corner of his eye. “I came here looking for lunaxium like every ill-fated prospector before me. The rumors, the legend, the myth — they made for a tantalizing adventure.” His expression sobered as he stared straight ahead. “It’s painful. Muscles tear, bones shatter, skin stretches.”

Your heart clenched and your stomach roiled at the thought. 

“They say the first was a corruption. There _are_ wolves among us, lurking beyond the trees — fearful in their own right of what looms above them. Someone played with fate and made a monster that even Shelley couldn’t have imagined. Lunaxium has no effect on humans, but it calms the beast for awhile.”

Without even thinking about it, you carefully shifted onto your good knee, letting your leg rest over the side of the sofa as you leaned towards Ezra. “This scar.” You said as you gingerly brushed your fingers over the back of his neck. 

He tensed, fingers clenching and unclenching in his lap. “I was attacked on my second night here.” He confessed, exhaling slowly. “Forgive me, little lamb. It has been a right smart spell since I have felt another’s touch.”

“You shouldn’t have to live like that, Ezra.” You whispered, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Isolating yourself… Maybe there’s a cure.”

“I can’t leave Lykaios.” He admitted, closing his eyes as he relaxed under the gentle touch of your fingers. “We’re reliant on the lunaxium and whatever this moon is cursed with. I would go mad.”

“Has anyone ever tried to leave?”

“There _are_ stories.” Ezra turned to look at you. “I appreciate your offer. If it weren’t for what I’ve become, I would accept it without hesitation. But I would rather perish in the solitude of my transport than lose my mind somewhere among the stars.”

You trailed your fingers from his hair, along the curve of his jaw. “I could come back.”

“And put yourself in danger twice over?”

“I put myself in danger every time I venture out on a harvest with a ragtag team that might turn their weapons on me. Life is a risk, Ezra.” You held his gaze as you brushed your thumb over his bottom lip. “I can be your connection to the world you’ve lost. Name it, anything — I’ll bring it back here to you.”

“It’s dangerous.” Ezra seemed compelled by the offer. “The others… they’ve been here long enough to lose what’s left of their humanity.”

“Then _protect_ me.” You brushed your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead. 

“There’s so much I _miss_ ,” He admitted, his expression matching the way his voice broke as he held your gaze. “Five years… it’s a lifetime to spend alone.” He curled his fingers around your hand, rubbing his thumb against the center of your palm. “I don’t want you to risk yourself for me.” 

“I’m not afraid.” You told him, and as foolish as it was — you _weren’t_. 

Ezra’s gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips and your breath caught somewhere in the back of your throat when he started to lean towards you. 

He wasn’t the only one who had gone _years_ withoutknowing a lover’s touch. You played things close to the chest, avoided anything that could ensnare you — except for _him_. 

For all of his warm charm, there was an underlying current of danger that had you feeling like a moth to the flame. He was a monster. A creature made from a curse you hadn’t even believed in. 

“ _Ezra_.” You breathed out, leaning in until your nose brushed against his. 

He petted his fingers over your cheek as his breath mingled with yours, “You’re hurt.” 

“It’s just my leg.” Your lips were a hair’s breadth away from his, “I think we both need this.” 

Ezra curled his fingers around the back of your head as his lips crashed against yours. You groaned against his lips and his tongue took the opportunity to slip into your mouth, curling against yours. 

He kissed like a man possessed, desperate and all consuming. He hauled you into his lap like you weighed _nothing_ , his hands clawing at your back, your ass, your arms — anywhere he could reach. 

He was starved for a connection like this. You had sensed it in the way he gravitated towards you, the way he lingered, the gentle touches as he mended your leg. 

You hissed softly as you shifted your weight in his lap, trying not to put pressure on your leg, but it was hard not to in that position. 

Ezra cupped your cheek, drawing your focus to his face as his other hand curled tight around your hip. “Do you trust me, little lamb?” He questioned, waiting until you nodded before he started to guide you back lengthways on the sofa. 

You scraped your fingernails over his scalp as you slid your fingers through his hair. His knee slotted in between your thighs as he draped himself over you. 

Greedy hands grabbed at the back of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal new skin to touch. He was touch starved. Every brush of your fingers against his untouched skin made him rut against your thigh. 

Ezra’s mouth worked down the column of your throat, teeth lightly scraping as his tongue darted out to taste your skin. His own hands sliding under your shirt, skimming over your ribs. 

You’d missed the feeling of large, rough hands against your skin. It had been more than a few cycles since you’d fallen into bed with a man. A year, maybe two, since you’d been with _anyone_ at all. 

“ _Ezra_.” You breathed out as his mouth moved over your covered breast, his tongue seeking out your nipple through the soft fabric. 

His eyes snapped to meet yours, pupils blown with arousal as he let out a ragged breath. “I can smell you.” Ezra murmured, his tongue flicking out to tease the peak of your nipple, the fabric darkened from his mouth. “You’re soaked, aren’t you little lamb?” He questioned, a hand wandering down your side, curling around your thigh. 

You felt your chest and cheeks burn with a heady mix of arousal and embarrassment. You _were_ slick. You could feel your underwear clinging to your cunt, desire fueled solely by the man crowded onto the sofa with you. 

“In _my_ bed,” Ezra whispered, untangling the hand you had in his hair. He brought your hand to his lips, inhaling deeply before wrapping his lips around your first two fingers. 

An unabashed moan escaped you, your hips lifting off the sofa as you ground yourself against his knee. You should’ve been ashamed — he had _known_ that you’d tried to put yourself to sleep by burying your face in his pillow and your hand between your thighs. 

Ezra released your fingers with a wet pop, his nostrils flaring as he held your gaze. “You didn’t come, did you? Did _la petite mort_ evade you?” 

“ _Yes_.” You whispered, tracing your dampened fingers over his scruffy cheek. “I was so close, but it wasn’t enough.” 

He smirked at you as he pressed his knee firmly against you. “May I?”

“Please.” You nodded, sinking back against the sofa as Ezra moved down your body. Skilled fingers worked at the fastenings of your pants, peeling the heavy fabric down your thighs before tossing them aside. 

He inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of you, “Sit up, little lamb.” Ezra told you, sinking onto the ground in front of you. “Look at you.” He drawled as your thighs parted, your injured leg draped over his shoulder. 

You gasped quietly as he stroked his thumb over the damp spot on your underwear, barely brushing over your clit — but even that mere touch was enough to make you tremble. 

“Did you think of me?” Ezra questioned, peeling the fabric to the side, sweeping his fingers between your slick folds. 

“ _Maybe_.” You retorted, biting down on your bottom lip as you watched him lick your arousal from his fingers. 

A quiet growl rose up the back of his throat as he leaned in between your thighs. He held your underwear to the side as he lapped at you, his tongue sweeping between your folds. 

Your fingers slid into his hair, grip tightening as he traced the tip of his tongue over your clit. 

“Do you need these?” Ezra mumbled, tugging at your underwear. 

“No. _No_.” You shook your head, pitching your hips towards him. 

Ezra effortlessly tore away the crotch of your underwear, his mouth descending upon your tender flesh. His tongue delved between your folds, thrusting into your slick core. He grabbed at your thigh, holding you steady as he turned his attention to your clit. 

You cried out as he wrapped his lips around that throbbing bundle of nerves. He sucked lightly at it, swirling his tongue over it as his fingers pressed into your cunt. 

He didn’t let up, his tongue working over your clit as he worked his fingers in and out of you. His fingers were _deliciously_ thick, dragging in and out of you, brushing over that sweet spot within you that made your entire core quake. 

Ezra was _good_. 

His name was heavy on your tongue as you shattered, your inner walls clenching around his fingers, thighs trapping his face between your legs. 

“I need…” You panted out, breath hitching as he curled his fingers within you. “ _Fuck_!” You shouted, nearly ripping his hair out as you felt a dam break as your vision blurred from the sudden burst of molten desire. Ezra was undeterred, his tongue sweeping up every drop of you. 

“ _More_.” You urged, writhing beneath him. “Ezra, please.” 

“I might hurt you.” Ezra warned you, dragging his hands down your thighs as he nipped at the soft flesh of your inner thigh. “I don’t… I don’t know if I control myself.” 

“Forget about my leg,” You tugged at his hair. “And _fuck_ me.” 

Ezra squeezed your hip and barked out, “On your knees.” 

You waited until he let go of you before you gracelessly flopping over on the sofa, knees planted firmly on the cushion as you grabbed at the metal shaft that made up the back of the sofa. 

“You smell so _fucking_ good like this,” Ezra breathed out, hands sliding over your bare hips as he crowded close to you. “It’s been _so_ long.” He pressed his lips to the back of your neck, his breath hot against your skin. 

“Same.” You laughed breathlessly, reaching behind you to grab at his hair. “I don’t break easy.” 

“You’ve never fucked a werewolf before.” Ezra murmured, curling his fingers loosely around your throat, keeping you pinned back against his chest as his cock slid between your oversensitive folds. “Have you?”

“Not yet.” You gritted out, curling your fingers around his forearm, thankful that he was able to keep you upright. He was _strong_ , but the fingers wrapped around your throat were gentle. 

The head of his cock caught against your entrance and Ezra’s hips bucked forward, pressing into you. 

You moaned, completely caught up in the sensation of his thick cock filling you. The stretch was just this side of too much — especially in this angle. 

Ezra pulled back, his cock nearly slipping from you entirely before slamming back into you. His thrusts were _brutal_ — all that strength and power that was hidden in his wiry build. He was reaching spots no one else had _ever_ hit. 

He released his tight grip on your hip, slipping his hand between your thighs to stroke your aching clit. You clenched around him in response, making him feel even thicker as he drove into you. Again and _again_. 

Your nails bit into his forearm, leaving crescent moon shapes in his skin as you clung to him. You were so close, perched right on the precipice of another orgasm. 

“ _Come_.” Ezra’s fingers curled around your jaw, his lips close to your ear. “I want to feel you come. The sweet clench of your cunt around my cock.” He mouthed a row of kisses down your neck, growling against the crook of your neck as your body obeyed him. 

He didn’t relent, even as your body pulsed around his cock. “ _Fuck_.” He grunted out, his teeth scraping your skin. 

“ _Ezra_.” You moaned out, your eyes falling closed as you basked in the overwhelming sensation of him fucking into you. 

His grip loosened at your jaw as he started to slide out of you, but you reached behind you, grabbing at his ass — desperately trying to keep him right there. 

Something snapped. Some frayed cord of control that he had been clinging to. 

You grabbed at the back of the sofa for support as he roughly grabbed at your hips. He bottomed out once, twice, three times before he growled out your name and came. 

Ezra curled his arm around your waist, keeping you pinned to him as he rearranged the two of you. He kept the softening length of his cock buried within you as he sank down onto the sofa with you resting back against his chest. 

“You’re very strong,” You mumbled, scratching your nails through the hair on his forearm as you looked down at the arm he had tightly curled around you. 

He huffed, a throaty chuckle escaping him as he rested his forehead against your shoulder. “One perk of this damnable curse.” He brushed his thumb over your stomach gently. 

“Is the sex a perk too?” You questioned, closing your eyes as you leaned back against him. “Because, I’m not sure I want to leave at all now.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Ezra kissed your shoulder. “I’ve kept my distance. From the others.” He sighed heavily. “You don’t want to become like me, little lamb.”

“I never said that I do.” You pointed out. 

“No, I suppose you didn’t.” He shifted beneath you, whispering a quick apology when you whimpered at the movement. 

“I’m okay.” You promised, trailing your fingers up the side of his thigh. “ _Overwhelmed_.”

“Two days.”

“Hmm?”

“You can safely stay for two more days, but then you _must_ leave. It gets harder to maintain this the nearer we draw to the full moon.” Ezra told you, nuzzling at the crook of your neck. 

“Two days.” You agreed solemnly. 

* * *

Ezra returned just after nightfall with a stack of research notes and his well-loved copy of _Frankenstein_. 

“Did you know she dedicated herself to getting her husband’s works published.” You mused, looking up from the notes on lunaxium to watch Ezra as he consumed Percy’s book of poems. 

“Hmm?”

“Mary.” You explained. “As accomplished as she was, she also worked to ensure her husband’s writing would be read.”

“Indeed.” Ezra tucked the red ribbon into the page he was reading and sat it aside. “I believe their romance blossomed on her mother’s grave, no? A rather odd pair.”

“His works are dreadfully romantic, for such a macabre couple.” You pointed out, flipping over another page of notes, copying down a comment on your own notations. 

“The sunlight claps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea: what are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?” Ezra recited, drumming his fingers against the cover. “I had forgotten that was dear Percy.” He sank back against the wall, pushing fingers through his unruly hair. “I miss the sea.” 

“I’d bring it back in a bottle if I could.” You told him, chewing on your bottom lip. “I meant what I said before. I _can_ come back.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, _moonbeam_.” He let the word slip off his tongue like it was sugar-sweet. “You will grow bored of the to-and-fro.” He pursed his lips. “Though I am much appreciative of the offer. You should go back to your friends.” 

“I have _one_ friend in this galaxy Ezra and oftentimes I’m certain they want to ring my neck.” You shook your head. “You deserve to have a friend too.” 

“I will _never_ be able to leave,” He reminded you. “And you can _never_ stay.”

“There’s still an in-between.” Your brows rose hopefully. “A new moon, perhaps? When the moon is there, but not visible.”

“You’re persistent.”

“I’ve been told that before.” You smirked a little. “What would you like me to bring back when I return after the full moon?”

Ezra exhaled heavily, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “I would be forever indebted to you if you might get your hands on a copy of _War & Peace_. Dreadfully long, but I hunger for some longevity in my literature.”

“ _Done_.” 

He snapped his fingers, “Cheese.” 

You arched a brow. “I have cheese.”

“ _Real_ cheese?” Ezra corrected. “That wretched aero cheese is nauseating.” He blanched, watching you as you rose from your seat. 

You hobbled out of the room, into the corridor where the hyperfreeze unit was mounted in the interior wall beside the coolant system. You returned moments later with a block of Reggianito. 

“You’re in luck.” You said, sinking down onto the floor beside him. “I have a hook-up on Sector Block G7.” 

Ezra broke off a piece and popped it into his mouth, sinking back against the wall with a satisfied moan. “It will be safe for you to return in a fortnight.” 

You slapped his leg playfully, “You’ll let me return if I bring cheese?”

He grinned and continued. “If you come then, you’ll have a fortnight to _stay_ , should you choose to.” 

“That should give me enough time to find _War & Peace _for you and settle my debts.” 

Ezra took another bite of cheese, before passing it back to you. “Do they still make those honeysticks?” He questioned. “Little tubes with honey collected from…” He squinted, “I can’t remember the planet.”

“I can look.” You wrapped the cheese back in the cloth, before sitting it aside. “How will you be when I return?” You questioned. 

“A little worse for wear,” Ezra shrugged a shoulder, resting his hand on your thigh. “The lunaxium helps.”

“Is it… is it like a drug?”

“I suppose.” Ezra dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “There’s this _hunger_ ,” He explained, knocking his fist against his sternum. “This clawing sensation. It gets worse closer to the full moon. I lose my mind.” He shook his head. “I tried to wean myself off two years ago. Just to _feel_ something.”

“What happened?” You rested your hand over his. 

“It triggered the beast.” He answered with a frown. “Middle of the cycle and violent.” Ezra tilted his head to look at you. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You won’t.” You shook your head slowly, interlacing your fingers with his. “Maybe this will be good for you. Help you keep your humanity.”

“How so?”

“The others, the ones that were already here.” Your brows furrowed together as you turned to stare at him, “Did they lose their humanity because they lost touch with other humans?”

Ezra blinked, “You, _moonbeam_ , are a clever one.”

“I read a lot.” You smiled at him, “And you’re in luck — I have always loved monster stories.”


	2. Bright Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (slight cockwarming, Ezra being a menace, sex) and gratuitous poetry reading.

When you first returned to Lykaios, Ezra refused to let you into his transport-turned-home. He peered out at you through the barely cracked durasteel door and told you that he needed another day alone. 

He promptly sealed the door closed and left you standing in the brisk morning air. You left _War & Peace _sitting outside the door, but took the cheese back with you. He could have one — but not both. 

You went straight back to your own transport, despite the strong temptation to venture out beyond the now-familiar path. You weren’t sure if it was Ezra’s warnings — or the stories you’d heard back on the Block. 

Shiva had been _horrified_ that you wanted to return to Lykaios. You hadn’t told them about Ezra and maybe you should have. But who would’ve believed you? 

“I’ve met a very _unusual_ man who happens to have a very talented mouth. Don’t worry, he’s just a reclusive werewolf who can’t leave the moon he lives on. I’ve decided to forgo the next steady harvest cycle to stay with him between full moons.” 

There was no way Shiva wouldn’t drive a stun gun into your thigh and have you checked over on the next medical freighter to dock at the Block. 

Especially not after Shiva had rattled off a long list of failed voyages to Lykaios. The rumors were not without truth. Miners gone missing, survivors raving about great beasts, and a few failed voyages from the infected who went mad somewhere in hyperspace. 

You were desperate to get your hands on the list — the names of those that had allegedly perished on Lykaios. You wanted to know if Ezra was on them. But you didn’t want to pry. 

In the short window of time that you had spent with Ezra, you had gathered that he was a private sort of person. He kept himself distant from the others who were like him, he spoke often of solo missions, and he provided only a scintilla of information about his life before Lykaios. 

You had done a lot of foolish things over the course of your life, but Ezra was the wildest endeavor yet. 

He wasn’t like anyone else you had encountered — and not just because of what he was. It was his books. You were good at very little, but you prided yourself on your collection of books and his own collection could rival yours. 

Ezra knew quotes by heart that you thought only you had memorized, stowed away in your soul in case you ever lost your books _or_ your sight. There was very little to care about beyond the greed that had torn the galaxy apart. But _books_ always mattered. 

The passing of written knowledge separated man from beast, didn’t it? Perhaps that was what had kept Ezra grounded, when the others had lost themselves. 

* * *

The next morning brought with it the same cool weather from the morning before. 

So you ventured just outside the door of your transport, with _Northanger Abbey_ clutched in one hand and a small stool in the other. 

Ezra had said he needed _one_ more day. If he was ready to see you, he could come to you. You weren’t going to risk the journey through the forest, just to be shut out again. 

You understood _why_. He had just transformed into a monster — he needed time. But it still stung to have the door slammed in your face with very little explanation. 

Hopefully he was enjoying _War & Peace _and the litany of annotations you had made in it, up until the point you had left it at his door. You hadn’t had quite enough time to finish reading it through. 

A branch snapped somewhere just beyond the clearing where you had landed the transport. You narrowed your eyes, scanning the forest line hesitantly. 

“ _Ezra_?” You questioned hesitantly, your voice raised just enough to pierce the nearest parts of the forest. 

Another branch snapped and your fingers tightened around the spine of your book. Maybe you should go back inside —

A stag emerged from the treeline, at least one that looked not so dissimilar from the etchings you’d seen once. Larger perhaps than what people used to see, but with wide-reaching antlers and tar-colored patches of fur. 

The stag seemed disinterested in you, more concerned with finding a grazing spot for himself and the flock of does that trailed from the forest behind him. 

_Cervos_. You had seen them mentioned in one of the fauna pamphlets Shiva had found whilst planning how they would rescue you from Lykaios. 

You sank back against the hull of your transport, crossing your leg over your knee and propping your book open there. You could coexist with a herd of cervos enjoying a crisp morning feast. 

The moon hadn’t been fully explored — for obvious reasons — but from what you had seen, beyond Ezra and his kind, most of the creatures were docile. 

You let yourself get lost in the first handful of chapters of _Northanger Abbey_ , sucking happily on one of the honeysticks you had found for Ezra. 

If he didn’t show up today — the cheese and honey would be off the table for this trip. You’d given him _War & Peace _because he needed something to do to pass the time, especially if he was still recovering from his transformation. Food would be reinforcement only if you got to ensure he was alright.

You cared and _maybe_ that was the problem. Ezra hadn’t fully warmed up to the idea of you coming back to Lykaios, right up until the last few minutes before you left. 

A harsh growl interrupted your thoughts and your eyes snapped up to see the whites of the cervos’ eyes as he and his herd tore off across the clearing. A beast — a _true_ beast — emerged from the forest, eyes lingering on you only briefly before chasing after the cervos. 

You scrambled. Blood rushing in your ears as your heart pounded in your throat. Your favourite shawl caught in the hermetic seal of your door as you made it inside and you didn’t even care — not so long as you were in one piece. 

That didn’t look like anything you had seen in the pamphlets Shiva had shoved in your face. That seemed… _large_ and terrifying. 

A bi-ped beast that stood well beyond the height of any mortal man. Was _that_ what Ezra looked like? Was that Ezra?

Maybe you _should_ leave. Head back to the Block and jump on whatever shitty enlistment was left on the rosters. Probably the Green — they loved sending the low-draws out on those missions. 

But even fear hadn’t soured the honey-sweet taste on your tongue. Ezra had said he needed _one_ more day. You would give him one more day. 

* * *

Hope waned as the sun dipped down below the horizon. You sat in the cockpit of your transport, watching the last light slip out of view through the nav-window. 

Ezra hadn’t shown and as badly as you wanted to go to his transport and tell him you were leaving — you were haunted by the face of the beast you had seen. Intelligent eyes on a fearsome form. 

It had to have been Ezra. Even like _that_ there was something about his eyes. Kind eyes. Warm eyes. 

A knock echoed through the quiet corridor of your transport. Once and then twice. 

You kept one hand on your weapon, keeping it holstered at your hip as you moved to open the door — just a crack. You peered out through the space into the inky black night. 

“I know I’m late, moonbeam,” Ezra said as he stepped into your line of view, the faint glimmer of stars above lighting his face. 

“I was going to leave,” You told him, keeping the door partially closed. 

He chuckled wryly. “I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

“Are you… are you okay?” You questioned, opening the door a fraction further. 

“As well as one can be after the full moon.” He sighed heavily. “I can come back in the morning.” 

“ _No_.” You knew you were taking a risk, but you pulled open the door anyways. “Come in.” 

Ezra seemed to be carrying a weight on his shoulders as he stepped over the threshold. He needed new clothes. You hadn't thought to bring any this time — but he had on the same threadbare khaki green reg shirt he’d worn last month. 

“I thought about coming this morning,” He admitted to you, awkwardly shifting on his feet. “But after breakfast I was exhausted. I’m _still_ exhausted.” 

“So you slept?” You questioned, taking a shuffling step backwards, before turning away and making yourself busy with ensuring the transport was secured for the night — though you’d already let the danger _inside_. 

Ezra hummed quietly, “I fell into the most illustrious of slumbers, little lamb.” 

“I have so many questions,” You admitted, glancing back at him. “But I don’t want to pry.” 

“You have been quite magnanimous with me,” He pointed out, folding his arms across his chest. “I think you’re justified in your questioning.”

You turned back to face him and held his gaze, “What do you look like when you change?”

His brows furrowed, but there was no light in his eyes that told you that he _knew_ that you had seen him — or a creature like him. “I’ve never seen my own reflection, but… the beast that attacked me was larger than a bear.” He scratched at his jaw thoughtfully. “Broad.”

“I see.” You looked down at your feet for a moment before reaching out to touch him, fingers brushing over a fraying spot on the shirt, just below his collarbone. “I resisted the urge to do my own research.”

“ _Really_?” Ezra cracked a faint smile, meeting your gaze. “I thought you would’ve returned with volumes of forgotten lore about my kind.” He waved his hand grandly. 

“Easy there Edgar Allen Poe.” You tapped your thumb against his collarbone. 

“There’s someone I haven’t read in _awhile_ ,” He hesitantly reached out and trailed his fingers down your side to rest at your hip. “Thank you for _War & Peace_ and for the notes…”

“I made it through half of the novel before I started back here.” You brushed your fingers up the column on his throat, cupping his cheek. “Maybe I’ll add more notes before I leave again.”

“I _think_ I would like that,” Ezra murmured, leaning in to kiss you. His hand snaked around from your side to the small of your back, pulling you towards him as you brushed your lips over his. 

You grabbed at his side, fingers sliding over the soft fabric of his shirt as you leaned against him. You let him guide the kiss — savoring the quiet hesitation of his movements as he explored your mouth all over again. 

Ezra guided you backwards, pinning you against the cool durasteel wall. He felt so much larger than you — all that wiry muscle felt like a solid mass beneath your fingers as you ran your hand up his chest. 

A quiet growl rose up in the back of his throat as your fingers slid through his hair, _tugging_ at itjust right. The sound reminded you of the beast — the massive hulk of a monster that could have torn you in two with his hands. 

You tensed and Ezra must’ve noticed the way your body went rigid beneath him. He rested his forehead against yours, “You found the honeysticks.”

“What?” You blinked up at him, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Oh! _Yes_. I have the cheese for you too.” 

Ezra exhaled heavily, before taking a step back. “I apologize if I ever overstepped—“

“No.” You shook your head, grabbing at his forearm before he could slip out of your hold. Maybe you should tell him what you saw. “It’s I, um.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “It’s new for me.” 

His eyes narrowed briefly as he studied your face. “ _Right_.” Ezra breathed out, “Am I right in my recollection, that you have a lovely copy of Keats?”

“I do,” You slid your fingers down his arm, taking ahold of his hand and guiding him down the corridor to your quarters. It wasn’t much. 

A thin mattress topping the alcove bed that was just large enough for two. In a tight transport vessel, space had to be used wisely. A panel slid down from above the bed, transforming it into an additional desk space — not that you needed it. You had more than enough space for just you. 

“Make sure yourself comfortable,” You told Ezra, releasing your hold on his hand to move towards your stack of books. You knelt down, skimming your fingers over the spines until you spotted the book you were looking for. 

Carefully, you pulled it from the stack, balancing the other dozen books just right so they didn’t tumble over. “ _Keats’s Poetical Works_.” You said as you brandished the worn green book and ran your thumb over the gilded gold design along its spine. “Which is your favorite?”

Ezra had crowded himself into the alcove of your bed, scratching at his scruffy jaw. “ _Ode on Melancholy_.” 

“I don’t know what I expected,” You shook your head offering him a wry grin before flipping open the book to the index page, finding the number and turning to it. “No, no, go not to Lethe, neither twist. Wolf’s-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine; nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss’d.”

“ _Wolf’s bane._ I had forgotten that line.” Ezra mused, his eyes raking over you briefly, before settling back on your face. “Go on.” 

You cleared your throat, shifting somewhat nervously on your feet before continuing. “By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine. Make not your rosary of yew-berries. Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be. Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl. A partner in your sorrow’s mysteries; for shade to shade will come too drowsily. And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.” 

Ezra watched you with a quiet reverence that you weren’t certain any other lover had looked at you with. It was hard to rectify the beast you had seen in the morning, with the man laying in your bed. 

You closed the book abruptly, faltering on the last few lines of the poem. “Sorry.”

“Little lamb, what is it?” Ezra questioned, his jaw clenched tight as he scooted to the edge of your bed. “I can go. There is no reason for me to overstay your—“

“I saw you this morning,” You blurted out, biting down on your bottom lip until you swore you tasted blood. 

“What?” He stared back at you blankly. “How is that possible?”

You blinked slowly, “Maybe it wasn’t you, but I saw _someone_ this morning.” 

Ezra swallowed thickly. “Did it try to hurt you?”

“No.” You shook your head, closing the distance between the two of you, sinking down onto the edge of your bed beside him. “I was sitting outside reading and this herd of — I think they’re called Cervos — were grazing. This… this thing came out of the woods and.” You drew your knees to your chest, resting your chin there as you stared straight ahead. “I saw it’s eyes… _your_ eyes.”

“I thought I had control.” Ezra’s voice wavered. “When you showed up yesterday, everything was still on fire.” 

“It’s been days since the full moon.” You tilted your head to look at him, “Are you using the lunaxium?”

“Yes.” He dragged his fingers through his hair as he hung his head. “I knew you were coming back, I wasn’t looking to ruin this. Not like this.” 

“ _Ezra_ ,” You whispered, reaching out to curl your fingers around his shoulder. “You haven’t ruined anything. I’m here, aren’t I?” 

“Foolishly.” He reached up and took your hand off his shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the back of it as he brought it to his lips. “You should’ve washed your hands of Lykaios. There’s nothing here for you.”

“You’re here.” 

“And _what_ am I?” He questioned, a sharp edge to his voice. “I don’t do pity. That may flatter others, but I’m not one of them. This can go _nowhere_. I will either hurt you or you will get bored and frankly, I prefer the latter.” 

Your mouth felt dry as you turned to stare at him, “I don’t _do_ pity, either.” You managed, “And for someone who seems so hellbent on convincing me to leave, you’re holding my hand awfully tight.”

Ezra looked down at your entangled fingers.

“I could’ve left after what I saw this morning—“

“You _should’ve_.” 

“But I stayed.” You squeezed his hand tight. “And I let you in.” 

“I could hurt you.” 

“We’ve been through this, Ezra.” You held his gaze. “I nearly went back to jump on a voyage to the Green — I’m aware of imminent danger.”

“A dangerous journey to be certain.” His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. “I wonder if I _ate_ the cervos.”

“ _What_?”

“I woke up _starving_ , not at all like I’d just eaten my fill of a fresh kill.” His brows furrowed together. 

“I didn’t stick around to find out.” You made a face, leaving him with Keats as you got up from the bed to retrieve a honeystick from a pouch hanging off the corner of your shelf. “Here.” 

Ezra caught ahold of the stick as you tossed it to him. “You are an angel among the stars, moonbeam.”

“And you’re stuck with me.” You told him firmly, hands on your hips. “Not just because I bring you food.”

He flashed you a crooked grin that didn’t last nearly long enough as he sank back into the alcove of your bed. “You have blessed me with both companionship and the comforts that my belly has not known in _many_ moons. Even if it’s a fool’s errand.” 

You watched as he tore open the end of the stick and sucked the honey from the tube. “I believe it tasted sweeter on your lips.”

“You’ve been among poets for too long.” 

Ezra winked at you, “Again and again, their spellbinding words keep me comfort on my loneliest nights.” He gave you a curious look, “And _who_ keeps you warm at night, lamb?”

“Jealous?”

He pursed his lips, “I don’t think a man bound to a moon has any place to be _jealous_. I am simply curious to know what life is like for someone beyond my little world.”

“I’m not terribly exciting,” You admitted with a shrug as you sat down beside him again, removing your holster from your belt and settling it on the floor by your foot. “My last dalliance was two years ago?” You questioned, trying to recall just how long it _had_ been. “We met at the cantina on the Block.”

“ _Gambling_?” He questioned, before licking at the honeystick to get the last sticky drops. 

“I won the lion’s share that night.” You smirked at him. “Beat her less than fair and square and _still_ woke up to her in my bed.” 

He nudged your leg with his knee, “Impressive.” 

“She was.” You arched a brow at him. “Played the long game too, because she stole a unit of cabalton from my room before she left. Worth more than anything she gambled away the night before.” 

Ezra laughed, shaking his head. “It would seem you have a type.”

“Oh?”

He nodded slowly, “That little trick sounds like the cunning games I once got up to. Perhaps this is karma.” 

“Well, karma was kind enough to allow me to cross paths with you.”

Ezra frowned, picking at a bit of fuzz on his shirt. “I suppose you’re right.” 

“I’m going to bring you new clothes when I come back,” You told him, reaching out to bat his fingers away from the fraying spot where the fuzz was. “Would you like that?”

“You have only been here one day, little lamb. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

You ignored him, “What size shoes do you wear?” 

Ezra sighed heavily, “You’ll have to get me out of them to find out. I haven’t a clue, honestly.” 

“ _Men_.” You huffed. “I’m sure you’ll be out of everything sooner or later.”

“So sure of yourself.” 

“Says the man who tried to pin me against the wall within _minutes_ of me letting them inside.”

“I—“

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t envisioned something _exactly_ like that since the last time.” You waved off his worries. “Will you read Keats to me?”

“Of course,” Ezra plucked up the book as you shuffled your pillows around so you could prop yourself up at his side. 

You were lulled into an unfamiliar contentment as he breathed steadily beside you, your eyes fixed on a little patch of belly that was visible where his shirt had ridden up from his pants. 

He licked the tip of his thumb as he turned the pages to his poem of choice. 

“Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art— Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night. And watching, with eternal lids apart, Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite. The moving waters at their priestlike task of pure ablution round earth's human shores or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask. Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—“

You were transfixed by the way his tongue never faltered over a word, his eyes scanning the page like he was revisiting old friends that he once knew as fondly as you knew them. 

“No—yet still stedfast, still unchangeable, pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast. To feel for ever its soft fall and swell awake for ever in a sweet unrest. Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath, and so live ever—or else swoon to death.”

You should have known he’d choose _Bright Star_. Of all the poems, of all the pieces, it’s quiet longing, the comparison of nature and man’s unwavering steadiness — it seemed _right_.

Ezra tilted his head to look down at you, warm eyes meeting yours. It was hard to rectify what you had seen at the forest’s edge with the man beside you. They both had the same soft chestnut hair, the same kind eyes, but one looked made to tear you apart and the other looked—

“Does Keats always have such an _arousing_ affect on you, little lamb?” He questioned, setting the book aside so he could curl his arm beneath you. 

You felt a warm flush burning at your cheeks as you tilted your face towards his, “I think it had everything to do with the _man_ reading Keats.” You traced your thumb over the scar on his cheek. 

Ezra ran his tongue over his bottom lip, working his jaw slowly as he searched for his words, “After what you saw this morning, I understand if you would prefer that we just _rest_.” He told you, dragging his fingers over your side. 

“I should be afraid,” You brushed your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead, combing them back to toy with the blonde patch of hair. “But I’m _not_ , Ezra.”

He caught your hand, rubbing his thumb over your palm. “Did you think of me while you were gone?” Ezra questioned, looking hungrily between your eyes and lips. 

“ _Yes_.” You felt a shiver race down your spine as he slotted his fingers in between yours, sliding his fingers against yours before curling them around your hand tightly. “But my fingers are poor substitutes for your cock.”

Ezra growled as he crawled over you, roughly dragging your arm above your head and pinning your hand back against the mattress. “I could still smell you in my bed.” He told you, pressing his thigh between your legs.

Your free hand slid under his shirt, greedy fingers sliding over his warm skin, nails scraping down his back. “Can you smell me right now?” You asked, rolling your hips towards the knee he had pressed between your thighs. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, breathing heavily. “I could smell you yesterday morning,” He told you, releasing your hand and sliding his fingers down your forearm. “My sweet little lamb, coming to my door with thoughts of our last encounter burning at her core.”

“ _Ezra_.” You moaned softly, curling your fingers into his hair. His mouth was a menace — his tongue flicked out over your pulse point, lips hot on your skin as he breathed out raggedly against your throat. 

His teeth scraped over your skin before he pulled back to meet your eyes. His warm brown eyes, were dark— pupils blown as he focused on you. “Tell me, little lamb… did you wish you had found more of the beast, than the man yesterday? Was it tempting fate that made you _wet_?” 

You inhaled sharply, sitting up to help as Ezra peeled your shirt off your body. His questions swirled in your mind and you wondered if he _knew_ that those words alone had made that knot of arousal coil tighter within you. Because maybe they were true — before you had seen the beast for yourself. 

“ _Maybe_ ,” You retorted, less certain of your voice than you realised. “We can talk about our twisted fantasies _after_ you fuck me.” You tightened your grip on his hair and dragged him down for a kiss. 

Ezra growled against your lips. You both fumbled with each other’s pants, struggling to divest yourselves of everything that kept you from each other. 

You _did_ have a twisted fantasy. You had lost count of how many times you’d revisited it in the time away from him. Running through the forest — hunted down by a fearsome beast that made your blood run hot in your veins. 

Ezra swore under his breath as he slid off your underwear, tossing them into the pile of discarded clothes alongside your bed. “I wish you knew how _sweet_ you smell, little lamb.” His hand wandered down your stomach, slipping between your thighs to part your slick folds. 

Your head fell back against the mattress and you moaned out his name as he teased you. 

The beast always caught you. _Claimed_ you. They were such vivid dreams — ones that you woke up from drenched in sweat and clenching around nothing but the memory of Ezra slamming into you. 

You scraped your nails down his back as you looked up at him, eyes half-lidded as settled between your thighs. 

“Can you take me, moonbeam?” He murmured, gliding the head of his cock over your sensitive cunt. 

You nodded and that was encouragement enough.

Ezra gripped at your hip hard enough to bruise as he buried the entire length of his cock into you with one swift thrust. 

“Don’t be gentle,” You urged him, tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck as you wrapped a leg around his hips, trying to drive him on. “Come on, Ezra.”

“ _Shh._ ” He murmured, brushing his fingers over your cheek as he looked down at you. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” You didn’t hesitate — even if you should’ve. 

“I want you to _come_ for me. Just like this.” Ezra dropped his voice low. “I want to feel you come on my cock. Can you do that?” He questioned, brushing his thumb over your clit. 

“Fuc— _yes_!” You nodded your head, curling your fingers around the back of his neck as you looked up at him.

“Is this what you thought about?” He questioned, his eyes staying locked with yours as he stroked his thumb over your clit, keeping his cock buried within you. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, rocking your hips towards him as you arched your back up off the bed. “Never felt this _good_ before.”

Ezra flashed a wicked smirk, “Always gonna think of _me_.” He dipped down to kiss you, his tongue playing over your bottom lip, seeking entrance into your mouth. 

He swallowed up your moan as you felt your body start to shatter around him. Your inner walls pulsed around the thick length of his cock as he kept a steady rhythm with his thumb against your clit. 

“Oh _stars_.” You hissed out, grabbing at his shoulders for support as he started to move above you, his fingers bit into your hip roughly, holding you steady. 

Ezra’s eyes fell closed, your name on his lips like a silent prayer as he rolled his hips. He barely gave you any time to come down from your high, before fucking you into your mattress. 

It was like white-hot pleasure coursing through you and you let yourself get swept up in the power of it all. Last time hadn’t been a fluke. 

You traced your fingers over the scars that curved over the back of his neck, guiding him back down for another kiss. 

Ezra’s teeth dragged over your bottom lip as he broke away from the kiss. “You covered?”

“Stim.” You promised him, shifting your arm enough for him to catch sight of the slightly raised patch on your arm. “Don’t stop.”

And he didn’t. 

Ezra caught your hand in his, intertwining your fingers and pinning your hand back against the bed as he filled you — again and _again_. His pace was brutal and you had a distinct feeling that you’d be feeling this tomorrow and the day after. 

He pressed his face against the hollow of your throat, breath hot against your skin as he stiffened above you, his release spilling within you. 

How were you supposed to just leave Lykaios and forget _this_? Where else could you find a man who loved to read as much as you did, whose honey-sweet voice spun golden webs of magic for your ears, and fucked you like a—

 _Beast_. 

You lazily dragged your fingers through his hair. In a world where nothing was certain, nothing was guaranteed sometimes it was worth it just to pursue the things that made you feel. No matter how dangerous they were. 

Ezra rolled off of you, wedging himself into the space between you and the wall at the back of the alcove. “ _Damn_.” He chuckled, raking his hands over his face, before nearly folding them against his chest. 

You rolled onto your side to face him, reaching out to trail one finger down the back of his hand. “That good?” You teased lightly. 

He nodded his head, before tilting his face towards you. “This has been _good_ for me.” Ezra told you. “I can just forget for a few minutes.” 

“It’s been good for me too.” You pressed a kiss to the curve of his shoulder, running your hand down his chest, over the soft skin of his stomach, before curling your hand around his waist as you settled into his side. “You’re not going to run me away, Ezra.”

“I don’t want to,” Ezra admitted, kissing the top of your head, exhaling heavily. “But if I’m not as in control of _it_.”

“When I go back to the Block, I’m going to do more research on Lykaios.” You explained to him, sliding your fingers over his side. “There has to be more that we don’t know.”

“I can…” Ezra dragged his fingers through his hair. “I can try to make contact with the others. Maybe they know more.”

“Have you ever interacted with them?”

“In the beginning.” He shrugged a shoulder, scratching at his jaw. “They’re feral even when they’re like this. A glimpse into my cruel future.” 

“Ezra—“

He shook his head, “I have had five years to accept that one day, I will no longer be _me_.” Ezra tilted his head to look at you, a sad smile on his lips. “If only you had turned up earlier.” 

You closed the distance between the two of you, pressing your lips to his. “I’m here _now_.”


	3. Snowfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst: short conversation of past suicidal ideation, healthy dose of self hatred, discussions of sex with other people and mild jealousy, references to drug use, and mild violence.

“You’re _what_?” Shiva’s eyes widened as they stared back at you. “You’re going to have to repeat yourself because I hope I heard you wrong.”

“I’m going back to Lykaios and I need those pamphlets you showed me before.” You said, shuffling through the stack of detritus on the floor of their room. “Where are they?”

Shiva’s hands went to their hips, “Why are you going back?”

You let out a frustrated sound, relocating a pile of clothing. “Shiva, _please._ Where are those pamphlets?”

“I gave them back to the contract counter. I nabbed them after I thought you weren’t coming back from _my_ mission.” 

“ _Kriff_. I needed them.” You gritted out, pushing yourself back onto your feet. “Alright, I’ll just go down in the morning and see if I can get them scanned into my datapad before I leave.”

Shiva grabbed your arm as you started to breeze past them, “What’s up with you? You dropped out of the program, you skipped a harvest, and now you’re obsessing vover a godsforsaken deathtrap moon. What happened to you?”

“I met someone.” You admitted, shaking out of their grip as you lowered your gaze. 

“And they’re forcing you to mine lunaxium? What’s going on here? I’ll kill them.” 

“It’s not like that,” You held up your hands. “Please don’t judge me.”

“I already am.”

“I could tell.” You countered dryly, folding your arms across your chest. “Before I tell you this, just understand that I _understand_ the risks associated with this. I met someone on Lykaios.”

“Have you lost your _Grioskii_ mind?” 

“There is no reason to bring Grioskii into this.” You tried, though Shiva wasn’t laughing. “Look, I know it might sound crazy—“

“Is it one of those monsters?”

“Yes, but—“

“You’ve lost your mind.” Shiva laughed bitterly, “I’ve seen you get yourself into a lot of foolish situations, but this tops all of them. It’s a monster. You know, there’s a _reason_ you’re armed with silverline ammo when you take that mission.”

“You told me it was a _myth_!” 

“I thought it was bullshit until I thought you were going to die on that hellscape of a moon. That planet is dangerous. You’re not going back.”

You took a step back, “Can I just explain the situation to you? Like two rational people.” 

Shiva narrowed their eyes at you, “You have three sentences.” 

“For fuck’s sake.”

“Two.”

“ _Shiva_.”

“One.”

“I think I could really care for him.”

“Are you kidding me?” They shook their head slowly, “I always knew you had bad taste in lovers, but this…” Shiva took a step towards you, “Do you remember what you told me after Mars?”

“Ezra is _not_ Mars.” 

“No, you’re right. Mars was just a jackass, this Ezra character is an actual _monster_.” Shiva encroached further on your space. “I’m sorry.” 

You blinked back at Shiva, “What?”

Instead of answering you they drove their stun shaft into your thigh — and stars burst behind your eyes. 

* * *

Your head was throbbing as consciousness started to return to you. Slowly, at first, and then all at once the light shining on you from above was too much. You rolled onto your left side and puked over the side of the cot. 

“ _Shiva_!” You yelled, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. “You stunned me!”

“For your own good,” Shiva said as they strolled into the cabin, hands tucked behind their back. “Do you want a drink?” 

“Come closer, I need to puke again and your shoes look like the perfect place.” You seethed, grabbing at your head. There was nothing worse than getting stunned — nausea, headache, tingling through all of your extremities. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Shiva questioned as you started to get up. 

“To Lykaios.” 

“I don’t think so.”

Your heart sank when you realized the familiar hum of a hyperspace drive, the rattling of the durasteel grates beneath your feet. “What did you do?”

“You’ve been tied down on the Block for too long. We’re going to take a little trip to your favorite _hospitable_ planet.”

“Shiva, I promised Ezra I would be back.” You grimaced as you felt another rush of bile rising up your throat. 

Shiva handed you a trash bin, waiting until you were done retching before responding to you, “Well, you’re going to break that promise. A couple days on Ay-7 and you’ll forget all about your monster-boyfriend.” 

You groaned and you weren’t certain the new wave of nausea was because of the stun shaft.

What would Ezra think if you didn’t turn up? He’d tried to convince you _not_ to come back. Maybe he’d just assume that you had finally listened to him. That would be something, wouldn’t it? Because you hadn’t listened to him yet.

“Shiva, I don’t think you understand.” You rubbed at your aching head. “This isn’t like Mars or even Alia. This isn’t me falling too hard for someone who is going to hurt me.”

They gave you a skeptical look, “And after Mars, you told me if you ever acted that stupid again, I needed to take you to Ay-7.”

“I would love to have this conversation when my stomach wasn’t roiling.” You complained, closing your eyes as you prayed for your stomach to settle. “Look, Shiva… I know I’ve had a really bad track record with my dalliances. Alia used me, Mars used me… but Ezra isn’t.” 

“No?” 

You shook your head, “No, if anyone is using someone, I’m using him.” You admitted as you rubbed at your forehead. “He can’t even leave Lykaios. _Ever_.”

“Then you should shake off whatever _this_ is.” Shiva wagged a finger at you. “It’s a deadend situation. Mostly _dead_ for you if you keep playing with a monster.” 

“You don’t understand.” 

“No, I probably don’t.” Shiva narrowed their eyes at you. “But I don’t think you do either.”

“Just take me back, Shiva. I don’t need you trying to keep me from doing something stupid.” You managed to rise to your feet. “Come on, I promised that I would bring him back new clothes. That’s how insidious this arrangement is. _Clothes_.” You laughed bitterly, “And I practically forced him into accepting that I was bringing him new clothes.”

“He’s a monster. What does he need clothing for?” 

“Because he’s _not_ a monster.” You snapped. “We sit around and we read poetry and talk about the places we’ve been. He was just like you and me before he was attacked. He’s a _good_ man.” 

“You’re _not_ going this month.” Shiva didn’t budge — they were as stubborn as you were. “We’re going to Ay-7.” 

“ _Fine_.” 

You wished there was some way to tell Ezra to hold on another month. You’d come back to him — you weren’t breaking your promise. 

* * *

Ay-7 was a den of iniquities that had been turned into a city. Anything you could possibly want you could find it there: black market goods, illicit affairs, high stakes gambling, and the finest dusts an addict could find. 

Shiva had dragged you there more than once to get you to forget whatever situation you had gotten yourself into. But Ezra wasn’t a situation and he wasn’t someone you could just _forget_. 

“I’m visiting the B,” Shiva told you, raising their voice over the pulsing beat of the music. “Don’t try hotwire my ship while I’m gone.” 

You rolled your eyes, taking a drink of your polish, “Wouldn’t think of it.” 

“Try to have fun.” They patted your back, before vanishing into the fold of moving bodies as patrons danced and drank and _enjoyed_ their night. 

Ezra probably wouldn’t miss you for a couple of days. He’d still be dealing with the effects of the change today and tomorrow. But then he’d notice. 

You had let a lot of people down in your life. That was the nature of the beast — you fucked people over and you moved on. But you hadn’t wanted Ezra to be one of those people. It wasn’t like you had any choice in the matter.

Shiva was lucky you weren’t feeling murderous. 

“Well look who it is.”

 _Kevva preserve me_. 

You downed your polish and rotated in your seat, “Quinn. Lovely to see you.” You put on a blustery tone as you eyed the man. 

“It’s been quite some time since I last caught you here.” Quinn leaned heavily on the bar beside you, ordering a drink for himself. “What have you gotten yourself into this time?” 

“None of your business, Quinn.” You rolled your eyes, ordering yourself another drink. 

Quinn chuckled, nudging you in the ribs. “Is _that_ how it’s gonna be this time?” He arched a brow. “I can play.”

“Quinn, I would rather gouge out my—“ You stopped yourself mid-sentence. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?”

“Might be presumptuous, but I was hoping I might be waking up beside you.” 

You groaned, but you couldn’t exactly be picky right now. “Play your cards right and maybe you will be.” You quipped, resting your hand on his arm. “Can you take me back to the Block?”

Quinn narrowed his eyes, “Why?” 

“Because I need to catch a ride and Shiva’s being an ass.” You told him bluntly. “I have somewhere I need to be and you might be my only hope.” 

“What’s in it for me?” Quinn drummed his fingers against the top of the bar. 

You bit down on the inside of your bottom lip, staring back at him. This _wasn’t_ what you wanted, but you didn’t really have a choice. Did you? Shiva had taken that away. 

You _could_ wait another cycle. But you didn’t want to. 

“ _Well_ ,” Quinn leaned towards. “What’s in it for me, pretty girl?” 

“Take me to the Block _tonight_ and we can do whatever you want to, Quinn.” You told him. “Just get me out of here.”

Quinn downed his drink before dramatically offering you his hand, “Step aboard. I’ll take you _wherever_ you want to go.” 

“Just the Block.” You told him, downing your own drink and tipping the bartender before taking his hand. 

* * *

“I don’t remember datapad privileges as part of our arrangement.” Quinn remarked as he strolled into his quarters with his arms folded across his chest. 

You glanced up at him, readjusting the blankets you had wrapped around your chest. “You should know me better than that.” 

“Fair point.” Quinn chuckled as he approached the bunk. “What are you reading?” He questioned, sitting down on the bed beside you. 

“You’re cracked into the net and I wanted to look up something.” You explained, glancing back down at the datapad you had propped up on your lap. 

Quinn leaned towards you to look at the screen, “Who is he?” 

You smiled sadly at the little ID photo of Ezra on the screen. It had been taken a little over five years ago, _before_ Lykaios. He wore the same crooked smirk you’d come to know, but he lacked that uneasy darkness you’d also become familiar with. 

“Ezra.” You told him.

“Is that who you’re trying to get to?” Quinn questioned. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, sliding your thumb over the screen, scrolling through all of the voyages Ezra had taken. He’d lost a lotof partners on his missions — _a lot_. “Shiva doesn’t approve.” 

“When’s that ever stopped you?” Quinn chuckled, sucking his teeth before tilting his head to look at you. “You in love with him?”

“I haven’t known him very long,” You rubbed at the back of your neck awkwardly. “It’s complicated.”

“Must be if you’re going on the net to find out about him.” 

“I actually promised myself that I wouldn’t.” You shrugged. “But I just wanted to know.” 

Quinn snatched the datapad out of your lap, “Let’s see what he’s been up to—“

“ _Wait_.”

He squinted at the screen, before looking towards you slowly. “He’s got a D file.”

“I know.”

“For five years.”

You swallowed thickly, “He’s not dead.”

“Who’d he piss off to go into hiding?”

You grimaced, “Like I said, it’s complicated.” 

Quinn tossed the datapad back on the bed beside you as he stood back up, “Get dressed, we’re almost to the Block.”

“Tell Shiva I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not getting in the middle of _that_.” 

You glared at him, “I think you owe me that much.” 

Quinn shot you a look, “Pretty sure I was just supposed to get you to the Block.” You fixed him with a look right back and he wilted, “I’ll send Shiva your message.”

* * *

It wasn’t the first time you had slept with Quinn, but this time there was no amount of hot steam in your fresher that could burn off the time you spent with him. Sometimes, you had to do things you didn’t want to do — just to get by. 

And if Shiva hadn’t dragged you to Ay-7, you wouldn’t have had to. Three months ago, it wouldn’t have mattered to you either. At all. But you hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Ezra. 

What would he think if you didn’t make it to him in time? What would he think when you told him how you’d managed to get yourself back to him? 

You weren’t going to let it get under your skin. Shit happens all the time and you couldn’t always have control over it. This — you had control over. It was a means to an end. 

You hadn’t expected there to be snow on the ground when you landed on Lykaios. It wasn’t much, but it was more than you’d ever seen all in one place before. Maybe an inch. Just enough to leave footprints. 

And there were footprints. _Giant_ footprints, all around the clearing where you always landed your transport. 

One set of prints, emerging from forest and heading into the clearing, before vanishing back into the treeline. Like something had come looking for you. 

Like _Ezra_ had come looking for you. 

Rationally, you knew there were other werewolves on the moon, but you wanted it to be him. 

If Ezra came looking for you as the beast, it somehow made up for the fact that you’d had to get creative to make it back to him in time. 

But it didn’t explain why he was changing outside of the full moon. Was he starting to lose control of his humanity? Would every trip grow shorter and shorter until you showed up to find him—

“You came back.” 

Your heart skipped a beat as you turned around and found _him_ standing there. His expression was almost unreadable as his eyes flickered over your face. 

“I tried to come sooner.” You admitted, taking a step towards him. “Life got in the way.” 

Ezra nodded slowly, his shoulders finally relaxing as you stopped in front of him. “I didn’t think you’d make it this time.” 

You only had a handful of days of before Ezra would be pressuring you to leave — just in case the window of opportunity was narrowing. And given the footprints in the freshly fallen snow… 

“You’re cold.” Ezra pointed out as you shivered, reaching out to run his hand down the length of your arm. “Let’s get you back inside, little lamb.”

He followed you into your transport, trailing close enough behind you that you could feel his body head radiating from him. 

“If I had known that I would be returning during the winter, I would’ve brought you warmer clothes,” You explained as you tinkered with the ship’s heating system, setting it to a comfortable temperature.

“I’m thankful for whatever you’ve brought me,” Ezra told you, “You could’ve just brought yourself and that would’ve been enough.”

You glanced over your shoulder at him with a smile, “I’ll remember that for next time.” You teased lightly, adjusting the ship’s engine exhaust into the central air system for processing. “How was the full moon?”

“I found the others,” Ezra told you, tucking his hands into his pockets. “I ran with them for the first time in _years_.” 

“That’s good. Right?” You smiled at him, shifting your weight from foot to foot. 

He nodded, “I was able to talk with them about what to expect.” 

Your smile faded, “What to _expect_?”

“It will get more difficult for me to control my transformations,” Ezra explained to you, rubbing his lips together. “Which we already know.”

“I saw the footprints.” 

Ezra swallowed thickly, “I didn’t think you were coming.” 

“I almost didn’t,” You admitted, pinching at the bridge of your nose as you tried to figure out how you were going to tell him _everything_. “It’s quite the story.” You told him, holding out your hand, “Let’s go sit.” 

Ezra reached out and took your hand, his thumb rubbing the center of your palm as his fingers curled around yours. 

Instead of guiding him back into your quarters, you led him into the small commons area where you had _first_ brought him inside your world. You still couldn’t look at your little makeshift sofa without thinking of Ezra. 

“I had _every_ intention of being here on the first day,” You sighed as you sank down onto the sofa beside him. Ezra wrapped his arm around your shoulders, his fingers fanning out over your arm, heating your skin through the fabric of your reg shirt. “The night before I was set to leave my friend — you remember, Shiva — decided to kidnap me.”

“ _Kidnap_ you?” Ezra chuckled, sliding his fingers down the length of your arm as he listened to you.

“I was trying to track down the information they had about Lykaios. I would’ve done it sooner, but Shiva had been off the Block. I tried to explain the situation to them, but…”

Ezra pressed his lips to the top of your head as you sank into his side. It was so natural to just _be_ with him. It was nice. 

“I’ve made enough stupid choices in my life that Shiva just assumed this was another one,” You tilted your head to look at him. “It’s _not_.”

He chuckled, “It might be.”

“It’s not.” You assured him, lifting your hand to cup his cheek, rubbing your thumb over his scruff. “But Shiva didn’t know any better. They stunned me and flew me halfway across the system.” 

Ezra’s eyes widened, “ _What_?”

You laughed, “I do not recommend getting stunned.” 

“No, I wouldn’t either.” He gave you a look. “Are you alright?”

“We’re getting to that,” You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip. 

Ezra’s lips tugged upwards at the corners as he looked at you, “Moonbeam, what’s wrong?”

“Shiva took me to Ay-7 which is typically my favorite place to go to just… get lost.”

He squeezed your shoulder, “I remember Ay-7.” Ezra chuckled quietly. “I was rather partial to the scene there.” 

“Me too.” You lowered your gaze. “Shiva dragged me around the city for two days before I finally found a way back to the Block.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I just wanted to get back to you.” 

“You don’t have to come every month, little lamb.” Ezra assured you, running his hand down your arm. 

“I know, but…” You shook your head. “I enjoy this, Ezra.” You drew a line between the two of you. “I’m not just going to vanish. If something happens, if I change my mind I’m going to tell you.” 

Ezra’s gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips, before he started to lean in to kiss you. 

You stopped him before he could, pressing your hand over his mouth. “ _Wait_.” 

His brows drew together. 

“I ran into an old… friend,” You weren’t entirely certain that you’d call Quinn a friend, but that wasn’t the point. “I knew I could get him to take me back to the Block, but not without a price.” 

Ezra’s voice was muffled against your palm, but you could easily make out. “I know.” 

“What?”

“I could smell _someone_ on you. All over you.” Ezra worked his jaw as he held your gaze. “I told you before, it’s not my place to take issue with that, little lamb. You aren’t bound to this moon or me.”

“I know I’m not.” You sighed heavily. “I just wanted you to know. I nearly burned my skin off in the fresher, I didn’t think you’d be able to smell him still.”

Ezra shrugged his shoulders, “The scent thing is a blessing and a curse.” 

“I can imagine.” You reached out and ran your thumb down the bridge of your nose. “I just used him to get back to my transport.” 

He shook his head, “Even if it meant something—“

“It didn’t.” 

Ezra sighed heavily, rubbing at your side. “I can _never_ leave Lykaios.” He reminded you. “You can’t stop living your life because of me.”

“I’m not missing out on much,” You said dryly, sinking into his side and resting your cheek against his shoulder. “I can’t help that I care about you, Ezra. I can’t explain it.”

Ezra sighed heavily, “Neither can I. In the past five years other people have turned up here, but it was never like this. None of them were _you_.”

“When I was on Quinn’s ship, I pulled up your old program file on the net.” 

“What?” He squeezed your hip. “Is it still active?”

“No, you were marked deceased.” You gestured around you vaguely. “There was a note that you hadn’t made contact after a week on Lykaios and then a few months later they marked you dead.”

“ _Charming_.” He grumbled. “Anything interesting?”

“We narrowly crossed paths, you know. We had signed up for nearly every single harvest, but just a season off.” 

Ezra chuckled, tilting his head to look at you. “You would have _loathed_ me, little lamb.” 

You rolled your eyes, “You don’t know my taste.” 

He arched a brow, “I think I do.” 

“Maybe you do.” You pursed your lips at him. “It made me think about what could have been if we had ended up on a harvest together. You are just my brand of trouble.”

“And no less dangerous.”

“I saw the number of partners who didn’t make it off-world.”

“I have trust issues.” He offered with a smirk. 

“Me too.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip. “I’ve been screwed over too many times on dicey harvests.” 

“Haven’t we all.” Ezra slid his arm out from behind you. He stared straight ahead, chewing at a hangnail on his thumb. “For what it’s worth, I care about you too.”

You reached out and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. It reminded you of that first time — the pull you felt towards him. You couldn’t really explain it, but it was like you were pulled towards him by an invisible string. 

“But this can _never_ be anything more than it is,” Ezra reminded you, his brows furrowed together as he turned towards you. “And it will end before we’re ready for it to.”

“I know this, Ezra.” You traced your thumb over the rough skin of the scar on his neck. “But just because something has an end date, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t let it _start_.”

“It’s already _started_ ,” He drawled out. “Even the beast knows this.” Ezra held your gaze.

“What does the beast want from me?” You questioned, feeling your heart beat faster. 

Ezra my eyes raked over you, “More than I’m willing to give it.”

Your lips parted and you exhaled slowly, “I want to meet the beast.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Ezra snapped. 

“Probably.” You rubbed at your forehead. “I think that’s the general consensus.” 

“No. I’m not risking it.” He gritted out. “I can’t control that part of me. I don’t even remember coming out here to the clearing. I could hurt you and I wouldn’t even know.”

You nodded slowly, drawing your knees up to your chest and resting your chin on your folded arms. “How long do we have?”

Ezra dragged his fingers through his hair, sinking back against the cushion. “Five days, at the most. The prints were fresh, the snow started last night.”

“And you don’t remember?”

He shook his head, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I came out here last night, just to see if I had missed your landing. I went back home and then… this morning I saw the tracks outside. I followed them back and here we are.”

“Someone has to have done research. All these years — all the missions here.” You drummed your fingers against your leg, turning to look at him. “I’ll try to figure something out when I go back. If we had a better understanding of when this started — what researchers have found.” 

Ezra pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, sighing heavily. “There’s not going to be a cure, if that’s what you think.”

You stared at him, “But what if there was?”

He didn’t answer you. 

Because that would be false hope and you knew, as much as he did, that if there were the potential for a cure it would come at far too steep a cost. Those greedy prospector programs leached from everyone to line their own pockets.

He’d survived for five years. That was more than the others, apparently. 

“I couldn’t find a copy of Poe,” You told him, picking lint off your pants. “How do you feel about Dickinson?”

“Emily?” Ezra questioned, stretching his legs out in front of him, propping his heels up on the floor. “I’m regretfully not as familiar as perhaps I should be. Is she to be my new companion?”

“She’s with your new clothes in my room.” You told him, “Come on.” You reached over and gave his leg a pat before rising to your feet. 

Ezra followed you down the corridor into your quarters. You hadn’t bothered making up your bed when you climbed out in the morning — too focused on getting back to Lykaios and _him_. 

“Pardon the mess.” You explained, kicking a pair of boots out of your way as you wandered over to the table where you’d neatly stacked his new clothes. “I hope everything fits.” 

“I’ll make it work if it doesn’t.” Ezra shrugged his shoulders, fixing you with a warm smile. “Thank you for this.” 

“Two new pairs of pants, three shirts, and new boots.” You held your arms out to present him with the garments you’d picked up at the exchange. 

“What do I owe you?” He questioned. 

“Nothing.”

He arched a brow, “I had credits when I came to Lykaios, you know. It’s not like I’m planning to use them.” 

“They didn’t cost that much.” You assured him, but he didn’t look convinced. “Considering them a gift.”

“You’re a gift.” Ezra quipped, begrudgingly taking the clothes from you. “They smell clean.” He inhaled deeply, walking over to your rumpled bed and making himself at home. “You never know how much you appreciate _good_ clothes.” 

You leaned back against your desk, watching as Ezra toed off his ratty boots and peeled away his worn clothes. “What happened?” You questioned with a frown as you spotted a fading bruise at the curve of his ribs. 

“They were _not_ welcoming at first.” He told you, grimacing a little as he pulled the new shirt on over his head and it pulled at that band of muscles along his ribs. “They came around. _Eventually_.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “Ezra—“

“I’m fine.” 

“What happened?”

“These fit nicely.” He ignored you, fastening his new trousers shut, before tucking his shirt into them. “Like a glove.”

“Ezra.”

Ezra continued to ignore you, sitting back down on your bed to pull the shoes on. “A little snug, but I’ll break them in.” He said, before kicking them back off as he sank back onto your bed and reclined back. “They smelt you on me.”

“ _Oh_.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“So, they rejected you because of me?”

He rubbed his hands together, “I’m not looking to be _accepted_ by them.” Ezra met your eyes, “You should see the other guy. I’m scrappy when I need to be.” 

“Don’t get yourself killed.” You told him firmly, before turning away from him to grab the book of poems off your desk. 

Ezra chuckled, “I’m not trying to. Trust me, it’s not my preferred way out of this infernal place.” 

“What _is_ your preferred way?” 

He stretched out on your bed, laying lengthwise across it. “That’s a good question, moonbeam.” He told you as he tucked an arm beneath his head. “If you’d asked me a year ago, I might’ve said something different.”

You climbed into bed with him, laying on your side to face him. “What changed?” You questioned, sliding your foot down his calf. 

Ezra clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I think you know.” He reached in between you, curling his fingers around your hand. He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, before bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss to your palm. 

“In the past five years, have there ever been any other humans who stayed here?” You questioned, drawing your pointer finger over the bow of his lips. 

He shook his head. 

“And none of _them_ have ever cared for someone who wasn’t like them?”

“I don’t know.” Ezra admitted, interlacing his fingers with yours. “You want me to ask them?”

You squeezed his hand, “I’m curious. The rumors here date back for _decades_. We can’t be the first to…” You tilted your face to look at him. 

“I’ll ask.” Ezra murmured as his eyes flickered to your lips, leaning in to kiss you gently. “Will you read for me?” He questioned, “I believe we’re neglecting our dear Emily.”

“Of course.” You stole one more kiss, before propping yourself up a little more upright as you flipped through the small book of poems. 

You could feel Ezra’s keen eyes fixed on you as you read, “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. And sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.”

He hummed his agreement with that line. 

“And sweetest in the gale is heard and sore must be the storm that could abash the little bird that kept so many warm. I’ve heard it in the chillest land and on the strangest sea. Yet never in extremity, it asked a crumb of me.” You finished, rubbing your thumb over the lines on the page. 

“I know I said it once before,” Ezra started, winding his fingers through his hair. “But I miss this sea. There are a few brooks and streams here, but none of them are the same.” 

You closed the book and sat it down on the bed beside you, “I don’t think I can bring the sea back with me. I could try.”

He chuckled quietly, “I have no doubt that you would try.” Ezra’s brows furrowed as he turned to look at you, his expression sobering. “I don’t want you wasting your life on me, moonbeam.” 

You ran your thumb over the crease between his brows, “I’m not _wasting_ my life. That’s not how I see it.” 

“The night we met,” Ezra started, his breath warm against your palm as you ran your thumb down the length of his nose. “I was contemplating my _preferred_ way out. Five years… it’s a long time to be alone. I’m never getting off this rock and my mind… I bristle at the thought of losing it. It’s the one thing that’s always been _mine_.”

“ _Ezra_ —“

“No.” He shook his head, “I was talking one last walk, exploring an area I hadn’t gone in a long time and then….” He sank back into the pillows and stared up at the durasteel ceiling above. “I caught scent of you.”

“Look, I don’t believe in fate or any of that bullshit, but that has to mean something. Doesn’t it? I won that assignment — it was supposed to be Shiva.” 

Ezra worked his jaw slowly, “I know. I have had plenty of time to think about this. To think about you and what _this_ means.” He clenched his teeth as he turned to look at you once more and you could see a pain there that was palpable.

“I’m not going to abandon you,” You told him, dragging fingers over the ruff scruff-covered cheek. “I know it may seem unlikely, but I _do_ keep my promises.” 

“There is a deeply selfish part of me that doesn’t want you to leave,” He confessed, curling his arm around your waist as he turned towards you. “A part of me that wants to lay claim to you.” 

Your brows rose upwards, “You _are_ jealous!” You shoved at him playfully. 

Ezra caught your arms and held your gaze, “ _Maddeningly_ jealous.” 

“I knew it.” You hooked your leg over his, wrestling your way out of his grasp so you could straddle his hips. “I did what I had to do, with what I had to work with.”

He huffed, sliding his hands up your thighs. “I know this.”

“It wasn’t _terrible_ ,” You told him — if Quinn was terrible, he wouldn’t have been a mistake you’d made a dozen times over throughout it the years. “But it wasn’t you.”

“I’m flattered.” He drawled out, staring up at you. “But you are not stuck here, little lamb. You are free to roam where I cannot.” 

“Oh, you know me. I’m just raring to get back to Ay-7.” You said with a roll of your eyes, planting your palms on either side of his head as you leaned over him. “You’re allowed to be jealous, Ezra. That means you _care_.”

He smirked up at you, “I do care.” Ezra ran his hand up your back, curling his fingers around the back of your head as he drew you down for a kiss. 

Maybe it was crazy to care for someone you’d only spent a handful of days with, across two months, but you had done _crazier_ things. If you overlooked the werewolf part of this equation. 

He spoke to a part of you that hadn’t been spoken to by anyone else. 

Ezra’s fingers slid beneath the hem of your shirt, sliding over bare skin as his lips slanted against yours. A low growl rumbled in his throat and you broke away from the kiss to catch your breath. “Little lamb?”

“Yes?”

“I need to leave.”

“What?” You frowned as you stared down at him, “If you need to leave, you’re going to have to let go of me.” He had a vice-like grip on your hips. 

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, “Something doesn’t feel right.” Ezra’s brows knit together, his lips drawn into a thin line. “Something—“

“You have to let go.” You urged, trying to pry his fingers off of you. “Ezra, please.” 

He didn’t look right either. He hadn’t looked right since you saw him standing outside your transport, but you had chalked it up to the cold weather and the exhaustion of _everything_. 

“Let go.” You leaned forward and slapped at his cheek, “Ezra you have to let me go.” 

His lips parted as he inhaled deeply, his eyes snapping open and his unfocused gaze fixed on you. “I don’t understand.” Ezra mumbled, his grip loosening just enough for you to scramble off of his lap. “I need you to go. I need you to—“ His words were cut off by a weak groan, his brows furrowing together in pain. “You wanted to meet the beast and I think it heard you.”

“Oh gods.” You clambered off the bed, tripping over his shoes and hitting the floor with a resounding thud. “ _Shit_!” You had seen _that_ holovid before. 

Morbid curiosity had you desperate to see the beast, but you knew better. There just wasn’t anywhere _werewolf_ -proof to go. 

You swore under your breath as you caught sight of crimson blood on your skin where you’d landed hard on the grated texture. 

Ezra noticed too. 

You scooted backwards on your ass, locking eyes with him as he peered at you from an unnatural position on the bed. 

He had told you before — bones break, muscles tear. He hadn’t been lying. 

“ _Go_.” He growled out, a sound far more vicious than you were familiar with. 

You grabbed onto the side of your wardrobe trunk, dragging yourself up off the floor. If you weren’t going to be bruised from his rough touch, the floor had made up the difference. 

There was only one place to hide. 

_The fresher._

You snatched up your datapad and ran barefoot down the corridor, locking yourself into your fresher under the guise of _safety_. But you had seen the beast — if it wanted in, it would get in. 

* * *

Watching Ezra transform through the video on your datapad was an unnerving sight that you weren’t _ever_ going to forget. He stripped off his clothes and collapsed onto the ground where you had fallen. 

He writhed on the floor, moaning in agony as his body contorted. There was no part of him that looked the same once the transformation began. 

But _why_? You were days removed from the full moon, he had taken the lunaxium, and nothing was different from any other time you had engaged in a little fun together. 

Why had it chosen now to break loose again?

The beast you had seen in the clearing _was_ Ezra. It’s fur was the same shade of chestnut as his own, with a fleck of blonde that you hadn’t seen before. But it didn’t seem as fearsome as it had that morning — not as it laid on the floor of your bedroom whimpering like a lost dog. 

You almost felt bad for him, if it weren’t for the whole part where he could easily rip you in two with his bare bestial hands. 

When you used to picture your death, it typically ended staring down the barrel of a colleague turning on you. Never in your wildest dreams had you pictured yourself locked in your fresher, watching the transformation of the werewolf that might rip the fresher door off and eat you alive.

Why _now_? 

He hadn’t seemed entirely _right_ since you brought him inside, but you had been off too. You almost wished you’d just stayed on Ay-7 and waited until next month. But you didn’t want to abandon him. 

You glanced back down at the screen, your heart stopping as you found the view into your quarters empty. You cycled through the camera views, trying to find the rogue beast, but you didn’t need the camera to find him. 

Ezra — the _beast_ — growled outside the fresher door, claws scraping loudly over the durasteel. Of course he’d found you. 

He had heightened senses as a human, with a canine nose there was no doubt he could smell you. Fresh blood, halted arousal, and evidently _Quinn_. 

You sat your datapad down on your sink, staring at your reflection in the mirror as you contemplated your way out of this. There was one air duct, but there was no way you could climb through it. Your weapons were all laying by your bed, on the other side of the door and the dangerous monster. 

“Never been one to believe in a higher power, but… Kevva, Yrica, Ruke — whichever one of you exists.” You laughed awkwardly as you glanced upwards. “ _Help_?”

Ezra growled again, before slamming some of his body weight against the door — enough to make you jump backwards and the door groan under the pressure. 

Maybe you were still dreaming. Stun shafts always gave you nightmares. The last few days had been a nightmare. 

You glanced down at the database, staring at the scene taking place on the other side of the door. The camera was mounted further down the corridor, but you could see enough of the hulking monster to know you weren’t getting out of this alive. 

The only weapons you had was a toothbrush, a nail file, a toilet, and a steam shower. 

You could hide in the shower — it would delay your inevitable death by a few seconds. 

_If_ you survived, Ezra was going to disappear. You knew that much. This was over, whatever _it_ was. So maybe you should just open the door and let the monster in.

He growled again as he scratched at the door, his nails grinding over the durasteel and making your ears ring. 

Those would be the same flaws ripping you open. 

Shiva was right — you _had_ lost your mind. 

You weren’t going to go down, cowering in the corner of your shower in fear as your clandestine lover ripped you to shreds. That wasn’t how you rolled. 

This was happening and you just had to accept it. 

You caught your reflection in the mirror again, before turning on your heels to face the door. Your fingers shook as you reached out and hit the button that slid open the door. 

Your heart beat was pounding in your ears as you came face-to-face with the beast on the other side of the door. He was a hulking, massive creature that had to crouch down to avoid hitting the ceiling. 

Ezra growled, a sound that rattled your bones. 

You clenched your eyes closed, anticipating the first blow — but it never came. You opened one eye hesitantly, nearly swallowing your tongue as you realized the beast was just staring at you. 

“Hi?” You tried, not quite trusting your own voice as you stared up into familiar eyes. 

The beast hunched down, sniffing at the air around you inquisitively. It leaned down, planting one fearsome paw onto the ground near your foot as its muzzle hovered a few inches from your face. 

Ezra — the beast — sniffed at your injured hand, before nudging at your arm with a little more force than you anticipated. You jumped back, causing him to growl fiercely at your sudden movement like a feral dog. 

You held up both hands, back up a step. “I’m not going to hurt you.” You told him, staring at his eyes and hoping he understood you. 

The werewolf lowered its head once more, sniffing around you curiously before nudging at your arm again. 

“Do you know who I am?” You questioned as you hesitantly reached out and touched the top of his massive head. 

He growled again, but it wasn’t like the other growls. It was a quiet, almost content sound. 

You gently stroked your fingers through the soft fur by his ear, “Do you like that?” 

Ezra huffed.

“You’re not just playing with your food, are you?” You chewed on your bottom lip as you caught sight of just how massive the teeth in his mouth were. His ears twitched and he growled quietly. 

You had a feeling there was no research into _this_. 


	4. Fallen Star

“That tickles,” You remarked, trying not to make too big of a movement as the beast sniffed at your face. His hot breath skimmed over your skin, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. 

You knew Ezra had a stronger sense of smell as a man, but you had a feeling the beast could smell _everything_. Could he smell Quinn on your skin still? 

The beast snorted loudly, causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. He scrambled backwards, almost like a skittish dog before realizing that you weren’t lashing out at him. 

He leaned towards you again, sniffing curiously at your hair and your neck. 

You reached out hesitantly and stroked your fingers through a patch of hair on his chest. His fur was shockingly soft — softer than even Ezra’s hair which you were fond of playing with. 

“I don’t know how much you can understand like this,” You started, tensing slightly when the beast angled himself so he could look you in the eyes. “But I want you to know that Quinn didn’t mean anything to me. Shiva wasn’t going to take me back to the Block and I knew Quinn would… for a price.” 

He growled quietly, stomping one foot that rattled the metal floor beneath you. 

“I know.” You gingerly stroked your fingers down the length of his muzzle, just like you would run a finger down the bridge of his nose. “If it’s any consolation, I dreamed of you that night.” Your heart was pounding in your chest as you quietly admitted, “Like this.” 

The beast must’ve been able to understand you — it was _still_ Ezra after all. He leaned towards you and licked at your face, his breath hot against the newly damped skin. 

“You were chasing me through the forest, but when you caught me — you didn’t kill me.” Ezra already knew this, he already knew how twisted your fantasies had become because of him. 

Six months ago, the most titillating dreams would’ve been those where you were with Mars again, enjoying the perks that came along with being infatuated with a man who had two wives. Those dreams used to leave you shamefaced, but they barely scratched the surface of what you dreamed about Ezra. About the beast. 

The beast took a step backwards, planting one hand on the ground between you as he hunkered forward. A guttural growl rose up the back of his throat, before he started sniffing around your legs. 

“Don’t judge me.” You retorted, when his nose lingered at the apex of your thighs. 

Maybe you had lost your mind. There was a terrifying beast standing in front of you and you were admitting to it that you’d dreamed of fucking him — not the man that he was. A monster with claws that could rip you to shreds and a mouth full of teeth that could eat you whole.

Ezra tilted his head, nudging his broad forehead against your stomach. You stumbled a little, unprepared for the weight of his touch. 

“Easy boy.” You stroked your fingers through his hair. 

He snorted, nudging at you again before pulling back to stare at you. His eyes were just as lovely like this, as they were when he stood before you as a man. 

“I just wanted to get back to you.” You told the beast as you scratched a spot just behind his ear, smiling a little as you held his gaze. “Stars this is weird.” 

The beast cocked his head to the side, growling a little as if he agreed with you. Or at least you assumed he did. 

“How about I read to you?” You suggested, stepping around the lumbering beast to grab the first book you could reach on the bookshelf. 

Of course it was his copy of Shelley’s poems. You flipped through the book as you moved to sit on the side of your bed, glancing up at the werewolf. 

Just an hour ago, Ezra had been lounging on your bed and now there was a massive beast taking up space in the middle of your already cramped quarters. He crouched beside your bed expectantly, a low rumbly growl rising up the back of his throat. 

“This page seems to have gotten quite a bit of attention,” You remarked as the pages fell open naturally to one of Percy’s unfinished poems, a stanza entitled _To the Moon_. 

“Art thou pale for weariness, climbing Heaven and gazing on the earth? Wandering companionless among the stars that have a different birth, and ever changing, like a joyless eye that finds no object worth its constancy?”

You looked towards the beast with furrowed brows, “I think Ezra is too afraid to admit that he wants a companion.” You told him, rubbing your thumb over the page of the book. “I get that, you know… This life doesn’t really lend itself towards having _someone_. It didn’t before and I’m sure it doesn’t now.” You sat the book aside and leaned forward on your elbows. 

“But I’ve never felt this way before.” You added, drawing a line between yourself and the werewolf. “And I’m going to figure out _why_.”

* * *

Ezra was gone when you woke up in the morning.

You knew that he would leave, but you had still foolishly held onto the hope that he’d be laying beside you when you woke up. Ready to discuss the events of last night. 

Last night had been _unexpected_. You still didn’t know what had triggered him — was there even a trigger? Could the transformations be predicted?

The beast hadn’t been what you had expected. At all. 

You had heard the stories about the creatures attacking and slaughtering — you’d even seen Ezra’s scars, but it wasn’t like that for you. 

Hell, the creature had kept you crowded in the fresher, whining and growling at you until you bandaged your bleeding hand. That didn’t seem like a _beast_. 

Who would even believe you if you told them that you had slept comfortably in your bed with a hulking mass of a beast laying on the floor beside your bed?

You had fallen asleep with your arm draped over the side of the bed, with your fingers winding through his soft fur. Like he was a guard dog faithfully at your side. 

Maybe you had hit your head when Shiva stunned you. That would explain everything. This was all a concussion-fueled dream and you were still on the Block. Alternatively, maybe you’d gotten into some dust on Ay-7, and this was all a drug-fueled fever dream. 

Ezra hadn’t taken any of the clothes that you had brought for him, except for the boots. The shirt and trousers he’d tried on had been neatly folded and left on the desk beside the others — alongside Dickinson. 

One step forward, six steps back. 

* * *

Two days passed and Ezra didn’t show up again. 

Each morning and each evening you stepped outside into the brisk winter air to look for signs of him, but a fresh snowfall had erased the set of footprints retreating from your transport. 

He hadn’t just walked away — he had run. 

Sure, the full moon was approaching, but you still had nearly a dozen days to spend with him. If he wanted to spend the time with you. 

The beast hadn’t hurt you. There was no reason for Ezra to hide away. If he had just _stayed_ the two of you could have discussed what happened. 

He had once explained to you what the wake of his transformations felt like. 

“ _It’s like a dream. If I focus too hard on any one memory, it’s as if it’s meant to evaporate in my palm. The harder I think on a moment, it shifts into something else entirely._ ”

Maybe he had awoken and seen that you were safe in your bed and decided he didn’t want to tempt fate. Perhaps his memories of the night differed from yours. 

Your hand was bloodied and bandaged, there were claw marks on your fresher door, and you were certain the scent of adrenaline-fueled fear lingered in the room. 

* * *

On the third day, there were three sets of paw prints circling your transport and you knew none of them belonged to Ezra. 

After that, you stayed inside skimming through old voyage reports from Ezra’s time in the program. 

Quinn had been kind enough to let you transfer the files off his datapad and onto yours. _Free of charge_. How sweet of him. 

Given the frequency of dead co-pilots and team members Ezra had, you were starting to wonder if you should be more afraid of the man, rather than the monster. It was hard to envision Ezra as a coldblooded killer, when he was a man with such a charming accent and eloquent way about him. 

It was always the charming ones you had to worry about. 

But even that didn’t deter you. You hadn’t been lying when you told the beast that you had never felt this way before. 

The first time his eyes met yours, you knew there was no going back. It was like a magnetic force pulling you towards him. Something bigger than either of you. 

By the fifth day you started to give up hope that you would see him again. There was no sign of him — or any other beast. Eventually, you would have to leave and go back to the Block. 

The beast might have been kind to you, but you doubted that the other werewolves on Lykaios would treat you the same way. 

* * *

You almost considered leaving on the seventh day, but something told you to step outside one last time before you left. 

That little voice inside your head made sense when you stepped outside and found Ezra mid-stride a few paces from the front door of your transport. 

“What are you—“ The words stuck in the back of your throat as you stared at the books Ezra held. _War & Peace _and your cherished copy of _Frankenstein_. 

“I didn’t think I would see you.” Ezra admitted, keeping his gaze low so he wouldn’t meet your eyes. “I wanted to return these.”

You were struck by the fact that your heart had gone from soaring to plummeting in a matter of seconds. The joy you felt when you saw him was quickly replaced with sorrow. 

“I’m _not_ a library.” You retorted flatly, folding your arms across your chest. “ _War & Peace _was a gift.”

“You never finished reading it,” He reminded you. “And Shelley belongs with you.” 

You stared at him, “So, what? Were you going to leave them on my stoop and vanish? No goodbye?”

Ezra sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging under the weight of the moment. “A coward’s answer to a difficult situation. But yes, I _had_ intended to walk away from you without any pomp and circumstance.” 

“ _Wow_.” You scoffed, shaking your head as you looked away from him. “I _actually_ thought you weren’t like everyone else.”

You should’ve known better. It didn’t matter who or what they were — you always ended up with someone who was willing to ghost out of your life, rather than talk to you. 

Ezra rocked on his heels, holding the books against his chest as he fixed you with a look. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

“The beast _didn’t_ hurt me Ezra, but you did.” Your brows furrowed together as you stared back at him. “If you want me to leave and never come back, just tell me. Don’t give me excuses.”

“I don’t.”

You swallowed thickly around the lump of emotion rising up the back of your throat. “ _Fine_.” You gritted out through clenched teeth as you turned back towards the door of your transport, “Keep the books. I don’t need them.” 

“Moonbeam—“

“I don’t want to hear it, Ezra!”

“ _No_.” He snapped. “I _don’t_ want you to leave.”

You froze and then turned slowly to face him. “What?”

“I _don’t_ want you to leave, but I… I don’t know where we can go from this.” His voice cracked, “I have read every page, of every volume, from the greatest literary minds, but none of them have an answer to this.”

“Then we’ll make it up as we go.” You gritted out. “But that can’t happen if you _run_ , Ezra.”

Ezra pushed some snow around with the toe of his boot, watching it instead of looking at you again. “For once in my life, I didn’t know what to say, moonbeam.” 

A brisk breeze howled through the trees and you pulled your coat around you tighter. “Get inside you foolish man and maybe you can figure out what needs to be said.” 

You turned away from him, hitting the button on the door and waiting for it to sweep open. Ezra followed close behind you, trailing you down the corridor to the lounge area. 

Ezra tucked his hands behind his back, lingering awkwardly in the doorway as he watched you sit down on the sofa. “I do apologize for not returning _before_ today.” He drawled out. “You deserve an explanation.”

You looked at him expectantly, “I went to sleep feeling like we had turned a page, only to wake up alone.”

“That part of me wants more than I can give you, little lamb. More than you should be asked of.” Ezra worked his jaw slowly, staring at a point on the floor in front of him. 

“Then that’s a conversation we should’ve had.” You said flatly, crossing your arms across your chest. 

Ezra dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, “You’re right.” He rocked on his feet, before walking forward towards you and the sofa. “I didn’t feel like I was in control.”

“Because you transformed?”

“I could still smell him on you. _Everywhere_.” He admitted. “When I thought you weren’t coming back, I felt like I was going to lose my mind, little lamb. I could feel him like a madness stirring at the back of my mind. _Where is she_? _Has she abandoned me_? _She’s mine_.” 

You swallowed thickly as you held his gaze. 

“I could feel this primal need.” Ezra continued, “The beast doesn’t want you to leave, to return to someone who isn’t _me_.” He bowed his head. “I recognize the insanity of the very notion of me being jealous. You are free to leave and never return to this moon and I must be prepared for that. I wouldn’t fault you for it.”

He was so bound and determined that you were going to leave him. You understood why — Lykaios was a lovely moon, but it was no place to call home. Especially not for someone who had grown up on the Block. 

“Ezra,” You started, not quite trusting your voice as you rose to your feet and closed the distance between the two of you. “Look at me.”

He exhaled heavily, raising his chin to meet your gaze. “I thought I had better control of him.” He admitted. 

You reached out and brushed his hair away from his forehead, your heart beating a little faster as he leaned into your touch. “I’m not going to leave you, Ezra.” 

Ezra’s eyes slipped closed and he exhaled heavily, “You don’t understand how it feels, little lamb. I am at odds with the beast. I can’t ask that of you.”

You stroked your fingers over his cheek, brushing your thumb over the scar there, before sliding your hand down to rest at his shoulder. “I appreciate that you’re trying to be chivalrous Ezra. I am _well_ aware of the fact that you have no say over what I do when I’m not here, but you _and_ the beast are allowed to be bothered by it. I’m not asking you to ignore what you feel.” You squeezed his shoulder, “What do _you_ want?”

“I want to know you’re coming back.” Ezra didn’t even hesitate as his eyes found yours again. He crowded in close to you, one hand curling around your hip. “I want to know you’re _mine_.”

That shouldn’t have been nearly as arousing as it was, but considering the dreams you had — it was tame in comparison. “I am.” You whispered, the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end as his forehead knocked against yours with his sudden nearness. 

Ezra inhaled shakily, “Tell me.” 

There was an authority to his words that appeased some small part of you that took you by surprise. “I will leave for the full moon, but I promise you — I will come back to you.” You tilted your chin, you breath danced against his lips, “Didn’t I prove that I will come back, no matter what I have to do to get back here?”

He growled and his grip tightened at your hip, “Don’t do that again. If I could leave this damned moon, I would rip that man apart limb-by-limb.” 

A sputter of laughter escaped you, “Do you remember what I told the beast?”

Ezra’s brows knit together, “That night is hazy.”

“I told you that I dreamed of you.” You curled your fingers around the back of his neck. “After I was with Quinn, I dreamed of the beast.”

His hand slid up your side and around to rest at the small of your back. “What did you dream of?”

“The beast chasing me through the woods, catching me, _ravishing_ me.” You tilted your head and kissed him then, your lips slanting over his, but he didn’t respond at first. 

You could hear your pulse drumming in your ears as you waited—

You started to pull back, but Ezra chased after your lips and kissed you with a soul-stirring edge of desperation. His arms slid around your waist, crushing you to him as he moved forward, urging you backwards until your back hit the shockingly cold durasteel wall. 

He caught your bottom lip between his teeth, breathing raggedly as his dark eyes held your gaze. 

“You shouldn’t want this.” Ezra’s voice was thick with desire as he broke away from the kiss, “You are free, moonbeam. You should cling to that with both hands.”

Instead of listening to him, you cupped his cheeks with both of your hands and kissed him again. 

He was right — you _shouldn’t_ want this. But how long had you been chasing after a life that felt lackluster? You had been in the program since you were a teenager. You had made money for greedy investors off your sweat, tears, and pain. 

Couldn’t you have this one thing that you could be greedy over?

You didn’t need Ezra to come with you, because you could stay here with him for as long as you safely could. 

He trailed his mouth along your jawline and down your throat, his teeth scraping lightly over the crook of your neck, his tongue sweeping out over your pulse point. 

There was no way to stop the moan that rose up the back of your throat as your head knocked back against the wall. “ _Fuck_.” 

“Is _that_ what you want?” He taunted, fingers working at the closure of your pants. 

“I think you know it is.” You dragged your fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands as you slid your hand down to cradle the back of his neck. 

Ezra pulled back with a wicked smirk, his gaze flickering between your eyes and lips. “I want to hear you say it, little lamb.” 

“Of _course_ you do.” You scraped your nails over the back of his neck lightly. You closed the distance once more, brushing your lips against his. “I want you.” You breathed out against his mouth. “Both parts of you.” 

Ezra swept you off your feet with surprising ease, hauling you over to the sofa where this stroke of madness had begun. He deposited you rather unceremoniously, looming over you with that same devious smirk. “You’ve lost your mind, moonbeam.” 

“Maybe so.” You shrugged with a smirk of your own as you kicked off your boots and worked at getting your pants off. “But I think it works for us.”

“I am the most fortunate of men to have crossed paths with you.” Ezra drawled out, tilting your chin to look up at him. “You truly mean it, don’t you?”

You nodded slowly, before leaning into his touch. “I am yours for as long as you will have me.” 

Ezra leaned down and stole a kiss, “I have read so many poems, never knowing what it was that _truly_ drove man to pontificate about the wonders of a lover’s kiss or the sweetness of a soft sigh, but I think I understand it now.”

“Then you might be as crazy as I am.” You smiled warmly up at him, turning to kiss the center of his palm. 

Some of the heat tempered as Ezra awkwardly settled onto the sofa beside you, tugging you towards him so you were halfway seated in his lap. 

“Even though the beast has accepted you, you _cannot_ stay here during the full moon.” He reminded you, marveling at you as he ran his hands over your sides. “The others… I won’t let them find you.”

“Then I’ll go back to the Block, just like before.” His grip tightened. “I won’t let Shiva kidnap me. I’ll make it clear to them that _this_ is happening.” You stroked your thumb over his bottom lip. “We can make this work.” 

Ezra laughed incredulously, “You were right, what you said to the beast.”

“What?” You questioned, toying with a stray curl of hair that rested against his forehead. 

“I was afraid to admit that I long for something _more_ than what I have accepted of life here.” He shook his head. “And then you showed up, little lamb, like a fallen star.” 

“I do resemble a lump of fallen meteoroid, don’t I?” You teased, kissing the tip of his nose. “I meant what I said, Ezra. I’m going to figure out _why_ we were drawn together.” You curled your arms around him and pressed your face into the crook of his neck. 

Ezra didn’t even hesitate to wind his arms around you and hold you there. As much as you wanted to tap into that _heat_ , you both just needed to be held. 


	5. Arcadia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (doggystyle) mild jealousy.

“I noticed you chose a _neutral_ location,” Shiva pointed out dryly as they sat down in the seat across from you — where they normally sat during the lengthy gambling sessions with you usual cohorts on the Block. 

“I told Ke you might try to kidnap me again.” You reported smuggly, nodding your head towards the bartender behind the bar just a short distance from the table.

Shiva arched a brow at you, “I did _exactly_ what you told me to do, were you to act like a _fool_ again.” They shook their head slowly, “Quinn? _Really_?”

You made a face, “Well, if _someone_ hadn’t dragged me across the system, I wouldn’t have needed to resort to desperate measures.” 

“And if _someone_ wasn’t cavorting with a dangerous beast I wouldn’t have had to.” Shiva leaned against the table. “Did you make it back in time?” 

“I _did_ , thank you.” You turned towards the bar and gestured to Ke for a refill. “Drinks are on me.”

“In that case,” Shiva cleared their throat as Ke approached the table. “I’ll have the blue label polish.” 

“I’ll just have a refill.” You said, passing your tankard to the edge of the table. “Thanks.” 

“No kidnapping while I’ve got my back turned.” Ke quipped, giving both of you a skeptical look. 

Shiva offered Ke a tight-lipped smile that didn’t quite meet their eyes. “I wouldn’t dare.” 

You rolled your eyes, waiting until Ke was headed back towards the bar. “You put me in a _really_ bad situation, Shiva. I know what I’ve said in the past, but it isn’t like that with Ezra. This isn’t a Mars or Alia situation.” 

“What _is_ it like with Ezra?” Shiva questioned. 

You propped your chin up and sighed, “I’ve never felt this way before. He’s _different_.”

“Because he’s a werewolf?” 

“Probably,” You shrugged. “I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s like a magnetic pull. And don’t judge me — I realize it sounds ridiculous — but it’s like all this time I was walking around incomplete and now I’ve found my other half. 

Shiva leaned back against the booth and laughed loudly. “Your ‘other half’ is a monster who can’t even leave the _incredibly dangerous_ moon they’re bound to?” They shook their head slowly. “And I thought Mars would be your worst obsession.” 

You pinched at the bridge of your nose as you sighed heavily, “It’s _not_ like that.”

Shiva would never let you live down Mars, though you couldn’t exactly blame them. “Besides, even the monster likes me.”

“Excuse me?” Shiva stared at you as Ke delivered your drinks. “Thanks.”

“Don’t kill each other,” Ke quipped. “Blood doesn’t clean up easily.” 

“No promises.” You said, giving a thumbs up before settling Shiva with a look. “Close your mouth. It’s not that shocking.”

Shiva scoffed, “I’ve seen the reports from Lykaois and I beg to differ. What do you mean the monster likes you?”

“Ezra wasn’t able to control that part of himself—“

“Oh, charming.”

“ _Hush_. The beast came out and was surprisingly gentle.”

Their brows furrowed together, “And ‘beast’ isn’t a euphemism for something else? We’re talking about a giant murderous beast, right?”

You took a sip of your polish with a shrug, “He wasn’t murderous with me. In fact, he slept on the floor beside my bed while I was petting him.” 

“Still not a euphemism?” Shiva scrunched up their nose. “I don’t think I’ve read a single account from Lykaois that indicated that they like ear scratches, so _maybe_ there is something different going on here.”

“ _Right_?” You slapped the top of the table, causing Shiva to jump a little. “I’m telling you, it’s different with Ezra.” 

“I don’t like this at all, but… I’m willing to accept that it’s happening.” Shiva folded their arms, “When are you going back?”

“In about two weeks,” You explained as you took another sip. “I promised him I would try to figure out if there’s ever been _anything_ like this. If it’s happening now, logically it’s happened before.”

Shiva nodded their head in agreement, “I have an old friend who was involved in the mining venture a decade ago — I’ll see what she knows.” 

“Thank you.” You reached across the table and squeezed Shiva’s hand. “But I’m still mad at you.”

Shiva shoved your hand away with a laugh. “Consider it payback for cheating.”

“If I hadn’t won that game, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.” 

Crossing paths with Ezra hinged solely on you cheating Shiva out of an assignment. You didn’t believe in fate — but that had to mean something, didn’t it?

“Oh!” You reached for your rucksack on the booth beside you, digging out your datapad and sitting it on the table in front of you. “Aside from getting me back to the Block, I was able to use Quinn’s datapad to pull up information on Ezra. I know it looks bad — aside from his current situation, he’s got an interesting record — but,” You clicked on his photo and turned it around for Shiva to see. “This is Ezra.”

Shiva took the datapad from you, arching a brow as they looked the information over. “If he hadn’t gotten trapped on Lykaios he would’ve been pulled out of the program with a record like that.” 

“I know.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t dig around into his past, but my curiosity got the best of me.” 

“It’s a cutthroat business, but…” Shiva grimaced a little. “He had a high success yield, but a very low survival rating for his partners.” They looked up at you, “Now I’m less concerned with the beast and more concerned with the man. Are you sure you’re safe?”

You nodded your head, “It’s not like we’re out in the field running a fracking mission for a mineral corp. I think I’m safe.” You took the datapad back from Shiva, “It’s not as though my own hands are clean.”

“Wynn deserved it.” 

“And so did Jax.” You gritted out. “You and I both know what it’s like when you’re out there. I can’t exactly blame him for protecting his own ass. I think being alone these past five years has subdued him. I can’t quite envision the man I know, with the one in these records.” 

Shiva gave you a look, “Those records sound _exactly_ like your type. You’ve always been drawn to danger.” 

You took a sip of your polish, “Sad, but true.” 

They tapped their fingers against the side of the polish tankard as they took another drink, “I still can’t believe you fell back in with Quinn.”

You glared at them, “You only have yourself to blame for that. If you hadn’t dragged me to Ay-7 I wouldn’t have had to get creative with finding a way off world again.” You blanched. “Did you know that even as a human, werewolves have heightened senses? Super fun.” 

Shiva grimaced, sinking back against the booth. “How’d that go over?”

You pursed your lips, tracing your thumb over the rim of the tankard “Ezra acted _very_ unaffected by it all at first. All noble and bullshit, but he was seething with jealousy.” You shrugged and made a face, “We didn’t even do _anything_ while I was there, actually.” 

“ _Really_?” 

“I mean, I showed up a few days late, things went pear shaped for about seven days, and then I don’t know…” You threw up your hands in defeat. “We ended up hanging out in my transport, reading _War & Peace_.” 

Shiva stared at you. “That’s why you like him, isn’t it? You can bore each other with relics of the past that no one else cares about.” 

“It’s definitely part of the appeal.” Your cheeks burned as you picked up your polish and nearly knocked the rest of it back. “It’s the first time I’ve come across someone who had the same literary taste as me.” 

“I seem to recall _someone_ mooning over Alia because she had a copy of _Les Miserables_ on her desk.”

“Okay, that doesn’t count.” 

Shiva gave you a skeptical look. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

You waved Ke over for a polish refill. “I will admit that I appreciated Alia’s taste for decorating with historical texts, but I can assure you she didn’t read them. Ezra can quote everything he’s read.” 

“Aside from his literary tastes, what else are you enthralled with?”

You sank back against the booth, chewing on your bottom lip as you considered their question. “He was kind to me. I know, I know…” You held up a hand to stop Shiva from interrupting. “But it has been over two years since I ended things with Mars—“

“I recall that differently.”

“ _Enough_.” You snapped, glancing towards the bar as you watched Ke refill your tankard. “This is going to sound crazy, but… I was laying in Ezra’s bed, trying to sleep after he bandaged me up, and I just felt overwhelmed with a desire for him. He was so gentle, so kind, and that spoke to a part of me that _missed_ being with someone. It felt like an invisible string pulling me towards him. Ezra explained his own desires as a _primal_ need and I think it was the same for me.”

Shiva steepled their fingers and rested their chin on their knuckles. “ _Interesting._ ” 

“I know I sound crazy, okay? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to explain all of this to you without sounding like I’ve lost my mind.” 

“You’ve unfortunately failed at that,” Shiva shrugged. “But I don’t really think there’s anything I can do to stop you.”

“Nope.” You took your tankard from Ke with a thanks, before turning your attention back to Shiva. “I’m going to need your help too. I want to pull as much information on Lykaios before I go back.”

Shiva snapped their fingers, “You’re in luck. I’ve got our mutual friend digging into the planet’s history?”

“We know all the same people. Who?”

“It might be awkward.” They grimaced, “You know, Quinn’s always had a soft spot for you.”

You groaned dramatically and leaned forward to your face against your arms. “ _Shiva_!” 

“In my defense, you _did_ have him come find me when he got back to Ay-7.” Shiva shrugged. “We ended up having a long conversation about you.” 

“Great.” You grumbled, looking back at them. “What was said?”

“We discussed you and your _complicated_ D file friend,” Shiva nodded towards the datapad. “Quinn is connected to some of the old mining corporations that tried to colonize Arcadia years ago.”

“Do we know if there’s lunaxium on Arcadia?”

“Not that I know of, but Quinn might be able to dredge something up.” Shiva leaned against the table, “If things are going to be weird, I don’t mind running interference for you and Quinn.”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t need anyone running _interference_. Just don’t drag me to Ay-7 and abandon me and nothing untoward will have to happen.” 

As much as you hated the thought of dealing with Quinn, Shiva had a point about going to him for information. He had contacts with everyone and was cracked into most areas of the net that you wouldn’t be able to get into alone. 

If you wanted to figure out what the deal was with Lykaois — you were going to have to work with Quinn. 

* * *

Quinn showed up on the Block two days after your conversation with Shiva. He carried himself with all the swagger of someone who didn’t have to get his hands dirty like most of the program members who called the Block home. He’d done his time and maneuvered himself into a position that still required a bit of groveling to get _anywhere_. 

He was actually the reason you knew Shiva in the first place. He’d screwed you out of a haul, back when he was still running shipments in the program and Shiva had helped dig you out of the proverbial hole he’d made for you. 

It felt _wrong_ to have him aboard your transport, but you still didn’t trust Shiva not to ferry you away somewhere and you really didn’t want to go back to his ship. 

“Which one of us is going to talk first?” Quinn questioned as he looked between you and Shiva. “Because I would _really_ like to dive into the reasons why I’m here.”

“What did you find out about Arcadia?” You questioned, reclining back on your makeshift sofa comfortably. 

He snapped his fingers together and pointed at you, “You know, you should’ve told me what you’ve been _involved_ with. I don’t want to catch it.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

“Ah, but we don’t _know_ how it works.” Quinn levelled you with a look, “Imagine my surprise when I discover I’ve become a werewolf because I docked in the same port as one.” 

“You know what—“ Your hand started for your hip, but Shiva leaned back off the crate they were perched on and grabbed your wrist. “I’d set it to stun.”

“Play nice.” Shiva warned, before turning back to Quinn. “Less banter, more information.”

Quinn’s hands went to his hips, “Arcadia _does_ have trace amounts of lunaxium in core deposits that were recovered ten system cycles ago. I found a handful of reports about a man named Bernard Proctor who made frequent trips to both Arcadia and Lykaios.”

You sat up straighter, “That‘s a good sign. When did Bernard make his trips?”

“Based on my findings it seems that Mr. Proctor was not dissimilar from _you_. He seemed to rotate off world every fortnight.” 

Maybe this Bernard man _knew_ something about the curse, maybe he knew how to—

“I see those gears turning,” Quinn said solemnly. “Unfortunately, Bernard’s files list him as deceased. I haven’t found any other documented accounts of someone who made the same pattern of jumps out there.”

Your shoulders sank. “But at least that means I’m not the _first_ person to get caught up with someone on Lykaois. Ezra said there’s others there.” Your brows furrowed as your mind raced through the possibilities. “He could still be on Lykaois or Arcadia. Maybe he became—“

“He’s dead.” Quinn tucked his hands behind his back. “He had been misappropriating funds from one of the mining corporations to fuel his _ventures._ ” He gave you a suspicious look. “Don’t get caught up in a mess like that.” 

You held up your hands in defense, “I only cheat my fellow program members, I’m not messing with corp cash.” 

Quinn took a step towards you and Shiva, fixing you with a sympathetic look. “You know Shiv and I had a very long conversation about you and your werewolf boyfriend—“

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“What is he then?” 

You lowered your gaze to the floor. 

“ _Apparently_ , they just laid around and read _War & Peace_.” Shiva taunted. 

“I told you that in _confidence_!” You tossed the cushion at them.

Quinn grinned at you, “You mean to tell me the memory of me was just too good to tarnish with your werewolf boyfriend?”

“ _No_.” You gritted out. “What I ‘mean to tell you’ is that fucking you was a giant mistake.” You shot Shiva a look. “Run interference.”

They jumped to their feet, “What our friend is trying to tell you is… She’d rather jump out an unpressurised airlock than relive her bargain with you.” 

Quinn whistled, “Feeling like my window of opportunity is really narrowing here.” 

You glared at Quinn, folding your arms across your chest. “It’s _clamped_ shut. I actually care about Ezra — which I know is a _foreign_ concept to all three of us. I’ll own that.” 

Shiva glanced back at you with a slight nod, “You’ve definitely never put this much energy into someone that was _constructive.”_

You shot them a finger gun, “It took a werewolf bound to a moon halfway across the system for me to realize love doesn’t have to be destructive.” 

Quinn’s cocksure expression fell, “So you do love him?”

“It’s been three months — twenty-three days really.” You wrung your hands together nervously. “I don’t know, but I think so. _Maybe_.”

“You actually said his name in your sleep,” Quinn admitted, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “After everything, you were out like a light. But you grabbed at my hand and muttered something like, ‘don’t let go Ezra’.” 

You let out a shaky exhale, “Not unsurprising, actually. I dream about him almost every night — vivid dreams. Unlike anything I’ve ever dreamed before.”

“Hold that thought.” Quinn snatched up his duffel bag and grabbes out his datapad. “Bernard mentioned something about ingesting lunaxium and having side effects that included vivid lucid dreams.” 

You clambered off the sofa and stole the datapad out of his hand. You scanned over the detailed report about his research into lunaxium. “I didn’t ingest any.” You glanced up at Quinn. “But Ezra does. He says it helps keep the beast under control in between moons.” 

“But you said he came out.”

“Yeah,” Your cheeks were burning, but you kept your eyes fixed on the screen. “He could smell _you_ all over me and jealousy got the best of his control.”

Quinn took a giant step away from you, “I’ll try not to stink you up then.” 

You rolled your eyes, “Can you transfer these records onto my cloud? I’d like to share them with Ezra when I go back.” 

Shiva cleared their throat, “I would like to come up with a plan, in the event that you find yourself on Lykaois longer than expected. How long is too long and when should we come looking for you?”

“There’s no we.” Quinn clarified. “If the monster came out because of the smell of me, I’m not tempting fate.” He reached out and patted your head. “I like you, but I love being alive.”

You shoved his hand away, looking back at Shiva then. “I’m usually gone for a fortnight. If I’m gone longer, then something has likely happened. Do you really want to risk it?”

Shiva shrugged, “I was prepared to before. I’ll do it again if I have to.” 

“Thank you.”

“ _Anytime_.” They flashed you a tightlipped smile. You knew Shiva _hated_ what you were doing, but at least they were willing to support your stroke of madness. 

* * *

Quinn wasn’t able to dredge up much else, beyond the Proctor research. At least it was something you could take back to Ezra. 

Beyond that, you took a quick trip off the Block to track down an intersystem com upgrade for your transport and Ezra’s. 

You weren’t the best mechanic, but the Block engineers Veshta and Rin tried to oversimplify the install process for you so you could hook Ezra’s up when you went back. Hopefully he would know what he was doing — though, given the fact his transport was in need of some serious upgrades you weren’t holding your breath.

Shiva and Quinn helped you track down an engine mod kit that matched the transport Ezra had last been seen in. At any rate, he’d have an upgraded transport even if it was grounded on Lykaios. 

That would modify the engine’s converters to pump out enough exhaust to power the com upgrade without depleting any of the transport’s vital systems. 

At least that’s how they explained it to you. 

Tracking down the ship parts, warmer clothes for Ezra, and his requested parcel of licorice candies took up all of your days off world and before you knew it you were headed back to Lykaios with the begrudging blessing of Shiva and Quinn. 

* * *

Winter had taken its full hold on the moon — casting everything in an eerie white glow and several feet of snow. The heat from the transport melted out a ring around where you landed, but the path into the treeline was still snow laden. 

You weren’t expecting Ezra to show up on your first night back on Lykaois, but an hour after you settled into bed a loud knock on your transport door roused you from your sleep. 

You fished your datapad out from under your bed, checking the security camera before you padded barefoot down the corridor to let him in. 

“I wasn’t expecting you until—“

Ezra cut you off as he all but lunged at you, pinning you back against the wall as his mouth claimed yours in a desperate kiss. 

A moan rose up the back of your throat but the sound got lost against his lips. Your fingers curled around the back of his neck, playing through the soft hair there at the nape. 

He tugged at the hem of your pajama top, fingers slipping beneath to trail over your bare skin. Ezra nipped at your bottom lip, breathing raggedly as he drew back. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You told him, cupping his cheeks and lightly scratching your nails over his scruff. 

Ezra smirked at you as he peeled off your shirt, tossed it aside. He ran his hands up your back as he pressed you back against the wall again, offering a warm buffer between your skin and the chilled durasteel panel. 

“I didn’t want to go another night without you, little lamb.” He breathed out as he trailed his mouth down your throat. 

“Good.” You whispered as you reached down to work at the fastenings of his pants. His hand slid down your back to grab at your ass as you slipped your hand inside his pants to palm at his cock. 

Ezra groaned against the crook of your neck, his teeth scraping lightly over your skin. “ _Bed_. Now.” You wondered if you should’ve been ashamed with the hot spike of lust that ran through from there rough authoritative tone he took. 

You sank back against the wall as Ezra took a step back to meet your gaze. His pupils were blown with desire and the crooked grin that spread over his features told you he _knew_ exactly how that tone had affected you. 

There was no way to hide your desire from him. 

You reached out and took his hand into yours, before guiding him down the corridor towards your room. “If I had known you’d turn up tonight, I would’ve cleaned up.” 

The days spent away from him had been filled with activity and your room had taken the brunt of it. There was a pile of dirty clothes in one corner and your dresser had a stack of dirty dishes from your hastily eaten dinners. 

“You know I don’t mind, moonbeam.” Ezra drawled out, tugging you towards him so he could kiss you again. He brushed his knuckles over your cheek as he met your gaze. “I shouldn’t have let you slip out of my grasp before.”

You gave a soft yelp when Ezra swept you up into his arms with natural ease, clinging to his shoulders as he climbed into your bed with you. He kicked off his boots, causing them to land on the floor beside your bed with a resounding _thud_. 

“That was my _only_ complaint from last month.” You retorted, dragging your fingers through his hair and tugging lightly. 

Ezra hooked his fingers into the waistband of your sleep pants, working them off of you before doing the same with his own pants. 

He descended upon you again, his mouth hot against your throat as he returned to that same spot at the crook of your neck that he loved to nip at. 

Ezra sank back on his knees, pulling off his shirt and tossing it to the floor with the rest of the discarded clothes. 

You reached out and trailed your fingers over his lean stomach and chest as you sat up, leaning in to press a kiss to the hollow of his throat. “How do you want me?” You questioned, kissing along his jawline as your hand wandered downwards to languidly stroke his cock.

He groaned out your name as he caught ahold of your wrist and dragged your hand away from his cock. “Hands and knees.” He drawled out, rubbing his thumb over the center of your palm. 

“Say it again,” You told him, brushing your lips against his as you spoke. 

Ezra gave a short chuckle at that as he cupped your jaw and met your gaze, “I want you on your hands and knees, little lamb. _Now_.” That was the tone — the rough command that had heat fanning through your lower belly. 

You stole another kiss before positioning yourself on your hands and knees. Ezra draped himself over you, before pressing a line of kisses down your spine. He tugged your underwear down your hips and tossed them away haphazardly. 

“ _Fuck_.” Ezra drawled out as he stroked his thumb through the seam of your slick folds, “Look at you.” He murmured, “Do you like that when I tell you what to do?” 

“You know I do,” You hissed as your fingers curled around your sheets beneath you. You rocked back into his touch, your breath catching in the back of your throat as he pressed two fingers into you, his thumb sweeping over that little bundle of nerves. “Gods yes, that’s what I need.”

“Is that _all_ you need, little lamb?” Ezra questioned, curling his fingers and pressing them against that sweet spot within you. 

You groaned into your pillow, rolling your hips back towards him. “I want your cock.” You told him. 

And he wasn’t going to make you wait. 

Ezra abruptly pulled his fingers out of you, leaving you _aching_ to be filled. But that hollow sensation was quickly replaced with the thick length of his cock sinking into you. 

He draped himself over you, his hands gripping tightly at your hips as he leaned down to brush his lips over the back of your neck. 

You rolled your hips back to meet his thrusts, reaching back to curl your hand around his where he was clutch at you. “ _Ezra_ —“

“That’s it, moonbeam.” He urged, his hips snapping into yours. Your name slipped from his lips, his breath hot against your shoulder as his mouth lingered there. 

“You feel like heaven,” Ezra murmured, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh of your hips as he held fast to you. 

You turned your cheek against the pillow, looking back at him as you let out a needy moan. Your fingers tightened around his hand, your heart beating faster as he interlaced his fingers with yours. 

“Come on Ezra,” You hissed out, taking advantage of that sharp contrast between the way he intertwined his fingers with yours, while driving his hips into you. “Show me I’m _yours_.” 

That was the magic trigger. 

Ezra released his hold on your hip, his fingers curling around your throat, trailing down to rest at your collarbone as he pulled your back flush to his chest. 

He didn’t let go of your hand as he released his grip at your hip, his hand skimming over your stomach, pressing your palm to your skin as his hand rested over yours. 

The pace of his hips was brutal and it was everything you had _wanted_. As much as you appreciated the way he’d held you in his arms before, you had desperately needed _this_. 

Ezra growled against the crook of your neck, his teeth scraping over your skin as he spoke, “Is this what you wanted, little lamb? Did you want to feel me splitting your open?” 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as his hand loosely curled around your neck once more. “ _Yes_.” 

It was a _primal_ need. That was how Ezra had explained it before and it matched the feeling you felt burning through you. 

With your free hand you reached behind you and played your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m so close.” You told him, your eyes flickering closed as you sank back against him. 

There was so much power in his movements. All you could do was cling to him as he drove into you and pushed you over the edge. You shattered on his cock, crying out unintelligible words as you clenched around him. 

Ezra guided you forward again, keeping his hand curled around your throat to hold you steady as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. It took another dozen thrusts before you felt him stiffen behind you, his own release washing through him. 

He didn’t relent as he pumped into you, his seed spilling out as he came apart with his length buried within you. 

“So _fucking_ good, my sweet little lamb.” Ezra murmured, peppering your neck with kisses as he untangled your fingers and skimmed his hand over your stomach. 

You let him manhandle you, too blissed out to even care what he did with you in the moment. He kept his softening cock pressed within you as he maneuvered both of you onto your sides so he wasn’t trapping you beneath him. 

“You’re going to be bruised tomorrow,” He whispered, brushing your hair away as he stroked his hand down your side. 

“Worth it.” You gave him a thumbs up, tucking your arm beneath your head. “So much better than my dreams.”

Ezra nuzzled at the crook of your neck as he wound his arm around you. “I don’t want to let go of you.” He told you, running his hand down the top of your thigh. 

“I want you to stay right here.” You told him, wiggling your hips back against him. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He promised and he finally relaxed into the mattress behind you. 

* * *

Ezra kept his eyes fixed to your face, watching as you popped a berry into your mouth. 

“What’s that look for?” You questioned, licking a bit of berry juice off your thumb. “I told you I would share.” You plucked up the bowl and held it out between the two of you. 

He kept his eyes on yours as he reached out and picked one out of the dish. “I have questions for you, little lamb, but I’m trying to find a way to ask without giving the wrong impression.”

You arched a brow at him as you stretched your leg out beneath the blanket, tapping your toes against his hip. “Well, you’re giving me the wrong impression right now. Out with it.” 

Ezra turned his attention to the berry he’d taken from you, examining it with rapt attention before editing it. “Am I right to assume that you had _company_ whilst you were back on the Block?”

“ _Right_.” You reached out and caught his hand. “You caught me off guard by showing up last night.” When you had planned for him to show up in the morning, you’d had a whole spiel prepared. 

He gave you an expectant look. 

“Without my knowledge, Shiva convinced Quinn to help them dig up information about this.” You gestured between the two of you. “He actually ended up being _very_ helpful. I have so much to show you. A lot of dead ends — _literally_ — but more than we knew before.” 

Ezra’s jaw was still clenched tight as he stared at you. “I know I shouldn’t worry about what transpires when we’re apart, moonbeam, but I can’t change the way I feel.” His fingers curled tightly around yours as he ran his thumb over the back of your hand. 

You lifted his hand to your lips and kissed each knuckle. “I made it _clear_ to Quinn that _you_ are my… werewolf boyfriend.” You grumbled. “As juvenile as that sounds.”

Ezra smirked, “ _Werewolf boyfriend_?”

“That’s what they kept calling you.” Your cheeks were burning hot, you could feel the heat all the way from your chest to your hairline. “I know it’s not like _that_ , it’s just easier to just accept their teasing.”

“How much do they know?” 

“Everything.” You made a face. “Within reason… _well_.” You squeezed his hand. “ _Everything_.” 

“And what do they think?”

“Definitely that I’m crazy,” You laughed. “But they both helped me track down a few surprises for you.” You leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose, “So eat the berries and quit sulking. I have things to show you.”

Ezra wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his lap, the blanket getting bunched up between you. “But can those surprises top you, moonbeam?”

You curled your hand around the back of his neck as you leaned in to kiss him. “I don’t know. I _did_ find your licorice.” 

“Did _you_ find it?”

“Kevva preserve me.” You rolled your eyes, tugging at his hair as you pressed your forehead against his. “I found them for you. Among a few other gifts.” 

Ezra ran his hand up your back, “What else did you bring me?” 

You grinned back at him, “Hopefully a way for the two of us to keep in contact when I’m back on the Block.” You brushed your nose against his. “Maybe that will sate your _jealous_ streak.” 

“I’m not jealous.” Ezra insisted, but his eyes told another story. You knew it was hard to say goodbye every time you had to leave. You had an entire life that he would never be part of. No matter how badly either of you wanted him to be there. 


	6. Opposition of the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (blowjob) and mild angst 

“I recognize this name,” Ezra announced as he thrust the datapad back in your direction. “Proctor. There’s a young woman with the... the pack.” Ezra scratched at his jaw as he stared at you. “She’s one of the younger ones.”

Your brows furrowed as you stared at the datapad, “He would’ve been here for the first time perhaps sixteen years ago?” 

Ezra hummed, “She looks about sixteen.” 

“So this Proctor might have a child here?” You questioned, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Is she like you?”

He tilted his head, “Yes.” Ezra’s eyes flickered from your face to your stomach and you felt it roil with nerves in response. 

“I have the stim.” You reminded him, touching the slightly raised spot on your arm. “We are still two years out before its due for replacement.”

Ezra worked his jaw slowly, “I hadn’t even considered the possibility. I assumed the curse would make it an incompatible match.” He let out an exhausted sigh. “And he’s dead?”

“Quinn was able to track down some information from the mining corp.” You explained, giving Ezra a sideways look as he slid his arm around your back, grabbing tightly at your hip in response to Quinn’s name being mentioned. “It appears that Proctor was part of a venture to study the resource potential of Lykaois and Arcadia. But he failed to comply with his contract and used the corp money to fund his…” Your brows furrowed. “I guess, to come see his child.” 

Ezra pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared at the datapad in your hands. “Did they _terminate_ his contract?”

You nodded. “Quinn loaded in his death certificate.” You swept through the files on the datapad, “Failure to comply.” You read, zooming in on the image of the certificate. 

His hand tightened at your hip, “My heart breaks for them. When Proctor left, I’m certain that they believed he would return, just as he had for cycles before. Not knowing if _you_ were safe...” Ezra sighed heavily through his nose. “That’s such a long time to have someone in your life… But such a short time given the constraints here.”

You reached down to curl your hand around his at your hip. “Some people are willing to do anything for the people they care about.” 

Ezra turned and pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there. “What else did your _friend_ Quinn find for us?”

“So jealous,” You nudged him in the ribs, reaching up to ruffle your fingers through his hair. “And for the record, I don’t know if I told you this before…” You met his gaze. “I dropped out of the program. I know — _I know_.” 

“It will take you _three_ years to reapply.” Ezra said flatly. “And even then, you’ll be at the bottom of the ladder.”

You shrugged. “It seemed worth it.”

“I’m glad you’re not beholden to their coin, but what will you do if something happens, little lamb?”

“Make do.”

He shook his head slowly. “When?”

“After my second trip here.” You admitted, looking down at the datapad. “I think that decision was part of the reason Shiva thought I had lost my mind. I had just entered the second tier — but it didn’t really matter after Lykaois.” You smiled to yourself. “After you.”

Ezra rested his chin on your shoulder, his warm breath dancing against your neck. “I believe that’s a special kind of madness, little lamb.”

You hummed, before laughing softly. “It _is_.” You swept your thumb over the screen. “How often do you use the lunaxium?”

“It depends.” He tapped his thumb against your hip. “I use a decent quantity of it — crushed — following the full moon. It helps calm the unease.”

“Allegedly, Arcadia has traces of lunaxium deposits. Perhaps you could travel off world to Arcadia.”

You could feel Ezra’s eyes on you. 

“Arcadia has an ocean. Did you know that?”

“Don’t tempt me, cruel mistress.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Now that we know the beast won’t maul me to death—“

“It was one time—“

“— we should try visiting Arcadia.”

Ezra grumbled, brushing his lips against the crook of your neck. “I would not sacrifice you for the sea.”

“I’ll continue my research when I go back to the Block.”

* * *

“Ezra,” You whispered as you nuzzled your nose against a spot just beneath his ear, your lips brushing against his skin. “Let me take care of you.” 

He let out a shaky breath, tilting his face towards you, “You don’t have to, little lamb.” Ezra drawled out, brushing his knuckles against your cheek.

You closed the distance between your faces with a kiss, shifting a little closer to him as you trace your fingers down his chest.

There’s a greedy man beneath this careful façade he’s erected. He tries to come off as unphased, he cloaks his own desires and focuses on yours, and he _tries_ to maintain control. But you’ve seen him slip.

You cupped his cheek, stroking your thumb over his scar, as you drew back with an impish grin. “I _want_ your cock in my mouth.” 

Ezra groaned, surging forward to kiss you again. His tongue invaded your mouth, sweeping over the roof of your mouth. You slid your fingers into his hair, tugging at the strands as they slid between your fingers. 

“ _Please_ ,” You breathed out as you broke away from the kiss, pressing open mouthed kisses down his throat. “You’ve taken such good care of me.” You kissed the hollow of his throat, pressing your palms to his chest to roll him over onto his back. 

His jaw went to slack as he stared up at you, his hands encircling your hips as you moved to straddle him. “You can do whatever you want with me, moonbeam. I am at your mercy.” 

“I plan to take full advantage.” You grinned, taking his hands off your hips and interlacing your fingers with them as you leaned forward and pinned them to the bed above his head. 

Ezra tilted his head to gaze at your breasts, a crooked smirk forming at his lips. “I must admit, I am rather fond of this view.” 

You laughed softly, giving his hands a squeeze as you stayed in that position, “And what view is that?” You questioned. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat as his mouth brushed over the swell of your breast, his artful tongue sweeping over your taut nipple. 

“An hundred years should go to praise thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze. Two hundred to adore each breast, but thirty thousand to the rest.” Ezra drawled out, his breath warm against your skin as he trailed his mouth over the valley of your breasts. 

“Marvell?”

Ezra hummed the affirmative against your throat, squeezing your hands back in return. “For, lady, you deserve this state, nor would I love at lower rate.” 

You released your hold on his hands, pressing your hand to the mattress beside his shoulder as you pushed yourself down his body. 

He was _just_ quoting a line of poetry and yet, your heart was pounding in your chest. _Love_. Quinn had asked you if you loved him. Shiva had asked too. 

Did _he_ love you? Or was it just a beautiful line of poetry that suited the moment?

Instead of dwelling on it, you focused your attention on kissing a line down his chest, nipping at the soft flesh of his stomach beside his belly button. 

Ezra’s fingers rested at the back of your head. A groan escaped him as you kissed lower, your thumbs dragging over the lines of his hip bones. 

You settled yourself between his legs, running your hands along his inner thighs as you looked up at him. “You have no idea how _badly_ I’ve wanted to do this.” You told him, loosely curling your fingers around his length. 

He jerked beneath your touch, his stomach muscles clenching as his eyes focused on your face. “Are you going to show me how badly you’ve wanted my cock in your mouth, little lamb?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you held his gaze. “You _know_ I am.” You murmured, trailing your lips down the length of his cock, your tongue sweeping out over the soft skin of his sac. 

You watched his expression as you dragged your hand over the length of his cock, your thumb sweeping over the bead of moisture that had formed at the tip. “ _Ezra_ ,” You whispered, catching his eyes as you made a show of licking your thumb.

He groaned out your name. 

You smirked as you curled your fingers around the base of his cock and swept your tongue up the length of his erection. 

Ezra took such good care of _your_ needs. You had lost count of the number of times he’d buried his face between your thighs or had awoken you with wandering touches. 

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, teasing the tip of your tongue over the head. 

His hips bucked upwards and he muttered a weak apology seconds after, his fingers grasping at the sheets beneath him. 

You moaned as you took the length of his cock into your mouth, taking him in until he hit the back of your throat. You pulled back until just the tip was between your lips, looking up at him through your lashes. 

His hand grabbed at your shoulder, his fingers fanning out over your back as you descended back onto his cock. His hips bucked upwards again, driving the length of his cock into your mouth. 

“ _Shit_.” He hissed out, his voice hoarse as he spoke, “Moonbeam, let me _fuck_ you. I know you’re ready for me.” 

You pressed your palm against his lower stomach, keeping him right where you wanted him as you pulled off his cock, a strand of spit connecting your mouth to him. You met his eyes as you ran your tongue over your bottom lip. “Not until you come for me.”

Ezra swore under his breath, his head falling back against the pillow as he stared up at the ceiling above him. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He admitted, stroking his fingers down the back of your neck. 

“I’m not worried about that.” You assured him, curling your hands around his hips to keep him steady. It was only an allusion of control, Ezra was unnaturally strong and your grip wouldn’t control him. 

Rather than waiting for another weak protest from him, you parted your lips and took him into your mouth again, swirling your tongue around him. You found a rhythm as you started to bob your head, hollowing your cheeks to create just the right amount of pressure. 

Ezra slid his hand down to grab at your hand, groaning out your name again. “My sweet, little lamb—“ His voice cracked. 

You looked upwards, watching the pleasure wash over his face as he reached his peak. He squeezed your hand tight, his hips rocking upwards as you worked your lips over his length still.

A soft moan rose up the back of your throat as you swallowed every last drop of him, holding his gaze as you slowly drew back. You smirked at him as you swept your tongue over the head of his cock. 

“Come here.” Ezra mumbled, tugging at your hand. 

You crawled up the length of his body, straddling his stomach as you leaned over him. “Did you want something?”

Ezra ran his hands down your sides, grinning up at you, “You look like the cat that ate the canary, moonbeam.” He drawled out. 

“Are _you_ a canary?” You questioned, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“ _Perhaps_.” He whispered, drawing you in for a needy kiss, his tongue sliding over your bottom lip. 

You drew back, brushing your fingers down his cheek as you met his gaze. “ _Ezra_.” You wondered if he could feel how rapidly your heart was beating. 

“What is it?” 

“My favorite Marvell…” You couldn’t believe _this_ was how you were going to tell him. “It ends with, _is the conjunction of the mind and opposition of the stars_.”

Ezra blinked slowly, his brow furrowing as he studied you. “The Definition of Love?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded, “I know it’s so soon… but I feel—“

“I feel it too, moonbeam.” Ezra cupped your jaw and drew you back in for another kiss. “I feel it too.” 

* * *

“I’m afraid to admit that I make for a poor attempt at a mechanic.” Ezra remarked as he wiped his grease covered fingers onto his well-worn fatigues. 

“Me too.” You wrinkled your nose as rested your hand on his shoulder and peered down at his work. “I’m going to go check on the external wiring.” You told him, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Try not to set anything on fire while I’m gone.” 

“It was _one_ spark,” He retorted, catching ahold of your hand before you could slip away. He rubbed his thumb over your palm. “I’m looking forward to setting this up.”

“I can’t wait to talk to you when we’re apart.” You smiled at him, before pulling free of his grip. You grabbed his jacket off the hook on the wall, bundling yourself up before venturing out into the snowy tundra. 

The wind was blistering cold as it whipped across your cheeks and you weren’t looking forward to the trek back to your own transport. 

You knocked your knuckles against the hull of the vessel as you crouched down to slide under to access the communications antenna. It was outdated, just like you assumed it would be — but not too outdated to serve its purpose. 

“Green to yellow.” You reminded yourself, fishing the transponder mod out of your pants pocket. “Yellow to Orange.” You flipped a toggle, releasing the wiring from the panel so you could slot the mod in to boost the output. It wasn’t a perfect patch — but it would work. 

You pried the wires out, fingers shaking from the cold as you rerouted the power to the appropriate inputs. 

The sound of snow crunching underfoot made you jump a little, but it didn’t deter you from your work. “Don’t distract me.” You hissed out, brows furrowed as the wire slipped out of the port. “You have a steady hand—“ You glanced back and frowned when you didn’t see anyone standing where you thought Ezra would be. 

_Weird_.

You turned your attention back to the dangling set of wires, fishing out a blade from your pocket to peel back the protective covering on the wire. 

Something cracked behind you, causing you to jerk and jab the tip of the blade into the center of your palm. 

You swore loudly, flipping the knife closed and pocketing it as you watched red blood drip into the brilliant white snow beneath you. It was a shallow cut, but it hurt like a bitch. 

A gust of wind blew harshly through the clearing, causing loose snow to whip up off the ground as you turned towards the snow. The snow spun upwards, momentarily blinding you as you squinted into the wind’s path. 

Your heart skipped a beat as you spotted a figure looming at the treeline. Cautiously, you started inching towards the front of the transport — trying not to draw attention to you.

All you had to do was get inside and shut the door. Ezra wouldn’t let anything happen to you. 

You crept around the side of the vessel, freezing in place as your eyes fell to a fearsome looking wolf crouching near the door. It snarled, teeth bared but it didn’t growl at you. 

You took a step backwards, tensing as you felt a presence standing behind you. The hairs at the back of your neck stood on end as you turned around and came face-to-face with a towering stranger.

Your lips parted, prepared to scream, but the man reached out and clamped his hand over your mouth. 

You grabbed at his wrist, trying in vain to pull his hand away — but the sweet scent of his gloved hand quickly lulled you unconscious. 


	7. Heart Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter probably contains some of my best writing in the past ten years. I’m so pleased with what I’ve done and I can’t wait to see people’s reactions. Also, I’m very nervous. 

At least you weren’t cold. That was the _only_ upside to your current predicament. 

Every time you tried to open your eyes, your vision blurred, which in turn made your stomach lurch. You were laying on something soft, you recognized the soft brush of fur beneath your cheek — but it was clear that whatever you were laying on was stretched out on the ground.

Your vision might’ve decided to betray you, but your nose hadn’t abandoned you yet. That sweet scent still lingered, but it was quickly being replaced by a warm earthy scent and something _dank_. 

“I think she’s awake.” Someone murmured, but you couldn’t place where they were in relation to you. 

“Her heart’s beating faster.” 

You flinched, trying to recoil away from the voices, thought it quickly became apparent that your hands and legs were bound. 

Now that you could compare the side effects of being stunned _and_ drugged — you had to say, both were shit. At least you weren’t vomiting. _Yet._

A gentle hand caught your arm and guided you into a seated position, “Drink this.” 

“Who are—“ Your voice cracked harshly. 

“ _Drink_.” The woman insisted, pressing something warm to your lips. 

You did as she said, taking a sip of the honey-sweet liquid, relishing the warmth of it as it slid down your throat. Your stomach grumbled weakly and you wondered just how long you had been held captive. 

“She doesn’t belong here.” Said a rough voice, that made your insides twist into knots. There was something about the gravel in his voice that set off every red flag in your mind. 

“Let her be.” Snapped the woman who was softly petting your head. “It can be disorienting at first.”

Your blood ran cold, “What can be…” It was too much effort to finish the sentence. 

“ _Calm_.” The woman ordered you and you stilled in response to her words. “You were given a dose of Nyctian.”

“I don’t—“

“It is a draught that temporarily suspends the animation of mortals.” 

“What?”

The gruff voice cut in, “You died. Now you’ve come back to life, seeing as the draught wore off.”

You tried to open your eyes again, but your vision went out of focus as soon you tried to look at the woman beside you. “Where’s… where is he?”

“I told you, she _reeks_ of that halfbreed mutt.” 

“Dio, would you please give me a moment alone with our guest?” 

“ _Guest_.” You repeated with a bite of skepticism, twisting your arms in the binding that held them together. 

“Take another sip,” The woman told you, pressing the warm cup to your lips again. 

You drank the liquid down. It didn’t matter what it was, at least it eased your parched throat. “Where’s Ezra?”

“Ezra is _exactly_ where you left him.” The woman told you, smoothing a hand down your back. “You need to rest while it works out of your system.” 

“Who are you?” You questioned, cracking one eye open and hoping the world wouldn’t spin then. But it did. 

“Callisto.” She answered, taking the cup away from your lips. “Dio and I have been here for a _long_ time, so please forgive him. He’s forgotten his manners.” 

You grimaced as she helped you back onto the fur beneath you. The way your arms were bound was _not_ a comfortable position to be in. “Why did you do this to me?”

Callisto sighed dramatically, “We are the Guardians of Lycaon.” 

That didn’t make any sense to you, “Cool.” 

A brisk laugh escaped her, “It doesn’t _truly_ matter, little mortal. You won’t remember any of this once you’re gone.” 

You felt like a broken record system, “ _What_?”

She delicately brushed her fingers down your cheek and along your neck, until she paused at the crook of your neck. “Just relax.” She whispered as she applied just enough pressure to the spot to make everything fade into an unnatural warmth. 

* * *

Wasn’t there snow on the ground before? You stared down at your bare feet, the dark soil was soft beneath your toes. 

The colours of the forest around you burst to life like a kaleidoscope. Leaves shimmering as they fell around you — dancing through the wind like they’d been brought to life. 

This wasn’t _real_. 

But you had been here before, hadn’t you? Standing in this patch of forest, living in this moment. 

Your shadow grew long in front of you, morphing into a tremendous beast that rose up from the ground and loomed over you. The monster snarled, blood red drool spilling from its lips. 

“You aren’t real.” You breathed out, stumbling backwards away from the beast. Your foot caught on a root and you fell backwards into a steel trap that snapped closed around you. 

The ground beneath the trap fell away, sending you careening into an inky black pit of darkness. You fell for what felt like an eternity, before arms wrapped around you and pulled you back into the light. 

You cried out a name that felt foreign on your lips. 

What was it? You could hear the sound, but the letters morphed together to create a foreign noise. 

The blinding light faded into a rainfall of flickering stars cascading down around you. They were cool to the touch as you opened your hands to catch them. 

You had a cut on your palm. How did you get a cut on your palm? 

A star landed in the center of your hand, resting against the marred skin. It reminded you of a touch. Like someone’s thumb rubbing over your heart line—

_Ezra._

That was the name you couldn’t remember. 

You brought the fading star to your lips and swallowed it — feeling it’s light as it slid down your throat. It tasted like light and you could feel its warmth in your stomach.

Hadn’t you felt that sensation before? Like something pulling at you from your belly button?

“ _Moonbeam_?” 

The light faded around you as you tumbled through fresh darkness. You were in the forest again, sticks biting into the soles of your feet as you stumbled. 

Something was growling behind you, urging you to keep moving forward. But no matter how quickly you ran, the beast at your rear grew nearer. 

It was pointless to keep running. 

You halted, turning towards your unseen pursuant. You were ready to face your fate. Why delay your inevitable death? 

The monster barreled into you, sending you crashing backwards onto the snow covered ground. Your head snapped back against something, causing light to burst behind your eyes. 

You were cold? Why were you so _cold_? 

Your teeth chattered as you stared upwards at the grey sky above you. Your breath came out like smoke, hanging in the air in front of your trembling lips. 

Where were y— 

_No._

Where was Ezra? 

Why couldn’t you remember his face? 

What colour were his eyes? 

A howl broke through the quiet. 

“ _Help_.” You croaked out, but your words hung in the air like your breath. You couldn’t move. Your limbs felt like they were weighed down by an unseen force. 

From the corner of your eye you could see your hand and the crimson stained snow beneath it. The cut hadn’t seemed that deep, but you couldn’t remember _how_ you had cut it? 

It wasn’t snowing when you came. Was it? 

A shiver of fear raced down your spine as you caught sight of a creature approaching you. Had you seen it before? In a dream. You had seen it in a dream—

The beast moved towards you cautiously, like it was more afraid of you than you were afraid of it. 

It sniffed at your bleeding hand, it’s breath warm against your icy skin. 

“I won’t hurt you.” You whispered, flexing your fingers weakly, fingertips brushing against the beasts muzzle. 

It growled softly, licking at your fingers as it drew closer to you. It didn’t seem like it planned to eat you, unless it was tasting you. 

You would have never imagined that such a fearsome beast could have the kindest brown eyes. 

_Ezra_. 

The beast sniffed at your face, it’s warm breath tickling your frosty cheeks. It crouched low, moving to cover your body with its own. 

“Are you trying to warm me up?” You questioned, trying to flex your fingers again as the beast plopped down atop you. 

A soft whimper escaped the beast as it settled its weight over you. Your body leeched off it’s warmth, even as the melting snow soaked through your clothes. 

How had you not realized how bone-chillingly cold you were? 

The beast whined before licking at your face. It reminded you of soft fingers stroking of your cheeks. Like the quiet moments shared with a lover. 

You managed to lift your hand and sink your fingers into the monster’s silken soft fur. 

Hadn’t you cut your hand before? You could vaguely remember the sharp edge of durasteel digging into your skin as you fell—

Why couldn’t you remember? Why was everything just out of reach? 

The beast’s tongue swept down the column of your throat, brushing over a spot on your neck that made your body seize. 

_You won’t remember any of this once you’re gone._

But you could?

You clenched your eyes closed as your temples throbbed, pain radiating through every nerve in your body. The pain caused your vision to swim and— 

* * *

This wasn’t your transport. 

Your brows knit together as you lifted your head, your eyes flickering around the unfamiliar quarters. 

Had someone found you freezing to death in the snow and taken pity on you? 

You reached down to pull off the blanket that was draped over you, taking account of your limbs. None of them appeared to be suffering from frostbite. Your toes and fingers appeared to function without issue. 

You still didn’t understand how you had ended up out in the forest, buried in the snow. The last thing you remembered was… Why couldn’t you _remember_? Every time you tried to think about anything — everything went fuzzy at the edges. 

The room seemed familiar, but most transports looked the same. You scanned the room curiously, your eyes lighting upon a stack of books. At least whoever had absconded with you had good taste. 

_Absconded_. 

Hadn’t you been rescued? But from what?

Slowly you swung your legs over the side of the bed, pressing your bare feet to the cool metal floor beneath you. 

You needed to find whoever it was that had rescued you. Find your shoes and leave. This place was — wherever you were — was _strange_. 

You started for the door, but you paused as a familiar book caught your attention on the stack of books. 

“That looks just like…” You reached out and traced your fingers over the spine of Mary Shelley’s _Frankenstein_ , before plucking it from the stack. “It’s identical.” You frowned and flipped open to the first page. 

> _Ezra,_
> 
> _How dare you try to return me._
> 
> _I told you that as long as you keep my Mary, I will always return your Percy to his beloved wife._
> 
> _Yours,  
> _ _Moonbeam_

You frowned as you stared at the page. It was _your_ handwriting. You could recognise it anywhere and yet, the memory of inscribing it felt like a distant foggy dream. 

Ezra. That name sounded so familiar. 

You traded _Frankenstein_ for the copy of _War & Peace _on the stack. You flipped open to the middle, your heart beating faster as you spotted your handwriting yet again. You had made a cheeky note about _la petite mort_ onthe passage of Prince Andrew’s death. 

The passage was underlined—

> " _Yes, it was death! I died— and woke up. Yes, death is an awakening!" And all at once it grew light in his soul and the veil that had till then concealed the unknown was lifted from his spiritual vision. He felt as if powers till then confined within him had been liberated, and that strange lightness did not again leave him._

You had died. But death wasn’t an awakening. You felt like you had fallen into a deep slumber and forgotten everything you loved. 

You had died?

You slammed the book closed and sat it on the shelf. This had to be a dream. How could this random transport have _your_ books on it? Your notes? 

You glanced back at the bed you had been laying on, brows furrowing as a faint memory returned to you… you had been resting in someone’s arms staring at that same stack of books. 

You couldn’t see his face. 

You turned away and reached for the switch to open the door. You had to get out of there. You had to _leave_. 

The door swept open and you froze dead in your tracks. On the other side of the door stood a lumbering beast with its eyes trained on you. 

The beast from the forest hadn’t been a dream. 

You took a step backwards, holding your hands up in defense and defeat as the beast moved towards you. 

He lowered his head so he was level with your gaze, letting out a rumbling growl that didn’t seem hostile. The beast herded you back into the quarters, walking on its rear legs, but occasionally planting a hand on the ground to keep itself hunched over for you. 

“Please don’t hurt me.” You whispered, holding your hand out to the beast like it was a dog. That was what you were supposed to do, wasn’t it? Let it sniff you? 

The beast lowered its snout into your hand, huffing quietly. It took another step towards you, ducking its head down to bump its forehead into your abdomen. 

You hesitantly reached down and stroked your fingers through its hair, instinctively scratching at a spot by its ear. “You’re… you’re Ezra aren’t you?” 

The beast’s ears twitched and it lifted its gaze to yours, a rumbling sound rising from its throat. 

“Did you save me?”

It leaned towards you and swept its tongue over your cheek, nuzzling at your face. 

“You’re not playing with your food, are you?” You questioned and the beast shook its head, before nuzzling at your stomach again. It used that gesture to urge you back onto the bed. “What do you want?”

It growled softly, plopping down awkwardly on the floor beside you. He reached out and rested a massive hand-like paw on your leg,

“I don’t know what you want.” You told him, staring into his kind brown eyes. They seemed so familiar, but you couldn’t place the face you knew them from. 

The beast nuzzled at your injured hand, pawing at your leg desperately. “I’m sorry, buddy I don’t know what you want.” You told him. “But I would like to go home, so you’re going to have to let me leave.”

The beast whimpered and pawed at your leg again. 

You reached out and moved aside his chestnut colored hair to reveal a tuft of golden hair that made your heart clench. 

“I don’t remember.” You told him, stroking your fingers down his muzzle. “The last thing I remember is… Why can’t I remember?” 

The beast nudged his nose against your jaw, a low rumbling sound rising up the back of his throat, before he whined softly like he was disappointed. 

“Me too.” You sighed, offering a faint smile as the beast sat back and stared at you. “What is it?”

The beast lowered his head sadly, letting out a plaintive sound as he nudged at your leg. 

He rose back up, keeping himself hunkered down to seem less imposing as he started for the door. The beast waited for you to stand up, before he started down the corridor of the transport. 

Down the hallway you found your discarded boots and torn jacket laying on the floor by the entrance of the transport.

The beast watched you patiently as you pulled on your shoes and tugged your jacket back into place. You never would have imagined that such a dangerous looking creature could look _sad_ and yet he did. 

“Do you have a name?” You questioned, leaning down to fix your bootlace. “Wait, don’t I know your name?” 

He cocked his head to the side and whined. 

“I’m sorry.” You offered. “I must’ve hit my head or drank somethi—“ You stopped short. It almost felt like you could remember something that you didn’t remember. 

The beast used its massive hand to open the entrance, waiting for it to sweep open before lumbering down the metal stairway. 

You stepped outside, curling your hand around the durasteel railing and freezing as your injured palm came in contact with the icy cold surface. 

“ _Fuck_.” You swore, clenching your palm closed and cradling it against your chest. 

The beast stared at you, head cocked to the side as you lingered on the stairwell. 

You glanced towards the side of the transport, your brows furrowing together as you caught a glimpse of a memory. You were working on some kind of wiring. 

You took the stairs two at a time and walked around the side of the transport. A panel was hanging open — wires dangling loose. 

“Green to yellow. Yellow to Orange.” You muttered to yourself. 

The beast growled gently, moving towards you and crouching down to paw at the snow. 

You watched as he swept away a layer of snow, revealing a crimson stain just below the wires. You stared at it for a quiet moment, before reaching to your pants pocket and fishing out a small knife. 

You flipped it over, rubbing your thumb over the name etched into the handle. _Ezra_. 

“This is home… isn’t it?” You questioned, swallowing thickly as you tried to focus on that name. It wasn’t so easy to forget something that was right there in front of you. 

You looked towards the beast then, “I… I love you, don’t I?” 

The beast’s ears twitched as it jerked its head in an affirmative. 

“I love… _Ezra_.” 

It came back to you slowly. Winning the assignment from Shiva, coming to Lykaois, meeting Ezra… falling in love with Ezra. His voice didn’t seem like an unspoken whisper now — you could remember, clearly, his warm drawl as he read lines of poetry to you that he had memorized by heart. 

But then there was the confusion — being whisked away by the _guardians._ Being forced to forget. 

You couldn’t just _forget_ him. 

“We need to get back inside.” You told the beast… You told Ezra. Turning on your heels and heading back for the stairwell.

This was where the wolf had cut you off. Where the man — _Dio_ — had killed you. 

You turned, your heart beating faster as you watched the beast shed its fur, pitched forward onto all fours as Ezra returned to you, just like his memory had. 

“I remember.” You whispered as you moved towards him, shedding off your useless jacket in a well intentioned attempt to shield his nakedness from the cold winter air. 

Ezra grabbed desperately at your hand, his voice marred with the pain of the transformation. “I thought… I thought I lost you, moonbeam.” 

“So did I.” You smiled at him, pressing your lips to the back of his hand. 


	8. Astraea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut (sweet sweet reunion smut), mild angst  
> Notes: There has been so many allusions in the past chapter and this one, that I’m so curious to know if anyone has started to pick up on my plans. 

“Moonbeam,” Ezra curled his arm around your waist, nuzzling at the flat of your shoulder. “Do you still remember who I am?”

You ran your fingers over the back of his hand, “ _Yes_. I still remember who you are.” You nodded your head slowly. “Things are still grainy, but I remember _you_. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it all back.”

“How are you feeling?” He questioned softly, kissing the back of your neck. 

You rubbed your fingers over the center of your forehead, before wiping at your eyes. “Exhausted.” 

You didn’t really know _how_ to explain _how_ you felt. It was like someone had reached into your mind and plucked out each memory from your time with Ezra, only to shove them back into your mind entirely out of place. 

Ezra smiled at you warmly as you rolled over to face him. “You should sleep.” He whispered, brushing his fingers over your cheek. “I can go read somewhere else, give you sp—“

“ _No_.” You curled your fingers around his hand, interlacing your fingers with his as you brought them to your lips. “I want you to stay right here.”

“Alright,” He murmured, leaning towards you to press a kiss to your forehead. He lingered there, tilting his head to rest his forehead against yours. “We need to talk about what’s going to happen.”

You shook your head, curling your fingers around his jaw as you brushed your lips against his. “I’m not leaving. I know it isn’t safe… the full moon, but…” You tried to keep your emotions in check. “I’m afraid if I leave, I won’t… _remember_. And I can’t—.” 

Ezra wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest. He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. “I’ll keep you safe.”

You gripped at the fabric of his shirt as you curled your arms around him and clung to him. “Ezra—“

“ _Shh_.” He murmured, kissing your neck gently. 

“I died. I was dead.” You shook your head as you tried to reach for those memories. “I couldn’t see them and I can’t… They’re just out of reach.” You pulled back and touched your fingers to your lips. “They gave me something. It tasted like honey and it made me forget.” 

“Why do you think you died?” 

“Because they said I died and… I feel _different_.” 

Ezra ran his hand down your spine, his brows furrowed as he stared at you. “You said before that you had a dream. Can you remember it?”

You shook your head.

He brushed his nose against yours, “You should rest, little lamb.”

You pressed your fingers to his lips to silence him, “Where were you taking me?”

“What?” He mumbled. 

“When we left the transport, where were you taking me?” You pulled your hand away, studying his expression. 

“You couldn’t remember me.” Ezra drawled out, his eyes swimming with emotion. “You wanted to go home and… I wasn’t going to keep you trapped here.”

“ _Ezra_.”

He bit down on his bottom lip, “I’m sorry.”

You sniffed, wiping away a stray tear quickly. “If I had gone back to the Block, I wouldn’t…” Your brows furrowed. “They would’ve just gone along with me not knowing who you were.” 

“I didn’t know what to do,” Ezra admitted. “The beast wouldn’t quiet. I couldn’t control that part of me. He wanted to keep you safe. From us.”

You cupped both of his cheeks and leaned in to close the distance between you. Your lips slanted against his, but he remained still, his hand resting at the small of your back. 

Ezra pulled away, shaking his head. “As much as I desire to lose myself in the carnal pleasures we share, little lamb… You have been through a tremendous ordeal and your mind,” He drew his thumb over your forehead. “You need _time_.” 

“I know.” You agreed, curling into his chest and fitting your head beneath his chin. 

He held you in silence for a long time and you laid their listening to his heart beating beneath your cheek. It was surreal to think that yours had _stopped_. That for a period of time you were no longer alive. 

“I meant what I said.” You told him, keeping your voice quiet.

Ezra hummed softly, “We’ll find a way to keep you safe when the full moon comes.”

“Not _that_ ,” You pulled back a little to meet his gaze, brushing your knuckles over his cheek. “What I said to the beast.”

The corners of his lips twitched upwards, “Yeah?” Ezra curled his hand around your hip. “And _what_ was it that you said to the beast?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” You questioned, reaching down to rest your hand over his at your hip. 

Ezra turned his hand over beneath yours, curling his fingers around your hand. He rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm, before bringing your hand to his lips. “I believe you told me that you loved me.”

You nodded your head, “I did. I know that we… We _essentially_ said it a few days ago, but I really do.” 

“I love you too.” Ezra drawled out. “I didn’t know what I was going to do without you.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” You promised him, leaning in to kiss him. “ _Wait._ ” You hesitated, shifting back. “Have you ever heard of the guardians?” 

“The guardians?”

You blinked at him, “I can’t remember.”

He tenderly cupped your cheek, “What can’t you remember?”

“There were two of them. A man and a woman… I _think_.” You leaned into his touch. “This is going to drive me insane, Ezra. The second I remember something, it’s like it just falls through my fingers.” 

“That’s why you need to rest, moonbeam.” He rubbed his thumb over your cheekbone. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

* * *

“After the full moon, I would like to meet Proctor’s daughter.” You told Ezra as you broke off a piece of cheese and brought it to your lips. “And her mother, if that’s possible.” 

Ezra frowned, “It might not be safe.” 

“Then can you go to them and ask them about Bernard?” You questioned, leaning back against the wall as you unfurled your legs and stretched them towards the edge of the bed. “I want to know what happened to him.”

“We know what happened to him, but they won’t know.” Ezra pinched at the bridge of his nose. “Do you expect me to tell them he was murdered? I know how I would react if I learned that you had died.” 

You gave him a look, “I _did_ die.” 

“Could it be that your _death_ was part of your dream?” Ezra questioned, stretching his leg out to press against yours. 

“You don’t believe me.”

“I do.” Ezra said a little too quickly. “I know you were with others.” He picked at a hangnail on his thumb. “There were footprints around the transport and you reeked of foreign smells.”

You stared at him briefly before shoving the block of cheese into his lap as you climbed off the bed to grab your datapad out of your rucksack. 

“What is it?”

“I’ve been trying to keep a list of things I remember.” You told him as you swept your thumb over the screen and typed out what memory his words had jogged. 

“ _She reeks of that halfbreed mutt._ ” You sat down on the edge of the bed, scrolling through all the little things you had remembered. Even though you knew you had written them, even they seemed strangely out of focus. 

Ezra laid the food aside and scooted down the bed, resting his legs on either side of you as he propped his chin up on your shoulder. “Is it getting any better?”

“Sometimes I think it is.” You told him, staring at the screen. “Have I ever mentioned these names before?” You pointed to the names Callisto and Dio.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. “Not to me.”

“Maybe they're someone from the Block?”

“I don’t know,” Ezra reached around to rest his hand on your thigh. “You’ve only ever mentioned Shiva and Quinn.” He paused. “As well as a Mars and an Alia.”

“I know all of them.” You waved your hand. “But I don’t think I’ve ever heard these names before.” You leaned back against him, smiling to yourself as he pressed a kiss to the side of your neck. “I know this is frustrating.” You tilted your head to look at him, reaching back to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“It’s not.” He assured you, sliding his hand up and down your thigh. “We need to talk.”

“I know.” You sighed heavily. 

“I don’t trust myself under the influence of the moon,” Ezra drawled out. “The beast may have manners between cycles, but I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”

“ _Ezra_ —“

“I want you to stay here. Do not open the door end do not go outside…” His grip tightened. “Ideally I want you in _here_. I’m not taking any risks when I can’t be here to protect you.”

You tilted your head to kiss the underside of his jaw, “I don’t plan on taking any risks.”

Ezra sighed heavily. “I’m going to leave tonight. Spend the next two days out in the forest—“

“You don’t have to leave this soon.” 

“No, I do.” He rested his forehead against your shoulder. “You need more time to recover, little lamb.” Ezra palmed at your leg gently. “And my senses have turned traitorous.”

“ _Oh.”_

He swallowed thickly, “You smell _so_ good, moonbeam.” Ezra’s fingers danced up along your inner thigh. “I thought I could control my desires, but I can’t.” 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to control yourself, Ezra.”

“You can barely remember these last few months,” His voice broke.

“I remember _you_.” You assured him, twisting in his hold so you could face him. “Don’t leave because of something we both want.” 

Ezra leaned in and kissed you, his lips just barely brushing over yours. “We shouldn’t.” He murmured, even as his lips slid against yours. 

You shifted partially into his lap, the position was awkward and a little uncomfortable — but _so_ worth it. “We should.” You said in a low voice, catching his bottom lip between your teeth. 

That earned you a _delicious_ snarl. His arm snaked around your waist, his hand fanning out over your lower back as he pressed you towards him. 

Ezra broke away from you, long enough for you to pull his reg shirt up and over his head, just before he peeled your own shirt off. “The cheese—“ He remembered, jerking his head towards the plate of forgotten food. 

“That cost me good credits.” You stated, laughing a little as you looked back at him. “I remembered _that_.” 

He rolled his eyes, giving your thigh a pat. “Can you put it away then?”

“Don’t move. I’m coming back.” 

Ezra smirked, “I thought I might get into a more _comfortable_ position.” 

You leaned in to kiss him again, before climbing off of him to put the cheese away in the coolstore in the corridor. 

It was weird how you could remember _useless_ things. But you couldn’t remember what the first poem Ezra read to you was. 

When you returned to his quarters, Ezra had his pants hitched around his hips and his fingers wrapped around his hardened length. 

“Couldn’t wait for me?” You retorted, leaning against the doorway. “Don’t stop on my account.” 

Ezra arched a brow at you, “Get over here.” 

“Oh, _now_ you want me?” You grinned, working loose the fastenings of your pants as you approached him. You made a show of shimmying them down your hips, before kicking them aside. “You were really going to go sulk in the forest and miss out on this?” 

“I didn’t want to overstep your boundaries, moonbeam.” He admitted, reaching out to cup your cheek. “I still expect to look into your eyes and see a stranger looking back at me.” He kissed you then. 

Ezra carefully maneuvered you backwards onto the bed, one hand planted against the mattress beside your shoulder and a knee pressed between your thighs. 

You understood his hesitation. Your mind had become a sieve to your memories, with fleeting moments of clarity. What if you forgot him again, in the heat of the moment? But it was getting better. With each day, more things seemed to come back. 

But you still fumbled for certain words; conversations from weeks ago blurred into a line between reality and your dreams. 

Ezra remained. Despite someone’s attempt to make you forget him. He was under your skin. There was too much of him in you to simply force you to let go. 

He worked his mouth down the column of your throat, his tongue tracing a line down to crook of your neck. He lingered for a moment before moving further down your body. 

“ _Ezra_ ,” You breathed out as he pressed kisses around your belly button. He looked up at you and you smiled down at him. “Don’t stop.” 

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, sliding them down your thighs and tossing them aside. “You smell _divine_.” Ezra drawled out, nudging your thighs apart wider as he settled between your legs. 

You let your eyes slip closed, sinking back into the mattress as Ezra parted your slick folds and dipped his fingers into you. 

“Look at you,” He murmured, ghosting his thumb over that little bud of pleasure as he leaned in to tease it with his tongue. 

Ezra groaned against your tender flesh, his tongue lavishing your clit with attention as he worked two thick fingers in and out of you. You hadn’t forgotten how good he was at _giving_. 

How his tongue worked over that little bundle of nerves like that was what he was made to do. And the way he’s crook his fingers within you, just to tease that sweet spot and leave you begging for more. 

“ _Fuck_.” You swore as he brought you a breath away from release, only to abandon you — his warm breath the _only_ relief for your throbbing clit received. You could feel your pulse, steady and _desperate_ for me. “Ezra, please…” You started to move, started to turn over for him, but he kept your hips pinned to the mattress. 

Ezra crawled back up your body until he was face-to-face with you. “Like _this_.” 

You tangled your fingers into his hair, looking up at him. “Like this?” You questioned as you ran your foot up the back of his leg, before wrapping it around his hip. 

He dipped down and kissed you, his tongue sliding past your lips. It was a fleeting moment before he was kissing down your throat again, his teeth scraping lightly over your skin. 

Ezra’s hand grabbed at your hip to hold you steady as he rolled his hips, grinding his cock against you. 

You reached down to curl his fingers around his cock. “No more teasing.” You murmured, guiding his cock to your center, dragging the head through your slick folds. 

He balanced his weight on his knees so he could reach for your other hand. Ezra interlaced your fingers before giving a short nod. “No more teasing.” He breathed out. 

“ _Oh_.” You breathed out as he sank into you until you were pressed flush together. He barely drew out of you, before thrusting forward again. 

You trailed your fingers along his cheek, cupping his jaw gently as he leaned down to kiss you. Ezra’s lips slanted over yours, his tongue once again invading your mouth.

For someone who had acted like he was afraid that he couldn’t control himself, Ezra was taking his time with you. Slowly building you back to that peak that he had robbed you of before.

You scraped your nails up his back, grabbing at him wherever you could reach him with your free hand. 

Ezra groaned against your lips, breaking away from the kiss as he drew in a ragged breath. His nose bumped against yours as he kept close to you, like one shared breath. 

He slid his fingers in between yours, flattening your hand against the mattress as he curled his hand around yours once more. 

You held his gaze, lips parted with a throaty moan as he drew back, his cock nearly slipping from you before he drove back into you. He slowly increased his pace, hips snapping against yours — blending into the sound of heavy breathing and flesh against flesh. 

He caught your other hand, leaning forward to pin it above your head beside your other hand. His mouth returned to that place where your neck dipped into your shoulder. You’d be marked there — you had no doubt about it.

But it was the trigger. Your body went taut beneath him, your inner walls clenching around the thick length of his cock. Ezra was right behind you, your name on his lips as he bottomed out.

Your fingers tightened around his as you felt him spill out within you. Your cunt pulsed around him, as unwilling to let him go as you were. 

“I love you.” You whispered, unwinding your hand from his grasp so you could curl your fingers into his hair, playing with the damp curls at the nape of his neck. 

Ezra flashed you a lazy grin as he leaned down to kiss you, “I love you too, moonbeam.” He murmured as he carefully settled his weight atop you. “I’ll move—“

You curled both of yours legs around his hips, keeping him right where you wanted him to stay. “Stay tonight.” You whispered, pressing your lips against his neck. 

He nodded his head slowly, snaking his arm beneath you. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

* * *

Ezra was gone for two days after the full moon and you were plagued with nightmares. 

It didn’t help that, in the still of the night beyond the transport, the forest came alive with the visceral howls of the beasts as they cried out to the moon. You knew that one of those calls came from Ezra — came from the beast that you now knew so well. 

Your dreams betrayed you. You should’ve known they would. Instead of dreams where the beast pursued you, you find yourself hunted down by two wolves and cornered by a third. 

Every nightmare ended the same way. No matter how fast you ran, no matter where you turned, you died. 

Weren’t you supposed to not be able to _die_ in dreams? 

But there was an _after_. 

The star you ate would take root within you. Out of the darkness of the night, the light would blossom out of your belly button like an umbilical cord connecting you to something that was just beyond the darkness. 

Ezra was more afraid to leave you than you were to be left. You had never stayed on Lykaois for the full moon and given how manic he had been about you _leaving_ promptly before the waxing moon approached its final transformation, it made sense. 

But you were safe. You spent your time alone, safely tucked away in his transport, with the exterior door secured, and the door to his quarters shut tight. 

It wasn’t what was alive in the forest that scared you. 

How were you supposed to tell Shiva that you had _died_? How were you supposed to explain any of this to them? 

Hadn’t they told you that people came back from Lykaois _different_? They came back driven mad by what they experienced on the moon. And now you were too.

You weren’t even sure if Ezra believed you. Sure, he said you smelt different, but he wasn’t sure how. It wasn’t like you could blame him. Who would _believe_ that?

_I was kidnapped, killed, brought back to life, and then given something to make me forget._

And there were still moments that you didn’t remember. Like a thick fog had rolled into the corners of your mind, forcing out memories you wanted to hold onto. 

When you couldn’t sleep — you read. Over and over again you skimmed through the files Quinn had given you. Trying to find anything that would make your nightmares make sense. 

The answer was Proctor, but Proctor was dead. Actually dead. 

* * *

On the third day, Ezra turned back up, but he wasn’t alone. 

Cora Proctor looked _just_ like her father. You had stared at his file for hours on end and you recognized his features staring back at you as flesh and blood. 

“It isn’t safe for you here,” Sybil cautioned as she sat at Ezra’s table, sipping at a hot cup of caf he had brewed. “But I think you know that.” 

Your brows furrowed together as you watched the woman exchange a look with Ezra. 

“There isn’t much I _actually_ know.” You retorted, leaving your fingers curled around the cup of caf, until your fingers tingled from the heat. 

Ezra worked his jaw slowly as he stared into the dark liquid in his own cup. “They’ll strike again once they find out that they failed. Won’t they?”

Sybil gave a short nod before she fixed her gaze on you, “He forgot _everything_. We were waiting for him back home and… It was like he was looking right through me.” 

Cora listened, eyes flickering between the three of you with rapt attention. 

“ _Sybil—_ “ 

“Ezra told me that you knew what became of him.” She lowered her gaze then. “I still dream of him, but I know he’s gone.”

You looked towards Ezra then, your heart beating a little faster as he reached beneath the table to take ahold of your hand. “My friend was able to pull up his records. Bernard had outstanding debts with the corp and…”

“He told me he settled them.” Sybil hastily wiped away tears, before reaching for her daughter. “That damned man… trying to _protect_ us.” 

“I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you’re feeling right.” You offered weakly. “The corp can be ruthless.”

“I _know_ ,” Sybil looked to Ezra then. “But not as ruthless as those that came before us here on Lykaios. Few of us have ever seen them.” 

You blinked slowly as you tried to reach for a far off memory, “The guardians?”

Cora’s eyes widened as she stared at you, “Did _you_ see them too?” 

“I didn’t _see_ anything,” You admitted, rubbing your lips together. “Well, I did see a man, but I couldn’t tell you what he looked like.”

Sybil’s gaze slid back to you. “Before Bernard left for the last time, he was taken too. I tracked three sets of paw prints, trailing after him through the forest. I lost track of them where the light no longer touches the forest.”

Ezra squeezed your hand tight. 

“I retreated back to his transport — to _our_ home. I couldn’t leave Cora alone to track him down. He found us, eventually… It was like he was scattered.” Sybil stared down into her coffee, watching the steam rise from it. “He _had_ to get home. He left without a goodbye. Without a kiss. Without a soft word for his daughter. We were strangers, trespassing in our own home.”

“Sybil I’m so sorry.”

“It’ll happen to you too. Once they recognize their error, they’ll come back for you.” She drew a line between the two of you. “Be happy that your time is being cut short this soon and leave before they take everything from you.”

“I’m not…” You shook your head slowly. “I’m not just going to _leave_.” You looked towards Ezra then, who was giving his best impression of a statue. “Who are they?” You asked Sybil. 

“No one knows for certain,” She took a sip of the caf. “Lore says that they are the cursed children of an old god. They are who we all originate from. _The first_.” Sybil looked to Cora then. “Bernard was off-world when I delivered our daughter on the eve of the full moon. They came at sunrise and took her from me while I slept. After I transformed, I found her swaddled in new blankets in the middle of a clearing. There was blood on her face — _not_ hers. It was like they left her to be found by another one of us.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like.” You looked between the two of them, “But she was safe?”

“Yes.”

Cora cleared her throat, “I have nightmares of three wolves circling me. I always have.” 

You felt a chill run down your spine. “I do too.” 

Sybil shot Ezra a look. “She should leave.” 

Ezra dragged his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily as he leaned forward. “She isn’t going _anywhere_.” 

You smiled a little. 

“I have lost _everything_ to this damned moon. I’m not letting it take her away from me.” Ezra gritted out. “They can come and try to take her again, but they’ll have to come through me first.” 

“They’ll kill you.” 

“ _Good_.” He snapped. “Then I won’t have to do it myself. I’m _not_ sending her away. I can’t.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Sybil’s lips pressed into a thin line as she looked between the two of you, “Bernard and I were just like the two of you. It doesn’t matter what you want.” She patted her daughter on the shoulder. “Let’s go.” 

“Thank you for the caf.” Cora said politely as she stood up. 

Ezra released his hold on your hand to usher the pair of them off the transport, before ensuring the door was tightly sealed. 

“Well, I think _that_ went well.” He said grandly as he sank back into the seat beside you. “Don’t you?”

You laughed humorlessly. “ _Oh_ yeah.” You stared down into your cup of caf. “Thank you for bringing them.”

He gave a short nod. “Sybil has only recently been welcomed into the fold.” He rubbed at the crease between his brows. “They rejected her because of Proctor.”

“I can’t imagine what they’ve gone through. Losing him like _that_.” You leaned towards Ezra, resting your cheek against his shoulder. 

He curled his arm around you, “I’m not letting you out of my sight.” He murmured as he kissed the top of your head. 


	9. Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst   
> Notes: Why am I always so nervous to post every chapter?

Ezra idly slid his fingers in between yours, his chest a firm presence at your back as he molded his body around yours. He had barely left your side since you came back from your brush with the guardians. 

“What was it like?”

“Hmm?” You questioned, tilting your head to look back at him. 

“Death.”

“ _Oh_.” You frowned as you considered his question, watching your fingers as he played with them. “Cold and then warm.”

“Warm?” Ezra pressed his lips to the back of your shoulder. 

You exhaled slowly, searching for the right words to explain _all_ of it to him. “It was cold and dark and then there were… stars. Falling all around me.”

He hummed softly against your shoulder, “That’s unexpected.”

“And I don’t know if that was even what _death_ was. I can’t remember which came first. If the nothingness was before I woke up… or after.” You stretched your legs out before rolling over to face him. “Do you believe me?”

Ezra’s dark eyes searched yours for a moment before answering, “I believe that it _is_ possible that you died and were revived. I can’t deny the potential, given my own curse.”

You reached out to trace your thumb over the curved scar on his cheek. “I should go back to the Block for the next full moon. I know I’m safe with you, but I also know that Shiva is likely losing their mind with my absence.”

He chuckled, “Do you think Shiva will believe you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” You shrugged, “They’ll probably force me to see a medic. Check me for concussions.” You turned your palm over to look at the healing cut. “I’ve just got a self-inflicted stab wound and a handful of _someone_ ’s fingerprints.”

Ezra scratched at the back of his ear, “I have recently found that it is _impossible_ to be overzealous when it comes to _you-almost-died_ sex.” 

“I think it’s more _oh-shit-you-died_ sex.” You corrected, tapping your finger against his nose.

He caught your hand and rubbed his thumb gently over the spot just above your healing palm. “Touché.” 

“Why do you do that?”

“Hmm?” Ezra’s brows knit together.

“I just remembered that when I was lost in the darkness, I recalled the way you rubbed my palm.” 

“ _Ah_.” He smiled fondly at you, “When I was _wee_ lad, I used to be frightfully afraid when we’d leave orbit.” Ezra explained. “My mother used to take my hand like so,” He took hold of your hand. “And rub her thumb over the center of my palm to remind me that she wasn’t going _anywhere_.”

You smiled at him, “I like that.” 

He cocked his head to the side, “I like you.” 

“Read to me.” You murmured as you leaned in to kiss him. 

“And force me from my comfortable position?” Ezra huffed dramatically, even as he drew back the covers and moved to get out of the bed. 

You tucked your arm beneath your head and watched the muscles in his back move with him, as he went to look over your stack of books. 

“I’ll bring back more honeysticks.” You told him, “And perhaps track down the nonpareils you mentioned.”

“You feed into my sweet tooth,” He taunted, looking back at you. “When the sweetest thing of all is laying tangled up in our sheets.” 

“ _Our_ sheets?” You gave him a look. “I do believe I bargained these sheets out of a vendor on Phthalcol.” 

Ezra smirked, looking back at the books once more. He snatched one up and flipped through the pages. “Is that so?” 

“So smug.” You rolled your eyes. “I let you sleep in my bed for a handful of nights and now it’s _our_ bed?”

“Aren’t our ships connected now?” He questioned, not looking back at you yet. 

“In theory.”

“Ah-ha!” Ezra licked his thumb before turning the page, reading it as he turned back towards you. “I knew I recalled seeing Herrick in this collection. An often forgotten fellow, you know.”

“I don’t know if I’m well versed in him.” 

“He was rather fond of the Greek poet Anacreon.” Ezra informed you, giving you an expectant look. 

“Wine, women, and…” You racked your brain for the third attribute. 

“Song.” 

“Are you going to sing now?”

Ezra rolled his eyes, “Though poetry _could_ be song, in theory.” He shrugged his shoulders, “He was a hit of a religious poet too, back when society was limited in their dieistic notions.” 

“What have you picked to read?”

He stared at you for a long moment before clearing his throat and focusing on the page. “How love came in, I do not know, whether by th’ eye, or eare, or no. Or whether with the soule it came, at first, infused with the same. Whether in part ‘tis here or there, or, like the soule, whole everywhere. This troubles me, but as I well as any other, this can tell. That when from hence she does depart, the outlet then is from the heart.” 

“Herrick certainly knew what he was talking about,” You said gently as you smiled back at Ezra. “I’m glad we said it, more or less, before everything happened.” You told him as you sat up, picking at the edge of your blanket. “It wasn’t said _because_ something happened.” 

Ezra nodded slowly, shutting the book closed as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside you. “Have you ever been in love before?”

“If you ask Shiva, I’m _always_ falling in love.” You told him, lifting your gaze a little. “But twice. I _think_. It wasn’t like this.” You gestured between the two of you. 

“I always avoided it,” Ezra admitted quietly, reaching out to brush his fingers down your bare arm. “Skirted close, but never _too_ close. These past five years made me realize how much I missed out on — thinking only of myself.” 

“Being _open_ isn’t worth it,” You told him, shaking your head. “You usually get burnt. _Bad_.” 

“I’m assuming you’re referring to Mars and Alia?” 

“I don’t even want to get into Alia, but…” You pursed yourself lips. “Mars was verycharming. _Very_ charming.” You kept your eyes on the blanket beneath your fingers. “I fell headfirst into that dreamboat.” You snorted. “Lots of pretty words that amounted to — ‘you have a sweet connection with the head of Fiorta Corp. and that’s all this was about.’ _Asshole_.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ezra kept skimming his fingers over your arm. 

“Fortunately, I found out before I could’ve been foolish enough to get myself trapped into becoming his third wife. One and two actually warned me about his plans.” 

He hummed curiously, “It sounds like you were leading quite the adventurous life.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Are you sure you want to tie yourself to me?”

“Too late.” You reached out and tousled your fingers through his hair. “I much prefer this arrangement. For so _many_ reasons.”

“Inquiring minds would like to know.” Ezra drawled out lazily as he reclined back on the bed. 

“Fishing for compliments?” You grinned as you settled back against him. 

He rested his chin in your shoulder, winding his arms around your middle. “ _Always_.” 

You traced your fingertips over the back of his hand, sliding your fingers in between his. “I feel like it has to mean something that it didn’t work. They were able to wipe Sybil and Cora from Proctor’s mind, but.. they _couldn’t_ pull you out of me.” 

Ezra fanned his fingers out on your stomach, before skimming upwards to rest at the curve of your ribs. “It certainly begs the question of _why_.” He nuzzled at the crook of your neck. “Is that the only reason?”

You snorted, reaching back to tug at his hair. “There’s _also_ the fact that you’re handsome, smart, and humorous. But if we’re being honest, it was the books.” 

“I figured.” He chuckled, his breath warm against your shoulder. “I meant what I said, moonbeam. I’m not letting you go.” 

“I would be disappointed if you did.”

Ezra pressed another kiss to your skin. “I know at first I tried to convince you to leave, but I’m glad you chose to ignore me.”

“I’m stubborn by default.” You tilted your face towards him with a cheeky grin. 

His lips parted to say _something_ , but a sudden bang at your transport door made you jump. 

“What the fuck?” You questioned, climbing out of his lap to find your clothes. 

“ _Stay here_.” Ezra growled, his entire body going rigid as he snatched up his shirt and pulled it on over his head. 

Someone knocked — _again_. 

“Lock the door. Don’t open it.” He told you, turning to face you as you followed him towards the threshold. 

You reached out and grabbed his hand, rubbing your thumb over the center of his palm as you held his gaze. “Please be safe.”

They knocked again. 

Ezra leaned in and kissed you, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered, swallowing thickly as he pulled away from you. You watched him as he walked backwards towards the knocking. 

You hit the button on the wall, the door sliding closed and locking shut. Your heart was hammering in your chest as you pressed yourself against the cool durasteel and tried to listen through it. It was muffled and almost impossible to hear — but the knocking stopped. 

And everything fell silent.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. The faded memory of the guardians still loomed over your thoughts. The man had reminded you of a statue — chiseled features and sharp eyes. Towering over you like a deadly beast in a man’s form. 

If they were _the first_ creatures on Lykaios, there was no knowing what skill they had beyond Ezra’s abilities. 

You could barely hear the muffled sound of Ezra’s voice on the other side of the door, alongside a pair of voices that _didn’t_ bode well for either of you. 

There was a shuffle of feet against durasteel, the whirr of the exterior shutting close, a slightly raised voice, and movement drawing closer to you. 

You had _nowhere_ to go. 

“Moonbeam,” Ezra called out through the door. “It’s safe. Open the door. Your _friends_ have made an appearance.” 

You pressed the release button on the wall, watching as the door unlocked and slid into the threshold. On the other side stood Ezra, flanked by Shiva and Quinn. 

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“What am _I_ doing here? What are _you_ doing here?” Shiva shot back as they stepped forward to grab you. “I thought you were dead.” 

You wrapped your arms around them, looking over their shoulder at Ezra who was sizing himself up against Quinn. Quinn had a few inches on him and it was _entertaining_ to see him try to make himself seem more imposing. 

“A lot has happened,” You told Shiva as you pulled back. “I didn’t make it back this time. Sorry for worrying you.”

“You even got _me_ nervous,” Quinn remarked, looking between you and Ezra. “Is he always so _bristly_?” 

Your eyes flickered towards Ezra, when you heard him growl. “Hey. _No_.” You glared at Quinn. “Knock it off.” 

“Are you going to _officially_ introduce us?” Shiva questioned as they took a step back, giving you a cheeky grin as they looked towards Ezra. “He just leered at us and told us we smelt like humans.” 

“Jury’s out on this one.” Ezra huffed, looking at Quinn briefly before stepping through the threshold and circling towards you. You didn’t need him to _say_ he was uncomfortable — it was perfectly clear by the way his back was rigid and his jaw was set hard.

“Ezra, this is Shiva.” You said, trailing your fingers down the back of his arm gently as you gestured towards Shiva. “You’ve already heard all of my stories about my stalwart friend.” 

Shiva shook his hand with an arched brow, “I’ve heard plenty about you too.” They gave him a sweeping once over. “Trying to steal our girl.” 

You rolled your eyes, “And this is Quinn.”

Quinn offered his hand, but Ezra refused to shake it in return. “I don’t like this any more than you do.”

“I find _that_ hard to believe,” Ezra huffed, reaching down to take your hand into his, interlacing his fingers with yours. 

“Why don’t we take this conversation out of our quarters.” You said, shooing them out of the room. 

“ _Our_?” Shiva arched a brow at you, before starting ahead down the corridor with Quinn. 

Ezra tugged you to a stop, “Moonbeam.” 

You turned back towards him, “I know this is difficult for you.” You reached out and brushed your fingers over his cheek. 

He hung his head and gave a slight nod. “I’m afraid I don’t have it in me to be the most _hospitable_ of guests. Particularly where _he_ is involved.” Ezra sighed heavily, “Their arrival was unexpected, to say the least.”

You glanced down the corridor where you could hear the two of them laughing about something Shiva had said. “I didn’t even think that they would come here if I didn’t turn up.” You admitted, “I probably should’ve seen that coming, but it slipped my mind.”

Ezra touched your chin, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip. “I think that’s understandable. And they clearly care for you and your well-being.” He held your gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Your brows furrowed as you searched his eyes. 

“My rabid jealousy.” Ezra’s eyes darted down the corridor. “I recognize it’s foolish.” 

You leaned in and kissed him, letting your lips linger there. “It’s okay, Ezra.” You brushed a lock of hair behind his ear. “Just don’t try to kill him.”

“ _Tempting_.” 

“Are you two coming to join us?” Quinn called out. “Or was that a ploy to get a little _alone_ time?”

“We’ll be right there.” You called back, smiling at Ezra. “You’re better at being sociable than you think. You were a perfect gentleman with Sybil and Cora.”

“Entirely different scenario.” He pointed out. “Neither of them desired _you_.” 

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. “Point taken.” 

Ezra stole another kiss, before taking ahold of your hand and starting back down the corridor towards the living area. 

Quinn was sprawled out on the makeshift sofa, tossing a stress ball into the air above him. “Do you think he likes fetc— _Hello_.” He jerked upright into a seated position. 

Shiva stifled a laugh. “Good job, Quinn.” They looked back towards Ezra. “I’ve always thought he’d go down greasy. He’s not worth eating.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ezra smirked, before gesturing for Quinn to get off the sofa who was quick to follow suit. 

“I had every intention of coming back to the Block, but things got out of hand here.” You explained as you settled onto the sofa beside Ezra. “ _Really_ out of hand.”

“Well, now you’re going to have to tell us.” Shiva gave you an expectant look. “I won’t judge you if you got _distracted_.”

“I wish it were that simple.” You picked a bit of dirt out of your thumbnail as you kept your eyes lowered to your lap. “It’s actually rather convoluted.” 

Ezra ran his hand down the length of your spine reassuringly. 

You rubbed your lips together, chewing at the inside of your bottom lip as you looked up at Shiva. “You’re just going to have to _trust_ me on this one,” You said, “Lykaios has more secrets than we were aware of. Before the full moon, I was taken by the… I guess we’ll call them _the Guardians_. They were the first here on Lykaios, allegedly.”

Quinn cleared his throat, “If I may interject.” 

Ezra worked his jaw slowly as he glared at Quinn. “Do you know something?”

He nodded, “Shiva and I continued to do research after you left. Everything’s in my shuttle and you’re both welcome to it.” He leaned back against the wall, holding his arms across his chest. “There were three, I believe. Callisto, Dia, and Psophis. Arcadia has rivers named for each of them.”

You cocked your head to the side, “I encountered Callisto and _Dio_.” 

“Hmm.” Quinn rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “The rivers were named for the children of an old god. Descendants of the nymphs of the sea, so they say.” 

“I see you’re _clever_ ,” Ezra remarked with an edge of annoyance. 

Quinn shrugged, “Yes, well… the common denominator between us happens to surround herself with _clever_ friends.”

“I can’t deny that,” You leaned into Ezra’s side. “That’s more than we knew before, so thank you for that.” You offered Quinn a small smile. “They are apparently the originators of the curse and… they tried to get rid of me the same way they got rid of Proctor.”

“Which is?” Shiva questioned. 

“They killed me and attempted to wipe my memories of Ezra. They didn’t succeed, clearly.”

“Back up, they killed _you_?” They leaned forward. “You should see a medic. You can’t just stay here when you could have something _seriously_ wrong with you.”

“I told you.” You glanced sideways at Ezra. “Look, Shiva… I’m _okay._ I’ll see the medic when I go back to the Block in a few days.” 

“How do you know you died?” Quinn asked skeptically. 

“I just know.” You said sharply. “I know how I felt and what I saw.”

“She smells different, too.” Ezra offered, shifting beside you. “I can’t put my finger on what’s changed, but she smells like _more_.”

“You weren’t kidding about the smelling thing, were you?” Shiva laughed, shaking their head. “I definitely wasn’t expecting to find out that you _died_ while you were away.”

Quinn snorted, “You _were_ convinced she was dead.” 

“Only because she didn’t show up.”

“It’s been a blur,” You admitted. “We only had a few days between my kidnapping and the full moon and with how my mind was at the time…”

Ezra cut in, “We thought it was best that she stay here. Just in case whatever they did wasn’t fully out of her system.” 

Quinn frowned, “What do you mean how your mind was?”

“ _Is_ , really. Things are still spotty.” You gave an awkward laugh at that. “I would forget things. I’m still not entirely certain of things that happened that first month here.” 

“You remember Ay-7?”

“ _Quinn_.” Shiva snapped and Ezra’s hand tightened at your waist instinctively. 

“Really?”

Quinn held up his hands in mock defense. “Just checking on where we stand.” 

You glared at him. “ _Not good_.”

He snapped his fingers and nodded, “I figured.” 

Shiva rose from their seat, moving to sit on the cargo crate in front of the sofa, “I came with Quinn, so if you want a co-pilot back to the Block you’ve got me.”

“I might actually take you up on that.” You smiled, reaching out to give their shoulder a squeeze. “With everything you told me about people losing their minds when they leave Lykaois I’ve been nervous about leaving.” 

“Just,” Ezra started, his voice wavering a little. “Send her back to me.” 

Shiva tilted their head to the side as they looked at him then, “As long as you agree to send her back to me from time-to-time.” 

“There’s enough of me to go around,” You assured both of them, before holding up a hand to keep Quinn from commenting. “Not enough for you though.”

“You wound me.” Quinn shot back with a wicked smirk. “There _used_ to be more than enough for me.”

Ezra leaned forward on the sofa and Quinn shuffled an inch further away from the three of you. “That’s what I thought.” 

“There’s too much testosterone in here.” You muttered and Shiva started laughing. 

“I think there’s too much _Quinn_ here.” 

He scoffed, “You’re the one who dragged me along for the ride.”

“Because your shuttle’s fast.” Shiva rolled their eyes. “Don’t act like you weren’t worried for her.” 

“I’ll own up to that.” Quinn shrugged. 

“So, what other information did you find out about the moon?” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, “I put a few feelers out. Expressed some interest in launching my own mining team into Lykaois. Got a few bites, but they didn’t fully materialize before we disembarked.” 

“What exactly do you deal in?” Ezra questioned with a slight edge to his tone.

“What do you _need_ me to deal in?” Quinn retorted. “I’m a man of many skills. Our _dear_ friend is aware of that.” 

Ezra exhaled slowly through his nose, “I’m assuming if you call Ay-7 home, you’re not dealing in _legal_ ventures?”

Quinn gave a short laugh, “You’re forgetting that I’ve seen _your_ files. Quite the body count.” 

“Was I casting aspersions?” He countered, keeping his eyes fixed on Quinn. “Was I?” He looked towards you then. 

“It was definitely implied.” You smiled a little, nudging him in the ribs. “Quinn’s a bit of a jack-of-all-trades. His latest venture was a dust enterprise he ran into the ground. Before that he used to run fake licenses business for those that washed out of the program.”

“Some company you keep.” Ezra smirked, with a teasing tone. “Useful though.”

Quint puffed himself up, “I can be _very_ useful.” 

“Quit peacocking.” Shiva warned him, before grabbing their satchel up off the floor. “I forgot to mention I brought goodies. I figured if you’d missed coming back to the Block, you’d need supplies.” 

You scooted forward to the edge of the sofa to peer into their bag, “Are those honeysticks?”

Shiva grinned, “I figured you’d need your magic beast taming treats.” 

“ _Hilarious_ ,” Ezra remarked wryly, holding his hand out for one. 

Shiva popped the box open and passed him one of the sticks. “I don’t get the appeal, but I respect it.” 

He tore off the end of the stick and sucked at it as he sank back against the sofa. “I believe they call it _creature comforts_.” Ezra stated.

“What else did you bring?” You questioned, grabbing the satchel away from them. “You were _so_ worried about my well-being that you stopped by the bakery for fruli pies?” 

“I can be magnanimous when I feel like it.” Shiva retorted, watching as you turned towards Ezra to show him the mini pies you loved. “I figured I should satisfy both of your sweet tooth needs.” 

“What are they?” Ezra questioned, examining them curiously. “Are those berries?”

You nodded, “A sweet flaky pastry with a berry concoction in the middle. They keep for weeks.” 

“She’s always been fond of stocking up and hiding them around the transport before long missions.” Shiva pointed out. 

“Only because I’ll eat them all day one if I don’t.” You laughed, popping the package open to grab one. You took a bite with a satisfied moan, before passing it to Ezra. “Here.”

He took the bite from your fingers, chewing it thoughtfully before smirking, “I see why they need to be hidden around the ship.”

“ _Right_?” You grinned. “We eat a lot of berries that grow here. There’s even some decent ones that are winter berries.”

“I haven’t been venturing out,” Ezra admitted. “So we’ve leaned on her ready-to-eat meals.”

“Cardboard and iron.” You scrunched up your nose. “I was going to bring more when I come back after the next full moon.”

“Are you not leaving the ship?” Quinn questioned.

“I don’t want to risk her being found again.” Ezra stated. “We were careful about coming back from my transport. There’s a chance the guardians will try to hurt her again.”

You snapped your fingers and shot finger guns at Ezra, “Not looking to die again this soon.”

Quinn frowned, “So you _really_ died?” 

“It was a whole ordeal.” You licked some of the berry juice off your thumb. “But I’m okay now. I think.”

“Please let the medic check you over.” He said gently. “That can’t be _good_ for you. I am worried about you… as a friend.”

You rolled your eyes, “As long as we’re clear on that.” You looked back to Shiva then. “What else did you bring?”

“Well, I was picturing you chewed up and spit out by a beast, so I brought you new clothes.”

“I’ll take those anyways.” You took the clothes from them. “I appreciate how committed you were to rescuing me.” 

They shrugged, “At rare times I’ve found I can be a _good_ friend. Just consider all of this added on to what you owe me for cheating me out of this haul.” 

“ _Figures_.” You snorted.

“Not to run you off so soon,” Ezra started with a polite tone. “But depending on where your transport is parked, you should start back before nightfall.” 

You nodded, “It’s not safe to be out there right now. We still don’t know what the guardians—“

Shiva laughed, “You just want to get back to whatever we interrupted. I saw what a mess your bed was.”

“This is so much worse than I imagined.” You grumbled, covering your face. “In all sincerity, this is out of concern. After what they did to me, I don’t want either of you dealing with it.” 

Quinn pushed off the wall, “I don’t want _anyone_ rearranging my head.” He clapped his hands together, “Come on Shiva, let’s get out of the lover bird’s hair. I’m sure you’ll get all the gossip when you head back to the Block.” 

“Come by in the morning.” You smiled at them. 

“Not too early.” Ezra tacked on. “I like my sleep.” 

Shiva winked at him, before turning towards Quinn. “Let’s get out of here.” 

You lingered in the living area as Ezra saw them out of the transport. Shiva had left their bag behind, filled with a handful of other goodies they had brought for you. Everything you would’ve needed if something _had_ gone wrong. 

Despite how often the two of you were at each other’s necks, at least they were your one _true_ friend. Through thick and thin… and falling in love with a werewolf. They stood by you. 


	10. Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, mentions of medical procedures, mentions of pregnancy, brief conversation about abortion, and some more angst.   
> Notes: Casual reminder that I do not write stories with plans in mind, I simply let the muses guide the story as I write. I’m fortunate that my mind litters in allusions and foreshadowing that I can pick up on later. This is one of those chapters where a lot of foreshadowing comes full circle. 
> 
> I’m super nervous that this chapter will lose my readers, but I’ve simply allowed the story to flow how it wanted to. 
> 
> Also shoutout to anyone who gets the extremely obscure British history reference in here. 

Leaving Lykaois hadn’t been _nearly_ as difficult as previous departures with Shiva accompanying you back to the Block. Not to mention having a way to communicate with Ezra when you were off-world really softened the issue of distance. You could go to sleep listening to him read to you, just like he was laying beside you in your bed. 

The only _real_ downside to returning to the Block was Shiva all but forcing you to visit the medic. You felt _fine_. You really did. But apparently dying, coming back to life, and losing your memory warranted an immediate visit to get poked and prodded by the resident medic on the Block. 

It wasn’t as though you could _tell_ the medic you were visiting because you had mental confusion related to _dying_. So you made up some excuse about feeling fatigued after being off-world. That wasn’t even a lie, technically. 

The medic tutted quietly as she scanned through the results on her datapad, “Were you aware that your stim was deactivated?” 

“ _What_?” You jerked your head to the left to stare at the woman. “What do you mean it’s deactivated?”

She glanced up at you briefly before looking back at that datapad, “A high voltage of electricity _can_ sometimes cause the system to malfunction. Have you had any incidents during transport repairs?”

You felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over you. The only shock of electricity you had received had been _before_ going to Ay-7 and Quinn—

“Well, this is _different_.” The medic stepped around the examination table with a perplexed expression. “The stim appears to have reported back to the manufacturer that it was disengaged due to expiration of the client.” 

“Not because of an electrical current?” You questioned, your fingers curling around the edge of the table. 

“It appears the stim registered a time of death just over a month ago.” The medic’s brows furrowed together as they looked up from the chart. “Were you sexually active during this period?”

“Uh, _yeah_.” You blinked, shaking your head. “I was.” 

“Out of an abundance of caution, I would like to run a few more tests before we reactivate your stim.” She passed the datapad to you, “In the event that you have conceived due to a faulty stim, rest assured the corporation will billed for the termination of your pregnancy. You can just sign right there and we can handle that quite simply following a positive—“

You were quick to cut her off, “That won’t be necessary.” You couldn’t actually think that far ahead and if — and it was a huge _if_ — it had occurred, you weren’t going to jump to that decision before telling Ezra. 

“Alright, then select here.” She scrolled the screen down to a line that declined immediate intervention. “Sit back and relax. The test services AI will be with you shortly.” She offered you a kind smile. “I’m sure it’s _nothing_ to be concerned with.”

What the hell were you going to do if you _were_ pregnant? 

Your hand drifted down to your stomach. Could you be? It wasn’t as though you and Ezra were the least bit careful — you thought your stim was functioning after all. There had never been any reason to _be_ careful. 

Thank the gods it hadn’t started malfunctioning _before_ Ay-7. But you were probably working yourself up over nothing.

What if Ezra didn’t want it? In the past few months with him, children had never come up. Not to mention what you had learned about Sybil and Cora’s situation. 

The door opened and the AI bot rolled into the room. You _hated_ getting tests done at the clinic. Some of the missions you were assigned to would require full health panels before shipping out — you should’ve been used to it by now. 

The bot took a vial of blood from you and started processing it within the hollow of its artificial chest, while commencing with various body scans. 

“The medic will return shortly to provide you with results.” The bot’s grainy voice informed you, before it wheeled out of the room. Leaving you all alone with your thoughts again.

Could you even handle having a baby on your own if Ezra didn’t want any part in it? If things went sour with Ezra, you’d have to work your way back into the program and _that_ wouldn’t be possible while pregnant.

If worse came to worse, you could probably find some kind of work on Ay-7. 

It felt like an eternity before the medic returned to confirm that your anxiety wasn’t entirely misplaced. “Well, it would appear that in the short window of time between the malfunction and now, that you _have_ conceived. Based on your hormone levels, I would safely guess implantation took place within the last two weeks. You’re in the _very_ early stages of pregnancy.”

You weren’t even entirely certain you could understand the medic. She was speaking words, but you couldn’t really hear them. 

“Should you and your partner choose to terminate, you have a few non-invasive options at this stage. I can provide you with a resource file or you and your partner can come back for an appointment together.”

“He’s off world.” You told the medic, resting your hand on your stomach. “Did everything look normal?”

“It’s too early to detect any defects with your fetus. While you do have slightly higher than average iron levels, it isn’t anything to be concerned by.” She assured you. “If you have any questions, you can login through the portal and get answers from one of our aides.”

“Thanks.” You said quietly as you slid off the exam table. When Shiva had convinced you to get checked out at the medic — this was the _last_ thing you had imagined. 

_Pregnant_. 

You had never imagined yourself as a mother — not really. The program was a dangerous situation to be in, at the best of times. Pregnancy would’ve made you vulnerable and _worse_ , it would’ve meant being vulnerable with someone who would’ve just screwed you over in the end. 

Ezra wasn’t like that. But in reality, his situation didn’t really allow him to be like everyone that came before him. You knew where he was, you could come and go as you pleased, and you were his only connection to the world beyond Lykaois. 

You had all of the control in the relationship. But _this_ — this might’ve been more than he had bargained for. It was more than you had bargained for. 

You’d had only a handful of months together, if you cobbled the days together and now… 

How would Ezra react? You couldn’t picture him as a father. Even if the situation hadn’t been dire — if he wasn’t trapped on the moon, if there weren’t those that wanted to hurt you… Would he want to bring life into the world? 

There was very little good in the galaxy. You knew more than a few people who had made sure that they could _never_ bring life into the world. 

You didn’t even know if _you_ wanted it. It was such a fresh concept. A terrifying one at that. 

* * *

Shiva looked up from the engine part they were reconfiguring. “There’s our Lazarus. How’d it go at the medic?”

Your hands went to your hips as you stared down at them, “ _Well_ …” You started. “My brain seems to be fine.” 

“But?” They looked up at you, tossing a wrench aside as they got up. “There’s a but in there. What is it? Did you get fleas? Sexually transmitted disease?”

You snorted, “I definitely _caught_ something from Ezra.” 

Shiva’s brows furrowed together, “Caught what? Like the curse or…?”

You grimaced a little as you tried to find the right words to explain your situation. “Apparently my stim malfunctioned after whatever the guardians did to me and… I’m in the very early days of pregnancy.”

“Oh, sweet Yrica’s left tit.” Shiva swore. “Are you serious?” 

“How _early_ are we talking?” Quinn questioned as he strolled around the corner, his brows knit together with concern. 

Your head snapped towards him, “What are you doing here?” You looked back at Shiva. “What is _he_ doing here?”

“He’s in a bit of a rough patch.” Shiva shrugged. 

“I’m avoiding a collector.” Quinn admitted, before his gaze fell to your stomach. “Back to the kid you’re gestating.”

“I wouldn’t be standing here talking about it if there was even a _chance_ that it’s yours.” You snapped. “I’m about a month, I guess. It happened after I died…”

Shiva grimaced, “Not the post-death side effect I was expecting. What are you going to do?”

You rubbed at your forehead, sighing heavily. “I’m going to go back early and tell Ezra.” 

“Can’t you just com him?” Quinn questioned. 

You glared back over your shoulder at him, “I think it’s a face-to-face discussion.” You looked back at Shiva then. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s dangerous.” They admitted. “If what you told me about Proctor’s family is to be believed, then you _might_ be giving birth to a werewolf.”

Quinn crunched loudly as he bit down on a crisp, “Does that mean you fucked the beast or does it just happen regardless?”

“ _Quinn_.” Shiva sighed. 

“What? Her life is a mess and I’m amused.” He hoisted himself up on the side of a fuel barrel, eating another crisp from the bag he had been snaking from. 

“That’s not what happens with the beast.” You corrected him, before continuing. “It’s possible Cora was born a werewolf because her mother is. Maybe it won’t be the same for me?” 

You couldn’t even believe that you were having _this_ conversation. 

Shiva clicked their tongue against their teeth. “I think your best bet is to go back to the medic and have it terminated, get your stim recalibrated, and move on with your life like it didn’t happen.”

“I’m telling Ezra before any of that happens.” You ghosted your hand over your stomach. “He deserves to know. He’s already lost so much, I’m not going to add to it.”

“What if he doesn’t want anything to do with you or it?” Shiva questioned. “Ezra seems like a good man, but we both know they can be shit.”

Quinn cleared his throat, “I would be happy to pretend your kid is mine. Not that I have much to offer.” 

“Thanks.” You rolled your eyes. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m good.” 

“And you’re certain about the timing?” Quinn questioned, tapping the heels of his boots against the metal side of the barrel. 

“One hundred percent.” You assured him. 

“Good. I really didn’t want to add child support to my debts.” Quinn shrugged dramatically. “I mean, it would certainly be a sacrifice I would be willing to make—“

“Why are you still here?” You questioned, picking up Shiva’s wrench and chucking it in his general direction. “Get out of here.” 

“Easy. _Easy_.” Quinn tsked. “Pregnant women aren’t supposed to be stressed.” 

“My stress would be relieved if you took a quick trip out of an airlock.” You shot back. “Can you make that happen?”

“Such hostility.” He laughed, crunching down on another crisp. 

“When are you leaving?” Shiva questioned. 

“As soon as I can pull my things together.” You rubbed at your temples. “This wasn’t in my plan.”

“It doesn’t _have_ to be.” They reminded you. “You have options.” 

“Trust me, I know.” You sighed, worrying at your bottom lip. “It’s just a lot to think about.” You gestured to your stomach. “I feel like I’m going to wake up any moment.” 

Shiva stared at your stomach, “How do you feel?”

You shrugged, “Like it’s any other day.” 

“And they’re certain?” 

“ _Unfortunately_ ,” You tugged your satchel off your shoulder, swinging it around to grab your datapad out. “I have everything right here. Blood test confirms it. They can’t do too much more until I’m further along.” 

“Do you think it will be like it’s _dear_ furry father?” Quinn questioned, tapping his heels against the barrel again. “Are you going to have a werewolf fetus wiggling around during the full moon?”

 _That_ made your stomach turn. “I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Shiva grabbed your arm. “We’ll figure this all out together.” 

You smiled a little, “Thank you.” 

“Do I get a thanks?” Quinn questioned, a little too jovially. 

“Fuck off, Quinn.” You seethed. “Why are you still here?”

“I enjoy being a thorn in the side of my acquaintances. I’m also broke.” He shrugged. “Shiva’s letting me crash until things smooth over with a few connections.”

You gave Shiva a skeptical look. 

“I like strays.” They walked past you to grab the wrench you had thrown at Quinn. “He’s occasionally useful.”

He grinned and gave you a thumbs up. “All jokes aside, I do recognize our ship has long since left the port.”

“There was never a ship.” You grumbled. “It was an escape pod. A badly banged up escape pod.” 

Quinn wiggled his brows, “Ah, but you took that escape pod _frequently_.”

You rolled your eyes again, giving him an annoyed expression, before turning your attention back to Shiva. “ _Why_?”

“He’s amusing.” They nudged you in the shoulder. “And you know it’s true.”

“Unfortunately.”

“So how do you think Ezra will react?” Quinn questioned. “I couldn’t really get a _vibe_ from him.”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” You admitted, folding your arms across your chest. “We’ve never discussed children. We’ve never discussed what could’ve been situations.” You touched the spot on your arm where your faulty stim was. “We thought we were covered.” 

“The oldest story ever told.” Quinn quipped. 

Shiva finally looked annoyed, “Can you grab the manifold? It’ll be in the engine room _somewhere_.” 

“Trying to get rid of me?”

You both turned to him with an in unison, “Yes.”

* * *

You sank back in the pilot’s seat, stretching your legs out in front of you while you waited for the com to connect. The connection buzzed a handful of times and you wondered if Ezra was dealing with the side effects of the full moon. 

On the last buzz of the connection, he picked up. 

“Sorry, moonbeam. I was in the fresher.” He drawled out, his voice just as warm as it was when you sat right beside him. “And as tempting as it is to use the com panel in the fresher…” 

You laughed softly, chewing on your thumbnail as you tried to keep your tone as casual as possible. The last thing you wanted to do was to blurt out what you had to tell him. 

Not that you could even _think_ about the situation without feeling like you wanted a black hole to open up and swallow you whole. 

“Did you hear me?” Ezra questioned. 

“Sorry, yes.” You exhaled slowly. “ _Sorry._ ”

“You alright?” 

“Just tired,” You lied. “And as _tempting_ as it is to hear all about your time in the fresher, I’m not really in the mood tonight.”

“What _are_ you in the mood for, little lamb?” 

You rubbed at the crease between your brows, “I could really go for a quiet evening with some quality cuddling time.” 

Ezra chuckled softly, “My bed feels rather empty without you.” He sighed a little. “What’s got you feeling down?” 

“Nothing in particular,” You answered easily. “It’s just been a really long day. How have you been?”

“Alright.” He sighed a little. “I felt like this month was harder, you know? We managed last month and I had something to focus on. I’m a bit sore.” 

“Sounds like _you_ could use a quiet evening too.” 

Ezra hummed. “It _would_ certainly make things easier.” He was quiet for a moment before he added, “Are you sure you’re alright, moonbeam?” 

“I will be as soon as I’m back on Lykaios with you.” You propped your chin up on the arm of the chair. “Which may actually be sooner than planned.”

“What?”

“I got everything together quicker than I anticipated.” You told him with a slight smile, even though he couldn’t see you. “I’m a few hours out.” 

“That’s certainly a welcome surprise.” Ezra said warmly. “And what do I owe this surprise to?”

“I _might_ miss you.” You teased lightly. “And I…”

You both fell silent for another long moment. 

“And you, what?” Ezra sounded nervous and you didn’t blame him.

“Nothing.” You told him as you flipped on the autopilot and transferred the com connection to your datapad. “I want to wait until I get there.”

Ezra hummed curiously, “And you’re certain all is well?” 

“Well, I managed to track down a book of Herrick’s poems for you.” You told him as you meandered down the corridor to your quarters. “Quinn sent along a book of Byron’s poems he had. I’m not sure what message _that_ sends.”

“I think _I_ know.” You rolled your eyes. “A different _little lamb_.”

He sighed heavily, “Are we certainly Quinn’s clever enough to make that connection?”

You snorted, “Touché.” 

“I would actually be _impressed_.”

“It’s not unlikely,” You shrugged, kicking off your boots and sinking back onto your bed. “He used to be _really_ obsessed with British history.” 

“Interesting.” You could practically picture him grinding his teeth. “How long have you known Quinn?”

You thought for a second, “Early into the program. He’s just always been around.”

“And you never—“ 

“He doesn’t belong in the same box as Alia or Mars.” You assured him, “He was just a nice way to scratch the itch. You know?”

“Yeah.” Ezra sighed. “I suppose I can give him credit for owning Byron in the first place.” 

You laughed, snorting a little at how begrudgingly he said it. “I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” He murmured. “Are you in bed?” 

“I just laid down.” You told him, laying the datapad on the bed beside you. “Only one more sleep before I’m there with you.” 

“Why _are_ you coming back early? Don’t get me wrong, I’m elated, but… your hesitation earlier is going to keep me up tonight.” 

“It’s something I’d prefer to discuss when I’m _with_ you.” 

“Wait, does this have to do with your trip to the medic?” Ezra questioned. “Did Shiva make you go?” 

“It’s related to that.” 

“Is something wrong? _Fuck._ ” Ezra hissed out. “Moonbeam, just tell me. I’m going to worry an ulcer into my stomach before you arrive.” 

“I wouldn’t call it _wrong_.” You sighed a little, trying to resist the urge to cry. You didn’t actually know if he would think it was “ _wrong_ ”. He might. 

“You can tell me.” His voice wavered. “If the guardians have hurt you, I’ll rip them limb from limb.”

“Ezra, _please_ calm down.” You said lightly. “We’ll talk about it soon. I promise it’s not as bad as you’re thinking. I’m fine and I’ll be fine.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t want to lose you because of something I could’ve prevented.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” You assured him. “This is why I didn’t want to have this conversation over a com-call.” 

“Only a few more hours,” Ezra sighed again. “Right?” 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything at all…” You raked your hands over your face. “All of this is new for me.”

“It’s new for me too.” Ezra drawled out. “I still think I’m going to wake up and discover it was all an elaborate dream.” 

“All of it?”

“Just you.” 

“I feel the same way.” You admitted as you rolled onto your side. “I expect to wake up on the Block, ready to ship out somewhere. It doesn’t feel real most days.”

“I hate when I have to let go of you.” 

“I hope you don’t ever let go.”

Ezra scoffed, “I could never.”

“Are you in bed?”

“Yes, I’ve returned to my dreadfully lonely bed.” 

“Did you get dressed after your shower?”

He chuckled, “I thought you said you weren’t in the mood, my sweet little lamb.”

“ _What_? I want to picture what I’m missing.” It was a nice distraction at least. You wouldn’t have to worry about questions about _anything_. 

“What’s the point of putting clothes on when you’re alone?” Ezra questioned, his voice a little raspier. 

“Well, I’m fully dressed.”

He tsked quietly, “How _disappointing_. Then again, you were fully dressed in my bed when you—“

You groaned dramatically, “It’s not my fault that you smell so good.”

“I could say the same. It drives me crazy, moonbeam.” His breath caught in his throat. “We should sleep.” 

“I’ll be there soon.” You promised him, smiling sadly at the datapad. There was no way you were going to actually sleep, your anxiety wasn’t going to allow that to happen. “Ezra?”

“Mhm?” 

“I love you.”

“Oh moonbeam, I love you too.” He said warmly. “And I plan to count the moments until you are safely in my arms again.” 

You switched screens on the datapad, “I am five hours out.”

“Would you be adverse to me coming upon your arrival?” Ezra questioned.

“I would be _disappointed_ if you didn’t.” You say the datapad back down beside you. “I’ll see you soon, Ezra.” 

“Until the morning.” Ezra whispered. “Sleep well, love.” 

You stared at the datapad, even after the line went dead. There was a part of you that wished that you’d told him what you wanted to tell him, just to pull the bandage off and find out what he thought without _being_ there. 

How were you supposed to guess what his reaction would be to discovering that was going to be a father? 

The man had lived alone for five years, keeping himself away from everyone who was _like_ him. He feared losing the last vestiges of his humanity. He warred with wanting you to stay with him and wanting to cut you loose. He loved you, but did he love you like _that_? 

And for that matter, was this what _you_ wanted? 

This romance with Ezra had been a whirlwind, but it had been different than any love that came before. You spent hours on end with him, cooped up in your transport or his and you never got _bored._ There was never a moment where you found yourself ready to leave, you never wanted to. 

When you thought you loved Mars, you loved him in small doses. It was intense and all-consuming, but you always needed to come up for air. Alia… You would have willingly drowned in your love for her, but she always needed her own space. 

You recognized that this might be too much for him. He couldn’t escape from you, not really. You came in and out of his life, but he was fixed in one spot. 

But neither of you seemed ready for your time together to end. If you were at his transport before you left to return to the Block, he would _always_ follow you into yours and spend another hour with you before reluctantly parting ways. 

It was different. 

Maybe he could feel that invisible string connecting the two of you. The one that always felt drawn taut when you weren’t with him. The sensation that always drew you back to Lykaios. 

But would a child change all of that? Shiva may have been right. You could’ve gone back to Lykaios without having to worry about _any_ of this. Though, what would you do if one day Ezra _did_ express his desire to become a father — a possibility that was taken from him by the curse and by you. 

You just had to hope that things would sort themselves out. That he would understand. That his love for you wouldn’t falter. 


	11. Silver Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, mentions of pregnancy, brief conversation about abortion, misunderstandings, and werewolf smut. Yes, you read that right. If the idea of fucking a werewolf squicks you out, this chapter may not be for you.   
> Notes: I was bullied into this and I love each and everyone of you for bullying me into it. 

Ezra was waiting for you in the clearing when you landed on Lykaois the next morning. You expected as much, but it didn’t help settle the anxiety that was welling up within you. He knew something was up — but you doubted he could have _imagined_ the reality. 

Winter had faded in your absence. Frostbitten branches and fields replaced by the swift growth of budding flowers and leaves. A welcome change after the brutal cold. 

You unlatched the exterior door, pulling it open to welcome him inside. He looked just as anxious as you felt, as you shut and secured the door again.

“Hello, moonbeam.” He murmured, reaching out to brush his knuckles against your cheek. 

“Hi.” You offered, winding your arms around him. You just wanted to bask in _this_ moment, because you didn’t know how this was going to go. In reality, this could very well be the last time you got to hold him. The last time he would look at you like _that_ — like you had hung the stars in the sky above him. 

Ezra leaned in to kiss you, brushing his lips over yours with the slightest hesitation. “Did you get any sleep?”

You shook your head, running your hand up his back. “I tried to read a little, but…” You smiled a little. “Did you?”

“An hour. _Maybe_.” He shrugged a shoulder, his dark eyes searching yours as his brows furrowed together. “I thought I might suggest we take a short respite before…”

“I don’t know if I would sleep.” You admitted, curling your fingers around the back of his neck to toy with the soft curls there. “As lovely as that sounds.”

Ezra stole another brief kiss, trailing his hand down your waist and resting his hand at your hip. “You don’t want to end things, do you?”

“ _No_.” You answered quickly, tightening your grip on him. “That is the last thing I want, Ezra.” You shook your head slowly. “But I am afraid that _you_ may want to.”

“Never.” Ezra cradled the back of your head, his eyes never faltering from your face. “Whatever it is…” 

You smiled just a little, sliding your fingers down his forearm and taking ahold of his hand. “Let’s sit down. It’s a lot.”

“Your heart is beating _very_ fast.” He offered as he squeezed your hand. Ezra let you guide him down the corridor to the living area. It seemed fitting to tell him where it all began. You couldn’t look at the makeshift sofa without thinking of him.

Ezra sank down on the sofa, sitting stiffly as you perched on the cargo crate in front of him. You had tried to imagine this moment in your mind last night — but now it was _real_. 

Now he was sitting in front of you, waiting with baited breath for your confession. What did he think was about to be revealed? You knew there was likely a jealous part of him that was concerned that it involved Quinn. A rational part that probably believed you wanted to part ways with him and Lykaios forever. 

“So,” You started, rubbing your hands together anxiously as you shifted on the crate. “Shiva insisted that I go to the medic—“

“Which was wise, given what befell you.”

“ _Exactly_.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. “Everything was fine. I don’t appear to have any adverse reactions to what the Guardians did to me, except… When I died, apparently my stim malfunctioned. Some stupid fail safe to stop operating once the unit expires, but… I wasn’t really dead… not for long at least.” 

You could see the realization dawning across his features and it only added to your sinking feeling. 

“If I were to take a bet on when it _occurred_ , I would guess… before the full moon when we…”

Ezra’s gaze shifted towards your stomach then, his jaw clenched tight enough to see the muscle tick in his cheek. Even his hands had curled into tightly coiled fists on his thighs. 

“I recognize that all of this is a lot to take in…” You added, trying to fill the void of silence between you. “It’s still _early._ Really early. A month. I could’ve taken care of the situation during the appointment but I wanted to tell you first.” 

“To tell me what?” Ezra’s eyes focused on your face once more. “You haven’t said it.” 

You swallowed thickly, fidgeting the edge of your shirt. “I… _oh_. Well, I’m…” You couldn’t look at him. You weren’t prepared to see the look in his eyes _change_. “I’m pregnant.” 

Ezra exhaled heavily, like he’d been holding his breath while he waited for your admittance. He raked his hands over his face, leaning over as his gaze shifted to the floor. “That’s… I don’t know how I feel, moonbeam.” 

“I didn’t expect you to.” You kept your hands planted on your knees. “I can go back and take care of the situation. I didn’t want to do anything without talking to you first. It didn’t seem right. But, why would _you_ want to have a child with m—“

Ezra reached out and rested his hand over yours, “That _isn’t_ what I said.” He waited until you lifted your head to look at him. “I don’t know how I feel right now. I prepared myself for a different conversation and _this_ was not what I expected.” 

You covered his hand with your other, squeezing it tight as you held his gaze. “It doesn’t even seem _real_.”

He shook his head before quietly admitting, “It isn’t something I _ever_ imagined for myself.” 

“It doesn’t have to be.” You told him, rubbing your thumb over the side of his hand. “I’m not going to force you into a situation that you don’t want to be in.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want.” 

“Me neither.” Ezra’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “There are so many unknowns, moonbeam. So many risks that I’m not willing for you to take.” 

“You don’t really get to decide what risks _I_ take.” You retorted, pulling your hands away from his. “I’ve made a dozen risky decisions — related to _you_ — because I wanted to.” 

Ezra frowned at you. “You’ve made a lot of _foolish_ decisions because of me. Because of _us_. But this,” He gestured vaguely to your stomach. “It could kill you.”

“It could kill me even if you weren’t a _beast_ , Ezra.” You snapped. “You call it _foolish_ and yet you tell my friends to make sure I come back. You act like I have made a grave mistake, yet you hold me like you never want to let go of me. You can’t have this both ways. You can’t act like I’m a damned fool, only to beg for me to come back to you.”

“Because this has an expiration date. We may not know the day or time, but this… it’s doomed moonbeam. The curse is one burden to carry, but knowing that I am cursed to lose you…” He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, letting out a frustrated sound. “For five years I suffered all alone, wondering why I was _still_ holding on. I was greedy because I wanted to live, just to spite the curse.” His dark gaze stung as he glared at you. “And then there was you. You filled me with life again, you filled up all of these crevasses that were chipped away at by my loneliness. But I won’t damn you to this fate moonbeam… I won’t let _my_ beast eat at you from inside.” 

Your hand went to your stomach then, staring back at him. “The beast that kept me warm as I wilted in the snow? The beast that sleeps beside my bed? The beast looks at me with the same kindness I see in your eyes?”

“ _No_. The beast that lurks under the full moon with a mouth filled with blood. The beast I don’t know if I can actually control.” Ezra shifted to the edge of the sofa and reached out to rest his hand over yours at your stomach. “The beast that has passed its curse onto an _innocent_ life.” His head fell forward and you watched as his back heaved. “If we had met five years ago… if we had fallen in love on some errant journey… today would be among the happiest moments of my life. But this curse has ruined everything. Every moment is tarnished with its cruel reality.”

“We don’t know if the baby is going to be like you, Ezra. We have no way of knowi—“

Ezra cut you off, “Cora was born with the curse.” 

“Her _mother_ was the cursed one. Proctor wasn’t.” You pointed out. “We have no way of knowing.” You carefully slid your hand out from beneath his, causing his fingers to brush against your stomach. 

Ezra recoiled like he’d been scalded. 

You moved to get up then, wanting to put space between the two of you. “I don’t know what I was thinking coming back here.” You gritted out. “Now _and_ then.”

“Neither do I.” He retorted, just as coldly as you sounded. “You were naïve to think there was a future in this.”

You whirled around to face them then. “What did you just say?”

“I said you were naïve.” He stared back at you. “We both were.” 

“Yeah, okay.” You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek as you looked away from him, your fingers curling into fists at your side. “I’m really fucking tired of being called naïve. Almost as much as I’m _tired_ of caring more than everyone else in my life.” 

You refused to break in front of him. This hadn’t gone how you had planned it. It was _worse_ than you had expected. 

Without fully thinking it through, you turned abruptly on your heels and started down the corridor like you were headed for your quarters. 

Ezra didn’t make a noise until the quick whirring sound of the exterior door filled the hull. You were quick to pull it shut when you heard your name tumble from his lips when he realized your plan.

It was foolish. It was _naïve_. 

But in the heat of the moment you didn’t care. 

You had to get away from him, even if it meant darting towards the treeline. If he wanted to, he could find you. _Anyone_ could find you. 

There was a deeply destructive desire — one you kept tamped down — that _almost_ wanted to get captured again. To have them try to make you forget all over again. Wouldn’t that be something? To forget all of this. 

It _was_ foolish. 

But none of it changed the fact that you loved him. Even if he was the foolish one too. 

Ezra wasn’t following. At least not that you could tell. The forest was eerily quiet, save for the occasional crunch of your boots against brittle branches and moldering leaves from before the feeds.

You ventured deeper into the forest, until you found yourself in a familiar spot. The one where it all began. Where you thought you would succumb to the forest. The trap was still there, though he’d left it snapped closed to prevent others from falling into the same fate you did. 

_Falling_. 

You remembered the eerie vision you had had, falling into a bottomless pit of darkness through the mouth of the silver trap. 

You took a shuffling step forward and reached down to touch the cold steel of the trap, sliding your fingers over the curve of the metal. 

None of this could have been _expected._ That day you were solely focused on getting the lunaxium and getting off Lykaois and now you were carrying a tiny piece of the planet's greatest attribute. 

Your hand went to your stomach as you knelt down beside the steel trap. Rationally, you knew Ezra was right. Keeping the baby would only lead to more heartbreak for both of you. But not keeping the baby? 

What if it wasn’t cursed like Ezra? What if you would always have a little piece of Ezra, once you lost him to the moon? 

And the thought of him as a father warmed the coldest parts of your soul. He was rough around the edges, but he was more passionate than anyone you had ever known. He brought to life every story he read and every poem he recited. 

Your hand lingered at your stomach, imagining what the next few months might bring. Imagining yourself happy and content as Ezra pressed kisses to a rounded stomach. 

There was a warmth there that reminded you of the dream — of the star that fell into your hand. The one you swallowed and felt glowing in your stomach with the same _tugging_ sensation you felt pulling between you and Ezra. 

The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end as you were overcome with an overwhelming sense of being watched. You kept very still as you tilted your head to the right and left to look into the forest around you. 

There was no one there and yet…

“Ezra?” You whispered. 

A tree branch snapped behind you and you couldn’t help the way you cried out softly in surprise. The ground shifted beneath you, little tremors giving away the footsteps of the beast approaching you.

You closed your eyes and exhaled slowly, “I know it’s you.” 

A low growl quickly preceded the cold touch of a wet nose against the back of your neck. Of course it was Ezra. 

“I see you followed me,” You remarked as you turned around slowly to face the beast. “Are you more amenable to the idea of _this_?” You questioned with just a little bite as you gestured to your stomach. 

The beast whined a little, dropping his head down to nudge his snout against your stomach. Reluctantly you combed your fingers through the soft hair between his ears. 

“You’re not so bad like this, you know.” You told the beast. “I can’t possibly stay mad at you when you look like this.”

He pulled back and cocked his head to the side.

“Yes, I know… big scary towering beast, but… you’re kinda cute.” You told him, stroking your fingers through the fur beneath his jaw. 

The beast leaned in and licked at your face, resting one of his massive paws on the top of your leg. You stared down at it, marveling at the fact that something clearly designed for damage could be so tender. 

Even hunkered over like he was, he loomed above you. 

“I almost like you _more_ than your human form.” You told the beast and he snorted, shaking his head with a soft growl. “I said what I said.” You smirked, rubbing your fingers down his snout. “You can’t say shit like this.” 

He licked at your face and neck again, his breath hot against your skin. A shiver ran down your spine and you wondered if he _knew_ how quickly your anger turned into something else entirely. 

The beast took a step back, cocking his head to the side as he stared at you. 

“I’m still mad at you.” You told him, leaning forward on your knees as you reached out to touch the beast’s jaw. 

He turned his head and pressed his nose against the center of your palm, licking at the spot there. 

Was it wrong to feel _this_ way about the beast? To feel the same arousal that you felt for Ezra? But you couldn’t fully ignore the way that your frustration had morphed into a different brand of frustration.

You reached out and took a hold of his left hand — _paw._ It was strange how the palm felt more like pads of a dog’s foot and yet he had almost human fingers with sharp claws at the ends. One swipe and he could rip you to shreds.

The beast breathed heavily as he stared at you. You ran your thumb over the rough skin of the pad of his paw, just like you would if it were his hand. 

You leaned towards him, resting your forehead against his broad shoulder as you slowly stroked your fingers through the soft fur that covered his chest. 

He snorted quietly as he trailed one of his massive hands down your back. 

“Is _this_ naïve?” You questioned, keeping your voice low as your lips lingered near his ear. You pressed a kiss to the curve of his fur-covered jaw. 

The beast gave a quiet growl, nudging his nose against your shoulder. You let him guide you backwards against the ground as he planted his paws on either side of your head. 

You stared up at him, nose-to-snout. His breath was hot against your lips. You smoothed your fingers over his jaw and down his neck. “This reminds me of my dreams.” Your hand wandering down his chest. “When you _catch_ me.”

The beast pressed his nose against that spot at the crook of your neck, his tongue sweeping over the skin there. He knew _exactly_ what he was doing. 

You ran your fingers down the back of his neck and across the width of his shoulders. You should’ve been afraid of him — you were dwarfed by his size and he was all muscle and danger. But you weren’t. 

“ _Ezra_ ,” You breathed out, pressing your lips to his jaw as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck. “Please.” 

He growled softly, nudging at your arm and you rolled over for him. You rose up on your hands and knees, letting the warm weight of his chest press against your back. 

The beast trailed his nose down the column of your neck, hot breath glancing over your skin. He kept his weight supported above you with one hand as he reached beneath you and brushed his paw over your cloth-covered breast. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, but there was no way to suppress the soft moan that escaped you. _This_ was happening. 

Maybe there were _better_ ways to work out your frustration with Ezra, but this seemed like a welcome distraction. In this moment, it felt like you had slipped into a familiar dream — you could forget, just for a while, that there was a very real and pressing matter that needed to be discussed. 

You ran your fingers over his forearm, marveling at the strength of it beneath your touch. Ezra was wiry and strong, but not like the beast. 

The beast slid his head over your shoulder, pressing his cheek against your cheek. You planted your hands on the ground again steadying yourself before reaching down to fuss with the fastening of your pants. 

He ran his hand from your chest down to the bare skin of your lower stomach as you tugged your pants down around your thighs. 

You ran your hand down his arm and over the back of his paw as he kept it there. “We’ll talk about it.” You told him softly. “I promise.” 

He rubbed his broad forehead against the side of your face, a low rumble rising up the back of his throat that wasn’t quite a growl. 

You turned your face and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, before sliding your underwear down your thighs. You were bare from the waist down, bent over on your hands and knees beneath a _beast_ in the middle of the forest. 

Ezra curled his hand around your bare thigh, his sharp claws lightly biting into your skin as he shifted above you. 

You held your breath, your heart hammering in your chest as you felt the hot length of his cock brush against your cunt. He lacked some of the finesse that Ezra had, but that was easily forgotten the moment he sank into you.

Your nails sank into the soft soil beneath you as you scrambled for purchase, anything to hold onto as his hips snapped against yours. 

A ragged moan escaped your lips as the angle of his thrusts had his cock driving into that sweet spot within you. For a beast with so much power behind his every movement, he moved with such intentional caution. 

Even like this, Ezra kept his face pressed into the crook of your neck, his breath sending little shivers down your spine. 

You grabbed at his arm, clinging to him for support as he started to pick up the pace of his thrusts. 

Mere steps away from where you first met Ezra, the beast was now driving the length of his cock into you again and again. It lit up every nerve in your body — you were hyperaware of every spot where his fur dragged against the backs of your naked thighs, where his breath danced over your neck, where the rough pad of his hand was pressed against your stomach. 

Your orgasm took you by surprise. Your cunt clenched tight around him, inner walls fluttering around his cock as he fucked into you. 

He growled, teeth lightly scraping over your neck with just enough pressure to make you shudder. The beast followed right behind you, his hips snapping against you as he buried the length of him within you and came apart for you. 

Unlike what you were used to with him, there was no lazy _after_. The beast withdrew from you too quickly, your inner walls pulsing around the absence of him. But he wasn’t done with you yet. 

He crouched behind you, dragging his tongue through your oversensitive folds as he lapped away at the mess he’d made of you. 

You sank forward onto your forearms, pressing your forehead against your palms as you let yourself sink into the sensation of his tongue and the little shivers of aftershocks that came with it. 

Ezra licked his lips satisfactorily as he took a step back and circled around you. You were fairly certain you looked like a _mess_. You felt like one. But gods if it hadn’t been cathartic to _forget_ everything else for a handful of minutes. 

You pushed yourself back up onto your hands and knees as you pulled your underwear and pants back up. You flopped back onto the ground, tilting your head to look at the beast. “Well, _that_ happened.”

The beast whined, a soft bark-like sound escaping him as he used his nose to push the hem of your shirt back up. He licked at your stomach, before pressing the broad width of his head against the skin there. 

“I know.” You whispered, brushing your fingers through his soft hair. 

He took a lumbering step backwards, an almost human-like cry of pain escaping as he hunkered down all fours. His eyes stared daggers into you as his fur fell away and he collapsed onto the ground as nothing more than a naked man. 

“Ezra—“ You sat up, reaching out for him. The muscles in his back went rigid as you touched his bare skin. 

“I’m so sorry, moonbeam.” He struggled, pain from the transformation evident in his voice and body. 

You crowded close to him, winding your arms around him and burying your face into the crook of his neck. He wrapped himself around you, his hands clinging at your sides. 

Ezra let out a ragged sigh, skirting his hand down your back. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me.” You assured him. 

“When you left…”

“ _Oh_.” You pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. “That you _should_ apologize for.” 

He gave a short nod, clenching his teeth together as he let out another pained sound. You knew it hurt him to shift out of that form — almost as bad as when he became the beast. 

The night that he had brought you back from the guardians, he’d been in obvious pain as he tried to tend to you as your memories came and went. 

Ezra slid his hand in between the two of you, his fingers fanning out over your lower stomach again. “Whatever you want, moonbeam.” 

“What do _you_ want?” You questioned, keeping one hand curled around the back of his neck as your other hand rested over his. “We did this together, we should do it together too.”

He closed his eyes for a moment as he drew in a shallow breath. “I don’t want to lose you, moonbeam. You’re all I have. I find myself in a situation where I cannot _truly_ have the life I want to give to you and our child.” 

Your heart skipped a beat. 

“In another life, five years ago, in a world where I am not bound to this curse… I would give you both _everything_.” Ezra stared at you intently. “But I am holding all that I have.”

You cupped both of his cheeks then, planting a kiss to his lips as you lingered there. “I love you, Ezra. What you have right here is all I need.”

“I’m sorry,” He murmured, brushing his nose against yours. “What I said was reprehensible.” 

“You didn’t call me anything I haven’t heard before.” You admitted. “I know my own flaws.”

“It wasn’t fair.” Ezra insisted, stroking his fingers over your stomach. “Because I am _truly_ overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a father… if that is something you choose for us.” 

“I think it is.” You told him, combing your fingers through his hair as you stole another brief kiss. “Life is filled with surprises and sometimes it’s worth it to just roll with them.” 

Ezra cradled the back of your head, “I think we just _rolled_ with one surprise.” He drawled out, giving you a curious look. 

You wondered if he could sense the sudden flood of embarrassment you felt, the way your skin warmed with the heat of it. “Shiva can _never_ know. They’ll never let me live it down.” 

He snorted, “That secret is safe with me.” 

“ _Good_.” You glanced downwards then, before looking back at him. “Let’s get you and your nakedness home.” 

Ezra grimaced a little, “Keep close. I’m sure we made enough noise to draw an audience.” Your eyes widened a little, but he was quick to calm you. “I _don’t_ sense anything.”

You sighed as you stood up, waiting for him to haul his weary body off the ground. “I can’t believe we did _that_.” 

“You never cease to bring _excitement_ into my life.” Ezra murmured as he took hold of your hand and brought it to his lips. “But we should make haste back to the transport. I’m rather _exposed_ like this.” He gestured to his naked torso and cock.

“I don’t mind the view.” You taunted with a smirk, giving him a sweeping look. 

His brows rose upwards, “Glad to hear you haven’t found yourself with a _preference_ now.” 

You winked at him. “Now, I didn’t say _that_.”

Ezra scoffed, “Is this where you tell me you prefer the beast?”

“There’s a certain appeal.” You teased lightly as you watched him hesitate, his fingers clenching at his sides as he tried to propel himself forward through his pain. “But no offense to the beast,” You reached out for his hand, coaxing him to loosen his grip, before rubbing your thumb over his palm soothingly. “I think I prefer you like _this_.”

He gave a strained chuckle, “I'm flattered.” Ezra interlaced his fingers with yours as he started forward through the forest. 

“I just wanted to _forget_ ,” You explained to him quietly, climbing over a fallen tree and waiting for him to follow you over. “I’ve had so many dreams, but the reality of it…”

Ezra sank back against the trunk of the tree, rubbing at his ribs as he tried to catch his breath. “I’m fine.” He assured you, holding up a hand when you started to say something. “The beast…” He trailed off briefly, “I have a complicated relationship with that part of me, but he and I are agreed where you are concerned, moonbeam.” He smiled a little. 

“What does the beast think about,” You gestured vaguely to your stomach. You still didn’t know _how_ to discuss it. It was still so early on that the idea of a _baby_ felt foreign. 

He managed to take a step away from the tree trunk, standing on his own two feet for a moment, before taking another step towards you. Ezra reached out to curl his fingers around your hip as he stared into your eyes. 

“That same primal need I felt…” He ran his tongue over his bottom lip slowly. “That greedy, possessiveness…” Ezra leaned in to kiss you. “It’s _doubled_ now.” 

Your breath caught somewhere in the back of your throat as you held his gaze. 

“It’s _proof_.” He drawled out with a slight edge to his voice that you couldn’t quite place. “Proof that you’re mine.” Ezra kissed you again, letting his lips linger against yours. “I love you, moonbeam.” He brushed his nose against yours, his breath dancing over your lips. “I hope you can forgive me for what I said to you.” 

You ran your hands over his bare shoulders and down his arms. “Of course I can.” You closed the distance between the two of you once more with a kiss. “But if you _ever_ call me naïve again, I will make you regret it.” 

“ _Understood_.” Ezra nodded. “Come on, we need to keep moving.” He urged, taking your hand into his as he started walking again. It was clear that every step was pain for him as his joints knitted back together and his body recovered from the transformation. But that drive to keep you — _and_ his child — safe was stronger than that. 


	12. Moon Dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, pregnant!reader, recreational space drug use, SMUT (female receiving oral, cock warming, adapted doggy style)  
> Notes: This took me so long to write and I have no idea why... Hopefully it’s good?

“She walks in beauty, like the night,” Ezra drawled out as he traced his fingertips across the width of your shoulder blades slowly. “Of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that’s best of dark and bright.” His voice was so gentle, lulling you into a comfortable place between being awake and asleep. “Meet in her aspect and her eyes, thus mellowed to that tender light. Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”

You smoothed your hand over his chest as you slowly opened your eyes, tilting your head to look at him. “Byron?”

He gave a short nod, “I used to know the rest of it by heart. You’ll have to thank Quinn for me. As shocking as that sounds.” 

“I’m _sure_ he’s waiting for your gratitude with baited breath,” You shifted upwards, pressing your lips to his. 

“Or waiting in the wings for _tragedy_.” You teased, tracing your thumb over the curved scar on his cheek. 

“You’ll have to break his heart then,” Ezra smirked, turning his head to kiss your fingertips. “While I am still coiled tight with anxiety about our impending future… I’m _happy._ ”

“Me too.” You smiled at him, running your thumb over his bottom lip. “Terrified, but relatively happy.” 

“ _Relatively_?” He arched a brow, flicking his tongue out to lick your thumb. 

“I mean, I _am_ happy.” You assured him, watching as he wrapped his lips around your thumb and slid his tongue over the tip again. “ _So_ happy, but you are _really_ trying to distract me right now.” 

Ezra flashed you a sinful smirk, “Did you catch onto that?” He questioned, trailing his fingers down your side again. _“Good._ ”

“That tickles,” You told him, pressing into his side to escape his touch, which was clearly _exactly_ what he wanted. You reached out and ran your fingers down the column of his throat as you leaned in to kiss him. “What’s got you wound up, Ez?”

“ _You_.” He told you, catching your bottom lip between his teeth and scraping lightly. “I wish you knew how _good_ you smell, little lamb.” Ezra’s lips parted against yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth. 

You had felt so warm and cozy after waking up in his arms and now Ezra had quickly turned that warmth into a burning pool of desire between your thighs. 

Ezra fanned his fingers out as he slid his hand down your side, before skimming them over your lower stomach. It had only been a _day_ since you told him the news and you’d quickly noticed that he wasn’t kidding about those primal urges. 

“Then _tell_ me.” You retorted, dragging your fingers through his hair. “Tell me what’s going through your mind.” 

He leaned in and kissed down your throat, his tongue sweeping out over your pulse point where his mouth _always_ returned to. Ezra murmured your name against your skin as his teeth grazed lightly there. 

“Do you _really_ want to know?” He drawled out, kissing your jaw before lingering above you nose-to-nose. “What we did in the forest is like a hazy dream… But I can smell the beast all over you.” Ezra tilted his head to the side to kiss you again. “Like that part of me has claimed you. That you’re all mine and now _everyone_ knows.”

You played with the hair at the nape of his neck, your breath catching in the back of your throat as you held his gaze. “So you’re all worked up because I let the beast lay claim to me?” You tugged at his hair as it slid through your fingers. 

“You accepted the duality of what I am.” He whispered, shifting above you to slide his leg in between your legs. “I spent five years alone, moonbeam. Five years thinking I would _never_ feel someone’s touch again. That even if I met someone, how could they want _that_?”

You scratched your nails gently through the prickly scruff that grew across his cheeks and jaw. “I think the beast is just as touch starved as you are.” You told him, a soft moan escaping you as he pressed his thigh firmly between your legs. “So _that’s_ what got you going?” 

Ezra ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he held your gaze. “In part.” He dipped down and pressed a kiss to the hollow of your throat, before sliding downwards. He kissed a path down your chest, his hands following the curve of your waist as he moved towards your stomach. 

You tilted your head to look down at him, your heart pounding in your chest. 

“I was thinking about how _radiant_ you’ll be as our child grows within you.” He kissed your stomach just above your belly button. “How everyone will know that you’re _mine_.”

Ezra moved lower, nudging your thighs apart as he settled there. “Now I know why you smell _different_.” He told you as he ran his hands along your inner thighs. “It wasn’t because of what the guardians did to you, it was because there is _life_ growing within you.” 

Your lips parted to respond to him, but you lost track of what you wanted to say the second his tongue swept over your clit. You moaned and shifted your hips towards his face. “ _Ezra_.” 

He ran his tongue between your slick folds, teasing at your center before returning to your clit. He palmed at the soft flesh of your inner thighs as he worked his mouth over your cunt, his tongue pressing into you only teasingly. 

“Fuck.” You hissed out, biting down on your bottom lip as you sank back against your bed. His lips wrapped around that little sensitive bundle nerves, his tongue flicking out against it. You couldn’t help the way you squirmed beneath his attention. 

Ezra caught ahold of your thighs, drawing them up and over his shoulders. You reached down and grabbed at his hand, tangling your fingers with his as he started dipping his tongue into you again. 

He pulled back to catch his breath, his lips shimmering with your arousal as he stared up at you from between your thighs. “I could spend my life between your thighs, moonbeam. _Right here_.” Ezra drawled out, licking his lips slowly. 

You ran your foot over his back, shifting your hips towards him again. “You look _good_ down there too.” 

Ezra turned to press a kiss to your thigh, before parting his lips and scraping his teeth over your skin. He chuckled softly when you shuddered, “Do you like that?” 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, reaching down to play with his hair. 

He dipped back down between your thighs, dragging his tongue between your folds before rearranging your legs so he could move back up your body. 

Ezra leaned down to kiss you and you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue as you kissed him. Your hands wandered down his back, nails lightly scraping over his skin. 

“Can you roll over for me?” Ezra questioned, brushing his knuckles over your cheek gently. 

You nodded, pressing a quick kiss to his chin before you moved onto your hands and knees beneath him. Ezra ran his hand down your spine as he sat back on his knees. 

“Like this.” He told you, drawing you onto his lap. “Lean up on your knees.”

You planted your hands on the bed for leverage as you rose up. “Look at you, getting creative.” You taunted as the head of his cock pressed between your folds. Ezra guided you down onto his cock before stilling within you. “ _Fuck_.”

“I don’t want you getting bored, little lamb.” He drawled out as he skimmed his hand down your stomach, before finding his way between your thighs. 

You reached behind you, grabbing at his hip as you shifted atop him, seeking friction. “With _you_? How could I be bored?”

“Good.” Ezra kissed the nape of your neck, before trailing his lips along your shoulder. His fingers teased at your clit lightly, while he kept the thick length of his cock buried inside you. “That’s it.” He whispered when your inner walls fluttered around him. 

You blindly reached for his other hand, peeling it off your hip and bringing it to your throat. Ezra caught onto what you wanted, his fingers loosely wrapping around your throat.

“Is that what you want, moonbeam?” Ezra questioned, rubbing his thumb over the side of your throat. He tightened his grip just enough to make your pulse quicken and that was all it took. 

Your cunt clenched tight around his cock as your orgasm tore through you. He didn’t even give you a moment to _fully_ enjoy it before he used the grip he had on your throat to lean you forward on your hands so he could slide out of you. 

The second your lips parted to complain about the loss of him, Ezra slammed back into you and you swore you saw stars behind your eyes. His cock hit right against that sweet spot within you and your body _gushed_ for him. 

Ezra set a desperate pace, driving into you again and again until you were face down on the mattress whimpering for _more._ Without warning, he slid out of you. 

“What are you—“

“I’ve got you,” He promised as he stretched out beside you on the bed, “Lay like this.” Ezra ran his hand down your side as you settled yourself into the bend of his body. “That’s it, moonbeam.”

He kept a tight hold on your hip as he pressed his cock back into you. You couldn’t help but moan as he filled you once more. There was less haste to his movements now, he rolled his hips into you like he was really trying to savour his impending release.

You shifted just enough to look back at him over your shoulder. Ezra smirked before leaning in to kiss you. His hands were everywhere, groping at your breasts or lingering at your stomach. 

It was surreal to think that in a few months’ time that _proof_ he mentioned would be there. That there would be no denying that you were pregnant with his child. 

Ezra’s teeth scraped lightly over the crook of your neck and your cunt clenched around him in response. He bit down harder, not enough to break skin, but enough to set your blood ablaze as he finally came. 

“Oh, _fuck_.” You panted out, grinding your ass back against him. “Did you get that out of your system?” 

He chuckled as curled his arms around you, keeping you pressed closed to him. “There’s no getting _you_ out of my system.” Ezra told you, his breath hot against the back of your neck.

“Was it Byron?” You questioned, tracing your fingers over the back of his hand. You wouldn’t put it past him to be wound up _again_ because of Quinn giving you the book of Byron world to give to Ezra. 

“Hmm?” He hummed as he lazily stroked your stomach. 

“ _Nothing_.” You laughed softly, tilting your head just enough to see that Ezra’s eyes were closed. He needed to sleep. He’d been wired after coming back to the transport — both because of pain and the remaining shock from the news. 

You could get up in a few hours and deal with the mess that had been made. 

* * *

Ezra dragged his hands over his face as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs. “I can talk to Sybil about her experience.”

“Thank you,” You offered lightly as you studied his side profile. “Theoretically, it would make sense that Cora was born with the curse because of her mother having it. She would’ve transformed eight or nine times during her pregnancy…”

He glanced sideways at you, “Or you’ll find yourself with a werewolf transforming in your womb.” 

You made a face, “That made my insides hurt just thinking about it.” 

“It could _kill_ you,” Ezra pointed out, his voice was as sharp as a knife. “Every time we part ways, I will dread the unknown of your time on the Block. You could die and I would never know.”

Your expression fell as you stared at him. “Shiva would tell you if something happened.” 

Ezra worked his jaw stiffly. “We don’t have to do this, moonbeam. You don’t have to feel obligated to bear my child because—“

“Because I want to?” You rolled your eyes. “We’re not going around this bend again. This is what I want. I don’t do shit out of obligation.”

He gave you a skeptical look. 

“I _don’t_.” You insisted. “If I _really_ didn’t want to do this, it wouldn’t have even been a conversation. I could’ve handled it at the medic and moved on with my life.” 

Ezra punched at the bridge of his nose. “I want it too, but now it just means I have more to lose.”

You nodded your head slowly, wringing your hands together nervously. “The stakes are higher. But I could stay for the full moon.” You offered. “If you’re worried about what might happen to me—“

“And have the guardians take you again? To make you forget me and our baby?” Ezra’s lips trembled. “We already risked everything with that little _trip_ into the forest.”

Your heart clenched at the broken look in his eyes, “I know. That was a moment of stupidity.”

“I don’t blame you for running from me.” He reached out and gave your hand a squeeze. “I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“It’s fine.” You rubbed your thumb over the side of his hand. “I’m sure it’s not the first or last time we’ll fight over the next nine months…” You held his hand a little tighter then. “Or the foreseeable future. Kinda sobering to think we’ll be in each other’s lives forever now.”

Ezra nodded slowly, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip. “It’s a lot.” He admitted. “There’s a lot to consider. If our child carries the curse, they won’t ever be able to leave Lykaios and we have damned another being to this hellscape.” 

You swallowed thickly around a lump forming in your throat. “We’ll figure out how to make it work, Ez.” You brought his hand to your lips, kissing each knuckle as you exhaled slowly. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

He stared at you for a painfully long moment before he _finally_ answered you, “ _Yes_. I just wish the circumstances were different, moonbeam.” 

“I know.” You drew your knees up to your chest as you leaned into his side, resting your cheek against his shoulder. “Maybe, one day, we’ll find a way to break the curse.” 

“I don’t want you to pin your hopes on impossible things,” Ezra warned you, pressing his lips to the top of your head as he stroked his hand down your back. “I _cannot_ leave this moon and one day I will lose myself to it.” 

“Sybil still seems _normal_.” You pointed out. 

He huffed quietly, “And I’ve seen her rip a man a part.” 

You pulled back a little to stare at him, “Are you serious?”

Ezra nodded slowly. 

“Well that changes things…” You made a face as you rubbed at the spot between your eyebrows. “At least I know I’m safe with the beast.” 

He dragged his fingers through his hair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, staring at a spot on the ground. “I still don’t trust that side of me. There’s an element of unpredictability that…” Ezra trailed off and sighed. “It’s _still_ an animalistic monster.” 

You stared at him, “Do you _think_ it wants to hurt me?” 

“No.” He answered without hesitation. “It may be hazy for me, but I do know that the beast part of me views you as it’s _mate_.” Ezra gave you a sidelong look. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t accidentally hurt you or… or _our_ baby.” 

“Hey,” You reached out to brush your fingers through his hair gently, stroking your fingers down the back of his neck, playing lightly over the scar there. “I trust you.” 

Ezra reached over and squeezed your leg. “I love you.” He offered, before he moved to get off the sofa. “I need a hit.”

You watched as Ezra walked across the room to where his satchel was sitting on the floor, he dug around inside and found the small parcel of lunaxium he kept with him. He vanished down the hallway and you listened for the sound of the fresher door sliding closed. 

Over the past few months, Ezra had never let you _see_ him use the lunaxium. You knew how it worked — it wasn’t dissimilar from the aluerion dust that circulated on the Block — but he was careful to do it private. The most you ever saw was his blown pupils, like full moons, and the way he’d rub his nose for a few minutes after. 

You got up off the sofa and grabbed your datapad off the shelf where it was charging, you headed down the hallway with it, past the fresher and into your quarters. 

Bernard Proctor made frequent trips to Lykaios _and_ Arcadia, but Sybil hadn’t mentioned the latter. Maybe she didn’t know about his trips to the planet? Based on the flight logs, he had made his last trip to Arcadia a mere month before his encounter with the guardians. 

What was he doing on Arcadia? 

You pulled up on a report that Quinn had given you before you left the Block. It wasn’t much, but it at least confirmed that the planet had slightly more than just trace amounts of lunaxium… which was the thing that kept Ezra bound to the moon. 

Maybe you could make a pit-stop on Arcadia on the way back to the Block. Ezra didn’t need to know what you were doing. But it could be life changing if both of you could go somewhere _together_. Somewhere the guardians weren’t. 

You closed out of the report and opened up the folder from the medic. You scrolled through the list of files, before clicking on the scan imagery. 

It was too early to _really_ see anything, but the scan did pick up a clear image of the gestational sac — a nearly perfect circle that reminded you of the moon too. That right there was where your baby would grow over the next few months and it was still too surreal to believe. 

You’d lost count of how many times you had pulled the image up just to remind yourself that it was _really_ happening. 

By the time you went back to the Block and saw the medic again, they’d be able to pick up a heartbeat during the scan. Next time you came back to Lykaios you’d have a new scan with a visible baby on it to show Ezra. 

There was still a part of you that worried that he _didn’t_ want this. He was so difficult to read sometimes. You just had to keep reminding yourself that it was all still _new_. Ezra had spent five years all alone on this moon and then you showed up. In a handful of months you’d shown up, fallen in love with him, and wound up pregnant. 

Ezra’s uncertainty was to be expected, given his situation. 

You glanced up when the fresher door opened and you listened as Ezra made his way back into the living area to stow the lunaxium. 

“I’m in bed.” You called out and instead of answering, Ezra meandered back down the corridor to your quarters. “Better?”

“I’ve got a headache.” He told you as he joined you on the bed. Ezra sank back against the durasteel wall behind him, tilting his head towards the ceiling as he rubbed at his nose. “ _Sorry_.”

“Don’t apologize.” You told him, sitting the datapad aside as you crossed your legs beneath you and turned towards him. 

Despite the obvious pain from his headache, his features seemed relaxed. His shoulders were sloped downwards and his breathing shallow. 

Ezra tilted his head to the side, smiling lazily at you as he blinked slowly. “I could feel you staring at me.”

“Just making sure you’re okay.” You told him, reaching out for his hand. His eyes slipped closed as you rubbed your thumb over the center of his palm. “Did you feel _off_?”

He nodded his head a little, dragging the back of his hand under his nose as he sniffed a little. “Just felt weird.” 

“Why don’t you lay down?”

“I’m good.” Ezra insisted, forcing himself to keep his eyes open as he stared back at you. The brown of his eyes was a mere sliver around the rim of his blown pupils. “It’s still early.” 

“What if _I_ lay down?” 

He stared back at you like he didn’t quite understand what you were saying. “Do you need to lay down?” Ezra leaned forward then and reached out to feel your forehead. “Are you warm?”

“ _No_.” You swatted his hand away. “But you are.”

Ezra chewed on his bottom lip, “Yeah. It’s the lunaxium.” 

You picked up your datapad and tucked it onto the shelf under your bed, before climbing over his legs to lay down. “Come here. Just lay down and relax.”

“I feel _really_ relaxed right now.” He drawled out as he moved to sprawl out on the bed beside you, staring up at the ceiling. “How do you feel?”

You turned onto your side to face him. “Always so worried about me.” You smiled at him as you played your fingers through his hair, before trailing your fingertips down his cheek. “How do _you_ feel right now?” 

Ezra leaned into your touch, “Comfortably warm and my skin is a little tingly.” He sniffed a little, pinching at his nose. “And my head hurts.” 

“Does your head always hurt when you use the lunaxium?”

He hesitated for a moment before answering, “Only when I wait too long.” 

“ _Ezra_.” 

“I hate it, moonbeam.” He curled his arm around you and pulled you towards him.

“I know.” You cradled the back of his head gently. “But it’s not like I haven’t seen you use lunaxium before. Or at least the after effects.”

Ezra sighed heavily. “I despise being beholden to a handful of moon dust.”

“And I _despise_ knowing that you’re in pain.” You pressed your lips to his cheek, before letting them linger by his ear. “You have to take care of yourself, Ezra…” You pulled his hand away from your hip and brought it to your stomach. “I’m counting on you to read our baby poems every night for bedtime.”

He exhaled shakily, his fingers fanning out over your stomach. “I want that too.” 

“Then take care of yourself.” You told him earnestly. “I’m not afraid of you or the beast, but I’m afraid of losing both of you.”

Ezra pressed his lips to your cheek, his breath hot against your skin. “I can do that.” He promised with a small nod. 

Maybe Arcadia was the answer. Maybe that’s what Proctor was working on… a way to help Sybil and Cora with the duality of their condition, to ween off lunaxium in the safety of another planet. It was worth exploring… because you wanted better for him. Ezra tried to protect you — mostly from himself. This time, you just wanted to take care of him. 


	13. Moros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, pregnant!reader, and light sexual content in the form of masturbation.   
> Notes: Honestly, I think the first half of this is some of the best writing I’ve ever done.

Despite how disparagingly Ezra often spoke of Lykaios — as far as moons went, it was actually _beautiful_. It had a lush forest, rolling meadows, and at least two seasons. 

If that was where you would have to call home for the foreseeable future, you weren’t going to complain. You just had to look past the trio that wanted to hurt you and the semi-feral werewolves that also called it home. 

Arcadia, on the other hand, was surreal. Even from above the planet during your descent, you were struck by the planet’s beauty. There were snowcapped mountain peaks, expansive fields cut through by wide rivers that led to the sea, and waterfalls.

It made your heart hurt to think that just beside Lykaios was a planet that had everything Ezra’s heart longed for. How many times had he told you that he missed the sea? 

You landed in an open meadow and armed yourself with your stun gun and a long armed blaster loaded with the silverline Shiva had given you. Proctor had made _numerous_ visits to the planet — it couldn’t be that dangerous, right? 

Though you did wonder why Sybil didn’t know about it. What was he keeping from her?

You ventured out towards one of the rivers you had spotted from above. There appeared to be an outcropping of rocks that looked similar to lunaxium deposits you had seen on Lykaois. That was the key — you just had to find out whether or not the planet could sustain Ezra’s _need_. You hesitated to call it an addiction, because he did actually need to take the substance. 

But sometimes it reminded you of Ay-7 and the illicit affairs that could be found in the back rooms of popular cantinas. That blissed out, out-of-body look. At least Ezra came down off of it fairly quickly, though you sometimes wondered if he only took enough to bide himself through the discomfort until you were gone. 

You trusted Ezra with your life, but you didn’t trust him to not lie about his own life. And maybe that had nothing to do with being a werewolf and everything to do with being a drifter. You had to build up walls to keep yourself safe. 

You wore your heart on your sleeve, but you weren’t afraid to do what had to be done. 

Sometimes you caught yourself wondering if you would’ve even liked Ezra if you had met him on a prospecting venture. He could be grating at times — especially if he knew more about a topic. He’d go on and on about it until you forgot what had sparked the discussion at first. He _hated_ being wrong, but he was quick to apologize. Plus, you knew he had a long list of dead partners which made you wonder if that would’ve been you too. 

It stung to even think of that because you knew what it was like to stare down the barrel of a blaster held by someone you loved. And that was why Alia was _never_ discussed. 

But Ezra wasn’t Mars _or_ Alia or anyone else that you had given misplaced emotions to. As irrational as it seemed — Ezra didn’t seem like the type to pretend, even if he was just lonely. He was too brutally honest to mislead you. 

You holstered your stun gun on your thigh as you approached the river. It must have rained recently because it had risen up over the edge of the bank, running rapidly downstream towards the sea. The water was a vibrant shade of blue, a mirror reflection of the brilliant sky above and the shiny stones that lined the riverbed. 

You knelt down and dipped your fingers into the water, wiggling them in the current as it flowered around them. There were fish — which was a welcome surprise. Lykaois had no major water sources, aside from the occasional shower or snow. 

You pulled your fingers out of the water and watched your reflection in the smooth surface of the water. Your face was distorted by the current and the edges bled out into waves of darkness that seemed to sink into the riverbed. 

“What the—“ You murmured to yourself as you reached out and dipped your finger into the water, watching as it cut your reflection in two but the darkness seemed to pulse with life. 

You stood up abruptly and took a stumbling step away from the riverbank. The darkness seemed to rise up and out of the flow, before fanning out across the ground beneath you. 

You scrambled to your feet, spinning around to look for the darkness but it was gone and all that remained was your own shadow. 

You grabbed your longarm off your shoulder, aiming it at the ground. “What are you?” You questioned, keeping your finger trained on the trigger. 

Your shadow expanded across the ground, growing upwards before it spoke. “I have encountered many mortals who have found their way onto this planet, yet not one that came before you tried to _shoot_ their own shadow.” The rich masculine timbre of the figure’s voice made something quake within you. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” You retorted, not letting up on your aim. 

The shadowy figure chuckled lowly as it moved beyond your shadow, stepping to the left and shifting into a new shapeless form. “I am only what you make of me. What do you see when you look at me?” 

“I see…” You squinted as you tried to focus on the darkness, but every time you thought it came into focus it transformed into something unrecognizable. “I don’t know.”

“A path unset. _Fascinating_.” The figure stretched out across the ground, before rising upwards and taking on a new form. The darkness was thick and yet you could see straight through it. 

“You came here seeking answers,” The voice questioned, turning an accusatory tone towards you. “You think you can defy the verdict of the fates because of _love_.” 

You took a step backwards, glancing behind you towards the river before looking back at the figure. “I didn’t come here to defy anyone. I came here because someone I love was _unjustly_ cursed because of the actions of someone _centuries_ ago. I just want to find somewhere we can go together safely.” 

The figure must have noticed the way you unintentionally passed your hand over your stomach. 

“A child.” He spoke, moving towards you. “One of the few creatures in the universe that spring up with an unknown future laid out before them. Born innocent, clean… No other offspring have such autonomy. Seedlings sprout up, destined to nourish the earth. Mice are born to feed the snake and hawk. But a baby…” A hand stretched out from the darkness, reaching towards your stomach. 

You took a step backwards, teetering on the edge of the riverbank. Trapped between the darkness and the rushing water. “Don’t touch me.” 

The voice laughed harshly. “You have already been _touched_ by me. These hands have wrapped themselves around you, around Ezra, and around the star in your belly. Everything that lives has been _touched_ by me.” 

The shadow grew, the transparent tendrils knit together into the flowing robes of a physical being. But before you could wrap your head around what you saw the riverbank beneath your feet gave way and you sank into the mud. 

You braced yourself to be swept away by the river’s flow, but instead you landed on smooth stone. You opened your eyes, heart beating rapidly as you took in your surroundings. 

Grand columns sprang upwards with roots winding around them. The columns shimmered blue like the river stones you had marvelled at. The walls were chiseled out of stone, covered with brilliant murals and intricate designs. Depictions of epic battles and tender moments. 

“Hello?” You called out, slowly walking through the cavernous space. Your voice echoed off the stone, rippling through the emptiness like a pebble skimming the surface. 

The path you took wound its way towards a narrow corridor. Within the corridor — suspended between the darkness at either end — was a thin red string that was drawn taut. 

Something told you not to touch and you heeded that quiet warning. You took a step backwards, despite the desire to step into the corridor and follow the thread. 

The darkness seemed to swell, engulfing the thread as the stone wall sealed the narrow passage closed. 

“You are steadfast.” 

You spun around to face the figure from before. The dark robes billowed out over a transparent shadowy form. 

“I have seen the bravest warriors succumb to the temptation of _knowing_. How quick the threads were cut.” The shadowy figure beckoned you closer and you obeyed. “There _is_ a way to break the curse that has become a plight for the one you love. But it won’t be easy. It won’t be free.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” 

“You don’t.” His voice dripped with amusement. “The one before you — _Bernard_. He was close. A breath away from knowing the taste of freedom, but there were debts that had to be repaid.”

“Are you the reason he died?”

“No. That was the folly of man. Only a fool thinks he can outrun fate.” The figure traced his tendril like fingers over your forehead. “They tried to pry him from your mind, didn’t they?”

“Yes.” 

“But you resisted by sheer power of will.” 

“I guess you could say that.” 

“I have a proposition for you.”

You arched a brow, “I’ve made a lot of bad deals in my life, but making one with a shadowy figure seems like a mistake.”

“It could be. That’s the beauty of choice. You can walk away now. Or it could be the answer you seek.” The figure told you briskly. “I could untether your beloved from the moon and he could float far beyond your reach…”

“That doesn’t sound like a deal I’m interested in.” 

“But how _sweet_ would it be to know that he would still _choose_ your company if he were no longer bound to Lykaois. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it?” 

You swallowed thickly, “And what would I have to do?” 

The shadow chuckled darkly, “You would have to keep _our_ secret. You would come to me on each departure and do my bidding as I please. Once you have done all that I desire, I will release him from the chains.”

“What about my child?”

The shadow seemed to consider that, “I cannot interfere with a life not yet _known_. A pity, truly. But perhaps I will feel munificent when we part at last.”

Were you really going to do this? 

“So in exchange for Ezra _and_ our baby’s freedom from Lykaois, all I have to do is keep a secret and spend time with you once a month doing what you tell me to do?”

“Indeed. The tasks you find here will not be simple, but you will find yourself _better_ for them. Choice has a way of bolstering mortal morale.” 

The dark shape extended its hand to you, “Do we have a deal?”

You hesitated for a mere second, before reaching out to grasp at the hand. Your palm burned, white hot heat searing through the lines in your palm as you sealed your fate. 

* * *

A beeping sound cut through the darkness swimming in your mind. You opened your eyes slowly, taking in the dim light of your quarters. You were in your bed…

The mechanical whir of your ship’s engine caught your attention. 

And the beeping. 

“ _Shit_.” You mumbled as you snatched up your datapad and tapped the notification. It took a second for the connection to go through, “I’m so sorry, Ezra… I must’ve fallen asleep.” Had you though?

“I was worried,” He drawled out. “You said you would check in once you got into orbit and that should’ve been… ten hours ago.”

Ten hours?

You clicked off the connection channel and looked at your call log. He’d tried to connect with you a dozen times over the last ten hours. 

“I must’ve laid down to rest my eyes and… _ten_ hours?” You rubbed at your eyes as you moved to get out of your bed. “I didn’t mean to worry you, Ezra.”

“Don’t apologize, moonbeam.” Ezra assured you. “I am just relieved to hear your voice. Your condition has changed, it’s expected that you would need to sleep more…”

Ezra continued rambling and you tuned him out momentarily as you made your way to the cockpit to check the systems. There was no trace of your landing on Arcadia. 

“Moonbeam?”

“Sorry, sorry!” You told him quietly. “I sat my datapad down to check on the flight path. I didn't intend to fall asleep that long.”

“Are you well, little lamb?”

“Just groggy.” You assured him. “How are you?”

“Better now that I can hear your voice.” Ezra drawled out warmly. “I thought the worst.”

You frowned as you looked at the datapad, “I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t know what happened.”

But the tingling in your palm reminded you of what _did_ happen. The secret you had to keep from him. The choice you made that could’ve been a mistake of epic proportions. 

“I can’t say we got much sleep your last night here,” Ezra pointed out with a short laugh. “You were probably fatigued.”

You felt your cheeks warm as you sank back in the jump seat. “I think you’re right. You wore me out, Ezra.” 

Silence lingered between the two of you for a moment, before Ezra spoke again, “I miss you.” 

“It’s only been half a day.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” He retorted smoothly. “The second your ship departs this moon, I feel the ache of your absence.”

“You should try your hand at writing poetry.” You teased, “And then tell me how you _pine_ for me.” 

“I _do_ pine for you, moonbeam.” Ezra assured you, his voice like honey and easily melting away your worries. “I sit here in this metal coffin and count the seconds until I’m not alone without you.”

“I’ll be back before you know it.” You reminded him. “I just need to see the medic, handle a few things with Shiva, and then I’ll be on my way back to you.” 

“I wish I was there with you.”

“So do I.” You sighed quietly, flipping a switch in the panel before heading into the living area. “Do you want me to bring anything back?”

“Just you.” 

You snorted a little as you stretched out on the sofa, “So no food, huh?”

Ezra grumbled, “I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to more honeysticks.” 

“That’s what I thought.” You laughed softly, propping the datapad up against your legs. “I can’t imagine you turning down sweets.”

He hummed, “You can always surprise me, moonbeam. I think you know what my tastes are. It’s often difficult to know what I miss when it’s been so long.” 

“I’ll see what I can bring back for you.” You assured him, already thinking about what you could track down for him on the Block. 

“Where are you in the transport?”

“On the sofa.” You told him, “I go from one soft surface to the next.” 

He chuckled heartily, “Still groggy?”

“A little.” You chewed on your bottom lip, “I don’t know if I’m just hyper-aware of my _condition_ or things are starting to change.” It wasn’t much, but you definitely noticed that you felt different and that had nothing to do with what happened on Arcadia. 

“Just take care of both of you,” Ezra said with an edge of emotion in his voice that made your heart hurt. “It is still a surreal event to know that I have brought life into this world.”

“Tell me about it.” Your hand went to your stomach. “I still think it’s a dream.” 

“A good dream?”

“The circumstances may not be ideal, but it’s still a good dream.” You told him warmly, wishing you could reach out and smooth the worry line between his brows. You could picture him so clearly, that swirling look of concern in his kind eyes. “Have you used your lunaxium today?”

“ _Yes_.” He huffed. “I am fine, little lamb. The beast has been sated for now.”

“I bet the beast misses me too.” You teased.

“You have no idea.”

You blinked slowly as you stared at the datapad. “ _Oh_?”

Ezra chuckled, “You _know_ how the beast feels about you.”

“Do I?” 

He groaned, “Don’t be cruel.”

“You’re right.” You said with a put-on mournful tone. “But I’m just laying here on my sofa thinking—”

“That you’re going to drive me mad?” Ezra questioned, breathing heavily. “ _Fuck_. I think about that night whenever we’re apart. Five years I went without feeling another person’s touch and then there was you… I tried to ignore how it felt to have you in my arms — you were injured, you needed my help.”

“I remember laying in your bed and marveling at your book collection.” You mused quietly, listening closely to the raspy sound of Ezra’s breathing on the other side of the com. 

“You _marveled_ in my bed.” He retorted, a quiet groan escaping him. 

“That’s it, Ezra.” You drawled out, knowing _exactly_ what he was doing right now. “Are you picturing that it’s my hand?”

“ _Mouth_.” His voice cracked.

You smirked to yourself, “Look at you, letting me take care of you.” 

He swore under his breath. “I love your mouth.” 

“I love your _cock_.” 

Ezra hissed out your name and you knew he’d reached his end. He was quiet, but you could hear his labored breathing as he came down from the high of the moment. “Moonbeam, I—“

“Go to sleep, Ezra.” You told him softly. “You’ve been wound up worrying about me and you should _relax_.”

“I’m very relaxed right now.” 

You laughed softly, “I bet you are.” 

“When you get back to the Block, call when you can.” He urged. “I want to know how your appointment goes.”

“I’ll try to call you every night.” You promised him. “Take care of yourself during the full moon.” 

“I will.” Ezra sighed softly. “I love you, moonbeam.” 

“I love you too.” 

* * *

“Do you have _something_ to say?” You questioned as you stepped around Shiva to get to the display of hyper cables. “Otherwise that look is starting to creep me out.” 

“I have a _lot_ to say.” Shiva retorted, pointing at the white cables, “You’ll want those.” They gave you another lingering look. “Unfortunately the surplus merch doesn’t carry _common sense_.” 

You rolled your eyes as you snatched two of the cables off the rack. “Is this about what I think it's about?” 

Shiva lowered their gaze to your stomach, “I clearly _don’t_ know Ezra. A few days camped out on the moon with him and I thought he was the pragmatic sort, but _nooo_.” They folded their arms across their chest. “You’re really going to keep it?”

You shrugged a shoulder, brushing past them in pursuit sealant tape to repair some of the damage to the hull of Ezra’s transport. “It wasn’t a decision we came to lightly. Ezra _wasn’t_ thrilled at first, but…” You looked back at Shiva. “It’s something we decided together.” 

They narrowed their eyes at you and dropped their voice low, “You don’t even know if you’re carrying an actual _werewolf_.” 

Quinn popped his head over the top of the shelving unit, “Did you say you needed the aero rustant?” 

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Did you find any?”

“No.” He snapped his fingers, “But I did decide I’m going to call it _puppy_.” 

You glared at him, “You should be so thankful that I’m unarmed right now. You have such a pretty face, it would be a shame to see it ruined.”

Quinn looked to Shiva, “Did you hear that? She called me pretty.”

“Find the aero rustant.” Shiva said dryly, jerking their head in a “get lost” motion. Quinn’s interference didn’t get you off the hook, however. They turned to look at you again, “I just worry about you. We don’t know what you’re actually having, he could change his mind, something could happen to you again…” 

“Trust me. We’ve considered _all_ of it.”

“I mean, what if those guardian people get ahold of you?” Their hands went to their hips, “I’m not going to put up with you not remembering who your child’s father is. Especially if it’s going to come out furry and canine.”

“Kevva preserve me.” You hissed, stepping around Shiva. “Can I please just look for what I need in peace?”

“ _No_. Someone has to be the voice of reason around here.” Shiva insisted. “Just don’t get your heart set on this. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I get that.” 

Quinn strolled down the aisle towards the two of you, “I found the rustant.” 

“Thanks.” You held out your hand, but he didn’t pass it to you. 

“The warnings say pregnant individuals shouldn’t use it.” 

“ _Quinn_.” You snapped.

He grinned cheekily and tossed it to you, “Feisty. I always liked that about you.”

You brushed past him and headed for the clerk towards the front of the store to purchase everything. 

“When’s your appointment?” Shiva questioned, leaning against the counter beside you. 

“Three days.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Right now? Pissed off.” You shrugged. 

“I just want to make sure you’re thinking everything through.” They insisted. “I’ve seen you after heartbreak and it isn’t pretty. It’s not too late to walk away.”

“I can’t Shiva.” You took your parcel of goods from _the_ clerk and started out of the store where Quinn was loitering. “This isn’t like before. Ezra and I have a deeper connection.”

“He definitely loves you,” Quinn pointed out. “As much as it pains me to admit it, but I actually liked him.” 

“Yeah, I liked him too.” Shiva admitted dejectedly. “He wasn’t what I expected.” They looked at you, “The way the two of you seemed in sync with each other was surprising.” 

“So does this mean you’re going to eventually become like him?” Quinn questioned. “How does it work?”

“That’s not something either of us want for me.” You made a face. “I’m still trying to find a way for us to have a normal life… Keep researching for me. Anything you can find on Arcadia… the curse.”

Quinn smiled a little, “I can do that. Actually meant to have more for you, but those damn debt collectors wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally got that settled.”

“Who settled that for you?” Shiva slapped the back of his head. 

You arched a brow, “You gave _him_ money?” 

“Quinn’s a useful idiot to have indebted to you.” They shrugged. “I was mostly doing it for you. He’s got good connections and you need them.”

“Shiva—“

“I don’t have to like this, but I do have your back.”

“Thank you.”

They shrugged, “The only thing I ask for in return is that you take care of _yourself_.”

“I’m trying.” 

You fell into stride beside Shiva and Quinn as you headed back to the shipyard. You _were_ trying to take care of yourself. And Ezra. And your baby.

The line on your palm tingled and you wondered if you had blindly thrown yourself into a debt that no one could help you get out of. 


	14. Full Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, pregnant!reader. 

Ezra didn’t accept your comlink for two days after the full moon. You tried not to let it get to you, but it did. The truth was — you had gotten used to talking to him when you were off-world. It was nice to wake up in the morning and talk to him while you got dressed and made breakfast; it was even nicer to fall asleep to the sound of him reading to you. 

Two days wasn’t even that big of a deal, considering you used to go off-world with no way to communicate with him at all. 

You kept yourself busy. Your transport needed minor maintenance and Shiva convinced you to jump off the Block for an afternoon on a neighboring station while the work was being done. 

There was alsoyour appointment with the medic, which you _really_ wanted to tell Ezra about. You wanted to tell him about the heartbeat — your baby had a heartbeat! 

But your calls went unanswered. 

“I don’t mean _any_ offense by this,” Quinn started, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall. “But you look like _shit_.” 

You glared at him, “Side effect of creating human life. What’s your excuse?”

He scoffed, “You don’t _know_ if I’ve ever created human life.” 

Shiva shot him a look. “Have you ever considered becoming a mute?”

You covered your mouth to stifle your laughter, “While I’m flattered by your attempt to sympathize Quinn, I don’t think you can actually understand.” 

Quinn shrugged, “Touché.” He pushed off the wall and moved towards you and Shiva on the sofa. “What ails you, aside from Ezra’s absence?” 

“Either Shiva poisoned me last night or I’m finally being _gifted_ with pregnancy symptoms.” 

“You’ve caught onto my devious plan,” Shiva deadpanned, before turning their gaze towards Quinn. “Can you look for saltines?”

“There’s a can of them in the trunk in my quarters.” 

Quinn hesitated, “Am I _allowed_ in there? Has the beast marked his territory?”

You rolled your eyes, “Just get them, please?”

“You’ve been _off_ since you got back,” Shiva told you, once Quinn was out of earshot. “Is it just because you don’t feel good or is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_.” You assured them quickly, “I didn’t sleep well last night… worrying about Ezra and the future.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Shiva gave your arm a squeeze. “It’s been what? A day? Two days since the full moon?”

You nodded. 

Quinn returned, brandishing a package of saltines. “I wanted to amend my previous statement. I don’t _actually_ know whether or not the off-spring was mine. Messy situation really, a bored diplomat’s wife…”

Shiva groaned dramatically, “We all know the story, Quinn. The diplomat’s wife had a kid nine months later—“

“— and then I found out that the diplomat was _also_ bored.” Quinn grinned smuggly. “It’s a fun story. Happy endings abound.” 

You rolled your eyes as you opened the package of saltines and broke off a piece of the cracker to test it. “The idea that there’s a little Quinn Harcrow living in this world is _terrifying_.”

Quinn pursed his lips, “A bit unnerving.” 

You took another bite of the cracker, before your datapad started beeping with an incoming call. You snatched up the package of saltines and your datapad and started down the hallway towards your quarters. 

“I think she’s feeling better,” Shiva called out just before you hit the button to close the door. 

“Hello?” You said as you answered the com. 

There was a long pause before Ezra answered, “Good… is it morning or evening there, moonbeam?”

“Evening.” You answered with a frown. “Are you alright, Ez?”

“Hmm?” He questioned distantly, “Yeah. _Yeah_.” 

“That wasn’t much of a vote of confidence there,” You told him as you sat down on your bed, folding your legs beneath you. 

“I just wanted to make sure I said it right,” He sounded exhausted. “So, good morning.”

“Evening.”

Ezra hesitated, “Just making sure you were listening.”

Your brows knit together as you stared at the datapad. “ _Ezra…_ are you sure you’re okay?” 

He sighed heavily, “I don’t want to worry you.” 

“Well, you’re not succeeding.” 

“I don’t know why, but… it was harder this month.” He sniffed a little, his voice wavering. “I had to use more lunaxium than usual to come down and...” Ezra trailed off again. “I’m okay.” 

“Are you _sure_?” 

“You had your appointment.” He made a sound that _sounded_ like pain, but he was quick to recover, “How did it go?”

“Everything looks good,” You told him. “It’s still early, but I was able to hear the heartbeat.”

“ _Really_?” The pure enthusiasm in his voice made your heart skip a beat. “Could you save it?”

“I’ve got it.” You smiled at the datapad. “I can’t wait to let you listen to it for the first time.” 

“Neither can I.” 

“Ezra, would you tell me if something was wrong?”

“It was just a rough month. I’m fine.” He offered quietly, “Lunaxium helped… I’m just a little out of it still.” He cleared his throat, “What have you been doing?”

“Shiva forced me to go off the Block yesterday. Short trip to another station, nothing too exhilarating.” You rubbed your thumb between your brows. “Hitting cantinas isn’t nearly as exhilarating when you can’t drink the polish.”

Ezra chuckled, “I used to _love_ going to the cantinas. Great way to bide your time between assignments.” He hesitated for a second, “Moonbeam, have you ever been to the Catharsis?”

You thought for a second, “Is that on Jubiee X?” 

“The one and only.” 

“Wait, is that the one owned by Kriso? Tall Tridoviajh with the cybernetic leg?”

“The one and only,” Ezra sounded a little better then, his voice a little stronger once he dove into story mode. “Kriso owes me for the fact he’s still got the left one.” 

“ _Really_?” 

“He got himself left for dead out on a mineral run. He’d been living off whatever he could catch, gathering rain water. That leg was… the stench gave away that he was there.” Ezra chuckled to himself. “Thought I could pilfer something off the corpse, but — _surprise_. I helped him in the end. I used to get a free pint every time I found myself at the X.” 

“Look at you, more than what your record said about you.” You teased, reaching for a cracker to eat. “It’s weird to think that we might’ve crossed paths. Improbable, given the sheer size of this industry, but…”

“I don’t know if you would've found me quite so _appealing_ back then. I had a terribly arrogant streak that isolation has shockingly worn out of me.”

“Were you good?”

“The _best_.” Ezra chuckled. “And I had no qualms about making it known.”

You rolled your eyes, “I can _only_ imagine.” 

“Are you eating?

“I am eating saltines,” You explained. “My stomach hasn’t been thrilled lately.” 

“Well, you _did_ go to a cantina last night.” Ezra said lightly, “How bad is it?”

“It hit me out of nowhere three days ago or so.” You said as you chewed, “The medic said it was to be expected. Hopefully it comes and goes by the end of my first trimester.” 

“When you come back, I want you to rest, alright?”

“You won’t hear _any_ arguments from me about that.” You assured him, packing the crackers back into their container. “I did manage to track down the repair equipment you needed. We will have your transport sealed up tight before the next winter.”

“You are too good to me, moonbeam.” Ezra drawled out. “How are you doing, credits wise?”

“I’m alright,” You chewed on your bottom lip. “Shiva and Quinn have been generous with some of my expenses. I think Shiva is going to be shipping out on a longer assignment soon which should replenish the coffers.” 

“I was thinking,” Ezra started, “I don’t know if it’s possible for you to tap into _my_ reserves. I had minor debts when I came here, there should be more than enough to—“

“Ezra, you were marked as _dead_. Your assets would be frozen.” You shook your head slowly. “I don’t need your credits?”

“I can do so little, moonbeam. You bring me everything — food, pleasure, books, love. Let me try to do something for you.” Ezra coughed quietly. “You said Quinn was cracked into the net?”

“Yeah, he is.” You pursed your lips. “He and Shiva are onboard. Do you want to talk to him?”

“ _Unfortunately_.”

You snorted, climbing off the bed, “Let me see what I can do.” 

“I don’t know what’s possible.” Ezra mused. “But he might know some way to circumvent the freeze. I just… I want to do _something_.”

“I know.” You hit the button and waited for the door to sweep open, “Quinn, Ezra would like to talk with you.”

“I told you he would know I got the crackers out of your quarters.” Quinn called back. 

“Ignore him.” You told Ezra as Shiva followed Quinn down the corridor to your quarters. “Ezra has a request that may be impossible.”

“I often deal with the impossible.” Quinn puffed himself up as he strolled into your quarters, “What do you need, Ezra?” 

Ezra hesitated for a moment before he spoke, “I was not a particularly wealthy prospector, but I had a decent quantity of credits in reserve.”

“They would’ve been frozen when you were marked dead.” Quinn told him as he took the datapad from you. “You never assigned someone to your assets?”

“ _No_.” Ezra answered flatly. “I never had a reason to care about what happened with my assets after I was gone.” 

You stared at the datapad as Quinn paced, your heart beating a little faster. Something about Ezra’s tone made you nervous. 

“Tampering with that sort of capital is gonna ring some bells. The corps will get notified if someone starts playing around with large sums of credits. They’ll want their cut.” Quinn gave you a sympathetic look. “Hold up, I’ve got a plan.”

“Should I be nervous?” Ezra questioned with a dry laugh. 

“Clerical error. I might be able to get someone in to alter your records… But when would the two of you have crossed paths?”

“The X!” You and Ezra answered in unison. 

“Wait—“ Shiva narrowed their eyes. “Kriso’s X?”

You laughed a little, “Yeah. Ezra knows him.”

“ _Knew.”_ Ezra corrected.

“Semantics.” You snapped, before looking at Quinn. “It’s possible that we crossed paths there. What are you thinking?”

“The two of you made fast friends at the X and Ezra decided to assign you as his executor,” Quinn waved his hand grandly. “He goes missing, is later filed as dead, but _oops_ — they didn’t contact you.” He snapped his fingers. “Once we get those forgeries handled, you’ll contact the system looking for your pay out.”

Ezra hummed, “You may have a plan.”

“And, of course, I get a cut.” 

You smacked Quinn on the back of the head. “Give me the datapad back.” You held your hand out for it, before turning your attention to Ezra. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? If there’s a chance we can find a way for you to leave—“

“I want you to have the credits, moonbeam.” Ezra said resignedly. “It’s the least I can do for you.” 

Quinn held up a hand, “ _Technically,_ I’ll be the one doing the brunt of the work here. So gratitude should be extended in _my_ direction.” 

“You never know when to shut up, do you?” Shiva questioned, folding their arms across their chest as they glared at Quinn.

He shrugged and grinned. “There’s no fun in that.” 

“Ezra, are you… _sure_ that everything is alright?” You questioned and that quieted both Shiva and Quinn. 

“When it’s bad like this, I worry.” He admitted quietly. “If anything happens to me, I want you and our child to be taken care of.” 

Your heart clenched, “ _Ezra_.” 

“I’m alright,” He assured you. “I’m just being cautious, moonbeam.”

You looked towards Shiva, who wore the same look of concern that was on your face. 

“Okay.” You said quietly, “I guess we will work on this and then… I’m going to try to leave tomorrow.” 

“I miss you.” 

You smiled down at the datapad, “I miss you too.”

“Do you miss me?” Quinn quipped, trying to cut through the somber tension. 

“Get fucked.” Ezra snapped.

Quinn smirked, “You offering, big boy?” 

“ _Alright_.” You cut in, “I’ll com you later. Before I go to bed.”

“I’ll try to answer.” He was quiet for a moment, “I love you.” He told you, before he disconnected the com. 

“I’m not going to pretend to understand what he goes through during the full moon, but he didn’t sound good. _Right_?” Shiva questioned, looking between you and Quinn.

You nodded your head slowly, “He was off from the start.” You sat the datapad in it’s charging port, moving to sit down on your bed. “I mean, lunaxium is a beast in its own right, but… It felt off.” 

Quinn rubbed his hands together, “Tell you what… I don’t really _need_ you to enact my plan to get the payout. Shiva and I can handle it.” He looked towards Shiva and they nodded in agreement. “Is there anything you need before you leave?”

You scratched your head, “Not really… I can do without most stuff.”

“Do you have plenty of saltines?” Shiva questioned. “Stuff for your stomach?”

“More than enough. Plus some quick-freeze dough. I have plenty of bland foods to enjoy.” You rolled up your sleeve, “And I’ve got this patch for nausea that _mostly_ works.” 

You tried to ignore the different type of uneasiness that was settling into your gut. You just had to convince yourself that it was the lunaxium that was making him seem off. That was all it was. 

But you couldn’t help the way that your thoughts turned to Arcadia — to the shadowy figure that you had made a deal with. Was this a test? Everything felt like one now that you knew it existed. 

* * *

Ezra was waiting for you when you returned to Lykaois. It was _late_ when you landed and you didn’t blame him for wanting to go straight to bed, but it only convinced you that something _was_ wrong. 

He had bags under his eyes and he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. Two things that _didn’t_ usually come with the days following his transformation. 

You curled your arms around his torso and pressed your lips to his shoulder. “What hurts?” You questioned as you gingerly tucked your fingers beneath the hem of his shirt to rub his stomach. 

“Is it that obvious?” He questioned, seeming to relax now that he’d admitted to the fact that something _was_ wrong with him. 

“A little bit.” You brushed your lips over the curve of his shoulder again, your fingers snaking into his hair to try to soothe him. “Was it the full moon?”

Ezra sighed through his nose, “I have been _uneasy_ since you left.” He admitted. “Tired, but sleep doesn’t cure it. I don’t know how to explain it, but.. the sensation runs deep.” 

“I wish you would have told me.” 

“I was afraid it meant that the end was beginning…” Ezra trailed off. “After the full moon, I found Sybil. I’m certain she’s growing tired of me seeking her outburst — especially with how she’s been accepted into the pack, but…” 

“But?”

“Things were different for her,” Ezra ran his hand over the back of the hand you had at his stomach. “I want you to keep returning to the Block, moonbeam. You need to be free of this moon.”

Your lips parted to protest, but you remembered the deal. You had to go to Arcadia each month when you departed. “All of this is because I _leave_?”

Ezra didn’t answer immediately, he inhaled and exhaled slowly a few times before he found the words. “The beast sees you as its mate. It’s all _primal_ — there’s no logic behind it. You’ve taken its offspring and abandoned the beast during the full moon.”

“So you’re suffering _because_ I left?”

“Don’t blame yourself.” Ezra turned onto his back, tilting his head to look at you. “There’s no reasoning with that part of me.” He reached out and cupped your cheek, brushing his thumb over your skin. “You’re back now.” 

You leaned into his touch, “When I first came back… you were still dealing with the full moon. Was it like this?”

He nodded slowly, “I told you, that part of me has been _enthralled_ by you from the start.”

“Maybe one day it won’t always have to be like this,” You told him as you leaned in to press your lips to his. 

Ezra brushed his nose against yours as he leaned in to press his forehead to yours. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, moonbeam. I’m just tired.”

You combed your fingers through his hair, cradling your fingers at the back of his head. “Sleep.” You urged him gently, “And when you wake up we can listen to the heartbeat.”

“I’d like that.” He smiled a little as he stroked his hand down your side. “I’m glad you’re home.” Ezra mumbled as he closed his eyes. 

* * *

He slept for twelve hours. It would’ve been longer if you hadn’t _finally_ convinced yourself to get up and use the fresher. Ezra had stirred awake and tried to convince you to stay in bed with him.

When you came back to bed, he greedily pulled you towards him and buried his face in the crook of your neck. His breath was warm against your skin and you couldn’t help the way you shifted closer to him. You draped your leg over his, sliding your foot down the length of his leg to the bare patch of ankle that peeped out from under his pants. 

Ezra tightened his hold on you, rubbing at the small of your back. “I feel better.” He told you. “All I needed was sleep.”

You threaded your fingers through his hair. “You slept like the dead.” You told him with a soft laugh. 

He rolled over, keeping his knee pressed between your thighs as he took you with him. “I missed you.” Ezra whispered, brushing his knuckles over your cheek.

“I missed you too.” You told him, before chewing on your bottom lip as you looked up at him. “As much as I’d love to…”

“I know.” Ezra said as he pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Worry not, moonbeam, I’m not angling for anything more than just _this_.” He grinned down at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “It’s _still_ weird that you know.” You poked him in the ribs. “Useful, but weird.”

Ezra shrugged his shoulders. “The heightened senses can be a blessing and a curse.” He rolled off of you and sprawled out on the bed, taking up far too much room beside you. 

“Do you think you could hear the heartbeat?” You questioned, watching as he reached out to stroke his hand over your stomach. 

His brows furrowed together, “I hadn’t considered it.” He tucked his fingers under the hem of your shirt, rubbing his thumb over your stomach. “How big are they?”

“About the size of a date,” You told him. “They’ll be the size of an egg when I reach the end of my first trimester.”

“That should be a couple weeks, right?” 

You nodded, “I should be reaching it when I leave.” 

Ezra scooted down the bed, maneuvering himself so he could rest his cheek against your stomach. “You’re hungry.” 

“A little.” You laughed, playing with his hair as you watched him. “Can you hear the baby?”

He was quiet for a moment as he kept his ear against your stomach. It was like he was holding his breath and then all at once he exhaled and let out a quiet sob. “I can hear them.” He marveled, turning his face towards you. 

You brushed your thumb over his face to wipe away the tears that had slipped down his cheeks, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. “We did _that_.” 

“It seemed like such an abstract thing, little lamb. Creating life. Yet, here we are… a child between us.” He pressed his lips to your stomach, lingering there. “I love you both, very much.” 

You felt your heart skip a beat, “We both love you too, Ezra.” You assured him, playing with the hair that fell against his forehead. 


	15. Star of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, serious angst, violence, and allusions to past situations.  
> Notes: *insert gif of Salem evilly laughing

Leaving Ezra behind on Lykaios had been difficult and he only made it worse by putting on a brave face. You would’ve stayed with him — you knew you could _safely_ , but the deal you’d made on Arcadia weighed heavily on you. 

What if you _didn’t_ show up? What sort of debt would the shadow take from you?

You tried to convince yourself that it was for the greater good. Ezra could struggle now, because you were fighting to free him from the curse. 

Even as you left, he tried to mask his discomfort. But you could see his clammy brow and the way the soft hair there curled in response. The curse was getting worse. He just wasn’t ready to admit it.

You sat alone in the stone abyss for what felt like _hours_ before your shadowy captor appeared. He slithered across the floor, filling out your shadow before rising up into a shapeless mass in front of you. 

“Your melancholy is _palpable_. Am I right to assume your little jaunt to Lykaios was lacking?” You just glared back at the dark nothingness. “You are steadfast in your affection, which is noble in its own right. Another mortal ensnared in this would’ve wandered the halls looking for answers… but you.”

You weren’t interested in his games, “What do you want from me?”

The shadowy figure chuckled condescendingly as it reached out a hand towards your stomach. You took a step backwards, holding your hand up to shield your stomach. 

“Mortals have always intrigued me. Strangers will bring new life into the world after merely passing one another in the night. They lash themselves together to bring innocence into the world, but they’re seldom innocent. How sweet _ignorance_ is to the tongue, but how acrid reality’s bite is.”

You took another step backwards, but the outstretched hand still reached you. You stared down at the boney, shadowy fingers lingering there.

“His hands are stained red. He scrubbed until they were raw. Until skin cracked and he saw his own blood.”

“What are you talking about?”

Rather than answer you, the darkness consumed you.

A sensor was beeping somewhere above you. You thought to sit up and shut it off, but your lips parted and an unfamiliar voice slipped out.

“If you’ve broken the _kriffing_ turbo lift.” The voice muttered, and you felt a wave of nausea pass through you as the body rose up from the bed, propelled forward through an unfamiliar corridor, into an unfamiliar engine room. 

“What are you doing?” The woman questioned, hands on her hips as you watched through her eyes. 

A pair of legs were jutting out from beneath one of the exhaust tubes, the silo above him rumbled briefly before the man slid out from under it. 

_Ezra_. Ten years younger — free from the worry lines and the exhaustion that darkened his gaze. He flashed a dreadfully charming grin at the woman, “What am _I_ doing? Making use of our acquaintance and giving a necessary upgrade to your vessel. If we’re going to bring back a successful harvest, she needs to be suitably upgraded.”

The woman followed after Ezra as he weaved his way deeper into the engine room. “I don’t need you _polishing_ my ship’s pipes.” 

Ezra smirked, “You didn’t seem adverse to that last night.” 

“They ran diagnostics before I signed up — my ship is _fine_.” The woman insisted. “Keep out of my engine room.” 

He held up his hands in mock defense with a wicked smirk, before pocketing the wrench he held. “Just trying to make myself useful.” 

“I can think of other ways you can prove your _use_.” The woman retorted as she beckoned him towards her. 

You wanted to close your eyes, to pull away, to escape this waking nightmare. But instead you watched through a stranger’s eyes as Ezra’s lips found theirs. He guided them backwards, until they were pressed against the engine room wall. 

It was bizarre — you couldn’t _feel_ anything. You couldn’t feel the weight of his hand at the woman’s waist or his tongue sliding past their lips. 

As the woman’s shirt was lifted over her head, new darkness overtook you. The world shifted beneath your feet — beneath an unfamiliar pair of feet. 

“I do believe the tedious nature of this conquest was undersold,” Ezra drawled out with a bite of annoyance to his words. You stared back at him through stranger’s eyes, your vision obscured by the fogged up glass of the helmet she wore. 

You weren’t certain, but you thought it was the same woman as before. Her hands were covered with thick leather gloves and the space suit concealed her arms. 

Ezra looked the same. Young and bright-eyed. He even walked with a lighter step, though his stride was still just as surefooted as it was with you. 

“I know what you’re planning to do.” The woman remarked after the silence between them seemed to swell. 

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Roz.” Ezra remarked, feigning innocence as he turned towards her. “I only intend to harvest the motherlode and be on my way with what’s owed to me.”

“And splicing my converters was for _what_ then? I know you don’t plan to leave Tevex with me.” 

Ezra balked, “I don’t know what sort of company you’re keen to keep, but I can assure you that I am not like them.” He put on too much of a show to be telling the truth. “I was repairing your lift capacitor.”

“That’s what you _wanted_ me to believe.” Roz retorted sharply. “I know your type, Ezra. You thought romance and flattery would keep me blind from the truth.” 

Ezra waved a dismissive hand, turning his back to her as he started forward again. “We’re nearly to the pit. Let’s not get carried away with paranoia.” 

Roz drew her weapon, charging it with a flick of her thumb. “What’s your endgame?” She questioned. “Splicing the converters means you weren’t planning to leave _with_ me.” 

He turned back to face her, holding his hands up slowly as he stared down the barrel of her weapon. You had been there before with Alia, but you had a feeling Ezra wasn’t the innocent party in this. 

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding, Roz.” Ezra said lightly, taking a cautious step towards her. “Your lift capacitor had a faulty connector,” He explained slowly. “My only nefarious plot was to take _more_ of the harvest than we agreed upon with the Corps. With your lift repaired, you and I will be able to cut a handsome lion’s share. Think of the black market potential.”

Roz relaxed subtly, before slowly lowering her weapon as Ezra stood foot-to-foot with her. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I’ve learned better than to be forthright with my plans.” Ezra smirked at her, reaching out to rest his hand on her shoulder. She should’ve been more concerned with what his other hand was doing. 

He didn’t even flinch. His dark eyes stared straight into Roz’s — into yours — as he swiftly moved to turn the blaster on her. There was no hesitation as he discharged a single pulse into her stomach. 

Roz grabbed at Ezra’s arms as she sank to her knees. “You…”

“An _honest_ mistake.” Ezra said flatly as he peeled her fingers off his arms. “I am genuinelyregretful at this turn of events. I had almost thought to confess my misdeeds, but…” He shook his head. “You just had to pull a weapon on me.” 

She collapsed backwards onto the ground, staring up at the swirling purple sky above. Her vision blurred at the edges and you felt yourself fall through the darkness again. 

You blinked slowly as you came to — your cheek pressed against cool stone as you breathed in the dank air of the underground labyrinth. Your fingers twitched against the stone as you started to move, pushing yourself onto your knees slowly. 

At least you were staring down at your own hands and your own… _shadow_. The darkness pooled beneath you, before slinking across the stone and rising up in front of you. 

Your gaze followed the heavy dark robes upwards until you reached the absence of a face — it was just a mass of darkness sat atop see-through shoulders. 

“What was that supposed to be?” 

“I have seen death,” The shadow started. “Again and again at the hands of a man who you have made great sacrifices for.” 

“I’ve killed too.” You protested as you stood up slowly. “It comes with the occupation.”

“But _you_ have killed to prevent your own death,” The figure reminded you, “Whereas, the man you have bound your future to has cut down life to further his own rewards.”

The figure reached into the space between you, pulling a silver thread out of nothing. “My sisters frown against tampering with _fate_ , but this thread is what binds our agreement. A thin line of silver.” It plucked at the thread and a sharp note of music echoed through the labyrinth. 

“I’m _not_ going back on our agreement.” You pushed back. “I know Ezra wasn’t a saint. That’s not going to run me off.”

“How _steadfast_ ,” The figure snapped his fingers and the thread vanished. “But you must know that Eros’ flame requires a deft hand to tend it. How swift it may burn out with a change in the wind.”

The figure reached out, tendrils of darkness sweeping over your forehead. 

All at once you couldn’t breathe, it was like you had been forced underwater without a chance to steal a breath first. You thrashed under the current, reaching into the darkness for something — _anything_. 

Your fingers brushed against cool metal, blankets tangled around your legs like vines as you jerked upwards in your bed. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you took in your surroundings. You were safe and sound on your vessel…

* * *

“— and all you’ll have to do is sign off on it. I’ve got a way to pull a digital signature back a few years and still look authentic.” Quinn explained, but you stared straight through him. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah,” You glanced down at the datapad between you. “Wait, where do I need to sign?”

Quinn arched a brow, before looking towards Shiva. “Did you hear _anything_ I just said?” 

You blinked slowly, “You were rambling about signatures and forging data points.”

“You,” He started, pinching at the bridge of his nose, “Are about to commit significant fraud. I need you to understand what you’re getting into, in the event we’re questioned about this.”

“Alright.” You shrugged and Shiva nudged you in the ribs. “What?”

“What’s up with you?” They questioned, reaching out to touch your forehead. “No fever, you just look… _sickly_.”

Quinn snapped his fingers, “That’s what I was going to say.” He leaned forward, “Did you have a bad trip?”

“It wasn’t bad, it was just…” You were at a loss for words. “Ezra is getting worse and I just have a lot on my mind.”

“ _Worse_?” Shiva questioned with a frown. “Is that why he’s started this mess?” They waved their hand towards Quinn. 

You nodded slowly, “That’s what I assume.” You rubbed at your temples as you sighed. “I mean, he got better while I was there, but it’s taking longer for him to recover after the full moon.”

“Has he considered letting the beast _out_ more often?” Quinn questioned. “I can’t believe I’m even saying that, but you did say you weren’t in any danger with the beast.” 

You picked at your thumbnail, “Even the beast felt _off_.” You admitted quietly.

It had been nearly impossible to convince Ezra to let the beast out, but when he _finally_ did the beast had been as subdued as he had been. He slept on the floor beside your bunk, content to just feel your fingers in his fur. 

“He used more lunaxium than I’ve ever seen him use,” You continued. “I’m worried. That’s why I’m distracted.” 

Shiva grimaced, “ _Kriff_.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Quinn shook his head slowly. “Perhaps it’s just a rough patch and he’ll be seen through it.” 

“Yeah. _Maybe_.” You said unconvincingly. “Where do I need to sign?”

“Right here,” He said, scrolling down the screen to the highlighted box. “You’re signing this six years ago — before he went missing.” 

You drew your finger across the screen, “There.” 

Shiva was still staring at you, “Are you going to be okay if I leave?” 

You turned to look at them, “One of us had to keep bringing in credits.” 

“True.” They gave your arm a squeeze. “Say the word and I’ll stay.”

“No,” You shook your head. “I’m going to head back early anyways.” The sooner you could get back to him, to help ease him down from the full moon, the better. “Part of the issue is that the beast doesn’t handle _me_ being gone very well.”

“So it’s not just Ezra who fancies you?” Shiva questioned lightly. 

“The beast is just an extension of Ezra,” You tried to explain. “He doesn’t always remember what happens as the beast, but it’s still _him_. Just more primal and animalistic.”

“You haven’t…?” Quinn wiggled his brows suggestively. “Have you?” 

“No.” You lied a little too quickly. “Okay, do I have to sign somewhere else too?” You questioned as you scrolled through the document. 

“You _shagged_ a werewolf?” Shiva asked incredulously. “You _did_ , didn’t you?”

“Can we just focus on the credit transfer?” 

Realization crossed Quinn’s face, “Is that how…” He drew a line towards your stomach. “Did you...?”

You covered your face and let out a frustrated sound, “The werewolf _shagging_ happened well after I got knocked up. Alright? Yes. It happened.”

Shiva laughed, extending their hand towards Quinn. “Pay up.” 

“Let her finish” Quinn swatted their hand away. “How _was_ it?”

“Fine.” You said flatly, trying to keep your expression straight. 

“Anatomically the same?” He pressed. “I’m just wrapping my head around…” Quinn squinted, cocking his head to the side. “You said the beast was _massive_.”

“I believe you compared him to a tree,” Shiva arched a brow at you. “Are things _proportional_?”

“For fuck’s sake.” You seethed you, trying to mask your mortification with annoyance. “It was fun.” 

“Fun.” Quinn mocked, laughing with Shiva. “I can’t tell if I’m envious or thankful not to be in your position.” He drummed his fingers against the table. “Speaking of position…”

“Ease up on her,” Shiva snapped their fingers, giving Quinn a silencing look. “You good?”

“I mean,” You covered your face and sighed heavily, before sitting back and looking between them. “If I weren’t worried about Ezra, I would be more than happy to give you all of the sordid details, but… I feel like shit and I have a lot on my mind.” 

“Morning sickness?” Quinn questioned. 

“Not really.” You shrugged. “It’s just a general malaise. I haven’t felt great since I left Lykaois.” More specifically you hadn’t felt right since… Arcadia. But you weren’t sure if you could tell _them_. 

“Maybe you should stay on Lykaois next month,” Shiva suggested. “It might be good for you and the baby _and_ Ezra.” 

“He was really insistent that I leave.”

“Even though he’s miserable?” 

“Look, it’s complicated. Alright? I have things I have to do. I can’t just loiter on Lykaois all the time.” You snapped, rising from the table, “Are the credits settled?”

“Give it a day and file the request.” Quinn watched you curiously, “I didn’t mean to offend you…”

“It’s fine.” You snapped, “I’m just exhausted and… I’m worried.” You folded your arms across your chest. “You both know the type I’m drawn to.” 

Quinn pointed at himself, “Dreadfully attractive, morally ambiguous, and a good lay?”

You rolled your eyes, “Just forget it.”

“No,” Shiva stood too. “What’s wrong?”

It had been _days_ since you had left Arcadia and you hadn’t been able to forget what you had seen of Ezra’s harvest on Tevex. You couldn’t close your eyes without seeing the way his eyes had gone from false bruised affection to the cold-hearted glare of a murderer. 

There was a part of you that was glad he hadn’t tried to com you, a part that was at war with your heart. 

The test hadn’t been refusing to sever the deal you made with the figure — the test was still ongoing. Had the darkness corrupted your love for Ezra? You weren’t blinded to his past, you’d seen it on his record, but…

There was a reason you didn’t talk about Alia. Even Shiva knew only the vague details about what went down. You knew, first hand, what it felt like to stare down the barrel of the blaster of someone you trusted. 

And you knew what it was like to watch someone bleed out. 

“Your com’s ringing.” Quinn told you, waving your datapad in front of your face. 

You blinked twice before you realized what he was even saying. You snatched the datapad out of his hand and glanced down at the incoming call.

“I’ll be back,” You told them as you headed out of your quarters and straight into the fresher. As soon as the door slid closed, you answered the com.

“Hello?”

“It’s a relief to hear a kind voice,” Ezra drawled out and it pained you to hear how put on his voice was. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to com me today.” You remarked, sitting the datapad down on the sink so you could turn on the shower to drown out the sound for any eavesdroppers that might be trying to listen.

“I _needed_ to hear your voice,” He admitted, before adding. “It was all I could think of during the full moon.”

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, focusing on your own eyes as you tried to forget what you had seen in Ezra’s. it wasn’t like that with him — five years of isolation had changed him. 

The man that the shadowy figure had shown you, was no longer the man you knew. You couldn’t let him win by letting yourself stumble. 

You picked up the datapad and boosted yourself up to perch on the edge of the sink. 

“How was last night?”

“It was… _fine_.” Ezra hesitated, breathing heavily into the comlink. You could tell he was in pain.. “I was miserable.”

“That’s what I thought.” You shook your head slowly, “If it’s any consolation, last night was miserable for me too.”

“What happened? Are you alright?” 

“I’m _exhausted_.” You told him as you worried at your bottom lip. “I was really restless last night and a little queasy. I think your baby is trying to drive me insane.” 

“It wouldn’t be mine if it weren’t a little contrary.” Ezra retorted. “How are you _today_?” 

“Well, Quinn forged the credit transfer. So big step in that direction.” You told him as you stared down at the datapad. “I just have to request to withdraw now.” 

“Good. I’m glad you’ll be taken care of.”

“ _Ezra_ —“

“Neither of us know what’s going to happen, moonbeam. These transitions are getting more and more difficult and I just…”

“Shiva is getting ready to leave on a job for the corp. I’m going to come back early — just like last month.” You told him, “I hate thinking about you going through this alone.”

“Tomorrow?” Ezra questioned and there was an edge of hopefulness in his voice that made your heart clench. 

“That’s my plan.” You told him gently, “Ezra?”

“Hmm?”

“I just need you to hold on.” Your voice wavered as you spoke, “I don’t want to do this alone and… I don’t _want_ your credits.” You pulled the sleeve of your shirt down over the heel of your palm, wiping your tears away. 

“I’m _trying_ , moonbeam.” He drawled out. “I am doing everything within my power to ensure that we can be together. Even if it’s delaying the inevitable.”

“Don’t say that.” Your voice cracked. “We’re going to find away. _Somehow_. You just have to hold on.” 

“There’s a Longfellow piece…” Ezra’s voice grew distant and you could hear him tutting about something a short distance from the datapad. “O fear not in a world like this, and thou shalt know erelong. Know how sublime a thing it is to suffer and be strong.”

“That the one with ‘the tender star of love’?” You questioned. 

“Yes!” He said with a little triumph. “You are my tender star of love.” Ezra told you warmly. “I am _trying_ to see myself through this, little lamb. I am not intentionally trying to bring myself to an untimely end.” 

“I know.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip. “I just hate knowing that you’re suffering, Ezra. I should be there with you.”

Ezra hummed softly, “So I can bore you to tears? I know your last sojourn here was lackluster.” 

You snorted softly, “I don’t mind spending a couple of weeks laying around in bed with you, Ez.” 

“It was nice, wasn’t it?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Moonbeam, what is that sound?”

“I have the shower on in the fresher.” You laughed, “Otherwise Quinn and Shiva would eavesdrop.” 

Ezra chuckled, “How are they?” 

“They're _them_.” You rolled your eyes. “They’re concerned and I don’t blame them.” And no one knew just how concerned they should be. “Can I com you tonight?”

“I’ll try to pick up.” Ezra told you. “I’m planning to… you know.”

“Use lunaxium.”

“ _Mhm_.” He sighed. 

“Just take care of yourself.” You urged him, “And if we don’t talk tonight, I’ll be headed your way tomorrow.” 

“I love you, moonbeam.”

You smiled a little, “I love you too.” No matter what. 


	16. Shattered Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, injuries, hurt/comfort, past relationships, angst, smut (female receiving oral and werewolf smut), seriously you’ve been warned.  
> Notes: Hey, I’m stressed and writing filth soothes m

Ezra let out a pained sound as you gently dragged the betadine soaked cotton pad over the l wound that snaked around his ribs. Staring at it only reminded you of just how _deadly_ the beast could be. All it took was one swipe of a paw to leave four nasty gashes on his side. 

“I wish you had told me you were _injured_.” You remarked as you shifted on the bed to grab the betadine bottle, squeezing more of the liquid onto a new cotton pad to tend to the last wound. 

“I thought it would be healing when you arrived,” Ezra offered unconvincingly before admitting. “I didn’t want to worry you, moonbeam. It was just a scuffle.”

You shook your head slowly and grabbed the wound cream off the bed beside you, priming the nozzle as you glanced up at him, “This is going to hurt.”

Ezra reached blindly for you, curling his fingers around your calf as you sprayed the expanding cream into each gash and watched as it pulled the skin together. He hissed loudly, bracing himself with his other hand as he pitched forward.

“I don’t want it getting infected.” You told him, reaching out to gingerly stroke your fingers down his back. He was trembling almost imperceptibly and the hair at his temples were damp with sweat. “Ez…”

“I’m fine.” He gritted out, sitting back on his legs and letting out a pained exhale.

You reached out to comfort him again, but you stopped short, reaching for the bandaging instead. 

Ezra rested his hands at your hips as you awkwardly straddled his knees to wrap the bandaging around his torso. 

“Just take it easy,” You told him as you grabbed the bandage clips and worked to fasten the bandaging closed. “I hate seeing you in pain.” 

He rubbed his thumbs in gentle circles at your hips as he stared at you, “Moonbeam, I can’t help but notice that you…” Ezra trailed off shaking his head as he looked away from you. 

You frowned resting your hands at his shoulders, “What’s wrong?” 

“It’s _nothing_ ,” He assured you, letting go of you as he looked down at the bandaging. “Thank you for tending to me, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Ezra,” You brushed your fingers over his cheek, trailing them down to nudge at his chin. “What did you notice?”

He met your eyes and you tried not to think about the past you saw. You tried to forget what malice looked like in his eyes. You had always thought he had the kindest eyes — even the beast did — but now you _knew_ that wasn’t true. 

“ _That_.” Ezra pointed out, keeping his voice steady as he spoke. “You keep shying away from me… you won’t even hold my gaze.” 

You felt heat rise through your body, a heady combination of shame and guilt. “Ezra—“

“If you’ve grown _tired_ of me, little lamb… just put me out of my misery.” He started to pull away from you, unseating you from his lap as he moved to get off the bed. “Don’t prolong the inevitable because you _pity_ me.”

“It’s not _that_.” You followed after him, grabbing at his arm and forcing him to look back at you. “Do you ever have one of those nightmares that you just can’t shake?” 

His eyes narrowed as he looked down at you, “What do you mean?”

“Like you dream you had a massive go at a friend because of something they said and you wake up still fuming at them?” You tried to find a way to skirt around the promise you’d made on Arcadia. 

You couldn’t tell Ezra _what_ you knew, but you could find a way to force that conversation to come to a head. 

You didn’t want to lose Ezra — that was the last thing you wanted. But he was so quick to believe that no one would want to put up with him. That your care only extended to pity. It didn’t help that he was in physical pain too, but the hurt in his eyes was sincere.

“What did you dream about?”

You ran your hand down his arm, curling your fingers around his hand and rubbing your thumb over his palm. “Come back to bed with me.” Yoh urged him, letting out a little sigh of relief as he let you guide him back into your quarters. 

Ezra remained silent as you cleaned off the bed, tucking all of the equipment back into your medkit and stowing it in a drawer under your bunk. 

It would be so much easier if you could just tell him that you’d let something get under your skin and you hadn’t been able to shake it. Instead, you had to find a way to turn the conversation to your own past. 

“I’ve told you about Mars, right?” You asked as you moved to sit down on the bed, scooting back to press your back against the cool durasteel wall. 

Ezra perched on the side of the bed, wringing his hands together as he glanced back at you. “The one with the multiple wives, right?”

You nodded, “ _Yes_. After Mars there was Alia… it’s only been two years, actually.” You couldn’t believe it had been _that_ long already. Though these past few months had been a whirlwind.

Ezra turned to face you, his jaw clenched tight. “Is this about your nightmare?”

You nodded slowly, “Alia and I were together for six months. We did _everything_ together. There was no question in my mind that we loved each other.” 

He carefully scooted back on the bed, leaning against the wall beside you. 

“She had me convinced of this _future_ we could have together. Just the two of us against the world.” Your voice wavered, “And then we signed up for a curadonian pull because I had moved up in the ranks. Six months seems like a long time to play someone, doesn’t it?”

You glanced at Ezra, but his expression was unreadable. 

“We were only on the planet for two days before she turned on me.” You snapped your fingers. “One day she’s talking about our future and the next day she’s holding a blaster to my head with this look…” You looked away.

Ezra cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly beside you, “This occupation brings out the worst in all of us. There are things I did in my youth that I have regretted _every_ day of my life, moonbeam.” 

“I’ve done a lot of things I’ve regretted too,” You told him, forcing yourself to stare at him then. “I’ve killed… I killed _her_ to save my own life.” You left her for dead and took off without even pulling the ore. “But there’s something so unnerving about that _look_.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and he exhaled slowly. “It’s a defense mechanism in its own right. Cutting off _emotion_.” Ezra started. “When you keep yourself guarded, it’s easy to spot weakness in others. In my youth, I wasn’t a good person, moonbeam. You may sleep at night and see the callous betrayal in her eyes, but I’ve lived with the ghosts of my actions. I see their faces. They were more than just a means to an end.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip until you tasted blood. At least he seemed _remorseful._ If he was unrepentant about what you had seen — it wouldn’t be as easy to look beyond it. 

“I know you weren’t a perfect person,” You told him, reaching out for his hand. “None of us are in this life, but… I just couldn’t shake that nightmare. Seeing _you_ look at me like that...” You shook your head slowly. 

“It was just a nightmare, moonbeam.” He drawled out, lifting your hand to his lips. “My love for you _is_ genuine.” Ezra rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm. “It’s not something that’s just going to burn out.” 

Your brows furrowed as you looked at him. Where had you heard that before? You squeezed his hand tight. “I know. I’m sorry I let a… _nightmare_ get under my skin.” 

“I wasn’t a good person,” Ezra admitted. “The man I was five years — _ten years_ — ago may have been capable of treachery, but I’ve changed. Maybe not by choice, but by my circumstances.” He kissed the center of your palm. “I’m trying to become a man, and a beast, who is worthy of this.” 

Your heart started beating a little faster as Ezra reached out to rest his hand on your stomach, his fingers splaying out. 

You covered his hand with yours, “A nectarine.” 

“What?”

“ _Kriff._ ” You laughed as you rubbed your thumb over the side of his hand. “Our baby is the size of a nectarine.” 

A faint smirk played over his lips, “A _nectarine._ ”

You leaned in and kissed his cheek, “They were sucking their thumb when the medic took the scans.” You told him, “I meant to ask for the download of the scan, but I forgot to.”

“It’s alright.” He rubbed his thumb over your stomach. “Next time.” 

Ezra started to move, despite his injuries. He stretched out on the bed, resting his head in your lap so he was face-to-stomach with you. “I never pictured myself becoming a father, moonbeam… but knowing that I have contributed to something so…” He lifted up just the hem of your shirt so he could press his lips to your skin. 

You reached down and played your fingers through his hair, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Perfect?”

He nodded his head a little, pressing his lips to your stomachs again, letting them linger there. “I look forward to the day you return to me and I can _see_ the changes.” 

You laughed softly, tugging at his hair a little. “Such a man.” 

He flashed you a lopsided grin, “Blame the beast. I told you… it’s _primal._ ”

“I haven’t forgotten.” You brushed your finger over the scar on his cheek. “Speaking of the beast… guess who had a _bet_ going.”

Ezra’s eyes widened, “Are you kidding me?”

“What’s more shocking is that it was _Shiva_ who assumed it would happen.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that.” He laughed, showering your stomach with kisses. “I would’ve thought Quinn would be the one to bet for it to happen.” 

You snorted, “ _Right_?” 

Ezra turned his cheek to your stomach, pressing his ear against you so he could listen to the baby. “They’ve got a steady little heart beat.” He told you, “Can you feel them?”

“Sometimes I think I feel flutters,” You told him, playing with his hair still. “But I’ve been assured by the medic it’s just gas.”

“I can hear them moving around. Little flinches.”

“Your hearing is _impeccable_.” 

“A burden.” Ezra laughed. “I have to focus on what I want to hear. Otherwise I can hear the drip of the exhaust line clearing out all night.” 

You made a face, “I hope I don’t make too much noise.”

His brows rose upwards as he looked up at you, “I’m more focused on your _smell_ most of the time.” Ezra ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “And taste.” 

He grimaced as he pushed himself up, his eyes flickering to your lips. 

“Give it a day or two.” You told him, stealing a quick kiss. 

“As long as you need.” Ezra bumped his nose against yours. “I love you, moonbeam.”

“I love you too.” You promised him, cupping his cheeks. “But right _now_ , I need you to focus on getting yourself healed.” You trailed your hand down his chest and brushed your fingers over the bandaging. “Use lunaxium.”

He huffed a little, “I’m fine.”

“ _Ezra_.”

“Fine.” He sighed dramatically, reluctantly moving to get off the bed. You knew he hated it — but it would help him mend. And give you time, while he slept, to try to reconcile the two sides of Ezra that you now knew. 

* * *

“So few have been as undeterred as you,” The shadowy figure told you, wispy tendril-like fingers reaching out to touch your cheek. “Though few have had to face the _malice_ of the past.” 

You took a step backwards, “So, what are you going to do this time? Force me to watch Ezra do something a decade ago? People _change_.” You gritted out. 

“All things change,” The figure told you, sinking into the ground and stretching out across the floor. “Even a river changes course.” 

The sound of the river above suddenly shifted, flowing backwards — rushing at the unnatural hand bending the current.

“What are you doing?” 

“He’s _toying_ with you.”

You stiffened as ice cold dread flooded through you. You knew that voice. It wasn’t fair that this _creature_ knew your weakness. 

“You aren’t real.” You whispered, clenching your eyes closed. 

“No.” The voice whispered. “But I’ve never left your mind, have I?”

This time, the shadow spoke. “You wear her betrayal like a shield, but you _killed_ her didn’t you?”

Your eyes flew open, “Because she was going to kill _me_!” 

Why did you have to open your eyes? Why did you have to see her face again? It was bad enough that you dreamed of her sometimes. 

But to see Alia standing in front of you, looking as real as you were… it hurt. You wanted to reach out to her, to feel her warm and real beneath your fingers. 

“You’re not real.” You reminded yourself, your eyes flickering towards the shadow as it rose up out of the stone again. “Why are you doing this?”

“I _did_ love you,” Alia told you as she took a step towards you, causing you to take a step backwards. You didn’t want her close enough to see the flecks of silver in her eyes, the freckles on her nose. Even in the stone abyss, her hair shone like cascading flames down her shoulders. 

“Then why did you try to kill me?”

“I tried and _you_ succeeded.” She reminded you with a twisted little smirk. “I did fall in love with you when we first met, those first few months were _everything_ to me. But then I realized your standing in the program — the opportunities I would have beside you.”

“So you killed me?”

“I got a better offer.” Alia shrugged. “It wasn’t personal… just business.”

You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “You looked me in the eyes and told me you _never_ loved me.”

“I had to.” She looked genuinely sad and that only served to piss you off. “I had to convince myself that I _didn’t_ love you.” Alia glanced over her shoulder at the figure. “You found someone perfect to project your feelings onto, didn’t you?”

There was a sharpness to her voice that made your heart ache. The figure hadn’t succeeded with forcing you to live through Ezra’s cruelest moments — so now it meant sink new hooks into you. 

“Will you use him too? Will you garner sympathy because your _beloved_ Ezra lost his mind to a curse you couldn’t break?” Alia questioned, reaching out to touch your stomach and you didn’t give her the satisfaction of pulling away. “A baby was an _interesting_ choice. That’s one way to ensure that at least _one_ person will love you.”

“I’m _not_ going to lose Ezra.” You retorted, holding her gaze. 

Alia shook her head slowly, “You never learn, do you? You didn’t learn with Mars, you didn’t learn with me, you didn’t learn with _anyone_ in between.” 

“You're _not_ real. You’re just here to get under my skin.” You pushed her hand away from your stomach. “This is just another test.” 

“Is it?” Alia questioned, reaching out to cup your cheek with familiar affection. “Or is this a warning? He’s a man. A _lonely_ man. Don’t mistake lust with love. It’s embarrassing to watch you throw yourself at him…” She shook her head slowly. 

“Then you’re clearly not paying attention.”

“I hope he’s worthy of your love.” Alia told you, brushing her thumb over the rise of your cheekbone before she leaned in and kissed you. 

The sound of rushing water seemed to swell until it was deafening and then… there was silence. And darkness. So much darkness. It was like you were falling backwards into an abyss, but there was something drawing you upwards by your belly button, keeping you suspended above the endless nothingness below. 

You inhaled sharply as you jerked awake, your sheets tangled around your legs and your sweat drenched shirt clinging to your skin. 

It took a moment to realize where you were. To recognize the low rumble of the engine, the occasional reassuring beep from your navigational panel down the hall. 

The floor was cold against your bare feet as you walked out of your quarters and down the corridor to the cockpit. You weren’t going to the Block this time. Quinn and Shiva were gone and Ezra _needed_ you. 

He tried to pretend that he was strong enough to endure the full moons alone, but it was clear that he was drawing near to the end of his tolerance. It was dangerous — you’d have to venture _alone_ through the woods to Ezra’s transport. 

But you weren’t going to let Arcadia get under your skin. 

* * *

The trek through the forest was uneventful. You came across a herd of cervos, making their way towards the clearing for their early morning by feast, but neither of you had any interest in the other. 

The forest was almost _too_ quiet. You couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched, but you didn’t let it deter you. You were still disoriented from the stone abyss and the last thing you needed was to feel like you were being pursued by the ghosts that the shadow had reanimated. 

Alia had shaken you to the core. You could still feel the taste of her lips on yours, as real as they had been before. But you couldn’t even tell Ezra about it. You couldn’t unload the agony of being _reminded_. You just had to swallow it down and move onward. 

Sure, you would freely admit that you had “thrown yourself” at Ezra. You had both been desperate for a connection — to feel _someone_ , to feel something. But it hadn’t been that way since that first encounter. 

It wasn’t even Alia — it was just another trick to make you stumble. To make you give up on your side of the bargain. 

So what if it started out as lust? There wasn’t anything wrong with that. 

The door of Ezra’s transport slid open before you even had a chance to get close enough to knock on it. “ _What_ are you doing here?”

“I decided I didn’t want to go back to the Block.” You told him as you climbed the short flight of steps to him. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

“It isn’t safe.” Ezra said quietly, even as he pulled you towards him. He buried his face against your shoulder, wrapping his arm around you. 

You cradled the back of his head, running your fingers down the scar on his neck and toying with the soft hair there. “I know it isn’t safe, but it’s worth the risk.” You turned your head to press your lips to his cheek, pulling back enough to look at him. 

His dark eyes seemed darker as he stared at you, pupils blown and his gaze a little unfocused. “ _Moonbeam_ —“

“What do you need?” You questioned as he drew you inside the transport, setting the door closed behind you. 

Ezra’s jaw worked slowly as he kept a firm arm wrapped around your waist. “I can’t control the beast.” He told you, his voice rough as he continued. “We mourn the loss of you so _profoundly_ and now… here you are.” He leaned in until his forehead brushed against yours, pinning you back against the door. 

“If the beast _needs_ me.” You told him, trailing your fingers down his cheek, fingers curling at the curve of his throat. 

“Are you sure?” He questioned, his lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “Before…”

You nodded slowly, “I’m not afraid of the beast and what he can _do_.”

Ezra’s lips crashed against yours, his tongue sliding past your lips to curl against the roof of your mouth. For the first time in _weeks_ you felt need wash through you — undeterred by the hormones of your pregnancy, or maybe amplified by them. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” He drawled out as he broke away from the kiss, stumbling backwards. “I can’t… Not this close to the moon.”

You reached out and took his hand into yours, rubbing your thumb over the mild of his palm. “Let’s go to your quarters.” You urged him, holding his hand tight as you started down the corridor with him. 

“It’s getting worse,” Ezra told you honestly. “I’m using more lunaxium than I ever have and it _barely_ scrapes the surface.”

“We’re going to ride this one out together,” You promised him, “But you have to know, I’m not afraid of the beast. You don’t have to fight it.”

“You’re too good to me.” He drawled out, before he pulled his hand from your hold and started to shed his clothes. You helped him with the fastenings of his pants, tracing your fingers through the dark line of hair that vanished beneath his pants. 

You smiled at him, lifting your other hand to cradle his cheek as you leaned in to kiss him. “You’re good to me too.” You told him, brushing your nose against his as you shoved his underwear down his hips. “Let me soothe the beast, Ezra. Let me help you.”

He pressed his forehead against yours and nodded, letting out a ragged breath. “I might not come back up until after the full moon has passed, moonbeam. Please take care of yourself and our baby.” 

“I will.” You kissed him again, “I love you.”

Ezra grabbed at you desperately, “I love you too.” He smiled, his eyes warm and adoring. 

You had forgotten how painful it was for him. Watching him writhe on the floor as his bones broke and grew, muscle tearing and reforming, sinew and fat forming where he was thin, fur sprouting over every inch of his body. His face contorted in agony as he became unrecognizable. 

The transition into the beast was always the worst, and the sounds he made you would _never_ forget. The cries, the groans, the rattle of anguish that escaped as he collapsed into a heap of beast. 

The beast seemed startled to find you standing in Ezra’s quarters. A flash of panic crossed his features, before realization seemed to dawn. He crouched forward, knees bent and a hand planted on the ground so he wasn’t towering above you. 

He cocked his head to the side, breathing heavily as he studied you. 

“Hi,” You whispered, taking a short step towards him. You held your hand out to him, smiling as he leaned in to sniff at it. “It’s been awhile since I saw you.”

The beast made a little growling sound that seemed like he was agreeing with you, his gaze lowering to your stomach. He leaned downwards to rub his forehead against your stomach, reaching out to curl his massive paw around your hip to keep you where _he_ wanted you. 

He nuzzled at your stomach for a long moment, before he dragged his nose up your stomach, over the valley between your breasts, to stare at you nose-to-nose. 

You reached out hesitantly to stroke his cheek, trailing your fingers up to scratch at a spot behind his ear.

Interacting with the beast was _different_. Fundamentally you knew he was still Ezra inside, but it wasn’t the same. Ezra barely remembered his time as the beast, but you had a feeling the beast remembered his time as a man. 

The beast took a step backwards, crouching low as he sniffed at your stomach again. 

“They're doing well,” You told him, “Getting bigger every day. I bet you’re just like Ezra.” The beast looked at you curiously. “You can’t wait until I’m showing.” 

He let out a growling bark sound in response, nudging at your hip with the broad width of his forehead. 

“Easy.” You told him as you took a step backwards.

Your heart skipped a beat as the beast repeated the action with a little more force. 

“What do you want?” You questioned, glancing back at the bed that was only a few steps behind you. 

The beast rose back up to his full height, looking every bit like a predator that had found his prey. You were that prey. 

“Is _that_ what you want?” You questioned, your eyes widening a little as he approached you slowly. “Do you want to reenact our little _encounter_ in the forest?” 

The beast’s lips split, revealing his dangerous teeth as he growled again. It wasn’t a hostile growl, his ears were pitched forward with excitement, his body language more relaxed than before. 

“All you had to do was ask.” You told him, testing your luck as you reached out to gather a fist full of hair between your fingers as you leaned into the beast. 

The beast dragged his paw down your back in a gesture that Ezra regular did. But his beastial paw was nearly the width of your back. 

You stepped out of his grasp, working to remove your clothes as the beast watched you with rapt attention. His eyes never left you as you peeled off each layer of clothes until you stood naked before him. 

He growled again, licking at your face and the crook of your neck. His breath was warm against your skin as moved his mouth downwards to your breast, his tongue dipped out to tease your nipples — just like Ezra did. 

You let out a soft moan as one of his teeth brushed against the pebbled peak of your nipple, your eyes falling closed as you savored his attention. 

The beast lingered and teased you, before lowering his head to the apex of your thighs and breathing heavily. You knew you should’ve been ashamed how _easily_ this aroused you, but you weren’t. 

You dragged your fingers through the soft fur at the top of his head, before you moved to sit down on the bed. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest as you watched the beast stalk towards you, his jaw hanging low as he panted with his own anticipation. 

“I came back for you,” You said lowly, running your fingers down your body as you parted your thighs to the beast. 

He moved towards you, licking at your inner thighs before finding his way straight to where you _needed_ him. 

The beast’s tongue swept between your folds, feasting at you as you squirmed beneath him. He lacked the finesse that he had as a man, but there was _something_ about the way he worked his tongue into you that drove you to the brink of madness. 

The fur around his mouth was slick with your arousal, glistening in the low light of the room. A low growl rumbled in the back of his throat and it sent a wave of desire through your core. 

Yet again you had surrendered yourself to the beast; stripped yourself bare and given into your own primal desires. 

The beast took his time with you — more human than some partners you’d had in the past. His tongue split you open, curled within you and reached the most intimate parts of you. 

Your back arched against the mattress and you rolled your hips towards his mouth. All it took was for the beast to sweep his tongue over your clit and then sink it back into your aching center to set you off. Your orgasm was _explosive_ — a dam breaking within you as you convulsed beneath him. He didn’t relent, drinking up every drop that spilled from you. 

“ _Ezra_.” You breathed out as you turned your face towards the mattress, fingers weakly grabbing at the blanket beneath you. Your mind went blank, overwhelmed with nothing but bliss and the sensation of his hot breath dancing over your throbbing cunt. 

You cried out softly as he started lapping at you again. Your thighs instinctively tried to close around his massive head, his soft fur sticking to your sweaty thighs. Every sweep of his tongue made you tremble, your inner walls clenching around _nothing_. 

The beast curled his fingers around your thigh with surprising gentleness, his sharp claws barely brushing against your skin. He held you steady as he focused his tongue over your clit again and you swore stars burst behind your eyelids. 

His name spilled from your lips like a desperate plea as he pulled away from you, leaving you aching for _more_. The burn of need you felt for him defied reason. It was all instinct, all base desires and an innate sense of knowing. 

You grabbed at the sheets, using them for leverage as you rolled over beneath the beast’s looming presence. Your legs ached, muscles drawn tight from the way you’d clenched your toes in the throes of pleasure. 

The beast knew what you were doing, his breath hot on your back as he licked and nuzzled and path from the base of your spine to the nape of your neck. He crowded himself into the space above the bed, his fearsome clawed hands planted on the mattress on either side of your shoulders as the soft fur of his stomach and chest brushed against your bare back. 

“ _Oh_.” You breathed out as you felt his cock slide over your oversensitive folds as he rutted against you. 

You balanced yourself on one foot, moving beneath him to draw your knee up to the edge of the bed, opening yourself to him even more so. 

The beast nudged at the crook of your neck, his tongue darting out to taste your skin. You reached out and curled your fingers around the powerful muscles of his forearms, clinging to him desperately as his cock caught against your soaked center and _finally_ he filled you. 

You both needed this. You needed to forget about everything that had happened on Arcadia — the swirling emotions the shadowy figure tried to force on you. The beast needed to _know_ that you were his. That for better or for worse, you were its mate. 

All you could hear was the sound of your bodies moving together; the low rumbling timbre of his growls, the slick slap of his cock driving into you, the needy sounds you couldn’t keep trapped behind your lips. 

The beast had thoroughly fucked you with his tongue and now his cock was driving you to new heights of pleasure. It was like you were on fire with pure desire burning through you. 

Every nerve in your body seemed to respond to the release he pulled out of you. Earth shattering seemed like a pale comparison to the way he made you feel. Your cunt clenched around the length of his cock, trying to keep him buried within you, but he kept slamming into you — again and again. 

The beast growled loudly, his body going rigid against you as he sank his cock into you one final time and spilled out within you. 

His breath was hot against the crook of your neck and he let out a soft whine as he turned his head to lick at your face and jaw. 

“I love you.” You whispered, sinking into the mattress beneath him and idly playing with the fur that covered his arms. 

The beast whined again, rubbing the length of his muzzle against the curve of your jaw. He kept one paw pressed into the bed beside your shoulder, while his other hand reached down to cradle your stomach. 

“Yes,” You breathed out. “That’s _yours_.” You winced a little as your leg started to give out on you and you shifted beneath him to regain your footing. The beast swiftly pulled his softening cock from you — far quicker than you were prepared for. 

“ _Fuck_.” You swore, pressing your face into the mattress beneath you as you felt the mess of the moment running down your thighs. 

“Wait, _no_!” You gasped when he tried to tend to you. You pulled away from him, rolling onto your side and using your foot to press at his chest to hold him off. “Easy there.” 

The beast almost seemed _amused_ by your protest, a twinkle of amusement in his dark eyes as he crouched back on the floor. 

You grabbed a pillow and chucked it at him, laughing at the bark-like sound he made in response. “ _Bastard_.” You breathed out, grabbing a blanket to pull around your naked body. 

“You know, if we keep doing this… Ezra’s going to get jealous.” You taunted, laying down on the bed and turning to face the beast. 

He kept himself hunched over, leaning towards the bed so he could rest his head on the bed beside you. 

You smiled fondly, reaching out to push your fingers through the soft hair on his broad forehead. “I’m going to rest for a couple minutes and then I’m going to take a shower.” You told him, tracing your fingers down the length of his nose. 

The beast nudged at the palm of your hand, sniffing softly. “No offense.” You whispered as you closed your eyes and sank into the exhaustion.


	17. Wandering Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, mild angst, smut (fingering, missionary, girl on top).   
> Notes: Hey, this is what we call the “calm before the storm”. 

Ezra thought you were asleep. You _had_ been asleep up until a point. But it was hard to sleep through someone stroking and kissing your stomach while talking to it. 

“I have never been a particularly _religious_ man. I’ve seen too much for that… dark things, even still. But I pray to the stars and the fates and whomever would listen to a man like me…” Ezra’s words were muffled as he pressed his lips to your skin. “I just want to make it to see you.” 

He shifted, pressing his cheek to your stomach, his prickly scruff tickling your skin as he listened within you. “Your mother can do this without me… She’s so much stronger than she acknowledges. You’ll be a very lucky little pup.” Ezra ran his hand along the curve of your waist as he stayed right where he was. “I have no doubt that her _friends_ will be there for you too.” 

You wanted to reach out and play your fingers through his hair, to soothe the anguish in his voice. But he needed this. He needed to _talk_ about his feelings, without you listening. 

“I’m scared, little one,” Ezra admitted and you felt a hot tear slide off his cheek and land on your stomach. “I was ready to free myself from this curse before she came into my life and now… I don’t want to lose my mind. I’ve seen all reason leave their eyes — what if I fall to that?”

He turned and peppered kisses over your stomach, fingers trailing over your skin with such reverence. “I find some solace in the fact that the beast is at ease with her, that she has given herself to its base desires, but what comes next?” He sighed heavily, pressing his forehead to your stomach. 

“ _Ezra_ ,” You whispered, reaching down to play with the curls at the nape of his neck. He tensed briefly, before turning his face towards you, his eyes red with unshed tears. 

“Moonbeam,” He sniffed, wiping at his eyes hastily. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Come here,” You beckoned him. “You should be talking to _me_ about the beast’s base desires, not our baby.” You teased lightly as he moved up the bed and sank into the mattress beside you. 

“I don’t have a Shiva or Quinn to talk things through with,” He admitted, keeping his hand draped over your stomach. “I only have myself.”

“You have me.” You reminded him, brushing your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead. “I know you want to shield me, but you don’t have to. I would prefer it if we actually discussed the future… _together_.”

Ezra exhaled slowly, wiping at another stray tear as it trailed down his cheek. “The thing is… I don’t _know_. What I’ve learned from my brief encounters with the others, what I’ve seen… It’s all been different for us.”

“What about Sybil and Cora? They seem _normal_.” You pointed out, cupping Ezra’s cheek gently. 

“I have watched Sybil murder a human, without hesitation or provocation.”

You felt your heart sink, “Oh.”

“That’s how I got hurt before… Not Sybil directly, but the rest of the pack she was welcomed into. I smell too much like you.” He scooted closer, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. 

“How much do you remember?”

Ezra ran the tip of his nose down your neck, “It’s like a dream that’s just out of reach. The full moons are more vivid, more like a waking nightmare.” He pulled back a little.

“It always feels like you’re still there,” You told him, brushing your fingers over his cheek. “I see it in your eyes — the beast’s eyes. The way you respond to things I say… there’s an intelligence there.”

He nodded a little, running his hand down your side and curling his fingers around your hip. “At some level I’m there, but the memory just slips through my fingers.” Ezra held your gaze. “I could hurt you and have no recollection of it.”

“You’re _not_ going to hurt me.” You told him flatly. “I have been around the beast to know that isn’t true.” 

“You may tame the beast, but he’s still a _beast_ , moonbeam.”

“We seem to get along pretty well,” You gave him a look, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I just need you to hold on, Ezra. I know it’s hard, but I truly believe we can get through this.”

Ezra brushed his knuckles over your cheek, “I’m trying.” His gaze dropped to your lips, before he leaned in once more. His breath danced over your lips as he lingered briefly before kissing you. “It’s better when you’re here.” He whispered before adding, “Which is _not_ to say I want you to give up your freedom to leave this rock.” 

“If only you knew the kind of deals I would make for you,” You told him without really thinking. 

Ezra’s eyes widened, his brows rising upwards. “You _didn’t_.”

You swallowed thickly around the lump in your throat, “I meant _dealing_ with Quinn and Shiva.”

He looked unconvinced, “Do they cast a dark shadow over things for you too?”

“I couldn’t say.” You held his gaze, your breath caught somewhere in the back of your throat as you added, “I _really_ can’t say.”

Ezra pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he held your gaze. “Neither can I. _If_ we were saying something.”

You reached out and cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone. What had the shadow done to him? Was it tormenting him the same way it was going after you? 

Ezra leaned into your touch, his eyes sliding closed as he exhaled shakily. “What have you done, moonbeam? What sort of deal have you made?” He questioned, curling his fingers around your hand as he kept it pressed against his face. 

“I can’t say,” You whispered, leaning in to press your forehead against his. “But I would do anything for you, Ezra. I mean it.” 

“So would I.” He tilted his head so he could kiss you gently as his eyes opened to meet yours. “But we’re playing with fire.” 

“I know.” You pulled away from him, just enough to slide down his body so you could rest your cheek against his chest, curling your arm around his middle. “I don’t know how much is known. If _this_ will be known.” Your voice wavered. “I don’t like keeping things from you, but… I have to.”

Ezra kissed the top of your head, exhaling against your hair. “Are you safe?”

“I think so.” You traced your fingers over a scar on his stomach. It was already over — you both knew that the shadow had his hooks caught in both of you. You had broken your deal. What came next?

Would you return to Arcadia and never leave? Would you be forced to brandish the shears? Would you end it?

You wanted to blame it on your pregnancy, but the underlying current of fear took hold of you swiftly. A quiet sobbed escaped you, one that you had been trying to keep locked away in your chest. But it broke free. 

“Moonbeam,” Ezra murmured, running his hand down the length of your back as he kissed the top of your head. “It’s okay. _Shhh_.” 

“I don’t want to lose this.” You muttered, moving to hide your face in the crook of his neck, your fears wetting his skin. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He assured you, wrapping both of his arms around you. “Just go back to sleep, little lamb.” 

You focused on the weight of his hand as he ran it down your spine again and again. You focused on the way his chest rose and fell. You focused on the rush of your own pulse in your ears. 

It had been almost a year since you started visiting Lykaios. Ten months, more or less. You lost track of time in between departures and arrivals. You used to be better about knowing what day it was — back when you were focused on signing up with the program. 

But then things changed. _Everything_ changed. 

You weren’t sure you could go back to that life. Especially with your child. If something happened — if the shadow reneged on the deal because Ezra _knew_ now… You were going to lose him. 

Ezra had tried to prepare you. Not just tonight. He’d slip in little comments about the others on the moon, the ones who had succumbed to the madness of the curse. The ones that blurred the line between humanity and beast. That spent more time as the beast than in their human skin.

He’d started losing control after you arrived. The second time you came to Lykaois, he’d barred you from entering until he could control himself and then you had seen the beast hunting near your transport. 

Even now, as Ezra tried to quiet your tears, his features looked worn around the edges. Like no amount of sleep would erase the exhaustion in his eyes. 

* * *

“I don’t get it.” Ezra muttered, propping his elbow up on the edge of the table as he pushed his fingers through his hair, smearing a streak of black grease across his forehead. 

You laughed a little, curling your fingers around the warm cup of tea, tapping your fingernails against the metal sides of the container. “I didn’t anticipate it being _this_ complicated.” 

“I’ll figure it out,” Ezra assured you, glancing up from the center foil carburetor he was trying to retrofit. “How’s your tea?”

“Good.” You smiled a little, blowing on the surface of tea. “I miss caf though.” 

He smirked, “I think Shiva would have my balls if they found out I was letting you drink caf.” 

You scrunched up your nose, sitting the tea down as you pulled the blanket around your shoulders further. “You’re _not_ wrong. They’ve been quite the hoverer. Which frankly surprised me, considering how against this,” You gestured between the two of you, “Shiva was.” 

He plucked up one of the wrenches off the table, “Huh,” Ezra tinkered with foil, swearing under his breath as the bolt he was working on refused to budge. “I suppose that’s good. I’m _always_ looking for approval.” 

“ _Really_?” Your brows rose upwards as you looked across the table at him. 

Ezra shrugged, “What?” 

You shook your head with a quiet laugh, “Nothing.” 

He stretched his leg out and tapped his foot against your ankle, “What?” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, stifling another laugh as you looked down at your tea. “That was my poor attempt at seeing whether you have a _praise_ kink, Ezra.”

Ezra snorted, tossing the wrench back on the table as he raked his fingers through his hair, “It _was_ a rather poor attempt.” He winked at you. “I guess I do.”

You propped your chin up on the palm of your hand as you looked across the table at him, “I might have to use that piece of knowledge.” 

He arched a brow at you, leaning around the table so he could curl his fingers around your knee, his chest pressed against the edge of the table to facilitate that. “ _Oh_? And here I thought you had decided you preferred the beast over me.” 

You felt a flash of heat rise to your cheeks, “I have a good excuse for that.” 

Ezra rubbed his thumb over the bend of your knee, “I’m listening.”

“You know that thing we’re not actually discussing?” You questioned, your voice wavering as you held his gaze. He gave a stiff nod and you continued, “I had a _nightmare_ that I’m still processing.” 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as his eyes searched yours. His lips parted like he meant to say something, but he thought better of it and instead pulled away from you to pick up his tools. “The bolt’s corroded. If you happen upon de-c when you’re back on the Block, I might be able to finish upgrading the carburetor next month.” 

Ezra abandoned you at the table, taking his little kit of tools and stowing them away again. He had his back to you, but you knew him well enough to know that he was uncomfortable. You could see it in the rigid line of his spine and the way his fingers curled into fists. 

“Ez,” You started, waiting for him to look back at you, but he kept himself busy with reorganising the shelf of tools. “Remember what I told you about Alia?”

He muttered something under his breath, before looking glancing back at you over his shoulder, “You know about Roz.” 

You nodded slowly.

Ezra sighed heavily, pulling the storage hatch closed with a little more force than necessary. “ _Kriff_.” He quipped, folding his arms across his chest as he turned around to face you. “That’s why things have been off between us?”

“It was _so_ similar to Alia.” 

His jaw set hard as he looked away, “If it’s any consolation, I _do_ regret it. I regretted it seconds after I killed her, but…” He hung his head. “I’m not that person anymore.”

“I know this.” You rubbed at your temples slowly. “But I was her… in the nightmare.” 

The crease between his brows deepened as he frowned, “What?”

“The empty promises, the sex, the fatal blow… I saw all of it in my nightmare and I haven’t been able to fully shake it.” You admitted, lowering your own gaze because you couldn’t stand to hold his. 

He was quiet for a long moment before he spoke, “I’m sorry.” 

“So am I.” You told him, curling your fingers around your cup in a vain attempt to hide the way they were trembling. “The beast is _easier_ because… it’s you, but it isn’t at the same time. I can forget what I saw.” 

Ezra moved towards you then, kneeling on the ground beside your seat. “Moonbeam, if this isn’t what you want… I’m _begging_ you to just tell me.”

“You _are_ what I want.” You told him, winding your fingers through his hair gently. “It doesn’t help that I’m processing the _nightmare,_ while dealing with so many new emotions. Quinn told me some long winded story about a toy he lost as a child and I _cried_.” 

“You cried over that?” He gave a short laugh at that, shaking his head. 

You shrugged, “You had to be there in the moment. But look, Ezra… I’m trying, alright?”

“I know you are.” He exhaled shakily as he looked up at you. “I wish I could’ve just told you what happened. You didn’t need to _see_ it.”

“But I did and… I just need a little more time.” You traced your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone. “I want to be able to look at you and see the eyes I love again.” 

Ezra met your gaze. “Take as much as time as you need.” He murmured, curling his fingers around your hand and bringing them down to his lips. He rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm, before kissing the spot that had turned into a scar. 

“Have you had nightmares?” You questioned, suddenly wondering what parts of your life Ezra had been made privy to. 

He shook his head, “I don’t need nightmares to be tormented.” Ezra leaned forward and rested his forehead against your thigh. 

You ghosted your fingers down the back of his neck, “We’re going to get through this, Ezra.” You assured him, though a part of you wasn’t even convinced. 

* * *

Your stomach felt like it was twisted into knots and it had nothing to do with your morning sickness, which had blessedly ebbed away these last few weeks.

Tomorrow you were leaving Lykaios, which meant visiting Arcadia. What would happen now that you had both broken part of your deals? While neither of you had confessed outright, you both _knew_. Would the shadow know? Would it be able to look into your mind and see what you had done?

There was a world of unknowns waiting for you tomorrow. 

“Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove.” Ezra drawled out, trailing his fingers down the length of your arm, your body molded back against his. 

“It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the star to every wand'ring bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.” He brushed his lips over the back of your neck as his fingers fanned out over your stomach. 

“Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.” 

You rested your hand over his at your stomach, leaning back against him as you turned your head just enough to look back at him, “Pulling the Shakespeare out?”

“It’s been on my mind.” He told you, pressing a kiss to the curve of your shoulder. “We’ll get through this, moonbeam.” 

“How did you know I was worrying about tomorrow?”

Ezra laughed softly, “Because _I_ am worrying about tomorrow and the days following.” His breath was warm against your skin as he exhaled. “What if you can’t come back.” 

“I will come back.” You assured him. “ _Nothing_ is going to be able to keep me away.”

He didn’t seem convinced, “Just take care of you and the baby.” Ezra dipped his fingers beneath your shirt, stroking his fingers over your stomach. “You’re going to be showing soon.”

“I have a feeling I might _pop_ by the time I come back.” You smiled at the thought of how excited Ezra was going to be when that happened. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, a quiet little sound escaping him. “You have no idea how _badly_ I want to see that, little lamb.” 

“You will.” You reassured him, slotting your fingers in between his and squeezing his hand. “I can’t wait to see your reaction.” 

Ezra snorted softly, “What do you think my reaction is going to be?”

“I’m _hoping_ that you’ll go a little feral over it.” You taunted lightly, grinding back against him pointedly. 

He inhaled sharply, “Am I reading this situation correctly?” 

“ _Yes_.” You breathed out, sliding your fingers over the back of his hand. “Tell me about those _primal_ urges.” You guided his hand downward.

“Are you sure?” Ezra questioned, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of your pants. 

You nodded, “ _Please_.” 

“ _Fuck._ ” He swore under his breath, his lips trailing down the length of your neck. “Tell me to stop and I will. Without hesitation.” Ezra shifted behind you and you could feel the hard length of his cock. 

“I won’t.” You didn’t want to leave Lykaios without this, without _him_. 

“I can’t fully explain it, moonbeam.” Ezra told you as he stroked his hand over your stomach. “It’s a sort of pride, knowing that my child is growing within you. _Seeing_ the changes for myself.”

You let your eyes slip closed as Ezra spoke, focusing on the warm timbre of his voice. 

“I am in awe of you,” He drawled out as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your pants, traveling downwards to the apex of your thighs. “Does this turn you on?” He asked as he traced his fingers over your slick folds. “Knowing that I can’t wait until you’re heavy with my child and everyone knows that you’ve been _claimed._ ”

“ _Ezra_.” You breathed out, desire pooling hot in your lower belly, even as he pulled his hand away from your cunt. 

He maneuvered you onto your back, his body still curled around yours, but now he could look down at you. “Do you know what winds me up even more than thinking about your belly rounding with our child, moonbeam?”

You reached up and traced your thumb over the scar on his cheek, “What?” 

Ezra leaned down and brushed his lips over yours. He drew back, bringing his glistening fingers to his lips and licking them clean. “The way you give yourself to the beast. Even when the beast falls away, I still feel this deep seated _joy_ that I have never felt before.” 

He moved to straddle your lower thighs, working to drag your pants down your hips. “It drives me crazy.” Ezra told you as he moved over you, knees braced on either side of you as he planted his palms on the mattress by your shoulders. 

You reached downwards to unfasten his pants, dragging the zipper down so you could free his hardened length. “The beast is still you.” You reminded him, holding his gaze. “And I told you… I want _you_.” 

Ezra surged towards you, his mouth crashing against yours in a desperate kiss that teetered on the edge of too rough. Your fingers sank into his hair, nails biting into his scalp, matching his kiss with your own need. 

His pants were barely pushed down beneath his ass, but they were forgotten as he settled himself between your thighs. 

Your lips parted with a breathy moan as his cock slid against your slick folds. He teased you, grinding into you without giving you what you really wanted. “ _Ezra_.”

He dragged his thumb over the curve of your jawbone as he met your gaze, “Tell me what you want, moonbeam.” Ezra drawled out, reaching down between your bodies to guide his cock through your slick folds. 

You ran your fingers down the back of his neck, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. Those were the eyes you loved — kind despite _everything_ he had gone through. 

“Just you.” You told him, your lashes fluttering as he chose that moment to sink the full length of his cock into you. 

Despite the desperation in the way that he had kissed you, Ezra took his time with you. He didn’t move at first, his fingers curling around your hip as he held still within you. 

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to yours, his breath mingling with yours between your lips. “I’m gonna roll us over. Alright, little lamb? I want you to lead.”

You nodded, tilting your chin to press a fleeting kiss to his lips. Ezra managed to rearrange the two of you without unseating himself. “ _Oh._ ” You breathed out, inner walls fluttering around as you straddled his hips. 

“That’s it.” He encouraged you, running his hands over the tops of your thighs as he watched you move above him. 

You peeled off your shirt, tossing it off the bed where your pants had landed before. 

“You are the most radiant visage of perfection.” Ezra told you, smoothing one hand over your stomach, as he reached up to gently fondle your breast. “There is nothing better than this.”

“I could say the same about you,” You retorted, far too occupied at riding his cock, than you were to think of flattering remarks to stroke his ego. You rolled your hips just right as you moved above him. 

Ezra licked the tip of his thumb, before reaching for the juncture where your bodies were joined to stroke his thumb over that throbbing bundle of nerves. You clenched around him, losing your pace for a moment. “Wish I could stay just like this.” 

“That would be _inconvenient_.” You retorted with a smirk, planting your hands on his chest so you could lean forward to kiss him. 

“I do like inconveniencing you.” Ezra nipped at your bottom lip, grinning up at you. His fingers tightened at your hip as he held you steady so he could thrust upwards, catching right against that sweet spot within you.

“Oh, _fuck_.” Your eyes clenched closed as you sat back up right and started moving with more haste. You were close — teetering right on the edge of coming undone. 

He grabbed at your hips roughly, hard enough to leave bruises and guided your movements as he moved beneath you. “Come on.” He urged, “Look at me.” 

You curled your fingers around his hands, opening your eyes to look down at him right as your release washed through you. 

Ezra followed right behind you, his lips parting with a throaty groan as he came apart. He rolled his hips beneath you, losing some of the momentum of his movements as he basked in the afterglow of his release. 

He pulled you downwards, winding his arms around you tightly. “You have to come back to me, moonbeam.” 

You pressed your lips to the spot above his heart. “No one can stop me.” You assured him, but you weren’t truly _sure_ about that. 


	18. Broken Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, serious angst, like serious angst, brief violence.  
> Notes: I’m..... sorry?

“I have learned a great many things about the hearts of man. The risks that they are willing to take in the name of _love_.” The figure seemed too pleased with himself as he spoke. “The wagers they will make…” The shadow reached out and tapped at your chin with one boney finger. “The wagers they will _break_.”

You knew this would happen. Back on Lykaios it was easy to _wish_ this away. But you had broken the deal. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat, your lips parting to protest — but the shadow pressed his boney finger to your lips to silence you. 

“There is no point in making excuses,” The darkness seemed to grow as it took on a more corporeal form, and yet still he had no face. “I know your mind, your heart, your _future_.” 

He snapped his fingers and that familiar silver thread appeared between you. “You were both _so_ determined. I had anticipated many months of tormenting your beautiful minds.”

The shadow brushed his skeletal fingers across your cheek, “ _Look_.”

You looked down again, realizing then that it wasn’t a solitary silver thread — a second thread was intertwined with your own. “We didn’t _mean_ to break our promises. We never once said, in so many words, what deals we made with you.”

“ _Semantics_.” The shadow sank downwards into the stone floor, slithering towards one of the grand columns before cloaking it in darkness. 

The inky blackness seemed to swirl, like a whirlpool of water. You stared at it, watching as the darkness sank into the column, reaching out through nothingness — only to spat out Ezra onto the cold stone floor. 

He looked like he had been dragged through hell to get to you. His hair fell limp across his forehead, clinging to the sweat there. 

“ _Ezra_!” You tried to move towards him, but an unseen force kept you from reaching him. “Let go of me!” You struggled, twisting your arms in vain. 

Ezra seemed disoriented, his head heavy as he lifted it slowly to look at you. “Moonbeam?” He questioned softly, his hands weakly pressing against the ground like he meant to push himself up. But it was a struggle. His arm muscles straining beneath his weight. 

“He shouldn’t be here.” You told the darkness as it took the form of a shapeless man again. “He can’t leave Lykaios.”

“This place doesn’t exist.” The figure told you, “Or, perhaps it does. It is an in between that seldom few are caught in. Tartarus has long been used to _torment_.” 

Ezra let out a ragged exhale as he pushed himself onto his knees, “ _Why_? What have we done to warrant this kind of suffering?”

The shadow seemed amused by that, “It is not for me to weigh your crimes. Of which, there are many. That will come at the end of your days. I deal in _fate_.” 

“We never spoke of you directly.” You protested, struggling still against the invisible hands holding you back. “We _didn’t_ break the deal!” 

“I will give Ezra _some_ credit.” Even without a face, you could feel the shadow staring at you. “He never once implied what his deal was made on the grounds of. You, on the other hand, will have to live with the knowledge that you sealed his fate.”

Your heart sank to the pit of your stomach, “Ezra, _what_ did you do?” 

Ezra’s eyes met yours, “I’m sorry.” He looked away then, like it was too much to stomach. 

The shadow’s harsh laugh did nothing to assuage your fear. What had he done? What promise had he made with the darkness?

“What kind of deal did you make?” 

“I want you to move on, moonbeam. Put Lykaios, put me, put all of this behind you.” 

“Ez—“

“Promise me you won’t come back.” Ezra pleaded with you. “Promise me that.”

“You know I can’t do that.” 

Ezra lowered his head again and you could see how much effort he was exerting to keep himself propped up. “Tell her.”

The shadow wasted no time. “Your _beloved_ Ezra made a wager far greater than your own. To break the chains that bound him to Lykaios, he only had to keep a secret. Should he fail, he agreed to forget.” 

You felt like you were going to be sick. 

“Clever really. If he succeeded, it would’ve benefited himself. If he failed, well… it benefits him too, doesn’t it? He forgets, you remember. How could I say no to such a _devastating_ wager?” 

The shadow plucked a pair of shears from nothingness as he approached you, “Would you like to do the honors?”

“Please don’t do this.” You whispered. “Please. There has to be something we can do…”

“I’m not about to make another deal with you. You couldn’t keep your word for something so _minor._ ” He snapped his fingers and the invisible hands holding you back released you. “Do it.”

You took the shears from him, fingers trembling as you curled them around the cool metal. You had failed. Ezra had failed. You now lived in a waking nightmare where _you_ would be the reason Ezra forgot you — and your baby. 

Why had he agreed to such high stakes? Was he so desperate to leave Lykaios that he would risk losing it all? Did he hope, like you, no gods or demons could take you from him?

One quick snip and your future would unwind into nothing but thread draped across the floor. 

“Can I say goodbye?” You questioned, trying to fight back the tears that were brimming in your eyes. “One last time?”

The shadow sighed dramatically, “If you must.”

You moved towards Ezra, practically throwing yourself onto the ground beside him. He gathered you into his arms and pressed his face into the crook to your neck, his hand sliding in between you to rest at your belly. 

“I’m sorry.” He murmured, “I’m _so_ sorry.” 

You kissed the top of his head, trailing your lips over his temple and down to the shell of his ear, “Can you run?” You whispered so quietly, that you knew only Ezra’s hearing could hear you. 

He nodded, just enough to signal that he could. 

“Wherever I go, I know you’ll still follow.” You told him as he pulled back to meet your eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He whispered, pressing his lips to yours in a soul crushing kiss.

You weren’t going to go down without a fight. The Guardians had believed they could take you from him, but they were wrong. This was no different. The shadow wouldn’t _win_. 

You rose back to your feet, trembling as you approached the figure with the shears gripped tightly in your fist. “I have a question for you.”

“You’re only delaying the inevitable.”

“Who are you?”

“So few ever seek to know my name.” The shadow seemed to preen, taking on a more physical form. “Moros.”

“ _Moros_.” You nodded, acting as though you were ready to cut the silver threads. Instead, you moved quickly. You drove the shears into the nothingness of the shadow’s face, striking flesh and bone. 

He screamed, recoiling from you as he grasped at the blade that had pierced his eye socket. 

“Run!” You shouted at Ezra, running for the swirling darkness that he had been pulled through. It engulfed you, swallowing you up whole. “Ezra?” You called out, but you couldn’t hear him behind you. 

You started to look back, but something told you to keep moving through the icy blackness. To swim through the nothingness and _trust_ that he was behind you. 

If you focused, you could still feel that invisible thread that connected you to him — that distinct pull from your belly button. That constant reminder that, no matter where you were, you were connected to him. 

The ground beneath your feet shifted, a quiet rumble that you could feel in your bones. Through the darkness, hands reached for you, groping at your arms, your thighs, trying to trip you up. But you kept moving through the curtain of darkness — moving towards a pinpoint of light ahead. 

Ezra _had_ to be behind you. 

You stumbled, catching yourself before you tumbled forward. The ground kept moving, swaying and bowing under your weight. But you kept moving onward. 

It reminded you of your nightmares. Of the darkness that wrapped itself around you and tried to strangle you in your dreams. 

Now that you had gone against the shadow — Moros — what would happen? Would Ezra and your child be damned to stay on Lykaios forever? Would Moros seek to punish both of you? 

You _did_ stab him in the eye.

The world shifted around you, the swirling darkness seeming to shift around you, thickening before it shattered. The darkness shattered, raining down like ash around you as you emerged from the mouth of it.

You coughed, gasping for air that you hadn’t realized you’d been robbed of, collapsing to your knees. 

You heard a thud behind you and your head whipped around to see Ezra laying on the ground, his own breath just as labored as yours. 

“Ezra,” You whispered as you moved towards him, reaching out to comb your fingers through his hair.

His fingers clenched and unclenched weakly, gathering dirt beneath his nails as he lingered on the ground. 

“Ezra?”

“I need… a moment.” He managed, tilting his head just enough to catch your eye, before slumping back against the ground. 

“Take your time.” You murmured, brushing your knuckles over his cheek, wanting to soothe away whatever pain he felt. You could tell he was in pain — his jaw was clenched tight enough to see the tick of his muscle. His eyes swam with agony. 

Ezra reached out and curled his fingers around your bent knee, squeezing it weakly. “Are you…” He coughed. “Okay?”

You nodded, smiling down at him, “No worse for wear.” 

“ _Good_.” He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. “Felt like… I was being ripped apart.” 

Your heart sank. That little grain of hope you had held onto crumbled. He couldn’t leave — it wasn’t a lie. 

“Just breathe.” You urged, reaching down to curl your fingers around his at your knee. “How do you feel right now?”

“My head is killing me.” Ezra admitted, looking up at you again with bleary eyes. “I need…”

“I know.” You nodded slowly, looking around. “We’re back on Lykaios.” You explained, recognizing the flora and fauna of the moon. “We should try to get you back to your transport.” Your own was still on Arcadia — which meant you wouldn’t be getting back to the Block anytime soon. 

Ezra tried to push himself up, but his arms were too weak to hold his weight. “ _Fuck_.” He swore, the breath rushing from him as his chest hit the ground harshly. 

“Let me help,” You offered, holding out your hands to him. He took them hesitantly, letting you maneuver him into a sitting position. “We’ll go slow.”

He nodded, his breathing still ragged and unsteady, “I don’t know if I can.” Ezra told you as he met your gaze. “I _need_ lunaxium.” 

You knelt down on the ground in front of him, “I’m going to find the transport. I’ll get your stash and come back.” You reached out and cupped his cheek. Despite the chill, he was hot to the touch. His skin was clammy and tinged grey at the edges. 

“You have to be careful.” Ezra urged, leaning into your touch. “You have to come back.” 

“I _will_. I promise.” You told him, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his. “Just hold on, okay?” 

He gave a stiff nod, “I’ll be right here.” 

You tilted your head and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, before started to get up. Ezra stopped you, hand grabbing at yours. “What?”

“I love you.” He whispered, his voice warbling. 

“I love you too.” You squeezed his hand, rubbing your thumb over the center of his palm. “I’ll be back before you can miss me.” 

He laughed weakly, letting go of your hand reluctantly. He looked _bad_. Worse than you had ever seen him before and you couldn’t let that get to you. You couldn’t let panic win. 

Instead you had to focus on retracing familiar paths through the forest. Ezra had taken the time to teach you — in case you ever had to venture out alone. But that was before you had to worry about the Guardians and Moros. 

Making a deal had been a mistake, one that could’ve had devastating effects. Losing Ezra like that? You wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you had cut that string. 

If you had severed that invisible connection to him. 

You only lost your way once, accidentally doubling back towards Ezra. His transport was only a half hour’s walk from where you had left him — but it was too far to trek in his condition. You didn’t know when he would be well enough to make the journey. 

It was surreal to move through his transport without his presence. To track down medical supplies, lunaxium, and camping equipment without Ezra’s prattle. 

And then the reality of your loss settled in. How were you getting your transport back? Everything you owned was sitting on Arcadia. Your credits, your books, your _life_. What would happen if you set foot on that planet again? Would Moros sweep you up?

You slung the rucksack over your shoulder, ensuring for a second time that you had the lunaxium before venturing back out into the rapidly darkening forest. Night was falling over Lykaios and you only had a dimly burning lantern to light your way back to Ezra. 

Every rustle of leaves, every snap of a branch made your nerves spike. Ezra would _die_ if you didn’t get back to him. You had seen enough of him without lunaxium to know how difficult it was, but it was worse when he’d been ripped off the moon and placed somewhere he didn’t belong. 

You tripped over a root, losing your footing, but catching yourself before you could fall. You rested your hand against the trunk of three, looking down at the root before stepping over it. 

Something didn’t feel right. Not because you lost your footing, but because something didn’t feel right. You froze, looking over your shoulder — your eyes straining as you peered through the darkness. A rodent scurried across the mossy ground, but there was nothing there. 

Nothing to warrant the strange sensation creeping down your spine. 

The closer you advanced towards Ezra’s location, the more intense it grew to be. It felt like tension being pulled tighter and tighter within you until it snapped.

The strange feeling was quickly forgotten when you spotted Ezra laying face down in the dirt and unmoving.

You rushed towards him, rolling him onto his back. You pressed two fingers to his wrist, feeling for his pulse as you rested your cheek against his chest to listen to his heart. Both were weak. Terrifyingly weak.

“Ezra,” You urged, patting at his cheeks. “Come on. Wake up. I brought your lunaxium.”

His eyelashes fluttered.

There was no way you were going to get him to snort the lunaxium dust… but maybe you could put some under his tongue. It was worth a shot. It might be enough to rouse him.

You sat the satchel down and snatched out the lunaxium, before rearranging Ezra so his head was in your lap. His breathing was so shallow, you kept holding your fingers in front of his nose.

You brushed your thumb over his lips, gently urging him to open his mouth so you could place two small pieces of lunaxium under his tongue.

“Now we wait,” You told him, petting your fingers over his cheek lovingly. “When we’re done here, I think you deserve a nice long shower before you completely bliss out on me.”

Ezra’s facial features twitched, lashes fluttering again. There was a _long_ pause before he opened his eyes and stared up at you.

“Thank the stars,” You whispered as you leaned down to press an upside down kiss to his lips. “Just relax, Ez.” You told him as you noted the confusion on his face. 

He let out a quiet, but pained groan as he started to move off your lap.

“ _Easy_ ,” You warned him as he sank back onto your lap, staring up at you with an unreadable expression. “It’s going to be okay.” You promised, threading your fingers through his hair.

“I might believe you,” His voice wavered. “If I knew who you were.”

Your heart sank. “What?”

“Who are you?”

“This isn’t funny.”

Ezra blinked up at you, “Am I laughing?”

No. No. No, no, _no_.

“You don’t… you don’t know who I am?”

He hesitated, “No. Should I?”

You felt like the world was caving in on you. Pure panic flooding your system. Ezra didn’t know who you were and you had nowhere to go. It would still be _days_ before Shiva noticed your absence.

And those kind brown eyes of his looked straight through you.

“Ezra, what _do_ you remember?” You questioned hesitantly.

He blinked slowly as he looked up at you, “I think that may be _privileged_ information.” 

“I need to know.”

Ezra exhaled through his nose, looking away from you then. “I’m not inclined to tell _strangers_ my business.”

“I’m _not_ a stranger.” You gritted out. “Ezra, I need you to trust me.”

He kept his head turned away from you. “My head hurts too much to put up with this right now.” He told you. “I need to get back to my transport.”

“Here,” You held out the bag of lunaxium. “Take another hit and I can help get you home.”

“You know—“

“ _Yes_.”

Ezra quieted, before taking the bag from you, careful to avoid touching you. “Thanks.” He said shortly, before pulling himself out of your lap. 

He had never used lunaxium in front of you. But this man didn’t know the same shame or discomfort as the man you loved. This man was just… a stranger. 

And it was all your fault.


	19. The Itch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, angst, unrequited love, unresolved sexual tension.  
> Notes: :) 

Ezra slept for four hours after you got him back to the transport. It felt _wrong_ not to curl up in bed with him, to hold him as the lunaxium worked through his system and eased his suffering. 

Instead you tried to catch a few hours of sleep, curled up on the uncomfortable sofa in the common area of the transport. You couldn’t even bring yourself to read through one of the books stacked around the ship — you couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t this new reality. 

“I thought you’d be gone by now.” Ezra said with a slight edge to his voice as he flipped on the light in the room, stiffly standing in the threshold. 

You rubbed at your eyes as you lifted your head to look at him, “I don’t have anywhere to go.” 

Still he stared at you like a foreigner in your own home. You recognized the distrust in his gaze, the grit of his teeth as he set his gaze on you. 

“If you knew about the lunaxium, then you should know that you _don’t_ belong here.” Ezra retorted, folding his arms across his chest. “The full moon is two days away.”

“I’m aware.” You said crisply, sitting up right and resting your hand against your stomach briefly. “But I don’t have anywhere to go.”

He narrowed his eyes, “You don’t have a transport?”

“ _No_. It’s gone.” 

“Well, you can’t stay here.” He said with a shake of his head. “It isn’t safe for you in your… _condition_.” Ezra’s gaze flickered to your stomach, and it lingered there long enough to make your heart beat a little faster. 

“You really don’t remember me, do you?” You questioned, rising from the sofa and walking towards him. You stopped in front of him, watching as he flinched away from your touch. 

“I don’t.” Ezra admitted quietly. “But you _are_ everywhere on this transport.” 

“Because I live here with you.” You told him, “We live between my transport and here.” You tried to reach out for him, resting your hand on his shoulder. “But something happened and now you’ve forgotten me.”

The distrust in his gaze didn’t falter. “How do I know you haven’t just been squatting in my transport? It’s not entirely secure.”

You exhaled slowly, “Does our bed smell like only _I_ was sleeping in it?” 

Ezra’s lips twitched, “No.” 

“That’s what I thought.” You ran your hand down the length of his arm, curling your fingers around his hand. “I’m _not_ afraid of the beast, Ezra. I can shelter in our — in _your_ — quarters safely. We’ve done it before.”

Ezra rocked his jaw slowly as he held your gaze. “Why don’t I remember that?” 

“It’s complicated.” You bit down on your bottom lip as you hesitantly rubbed your thumb against the center of his palm, trying to convince him to believe you. 

He shook his hand out of your hold, brushing past you as he walked into the room further. “I don’t know what you think this is, but it isn’t it.” He told you and the honesty of those words felt like a knife through the chest. “I don’t know _who_ you are. I don’t know why _you_ are everywhere in this transport, but… I’m not looking for anything like this. Alright?” 

You tried not to let your expression reveal your true emotions. You fought back the rush of tears you felt welling up in your eyes. It was a rotten time to be pregnant and more emotional than you had ever been in your life. 

“ _Ezra—_ “

“No,” He held up a hand to stop you. “Look, the last thing I remember was leaving this ship with no intention of coming back to it. I don’t know how I ended up out there, I don’t know who you are.” 

“I know about that,” You told him, trying to keep your voice light. “The day we met, you found me in an animal trap, and you later told me you were thinking about ending things. Five years on this moon was all you could take, but things changed that night.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” 

You wilted a little, “I don’t know.” 

Ezra’s eyes flickered to your stomach again, his brows furrowing briefly before he looked away. “How long has it been since we ‘met,’ then?”

“Almost a year ago.” Your voice wavered. “I started coming back every month to spend time with you and I was able to stay here during the full moon a few times…” You tried not to get your hope up. “We were making things work until… we made a bad deal.” 

“And I lost my memory of you?”

You nodded. 

“How much lunaxium did I snort?” Ezra said, mostly to himself as he unceremoniously turned to leave you standing in the middle of the room. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to take a shower.” He told you over his shoulder, “I expect you gone when I get out.” 

“Ezra, I can’t just _go_ somewhere else. The Guardians will kill me and our baby.” 

That stopped him dead in his tracks. “I have never _once_ humored the idea of having children of my own.” He turned then. “I’ve always been careful.”

“So have I,” You retorted with matched annoyance. “But here we are.” You gestured to your stomach. “And I _know_ the beast still knows. He might not remember, just like you don’t.. but he _knows_.” 

Ezra held your gaze, before it slowly lowered to your stomach. “It’s really mine?” 

You nodded slowly, “I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you were _very_ excited about it.” 

He swallowed thickly, “But the curse…”

“I know,” You touched your stomach. “There’s every possibility that our baby will be just like you, but that doesn’t change anything.” 

“But I _don’t_ remember.” Ezra looked away then, folding his arms across his chest. “I look at you and I feel like I _should_ know you, but it’s just grasping for something in the dark. There’s nothing there.” 

“We can make _new_ memories,” You bargained, with him and yourself. “I’m not giving up on us just because you can’t remember me. We can start over.” 

“I don’t know.” He admitted to you, genuine sorrow in his eyes. “It sounds like whatever we had was just prolonging an inevitable tragedy. This curse… I don’t know how much longer I can hold it off. In the woods — I’ve never felt like that before. That pain ravaged through me and… it’s why I wanted to put an end to all of this. I can’t become like _them_.” Ezra admitted, his own voice wavering with emotion. “I may not know what we had, but I know myself well enough to know I wouldn’t want to put you through this.”

“Please don’t do this,” You reached for him and he let you curl your fingers around his hand. “I know how hard it is for you, but I’m not going to abandon you when things get difficult. You moved past this.” 

He gave your hand a brief squeeze, “You mentioned last night that you had friends coming. They can take you to safety?”

“ _Ezra._ ” 

This was a waking nightmare and the reality of it hadn’t even sunk in yet. Ezra was gone and in his stead was a stranger who looked like him. 

“I’m sorry I don’t remember.” 

You couldn’t fight the tears. You bubbled over, your chest seizing up as you sobbed, full body and ugly. You shook as you broke down, the the hurt you’d been trying to hold back crashing down on you heavily. 

Despite not knowing you, he still wrapped his arms around you and held you against his chest. He was warm — _real_. Real despite not being him. Warm despite the chilly way he spoke to you. 

“I loved you,” You choked out. “I _really_ loved you.” 

“I’m _so_ sorry,” He murmured, kissing the top of your head like it was muscle memory. 

“Please don’t give up.” You sniffed loudly, tears and snot darkening the fabric of his shirt. “ _Please_. There has to be some way… don’t just give up.”

“I’m tired,” He told you, stroking your back in an unfamiliar fashion. “The headaches are blinding, my bones ache to the core, everything burns like it’s on fire… That’s no life.” 

“But you _chose_ to make it one, Ezra.” You told him, your voice cracking. “That was you. Whether you remember it or not.” 

You hadn’t realized how much pain he had been in. He never let it show. 

“Maybe I did,” He looked at you, brows furrowed. “But I don’t know what led me to that realization. I just know what I know now.” 

You took his hand and lifted to your lips, kissing the center of his palm. “This living hand, now warm and capable; of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold. And in the icy silence of the tomb, so haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights. That thou would wish thine own heart dry of blood. So in my veins red life might stream again, and thou be conscience-calm’d–see here it is. I hold it towards you.” 

Ezra exhaled shakily, “Keats.” 

“One of your favorites.” You reminded him as he traced his thumb over the curve of your upper lip. “You always had me read Keats to you. Nightingale, melancholy, bright star.” 

“I wish I remembered.” 

“You might still.” 

“Or you might torture yourself with the past,” He cautioned you. “Is that what you want? To replace old memories with lackluster attempts to rekindle something in me that still burns within you?” 

“Yes.” There was no hesitation. 

“Alright.” He sighed. “But I _did_ warn you.” 

“You’re right,” You told him lightly, trying to convince yourself that things would be okay. “You do need the ‘fresher. You smell like sweat.” 

He huffed a little, “I smell like dirt, sweat, and bed that distinctly smelt like _you_.” 

“I never _once_ heard you complain about it.” You retorted with a slight taunt to your words.

“I wasn’t complaining now either.” He pulled his hand from your grasp. “You can stay.”

“Thank you.” 

* * *

“Are you the reason I have cheese?” Ezra questioned with a mouthful of said cheese as he walked into his quarters, where you had made yourself comfortable on the bed. 

“I try to bring you treats every time I come back from the Block.” You told him, sitting the book you were reading aside. “We’ve also made a few upgrades to the transport… namely a comlink between our vessels.”

“ _Really_?” He bummed thoughtfully as he moved to perch on the bed beside you. “Then we need to get you back to the Block. I’m almost out of cheese.”

You rolled your eyes, “You sure you don’t remember?”

Ezra shook his head, “The shower didn’t make me remember.”

“ _Damn_.” You snapped your fingers, watching him as he scooted back on the bed and leaned back against the cool durasteel. “How do you feel?”

“I took a hit and that helped.” He tilted his face towards you. “Headache’s less.”

“Good.” You smiled a little. 

You should’ve realized he had used lunaxium. He’s more pliable under the influence and right now he seems _light_ — like the man you love. He’s even got that crooked grin as he rakes his fingers through his hair.

“When did we start this?” He questioned.

“We were both lonely and we slept together on the sofa in my transport. It just kind of happened.”

Ezra sank back against the wall beside you, breaking the piece of cheese in half and passing it to you. 

“Thanks.” 

He offered you a brief smile, “You’re welcome.” Ezra popped his piece into his mouth, chewing it slowly. “So you and I were together for almost a year?”

You nodded. 

“How was it? How did we work?”

“ _Well_ ,” You readjusted against the wall, resting your hand on your stomach. “I was very insistent about coming back for you. I don’t think you believed me at first.”

“I can see that.”

“And then, I don’t know… We just fell into this pattern of existence. I would come and stay for three weeks, I’d go back to the Block for a week and find you cheese, books, those honeysticks.”

Ezra smiled then, “Honeysticks?”

“Your favorite.” Your heart hurt when you looked at him. That smile was too familiar, yet foreign. “We made it work. But then the Guardians tried to make me forget you — they _killed_ me.”

“They killed you?”

“Yeah,” You sighed. “It’s been a complicated few months. My stim stopped working and that’s how _this_ happened,” You gestured to your stomach. “You were hesitant at first. But so was I.” 

“How far along are you?”

“A little ways into my second trimester,” You watched him as he stared at your stomach. “I think the beast was more excited than either of us.”

“I can see that,” Ezra pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I’m sorry I don’t remember.”

“Don’t be.” You reached for his hand, curling your fingers around his. He let you, slotting his fingers in between yours. “I didn’t know how much pain you were in. You never told me.”

“That sounds like me.” He chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “I probably didn’t want to burden you with it.” 

“That _does_ sound like you.” You leaned towards him, resting your cheek against the curve of his shoulder. “I don’t expect you to fall in love with me again, Ezra. I’m not trying to force this on you.” 

“I know.” He exhaled as he leaned his head to rest against the top of yours. He rubbed his thumb over the back of yours. “If it’s any consolation, you feel like a muscle memory to me. This, right now, feels _familiar_ on a physical level.”

“That's reassuring, I guess.” You pulled back just enough to look at him, “We did this a lot. Sometimes you’d just watch me scroll through the net on my datapad… or you’d read to me.” 

“It’s strange to think that I _haven’t_ been without touch. That my body has memories that I don’t have.” Ezra’s voice wavered. “Just your hand in mine feels like more than I have known in five years.” 

His eyes flickered to your lips and you ducked your head, looking away then. As much as you wanted to rekindle a forgotten spark, you knew enough about him now to know it didn’t mean _anything_. 

“Sorry,” Ezra offered, squeezing your hand gently. “I didn’t mean to make you… uncomfortable?”

“It’s fine.” You told him lightly. “I would just like to take things slower than we did originally.” 

He nodded, “I can respect that.” 

You took his hand and lifted it to your lips to kiss each knuckle. “It hurts to look at your eyes and see how… it’s different.” You only hoped you were right about the beast. 

Ezra dragged his teeth over his bottom lip as he nodded slowly, “I get it. I’m sorry it has to be this way.” 

“It’s really not _your_ fault.” You muttered, releasing your hold on his hand and picking at a piece of lint on your leg. Sure, Ezra had agreed to these terms — but you had caused him to break the deal. “I have a request for you.”

“ _Another_?” He teased lightly. “What is it?”

“My friends will likely be here a few days after the full moon.” You explained to him, “I need you to pretend like you remember.”

His brows rose upwards, “Why?”

“Because Shiva will see this as an opportunity to convince me to leave. For good.” You looked at him then. “You don’t really know them that well to begin with. It shouldn’t be that hard.” 

“Alright.” Ezra shrugged. “Just tell me what I need to know.”

“I will.” You leaned into his side again, resting your cheek on his shoulder as he slipped his arm around your waist. It felt so familiar and yet… it wasn’t. 

* * *

Ezra sealed himself off in the common area when the time came from his transformation. Despite how insistent you were that you trusted the beast — he wasn’t as confident. He didn’t know you and your _hope_ wasn’t enough to convince him that the beast would know you. 

You waited in his quarters, listening to the pained sounds from down the corridor as his body broke apart and reformed as the beast.

He had instructed you to stay in the room, but you weren’t very good at obeying him. 

When the vessel grew quiet, save for the sound of your pulse pounding in your ears, you pressed the keypad and opened the durasteel door that stood between you and the beast. 

“Ezra?” You called out cautiously, lingering in the threshold as you peered down the corridor. You heard the metal flooring groan beneath the weight of the beast. “ _Ezra_?” You repeated, staying rooted in one spot as you listened to the lumbering movements of the beast. 

There was a brief second of panic that lanced through you as the beast rounded the bend in the corridor. A moment that told you to hit the keypad and shut the door closed. But you stayed there, eyes wide and foolishly hopeful. 

The beast growled softly, crouching down to a less terrifying height as he moved towards you. He seemed just as cautious as you were, his eyes warily sweeping over you. 

“Hey there,” You held out your hand to him as he approached you. “Do you remember me?” 

At first, you weren’t certain. He sniffed at your hand curiously, breath hot against your palm, before he nuzzled at it. 

“Oh, thank the stars.” You breathed out, moving towards the beast and throwing your arms around him. You pressed your cheek against the soft fur of his chest, melting into him as he hesitantly wrapped an arm around you, his massive hand resting against the small of your back. 

“I thought I lost you too.” Your voice wavered as you pressed a kiss to the side of the beast’s head. He turned and licked at your face in response, before nuzzling his nose against the crook of your neck. 

“I know.” You said as you combed your fingers through his fur. “We’ve been dealt a rotten hand, but… I’m going to find a way to fix this.” 

The beast pulled back and crouched down, rubbing the broad width of his forehead against your stomach. 

“We’re both alright.” You assured the beast, stroking the back of his neck as he stayed there. “A little stressed, but alright.”

The beast huffed quietly, lifting his head to look at you. His eyes were exactly what you had been longing to see. Those dark brown eyes looked back at you with such reverence and adoration. You were no stranger to the beast. 

“I wish I had known, Ezra.” You said as you cupped both sides of his head. “You never told me how much pain you were in… I feel selfish now…” 

He lowered his head again, nudging at your chest as a low growl rumbled up the back of his throat. He carefully dragged one of his hands down your side, curling his fingers around your hip. 

The beast nuzzled at the crook of your neck once more, his tongue flicking out to taste your skin there. You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch as his warm breath danced over the column of your throat. 

You sank your fingers into his soft fur, relishing this _brief_ brush of intimacy. A part of you told you that this was wrong — but an equally loud part told you to hold onto what you still had with both hands. 

“Ezra,” You whispered, dislodging yourself from the beast’s grasp. He cocked his head to the side, a knowing look glinting in his eyes. He knew you better than you knew yourself. 

It was tempting — _really_ tempting. But you had a feeling you would wake up in the morning feeling guilty, given the fact that the human part of him _didn’t_ know you. 

“As much as I _want_ to,” You started, stroking your fingers through the hair at his jaw. “I think we shouldn’t.” 

The beast snorted, leaning forward against to nudge at your chest. 

“How do you feel about _sleeping_ through the full moon?” You questioned, kissing the top of his head. 

Another rumbling sound escaped him, a quiet bark following as he sank back and sat in front of you. He cocked his head to the side, eyeing you curiously. 

“Just give me a second.” You told him, before stepping back into his quarters. You pulled the mattress off the bed, situating it in the middle of the floor with the pillows and blankets. 

The beast couldn’t exactly fit on the bed with you, though he’d certainly tried in the past. He poked his head into the room, taking a short step in as he watched you fluff the blankets out. 

“I know it’s not much,” You started as you looked towards him. “But I really _hate_ sleeping alone. It’s not the same, and…” You used the back of your hand to wipe away a stray tear. “I miss you. I miss this.” 

Ezra moved towards you, keeping himself low as he crouched in front of you. The beast studied you quietly, before reaching out to touch your cheek. The pads of his fingers were rough, but it still satisfied the _need_ you felt. 

“Can you behave if I take my clothes off?” 

He snorted, blowing hot air right into your face as he made a sound that almost sounded like laughing. 

“I figured you had some manners,” You retorted as you peeled off your shirt and tossed it aside. You wrestled your pants off, kicking them out of your way before sliding under the covers. 

You held them up, waiting for the beast to maneuver himself partially under the covers beside you. He was too massive for them, but it got him closer to you. 

And there was something _nice_ about feeling his warm furry body pressed against yours. You let him envelop you, his arm curled possessively around your waist. 

“I’m sorry you’re trapped inside of a body that doesn’t remember,” You whispered as you scratched at a spot behind his ear. “It kills me to look into your eyes and see _nothing_.”

The beast licked at your face, causing you to laugh softly. “You should get some rest too,” You told him as you turned to try to fit yourself into the bend of his body. He spread his hand out over your stomach, his sharp claws gently resting against your skin.

His hot breath danced over your shoulder and you tried to ignore the way it warmed you through. There were a lot of things you tried to ignore. Like the fact that Ezra didn’t know who you were. That you may never hear him call you moonbeam again. That he wouldn’t fall in love with you.

Even if he didn’t… you couldn’t leave the beast behind. The beast knew you. The beast loved you. 

You combed your fingers through the hair that covered the back of his arm. “Hey Ezra?”

The beast nudged at your shoulder.

“I love you.”

He barked quietly, licking at the crook of your neck. It was his only way to tell you the same. 

* * *

Ezra’s fingers splayed out over your stomach, gently drawing circles over your skin unconsciously. The patterns were unfamiliar, but the weight of his touch felt _right_. You were finally starting to “pop” too. Your stomach was rounding to prove that a little life was growing within you.

You groaned quietly as you heard the engine kick on to feed power to the support programs on the transport — the quickest way to know the time.

It was morning and there was a very naked man pressed against your very naked body. A fact which wouldn’t be a problem if he remembered you. 

You stirred, readjusting the pillow beneath your head. What were you supposed to say in this position? Sorry we’re naked? 

“I dreamed of you,” Ezra told you, his voice rough from sleep. “You let me into your transport and I felt this pure joy over you.”

Your heart ached. “Your memories aren’t gone, they’re just hard to reach.”

“Maybe.” He rested his forehead against your shoulder. “Last night, did we?”

“You’d be dead,” You laughed before answering him. “No. I thought about it, but it didn’t feel right.”

“So it wasn’t just _me_? It really was the beast too?”

You nodded your head slowly. “The beast… it’s primal. It’s this understanding that works because that part of you can’t speak to me. Not conventionally, at least.”

“And that’s why we are both naked?”

“Don’t knock sleeping next to a full grown beast until you try it.” You remarked, turning a little to grin at him. 

He mirrored your expression, a grin spreading over his lips as he met your gaze. “I’ll have to remember that.” He drawled out, running his fingers over your stomach again. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did.” You lifted your hand to gingerly cup his cheek. “How are you feeling?” 

Ezra shrugged, “I feel like I slept.” He leaned into your touch, his eyes falling closed. “I _did_ sleep. I can’t think of a single time I slept during the full moon.”

You laughed softly, “I guess all you needed was to just lay down and relax with me.” You kept the covers pulled up around your chest as you rolled onto your back. “I want to make it clear to you that I understand that you don’t feel the same way I do. I don’t expect you to. I avoided being… _intimate_ with the beast because it didn’t feel right because of this.”

“I appreciate that,” Ezra told you with a warm smile. “I can’t deny that I feel _something,_ but it’s like a phantom feeling.” He explained to you. “Like you’re the limb I’ve lost, but it still itches.”

You pursed your lips together and looked away from his eyes. “I’ll try not to _itch_ too much.” 

“I really don’t mind.” He told you without hesitation. “I’m sorry about before.” Ezra whispered, shifting so he could rest his chin on your shoulder. “You may have spent a year in my company, but I still feel the loneliness of five years with nothing but books to keep me company. My niceties are lacking.”

“You were kind of an ass.” You admitted with a laugh. 

“Alright, alright.” Ezra snorted. “I get it.” 

“Oh, do you?” You shot back with a smirk. “Just making sure you didn’t forget.” 

His hand slid from your stomach, giving your hip a playful squeeze. “Gallows humor?” His lips twisted with amusement. 

“I’m either going to laugh or cry.” You retorted, reaching beneath the covers to curl your hand around his a your hip. “And I’ve already cried more than I care to admit.” 

Ezra’s gaze shifted to your lips, “Slow, right?” 

“Unfortunately,” You bit down on your bottom lip with an apologetic look. 

“Then I’m going to go jump in the ‘fresher.” He leaned towards you and pressed a kiss to the center of your forehead, letting his lips linger there. “I’ll put the mattress back on the bed. I don’t want you doing heavy lifting.” 

“What do you want me to do?” You questioned, running your hand up the back of his arm. 

“Were you this much of a menace before?” He questioned, exhaling shakily. 

“Oh yeah,” You let out a breathy laugh. “I’ll pull something together for us to eat.” 

“I can think of _something_ I want to eat right now.” He drawled out, keeping one hand planted by your shoulder as he looked down at you. 

You felt heat rise in your cheeks, “Sorry.” 

Ezra ran his nose down the length of yours, lingering there as your breath mingled with his. “ _Slow_.” He breathed out, before he abandoned you entirely and moved out from beneath the covers. “I need a shower.” 

You watched him as he walked out of his quarters, unabashedly staring at his ass as he went. It was a _good_ ass. 

A heady combination of shame and regret flooded your system — you should’ve let him kiss you, should’ve taken advantage of what he was offering. But you knew better. It would only hurt you in the end because he didn’t feel the way _you_ felt. It was just scratching an itch for him. 


	20. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, angst, unresolved sexual tension.

You sat crosslegged on the bed, watching as Ezra paced and sucked on a honeystick. “Just keep things brief. They won’t be _that_ suspicious.”

“And why do I not like this Quinn fellow?” He questioned, cocking his head the side as he looked at you. 

“Because I slept with him.” You admitted. “It’s complicated.”

“Do tell.”

You rubbed at the crease between your brows, “He was always my fallback, in the past. So there’s a history there. I’m not proud about it, but I needed to get off Ay-7 to get back to you and that _unfortunately_ meant sleeping with him.” You shrugged. “Neither you nor the beast were thrilled with that.”

Ezra nodded slowly, “So I should be chilly with him?”

“Cordial.” You offered, brushing your fingers over your stomach. “He likes trying to wind you up. Just follow my lead.”

“And Shiva? What about them?” 

“Mutual acceptance? They don’t particularly like you, but they’re warming up to you. I wouldn’t say you _dislike_ them. But there’s distrust all around.” 

You scooted to the edge of the bed, resting your feet on the ground. “I’ll try to do most of the talking. I need them to go to Arcadia and pick up my ship — but I’m going to avoid the particulars.”

“So we’re not telling them about the memory loss?”

“ _Ezra_!”

He smirked at you. “Just checking.” He stepped towards the trash bin to throw the honeystick packaging away. “And how are we?” 

“You’re very… _touchy_.” You explained. “Hand on my shoulder, the small of my back, holding my hand.” 

Ezra nodded, “I can see that.”

He hadn’t had _any_ trouble with touching you ever since the full moon. It helped that he let you sleep in bed with him — something about not wanting to make a pregnant woman sleep on an uncomfortable sofa. It was nice, but weird too. 

“And what happens if they start to catch on?”

“I don’t know.” You grimaced. “I don’t really want to think about it.” Shiva would twist your arm into staying on the Block until the baby was born. They’d find a reason to think it wasn’t safe with Ezra — he was a stranger all over again. Someone to distrust. 

“Anything else I should know?” He questioned as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside you. 

“You call me moonbeam,” Your voice wavered. He hadn’t called you anything but your name since you reintroduced yourself to him. “And little lamb.” 

His brows furrowed as he tilted his head to look at you, “Shelley?”

You nodded, “We traded Mary and Percy.” 

“The sunlight claps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea: what are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?” Ezra recited. 

“You remember that?” 

“Hmm?”

“You read those words from _my_ book. You didn’t have Percy’s works.” You told him, angling yourself towards him. “But you remembered the passage.”

He blinked at you, exhaling shakily. “It just came to me.” 

“That’s good.” You reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly. “Maybe there’s still hope yet that you’ll remember.” 

“Perhaps,” He smiled fondly at you, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. “You know, I can see why I was infatuated with you.” 

“Oh?” Your gaze dropped to his lips, against better judgement. 

“ _Yeah._ ” Ezra breathed out, “You’re beautiful _and_ you fancy the same books that I do.” 

“Funny, that’s why I liked you too.” You whispered, finding yourself leaning towards him. “Is this just muscle memory?”

“Maybe.” He drawled out, his breath dancing over your lips as he hesitated. “I hear something.” 

Ezra’s head whipped around to stare down the hallway a split second before someone knocked at the door. “I already dislike them.” He remarked. 

You laughed, “I told you they’d show up today.” You rose from the bed, walking barefoot down the corridor to the front door. “Who is it?” You called out. 

“Who do you think?” Shiva shot back. 

Ezra followed after you, hovering awkwardly behind you. “I’ll follow your lead.” 

You looked back at him before you pulled the door open to let Shiva and Quinn in. 

“Where the hell is your transport?” Quinn questioned, “We went there first, but the clearing is… _clear_.” 

“Long story.” You told him as Shiva wrapped their arms around you. “How was your assignment?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” They groused, pulling back to give you a sweeping look. 

“ _Someone_ pulled a bad harvest.” Quinn said in a sing-song voice, before following Shiva’s line of sight to your stomach. “Not that I doubted the legitimacy of your pregnancy, but…” He smirked at Ezra then. “Good job.” 

“Look at you!” Shiva grinned at you. “Can I?” 

“Sure.” You shrugged, giving Ezra a look as he moved to shut and lock the door closed behind them. 

“How are you feeling?” Shiva questioned as they ran their hand over the subtle curve of your stomach. “Any morning sickness?”

“I feel great.” You told them, swatting Quinn’s hand away as he made an attempt to touch you. 

“Watch it.” Ezra snapped, stepping in between you and Quinn. 

Quinn huffed, “Oh, but _Shiva_ can touch?” 

Ezra glared at him. 

Shiva rolled their eyes, “Still sensitive about _that_?” 

“About what?” Ezra questioned, arching a brow. 

“We are not going to talk about me sleeping with Quinn.” You interjected, taking Shiva’s hand off your stomach. “Let’s go sit, I can tell you about what happened.” 

Ezra was hot on your heels as you shooed Shiva and Quinn down the hall to the common area. It _almost_ reminded you of before — but not quiet. It didn’t help that he had taken your comment about being _touchy_ and ran with it. 

He pulled you into his lap on the sofa, under the guise of making room for Shiva. 

“Now you’re just being _rude_.” Quinn complained as he perched on the crate across from the sofa. 

“Did we interrupt something?” Shiva questioned, giving you a pointed look. 

“No.”

“— _Yes_.”

You turned to look at Ezra, your heart beating a little faster as he cradled his hand against your stomach. 

“ _Someone_ is still a little grouchy from the full moon.” You explained nervously, looking back at Shiva then. “How was your flight in?”

“Uneventful.” They shrugged, “Quinn tried a little too hard to get me out of my own bad mood.”

You made a face, “Too much information.”

“Not like _that_.” Shiva screwed up their face. 

“Why does everyone act like I’m at the bottom of their list?” Quinn questioned, feigning offense. “I’ll have you know, all three of you are near the top of mine.” 

You pretended to wretch, which made Ezra snort. “Quinn, everyone is at the top of your list to hear you tell it.”

“I’m an equal opportunities romancer.”

“Can I be removed from the list?” Ezra questioned. “Perhaps a few years ago, I might’ve taken you up on that offer.”

“Don’t feed him.” You told Ezra, prodding him in the ribs. “He’ll never stop.”

“No, no. Please go on.” Quinn grinned. “You’ve caught my interest now, Ezra.” He propped his chin up on his knees. “Now I’m seeing that this animosity isn’t just because of our _beloved_ friend.”

Ezra rested his chin on your shoulder, tilting his head so his cheek was pressed flush against your neck and jaw. “You’ve gone and ruined it now.” 

Shiva cleared their throat, “Well, now that _that_ is out of the way.” They fixed you with a look. “Your ship?”

“Long story, really.” You laughed nervously. “I’m going to need you and Quinn to take a quick trip to Arcadia to pick it up for me. My best advice is to go straight to the ship and then leave.” 

Shiva narrowed their eyes, “What happened?” 

“A minor debacle,” Ezra lied smoothly, pressing his lips to the crook of your neck affectionately. “Given the _delicate_ state that moonbeam is in, I’d prefer that she doesn’t venture back to Arcadia.” 

“How did you get back without your ship?” Quinn questioned. 

“It’s a long story.” You admitted, “But it’s behind us, fortunately.” 

“Why are you acting weird?” Shiva questioned, leaning towards you suspiciously. “You’re being squirrely.”

“I’m exhausted.” You explained, which wasn’t an actual lie. 

Quinn clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Did the big bad wolf keep you up?” 

You flipped him off. “Shut up.”

“Well, _did_ he?”

“No.” You gritted out, tilting your head to look at Ezra. “I told you they’d never let me live it down.”

“It’s alright.” 

“What’s with the two of you?” Shiva questioned, narrowing their eyes at you. 

“Like I said before,” Ezra started before you had the opportunity to respond. “You _interrupted_.”

“ _Ezra_.” You warned him lightly, tilting your head to look at him with a short laugh. “It’s just been a weird couple of days.” You explained to Shiva. “It always is around the full moon.” 

“You’re right,” Quinn snapped his fingers and pointed at Shiva, “They are acting weird.” 

“Maybe _you’re_ acting weird.” You retorted.

“Alright, I’m convinced now. Fess up.” Shiva cleared their throat, “What’s going on here?” 

“Do you _always_ interrogate her?” Ezra questioned, his voice teetering on the edge of annoyance. “She already told you. So drop it.” 

“It’s really nothing.” You assured Shiva and Quinn, looking between the two of them. “I just need my ship back and then…” You didn’t know what came next. Did you leave? Did you come back? 

“You can pick me up more of those honeysticks and get back here.” Ezra drawled out, lazily drawing his fingers over your stomach through your shirt. 

You turned a little to look at him, grinning at him. “And don’t forget the cheese.” 

“How could I?” Ezra took that opportunity to steal the softest brush of a kiss from you. But it was enough to make you chase after his lips as he pulled away. 

There was nothing you wanted more than to kiss him. Your last two kisses with him had been under such duress — you hadn’t savored them at all. 

“Anything we need to know about Arcadia?” Shiva questioned, “And we’ll get out of your hair.”

“Sorry.” You offered sheepishly as you turned back towards your friends. “Just be quick. Don’t linger.”

Quinn coughed, “You’re not sending us to our death are you?” 

“No.” You answered a little too quickly.

Shiva narrowed their eyes, ”We’re talking when I get back.” They warned you. “Ezra, take care of our girl.”

“I always do.” He said with a pleased grin as he rested his chin on your shoulder, his hand still possessively curled around your stomach. 

Shiva stood then, snapping their fingers to get Quinn’s attention. “I think we should give the love birds some space.” 

Quinn made a face, “You know, I’m still thinking about how it works with the beast.” 

“I’m going to _kill_ you.” You threatened, wiggling out of Ezra’s embrace as you got off his lap. “I told you that in a moment of weakness.” 

He held up his hand in mock defeat. “Doesn’t matter why, you let it slip.” He looked towards Shiva then. “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go see what she’s gotten herself into on Arcadia.” 

“It takes about four hours to get there,” You warned them. “A little over five to get back here.” 

Shiva nodded, “You owe me.”

“I know.” You laughed, following Quinn and Shiva towards the door. Ezra lingered behind the three of you, eyeing you like a predator who had found his prey. You knew that look. “I owe both of you for this one.” 

Quinn smirked, “I’m sure I could come up with a creative way to pay out.” 

“ _No_.” You rolled your eyes. “Come by in the morning, alright?”

“Early afternoon.” Shiva told you. “If I’m gonna be in flight for nine hours, I’m sleeping in.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” You smiled at them, before giving them a quick hug. “We’ll talk.” You promised as you pulled back.

“We better.” Shiva warned, before looking towards Ezra. “Keep her safe.”

“Will do.” He said as he folded his arms across his chest and watched as you unlocked the door to let them out into the crisp afternoon air. 

You turned to face him once the vessel was locked up tight again. “That went well.”

“It did.” He drawled out as he crowded in close to you, resting a hand against the wall beside your head as he leaned towards you. You weren’t pinned in — you could slip out from beneath him easily, his hand wasn’t even at your hip. 

“How’d I do?” He questioned, his eyes meeting yours. There was a warmth there, one that you desperately wanted to hold onto. 

“I think you were convincing.” You told him, trying to hide the way your voice wavered. “That kiss _really_ sold it.”

“Sorry,” Ezra rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. “It felt natural.” 

“It _was_.” You assured him, reaching out to brush your fingers over his shoulder. “You would’ve definitely kissed me in that moment.” You tilted your chin, angling your face towards him. “Thank you for playing along.” 

Ezra’s other hand moved in to curl around your hip, keeping you right there. Not that you were trying to get away. “It wasn’t _just_ playing along.”

You exhaled shakily. “I know.” 

“This must be _agonizing_ for you.” His brows knit together as he looked down at you, “I don’t mean to prolong your suff—“

Your fingers moved to his jaw and you drew him in for a kiss. It _was_ agonizing. He was right about that. Having him so close, yet so far away was pulling you apart, thread by thread.

It reminded you of that first night with him, the hesitation that blossomed into desperation. You toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck as he eased into the kiss, his tongue dragging over the roof of your mouth as he kissed you _thoroughly._

Ezra pressed his leg in between your thighs, effectively pinning you against the cool durasteel wall. Molten desire pooled in your core — it hadn’t fully abated since the full moon, but you’d just ignored it. But it was hard to ignore his knee grinding against your clit and his cock hard between your bodies. 

He pulled back, his chest heaving as he caught his breath. “Is this… I don’t wish to overstep the line drawn between us.” He whispered, even as he dragged his hand up the length of your side. 

You blinked at him as you tried to wade through the _wants_ to find the rational response for this. You wanted him, you would always want him. But what was it for him? Was he just using you? This wasn’t the same Ezra that you loved. 

“Just keep kissing me,” You told him, your eyes searching his for that fleeting second before he leaned in again. His teeth scraped over yours, before his tongue soothed the faint ache. 

His fingers slid beneath the hem of your shirt, warm skin finding yours. Just as greedy as the way he kissed you. 

Ezra was just as touch starved as he had been when you first met him. Just as desperate to find a connection — with you. But it was _different_. 

You had only _just_ overcome your fears with him. You could believe _your_ Ezra when he told you he wasn’t using you, but you couldn’t believe this Ezra. This was just an itch to scratch, relief after five years of solitude. He just wanted to fuck and it probably didn’t even matter if it was you.

Ezra froze when you tensed against him, his hand dropping from your side. “Moonbeam?” He questioned as he drew back to look at you. “What’s wrong?” 

You sank back against the wall, looking away from him. “I don’t think I can do this.” You told him quietly. “I want to, but…”

“Just because you _want_ something, doesn’t mean you should do it.” Ezra drawled out, leaning in to press his lips to your forehead. “Forgive me for overstepping.”

“You didn’t.” You assured him, brushing your fingers through the hair that fell across his own forehead. “I kissed you. Remember?”

Ezra chuckled, “Quite vividly.” 

You exhaled shakily, “How honest do you want me to be about the past?”

He ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek as he considered your question. “I don’t mind you telling me about our time together.” He reached down and took your hand into yours, bringing it to his lips. 

“Alright,” You nodded slowly. “Do you want to go sit?” 

“Sure.” Ezra reluctantly released his hold on your hand, letting you slip past him as you headed for the common area. He followed after, giving you more space than he had before. 

This time, he remained standing while you perched uncomfortably on the sofa. “You already know about the deal and Moros.” You reminded him, “But what I didn’t tell you was that part of his little game included forcing me to live through a moment in your past.”

Ezra frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I was essentially inside of Roz’s body for the entire day leading up to…” You made a face. “Well.”

“ _Shit_.”

“It got under my skin. You and I hit a bit of a rough patch because of it. I have my own baggage.” You rubbed your hands together. “We had only _just_ gotten over it.” You met his eyes. “I think I’m officially past wanting to just be a means to an end for someone.”

Ezra dragged his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry that you’ve been made to feel that way.” He said softly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you when they were here. But there’s a part of me that gravitates to you. That wants… a lot more than I should ask of you.”

“ _Don’t_.” You shook your head, holding up a hand to stop him. “I shouldn’t have asked you to pretend like everything was normal because it’s not.” You lowered your gaze to the floor, “I’m not good at this.” 

Ezra moved to you, sinking down onto the soft beside you. “May I?”

“Yes.” Your voice cracked, as tears welled up in your eyes. 

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest as he tried to soothe you. You didn’t have the heart to tell him it only made you want to cry harder. It was so familiar, the warmth of his embrace, the whispered words of assurance. 

Ezra ran his hand down your spine, “I’m sorry moonbeam. I’m _so_ sorry.” 

You buried your face into the crook of his neck, your tears falling against his skin as you let yourself cry. You couldn’t keep bottling it up. You were going through hell and you didn’t have the one person you needed. Just a facade of them. 

“I’m sorry.” You sniffed, tilting your head to look at him. “These hormones are no joke.” 

“It’s alright.” He assured you, “We’re both in an impossible situation.”

“It’s the _worst_.” You complained, shifting in his embrace so you were leaning back against his chest with your legs stretched out on the crate in front of you. “And I’m mad because you’re missing out on this sweet spot that you were looking forward to.”

“What’s that?” He questioned, winding his arm around your waist so he could cradle your stomach in his hand once more. 

“Well,” You let out a sputtering laugh. “I think you know without _knowing_.” 

“ _Oh_.” Ezra exhaled slowly. “Do you not want me to—“

“No!” You covered his hand with yours. “It’s nice.”

“I can hear their heartbeat.” Ezra told you, “It’s faint, but just as steady as your own. It makes me feel… pride?” He pressed his lips to your shoulder, lingering there. “I feel so many things that I don’t understand.”

“I know. I’ve pushed too hard.” You admitted. “I’ll be gone for a week to restock. I’m sure you’re looking forward to that time alone.” You didn’t mean to sound as bitter as you did. “You won’t have to put up with an uncomfortably hormonal woman. Is she horny? Is she sad?” 

Ezra snorted, “I don’t mind.” 

You gave him a skeptical look. “I appreciate that lie.”

He stroked his hand over your stomach, “I’m not lying. It’s nice to have someone here. To not be alone.” Ezra confessed. “I’ve never had such an easy full moon before.”

“Really?” You questioned, turning towards him then. “You were always cagey about your transformations.” 

Ezra shrugged, “I don’t know how much I should tell you. Maybe I had good reason to keep these things from you.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I already know you were keeping shit from me. It’s not a secret anymore.” 

“If I loved you,” Ezra started. “And I _know_ I did. I wouldn’t have wanted you to know how bad it was.” 

“How bad _is_ it?”

Ezra stared at you for a long moment before he answered, “There is no word to explain the pain, moonbeam. Agony pales in comparison to the reality. Even now I _ache_.” 

“You never…” You shook your head. “I knew about the headaches, but I didn’t know about everything else.” 

“A person gets used to living with pain.” Ezra offered lightly. “They overlook the grinding pain in their joints, the blinding knife between their brows. Especially if they’ve found something to look forward to.” 

“I feel like I forced myself into your life.” You told him hesitantly. “You told me to leave and I still came back.”

“And I want you to come back still.” Ezra whispered. 

“I plan to.” Your chest hurt as you held his gaze. “You may not remember me yet, but the beast still does. I’m not leaving either part of you behind.” 

“Moonbeam?”

You smiled a little. “Yes?”

Ezra shook his head as he exhaled, “Nevermind.”

“No. What is it?” You reached out and urged him to look at you again. 

“I was going to ask if I may kiss you.” Ezra told you as he leaned into your touch. 

“Yes.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Yes.”

His eyes widened a little, a smile spreading over his lips. He leaned in then, brushing his lips gently over yours. “Thank you.”

“For what?” You whispered, pressing your forehead against his, stroking your fingers over his scruffy jaw. 

“Not giving up on me.” He brushed his nose against yours. 

“We’ll figure this out.” You told him, “ _Together_.”


	21. Starry Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, angst, non-graphic discussions of pregnancy-related medical procedures.   
> Notes: Quinn backstory? YES. 

“Is this the part where you fess up?” Shiva questioned with an unamused expression. “Something’s going on and I don’t appreciate being lied to.” 

You shifted anxiously on your feet, “I need you to promise me that you won’t freak out.” 

“ _Uh-oh_.” Quinn quipped as he bit into a piece of fruit he’d pilfered from your supply cabinet. 

“I’m not making any promises.” Shiva folded their arms across their chest. 

Ezra ghosted his hand down your spin, settling at the small of your back. “You’ve got this.” He told you, soft enough for just you to hear him. 

“This is the cliff notes version of a much larger story. Ezra and I made a deal with Moros, who is apparently some sort of god or godling of—“

“Doom.” Quinn injected. 

“Yes,” You exhaled shakily. “I made a grievous error and broke my deal with him, which broke Ezra’s agreement as well.”

“You _what_?” Shiva gritted out. 

“It gets worse.” You grimaced. “My deal was fairly riskless, but Ezra…” You looked towards him then, your heart aching as you caught his gaze. “We thought we got off Arcadia. We thought we avoided Moros’ reach, but Ezra…” Your voice wavered. 

“I lost my memories.” Ezra admitted, rubbing his thumb over the small of your back. “It is as though this past year of my life is just… _gone_.”

Shiva’s jaw dropped as they looked between the two of you slowly, “When did this… Wait so the two of you were just pretending?” 

“It’s complicated.”

“Everything’s _complicated_ to hear you tell it.” Quinn remarked as he chewed another bite of the fruit. “So what does this mean? If you don’t remember her, then you’re what? Not _together_?”

Ezra cut in before you had a chance to tell Quinn to fuck off again. “We _are_ together.” He said firmly. “Some things run deeper than memory alone.”

Shiva still hadn’t said anything. They were just staring at you — making your stomach roil anxiously. 

“The beast still knows me.” You explained, “And sometimes Ezra remembers more than he realizes. Lines of poetry, little touches, the way I take my tea.” 

“But he doesn’t remember _you_?” Shiva finally questioned. “This was like a hard reset on your relationship?” 

“Essentially.” You leaned into Ezra’s side, “I was afraid to tell you, because… Well, three of us here know how you reacted in the beginning. I know you’re not thrilled with my choices, but they’re my choices and—“

“What can I do to help?” Shiva questioned, before you finished.

Quinn choked on his next bite, “ _What_?” 

Shiva shot him a look. 

“I don’t know.” You admitted, “But I’m glad that you want to help us. I was afraid that…” You shook your head. “I’m understandably skittish after Ay-7.”

They sighed heavily, “I’ll never _fully_ approve of this situation, but I do know that you’re happy. That’s all that matters.”

Ezra shifted beside you, “Can I ask _why_ you don’t approve?”

Shiva folded their arms across their chest, “No offense, but I think she could do better. You’re not here to stay.”

“Shiva—“

He gave your hip a squeeze, “I did ask.” Ezra pressed a reassuring kiss to your temple. “I appreciate your honesty.”

“I wasn’t done,” They pointed out. “You’re also an actual _monster_ , who accidentally knocked up my closest friend. Forever binding her to this rock. You rankle my feathers.”

“ _Understandable_.” Ezra gave a short nod. 

Quinn wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, “Let me get this right… You don’t remember _anything_?” He gestured between the two of you. “All this touchy-feely has just been for show?”

“Well—“

“I—“ You tilted your head to look at Ezra, a faint smile on your lips. “Go ahead.” 

“I explained it to moonbeam like it’s a phantom limb. I feel _something_.” Ezra admitted carefully. “When you lose a limb, you still feel where it once was. It still itches, it still tingles. There’s still nerves reaching out for it.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “It’s _not_ for show.” 

Quinn seemed to accept his answer, though his eyes kept flickering between the two of you, looking at every point where you were touching. “So, what’s the plan then? Just hope your memories come back or fake it till you make it? I mean, I can’t blame you for wanting to _fake_ it with her.”

Ezra’s jaw clenched tight, “Are they always this infuriating?” He asked you. 

“Pretty much. They’re both an acquired taste.” You peeled his hand off your hip, interlacing your fingers with his. “Short term, I’m going back to the Block for a few days. I need to see the medic for a check-up and grab some supplies. And then I’ll come back and… continue hoping that Ezra starts to remember.” 

“Do you want me to fly back with you?” Shiva questioned. 

You wanted to say that you’d prefer to be alone, but that wasn’t actually the case. That was just the easy way out. “Yes.” 

“Alright,” They nodded. “When do you want to head out?” 

“In the morning.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip. “I’d prefer to stay another night before heading out.” 

“That’s fine with me,” Shiva assured you. “I’m sure the two of you have a lot to discuss.” They gave Ezra a brief, but wary look. “You said the beast still remembers you?” 

You nodded slowly, “Yes, he does. That alone gives me a lot of hope that this is temporary.” You looked at him then. “And if it’s not, we’ll make new memories together.” 

Ezra rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm, a quiet reassurance. “We’ll make it work, moonbeam. I know we will.”

* * *

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” You questioned, adjusting the seat belt across your lower stomach as you settled into the jumpseat, beside Shiva. They had been awfully quiet with you since Ezra had dropped you off at the transport. 

Leaving him was harder this time. You never worried about leaving him before — but now you worried about what would wait for you when you returned. Would a few days apart convince him that he didn’t _want_ to do this? That he was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. 

“That belief hasn’t changed,” Shiva side-eyed you. “Look, I know it’s _your_ life and I can’t control you, but sometimes you make me question your sanity.” 

You flipped a switch to your right, adjusting the settings to prep for take off. “I don’t blame you. I really expected that you would try to convince me to take this opportunity to leave Ezra. I thought you’d fight me on it.” 

“That’s not even what I’m most concerned with,” Shiva told you. “It’s you making a deal with the personification of _doom._ Have you lost your mind?”

“I went to Arcadia looking for answers,” You tried to explain. “And then this shadowy figure offered me what I wanted.” 

“And what did you want?”

“A way for my child and Ezra not to be bound to Lykaios.” 

Shiva jerked their head towards you, “You think the baby is going to be like _him_?” 

You nodded a little, “I have my suspicions. It’s one of those _mother-knows_ things.” 

“ _Kriff_.” They swore under their breath. “So, what? You’re going to move to Lykaios permanently to raise a baby with someone who doesn’t remember you?” Shiva scoffed. “Look, I don’t _actually_ like it. There’s so many ways for you to get yourself hurt.” 

“I know.” You leaned forward to swipe through one of the navigation screens, setting the trajectory, before hitting a flashing button overhead. “But he’s still Ezra. The same Ezra I met when I first went to Lykaios. It’s just different because I already love him and he…” 

“Have the two of you...?”

You shook your head, “Considered it and then thought better of it. He’s very understanding.” 

“Of course he is,” Shiva muttered. “I want you to go to the medic as soon as we get back. We need to prep if you’re going to get stuck there.” 

“Thank you.” You said quietly. “I know you don’t like this, Shiva, but I’m thankful you’re helping me.” 

“Luckily for you, you’re stuck with me.” Shiva reached over and gave your arm a squeeze. “Aside from making deals with the devil, how are you?”

You scrunched up your nose, “Waiting for reality to hit. I’ve been trying to keep myself together. It’s been a rough week.” 

“How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness?”

“Not even a touch. Which is why I think it had to do with Lykaios.” You reached down to touch your stomach. “Mostly I’m just disappointed that Ezra is missing out on the things he was looking forward to.” 

“How does _this_ Ezra feel about it?”

“I think it’s complicated.” You admitted, chewing on your bottom lip as you considered the last few days. “At first he was very resistant to the whole thing, but after the full moon he started to gravitate towards it. I’d wake up and he’d have his hand fanned out over the little bump.”

“You were _sleeping_ with him?” 

“It worked for us.” You snapped your fingers and pointed at them. “No judging.” 

“Maybe I’m jaded.” Shiva shrugged. “I don’t even like sleeping in the same bed as someone I’m seeing.” 

“It’s weird.” You shrugged. “But we both sleep better together.” 

“But he doesn’t even _know_ who you are. I don’t get it.” 

“It’s deeper than that.” You explained. “Like when I lost my memory. I still felt _something_.” 

“But yours came back.”

“Yeah.” You sighed, “Fingers crossed.” 

“And what are you going to do if he _doesn’t_ remember?” Shiva questioned. “I’m being serious here. I don’t want you hurt.” 

“I’m working on the assumption that he might fall in love with me again. There’s an intimacy there that tells me it might happen.” 

“And as Quinn pointed out so eloquently after we left yesterday,” Shiva gave you a look. “Ezra clearly wants to have a go with you.” 

You rolled your eyes. “The feeling is mutual, but I’m not exactly ready for that.”

“But what are you going to do if he doesn’t fall in love with you again? Are you prepared for that?

Your heart ached at the mere thought of that. “Then I’ll cross that bridge when it happens.” The fact that it _could_ happen haunted you. This Ezra was forthright about his condition — you knew that you were just prolonging his pain. That alone left you feeling guilty. 

But then he asked you to come back to him, just like he always had. He held you in his arms before you left and acted like he didn’t want to let you go. 

You brushed your fingers over your lips as you thought about the way he’d kissed you goodbye. The Ezra you loved was still there, you just had to find him again. 

“Are you okay?” Shiva questioned. 

You snapped out of your thoughts, “Just thinking about everything I have to do while I’m on the Block.” 

Shiva didn’t believe you. 

* * *

The morning sickness hit you hard the first twelve hours you were back on the Block. You could _barely_ keep water down and had to rely on a self administered nutri-shot to ensure you had enough nourishment in your system for the baby. 

The only upside to being sick to your stomach was the fact that you weren’t dwelling on the fact that Ezra wasn’t calling you over the com. But that didn’t stop you from catching yourself staring at your datapad and waiting for it to ring. 

A nausea tab that Quinn had for hangovers helped curb some of it, at least long enough to get yourself dressed and headed to the medic. 

“It’s possible you’re suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, given how far along you are. Most morning sickness comes to an end around your twelfth week.” The medic explained to you as they loaded a vile of your blood into the sampling machine at the corner of the room. “But I’m testing your antibody count to rule out something more serious.” 

“More serious?” You frowned. 

“It’s rare, but sometimes a mother’s blood type can be incompatible with their baby’s.”

Your stomach turned and it had nothing to do with morning sickness. 

The medic turned their back to you as the sampling machine whirred to life. “I’m those cases, the mother’s antibodies attack the baby’s blood cells — viewing them as a foreign body.” 

“And then what happens?”

“It can be treated.” The medic assured you as the machine came to a stop. She pulled out a cord, attaching it to her datapad to transfer the results. “Do you know if the father has any pre-existing conditions?”

Your lips parted but no words came out. 

The medic arched a brow at you as she looked back down at the datapad. “Your antibody count is elevated. Make yourself comfortable, I’m going to order a cordocentesis to test your baby’s blood.”

“A cordo-what?” 

“A thin needle will be inserted through your abdomen, into your uterus to take a small sample of blood from the umbilical cord. It will help us check the baby for any diseases or side effects related to the potential incompatibility.” The medic gave you a sympathetic smile. “If we find any signs of anemia related to incompatibility, we can start you on fetal transfusions to help keep baby healthy.” 

“How often?” 

“We would recommend having the transfusions once a week.” 

You just nodded because you didn’t know what to say. How would that work? You would end up spending most of your time flying between the Block and Lykaios. 

“ _Hypothetically_ ,” You started hesitantly. “If the father of the baby isn’t fully human, could that be part of the issue? In theory, I only get sick when I leave him.”

The medic seemed flummoxed by that one. “Interspecies conception is still a relatively unknown field, _medically_. There could be a host of conditions that your baby is at risk for developing.”

“Well, he’s _mostly_ human.” You offered. 

“Is it possible for you to bring him in to your next appointment? We could run a full panel on him and get a clear picture of what we’re looking at.” 

You shook your head, “He can’t.” 

“I see.” She narrowed her eyes. “Well, in that case do you consent to having the cordocentesis?”

“Are there any risks?” You questioned, resting your hand on your stomach. 

“It _is_ considered an invasive test,” The medic explained. “With any test like cordocentesis, there are elevated risks for miscarriage.” 

“No.” You shook your head. “I’m not risking that.”

“If there is an incompatibility factor, there are risks related to that as well.” The medic informed you with a clipped tone. “Particularly if you aren’t going to be forthcoming with _pertinent_ details of your pregnancy.”

“It’s not really something I want to talk about.” 

“You recently dropped out of the program.” The medic said as she glanced down at her datapad. “Lykaios was your last assignment, wasn’t it?”

“I completed my assignment and continued on with my life.” You lied smoothly. “If you’re going to try to pry into my personal business — it happened on Ay-7.”

The medic didn’t seem convinced, “I will have to report it to the Corps.”

“What?” You sat up a little straighter. “Does patient confidentiality mean nothing?”

“The Corps is _very_ invested in interspecies relations.” The medic informed you crisply. “I’m just doing my job.” 

“I appreciate it.” You snapped, sliding off the table. “But I’m not interested in being looked at like a science experiment by the Corps.” 

“I think we’re done here.”

“I think we are.” You snapped, moving towards the door. It was quite the task to act like you didn’t want to barf right then and there.

Truly, it was a miracle that you _almost_ made it back to your ship before losing the contents of your stomach in a trash receptacle. You couldn’t blame your stomach for betraying you after _that_ encounter. 

It made sense that the Corps would be interested in a situation like yours. They had their fingers in everything and if there was an opportunity to exploit a situation for credit — they’d jump on it. But you didn’t need the Corps trying to get involved with your pregnancy and you didn’t need them trying to make Lykaios their own experiment. 

It was one thing after the other. It _never_ seemed to stop. If you hadn’t ended up with Ezra, you might’ve regretted cheating Shiva out of the Lykaios assignment. They wouldn’t have gotten themselves into this nightmare. But then again, you wouldn’t be where you are. Happy, for the most part. If you overlooked the current predicament with Ezra. 

“ _Hey_ ,” Quinn dragged out the word as you made your way into the hangar bay where your ship was docked. “You’re back sooner than we expected.” 

“I cut my appointment short.” You said flatly, peering down at where Shiva was sprawled out on their back working on the landing leg. “What did you do?” 

“It’s easily fixable.” 

“ _Sweet tits of Yrica_. Shiva, I asked the two of you to pick up _food_.” 

“Blame Quinn.”

Quinn held his hands up in mock defense. “Look, we didn’t tell you this back on Lykaios but we did run into a little trouble on Arcadia. The landing pad had been tampered with by an unfortunate _rodent_ infestation.” 

“Excuse me?”

Shiva slid out from under the ship, “It’s fixed though.” They eyed you curiously. “What’s wrong?” 

“Aside from the obvious?” You gestured towards the landing leg, exhaling heavily as you looked away. “I have about had it up to here.” You gritted out. “ _Apparently_ , the baby and I might have different blood types, which could explain why I’m getting sick. But we’ll never know because the Corps will want to make my wombs its business.” 

Quinn cocked his head to the side, “What does the Corps have to do with this?”

“I spoke to the medic in hypotheticals…” You swallowed thickly. “I basically tried to explain that I don’t get sick when I’m not here. In the process, I alluded to the fact that the baby’s father isn’t _fully_ human and now… I guess the Corps are being _really_ shady motherfuckers.” 

“Lower your voice.” Shiva warned you, looking around cautiously, even though the hangar bay was empty. “You do _not_ want to attract the attention of the Corps.” 

“ _Obviously_.” You snapped. “And the last thing we need is the Corps getting it in their minds that they can occupy Lykaios.” 

“I can handle it.” Quinn said under his breath.

“Did you say something?” 

Quinn rocked his jaw slowly before he repeated himself, “I can handle the Corps. They won’t bother you.” 

Shiva turned to stare at him, “Since when do you have any influence over the Corps?”

He let out a low whistle as he lowered his gaze to the floor grates beneath his feet. “Before I tell both of you this, I just want to make it clear that I have _no_ part in this.” He gestured to your stomach. “I’m an asshole, but I’m not _that_ big of an asshole.” 

You glared at him, “What the fuck, Quinn?” 

“Let me explain,” He held up his hands again, all of his boisterous bravada crumbling away. You had only seen Quinn look like a scared little boy once in all of the years you had known him. And that was because he’d gotten himself involved with the wrong people. “I haven’t spoken directly to the Corps in…” He hesitated briefly. “Twenty years.” 

“What do you know?” Shiva turned towards him, their hand hovering at the weapon at their hip. “I swear to Kevva, if you’ve put her in peril.” 

“I haven’t.” Quinn insisted. “Just let me fucking explain myself.” 

“ _Shiva_ ,” You reached out and curled your fingers around their arm. “It’s alright.” 

Quinn gave you an appreciative look before he hestitanly began again, “You both know me as Quinn Harcrow, but that isn’t actually my name. I was born Riordan Aphelion Northcott III.” 

If royalty still existed in this archaic world among the stars, the Northcotts would’ve been the reigning monarchy. They held control over the trade routes, the program, and the autonomy of countless regions in the system through the Fiorta Corp. They were the reason why Bernard Proctor was dead. 

Shiva’s hand went back to their weapon, drawing it from the holster and Quinn actually cowered, backing himself towards your ship. “And all this time I’ve been helping your sorry ass? Is this a game to you?” 

“ _No_.” He shook his head. “I fucked up when I was young. They had _everything_ planned out for me from birth. I was thirteen when my father first started indoctrinating me with all of these philosophies for how to run Fiorta. Planning when I would have to marry, ensuring that a fourth Riordan would be born, trying to instill me with this idea that the miners we _owned_ were dispensable. I hated it.” 

You actually felt bad for him. Sure, he’d been raised a privileged little shit, but you’d been in the flat he used to rent on Ay-7. He didn’t live like someone still on the Corps bankroll. He had a curtain tacked up over his window with two thumbtacks and an earring holding it up. 

Quinn pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated with having to confess all of this, “They tried to mold me into who they wanted me to be. They sent me to expensive schooling programs. Financed a flight of fancy through a medical program.” He scoffed. “Fortunately I learned you can get ejected from schooling quite quickly if you fuck the program head’s son.” 

Shiva’s shoulders relaxed subtly, enough to convince you that they wouldn’t shoot him. 

“After a particularly _difficult_ encounter with my father, I convinced a family friend to let me smuggle out on her transport. I couldn’t stay there. I changed my name, joined the Program, and moved on with my life. I’m still a Northcott, I’ll still always have a connection to Fiorta, but I’m the person I chose to be — not the person I was born to be.”

“Quinn… I had no idea.”

He shrugged, “Congratulations. You’ve officially unlocked my traumatic backstory. You can pick up the _Quinn’s Daddy Issues_ pamphlet on the way out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Shiva gritted out. 

Quinn waved at the weapon on her hip, “People hear Northcott and they want retribution for all the shit my family has done. I’ve made my own life — my own name, despite them.” 

Shiva didn’t back down, “It must’ve been _hard_ to leave a privileged life behind.” 

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head. “It was the easiest decision of my life. I didn’t want their money. I didn’t want their name. I just wanted to be _me_.” 

Shiva started to dig in more, but you stopped them. “Quinn, I’m sorry you went through that as a child. I would have never imagined that upbringing, given…” You stepped towards him. “You’re not them.” 

Quinn didn’t quite meet your eyes, “I know.” He whispered. “Do you believe me when I tell you that I didn’t know?”

You nodded, before moving to wrap your arms around him. “You’re a jackass, but you’re not malicious.”

He sank into your embrace, “I can find out what’s going on.” He told you. “My sister still speaks to me. It will only involve a _little_ groveling.” 

“Thank you.” You said as you pulled away from him, “But before you do that, can you get me another one of those nausea tabs?”

Quinn grimaced, “Don’t puke on me. These are my good shoes.” 

“So puke on them?” You taunted lightly, glancing back at Shiva before looking back at Quinn. “Give them some time.” 

He gave a stiff nod. “I know.”

Shiva cleared their throat, “When are you leaving?” 

“If my landing leg is patched up, I would like to leave this evening.” You admitted. “I know I haven’t been back _long_ , but…”

“The sooner you get out, the better.” Quinn said grimly. “I’ll send anything I find.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’d say you owed me, but…” He made a face. “This one is on the house.” 

“I’m going to boost the transmitter,” Shiva stated flatly. “That moon has shit service and we need to be able to get ahold of you.” 

“I’ve got the tabs in my bag inside,” Quinn told you, “Let me know if you need help, Shiv.” 

“I won’t.” 

Quinn wilted a little, “Got it.” 

You followed him into your transport, “Shiva will get over it.” You assured Quinn. “They don’t like the Corps.”

“Neither do I,” He offered bitterly as he dug around in his satchel for the tabs. “And I get to see my father in the mirror every day.” 

You snapped the tab and tossed it into your mouth, swallowing your down. “I’ve heard stories about him.”

“Oh, they’re all true.” He flopped down on your makeshift sofa, dramatically raking his hands over his face. “I’m _not_ him. I’m not Riordan.”

“I know, Quinn.”

“I chose that name because it means wise. Like I was _wise_ enough to cut and run.” He explained. “It was hell. Living that life.”

“I’m glad you were able to get out,” You assured him. “That you’re who you wanted to be. Who you really are.” 

“I won’t let them get their hands on you, Ezra, or the baby.”

You smiled a little. “Thank you. I really do appreciate you.” You stepped over towards the charging dock to retrieve your datapad. “ _Kriff_.”

“I have two missed coms from Ezra.” 

Quinn perked up, “How are things?”

“Weird.” You admitted, swiping open the comlog. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m going to take this in my quarters.”

He gave you a mock salute before flopping back onto the sofa. 

The com rang twice before Ezra picked it up, just as the door to your quarters slid closed behind you, “Hi, I’m sorry I missed you. I wasn’t… I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“You told me we spoke when you were away and I thought… I assumed you might like to hear from me.”

“I do.” You sank down onto your bed, propping the datapad up against yours knees. “You couldn’t have called at a better time.”

“Oh?”

“I’m going to try to head back tonight.” You told him, “My morning sickness is horrible and I know it has to do with Lykaios.”

“Are you alright, moonbeam?” He questioned, genuine concern coating his words. 

“I haven’t had anything but a nutro in the past twenty-four hours.” You admitted. “I’m tired and tired of being nauseous.” 

“How did your appointment go? Was that set for today?” He questioned. “I’ve lost track of time again.”

“It was and… We’ll talk about it in person.”

“Is something wrong?”

You pressed the heels of your hands against your eye sockets, “ _Yes_. But I don’t want to get into it right now. There’s so much additional information I’d have to explain and… I haven’t had enough liquids to cry anymore.”

Ezra was quiet for a long moment, “I’m _trying_ to remember, moonbeam. I’ve read through the books we exchanged. The notes. Trying to glean something. Sometimes I think if I reach a little further, I might be able to… but I come up short.”

“I know. I _know._ Please don’t blame yourself, Ez. It’s me. It’s all my fault.” Your voice cracked as you sank back against your pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

“No.” He answered firmly. “You _can’t_ blame yourself for this, moonbeam.” 

“I can and you can’t stop me.” You shot back. “I just wish you were _you_ right now.”

Ezra was quiet for a moment, “What do you need me to say?” 

“I’m _not_ going to make you pretend, Ezra.” 

“If that is what you need right now.” 

You laughed sharply, “My life is just falling apart right now. I just wish I had the one thing… Just forget it.” 

“What if I read something to you?” 

“Only if you want to.” 

“I do.” 

There was a pause as Ezra went to retrieve whatever book he’d chosen to read to you. It wasn’t the same — but at least he was trying to be there for you. Across the distance and without truly knowing who you were to him. 

He cleared his throat, “She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that’s best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. Thus mellowed to that tender light which heaven to gaudy day denies—“

“Ezra…”

“What is it?”

You chewed on your bottom lip before you found the words, “The last time you recited this to me..” 

“It is familiar.” Ezra admitted. “This was a gift, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. From Quinn.” 

He hesitated again, “I didn’t think I owned this book. I was reading through it today, trying to remember where it came from.” 

“Do you remember anything?” 

“I don’t want to disappoint you, moonbeam.” Ezra drawled out. “I don’t know _what_ I feel. Pride mingled with uncertainty. Happiness tinged with doubt. But I have stared at this page for an hour, trying to understand.” 

“I really wish I were there right now,” You whispered quietly. “You read that to me the day after the beast and I…” 

“ _Oh_.” 

“You were _wound_ up.” You reminded him. “But it wasn’t just that.” 

“Was it the baby?” 

“Yes.” You smiled, wishing you could see his face. “Do you remember?”

“A lucky guess.” He confessed, “I’m sorry. I wish I could give you more. I truly do. There is this part of me that longs for you. It’s blindly reaching out into the darkness, hoping to grab onto something that pulls you back to me.”

“I’m not going to push you too fast, Ezra. I don’t want you to come to resent me for forcing you to love me again.” 

“It’s _far_ from forcing.” 

“We have no idea if you’re going to remember me, Ezra. We have no idea if you’re going to feel the same way you felt before. You met me a week ago and I’m moving through the second trimester of pregnancy with your child.”

“What’s going on?” 

“What?” 

“You’re agitated and I don’t think it’s at me.” 

You huffed quietly, “It’s because everything is falling apart, Ezra. _Everything_. I really don’t want to do this over the com, alright?”

“ _Alright_.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Moonbeam?” 

“Yes?” 

“I meant it when I said we’d do this together.” His voice sounded thick with emotion. “I’m not going to abandon you, just because I can’t remember.”

“You _tried_.” 

“I know and I regret how I reacted at first, but I was confused.” Ezra sighed heavily. “Just get back to me, alright? Despite our predicament, I do find this transport to be lonely without you.” 

“I’ll be home soon.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to get some rest, alright?” 

“You too.” You smiled a little, staring at his name on the datapad. “Hey, Ezra?”

“Mhm?” 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“Just, thank you.” You didn’t know what to say when what you _wanted_ to tell him was that you loved him. Thank you seemed nice and friendly — it could’ve meant anything. But you hoped that deep down he knew what you meant too. 


	22. Out of Reach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pregnant!Reader, angst, smut (oral sex and regular sex), space drug use.   
> Notes: Proof that I do love all of you. 

As soon as you entered the atmosphere of Lykaios, all of your nausea vanished. There was true bliss in being able to gobble down a handful of dehydrated biscuit snacks for the first time in a few days. No more shots, no more nausea tabs, and no more… _leaving_ for the time being.

Shiva had taken it upon themselves to stock your transport with two months of food, mostly to avoid interacting with Quinn. There was something new to feel guilty about. If Quinn hadn’t had to reveal his true identity — because of you — they would’ve been speaking.

You could only hope, but Quinn was leaving _alone_ to go back to Ay-7 for awhile. Shiva didn’t even give him a send-off. 

You couldn’t blame them for being upset with him. Shiva, like most people, despised anyone affiliated with Fiorta. But he was still Quinn. Even if his name was actually Riordan. Except it _wasn’t_ — he may have been born as Riordan, but he chose Quinn.

They’d get over it, sooner or later.

Your heart did somersaults when you saw that Ezra was waiting in the clearing for you. It flooded you with false hope, before you quickly reminded yourself of the reality. He was just walking through the motions.

“Welcome back, moonbeam,” Ezra drawled out as he stepped aboard the transport. “How are you feeling.”

“ _Good_.” You answered as you sealed the door closed. “I ate.”

He smiled warmly, “I was worried about you. Nutros only do so much.” Ezra took a step towards, his eyes lowering to your stomach. “May I?”

Your hand rested against the not-so-subtle swell there, “Of course.” You mirrored his expression, smiling at him. “It’s a good thing I went back to the Block to pick up a few new shirts.”

Ezra reached out and brushed his fingers over your stomach, before spreading his hand out over the curve. “It’s surreal to think that part of me is safely nestled right here.” 

“I can’t imagine why it’s surreal,” You teased lightly, reaching out to play with the soft hair that fell across his forehead, before running your fingers down his cheek. “How are you?”

“Better now.” He told you lightly as he rubbed his fingertips over your stomach. “Can you feel them yet?” 

“Sometimes I think I can,” You told him, resting your hand over the back of his. “Little flutters, but not anything substantial.” 

Ezra lifted his gaze to meet yours, “I feel like I should kiss you right now.” He told you as he stared at your lips. 

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, teasing your fingertips through the hair at the nape of his neck there. “Then kiss me.” 

He closed the distance between the two of you, his lips brushing over yours. But that wasn’t enough, Ezra tilted his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue sweeping over your bottom lip as he sought entrance. 

A soft groan escaped you as you sank into the kiss, grabbing at his shoulder for support. If you could just forget for a few moments, suspend the bitter taste of reality, you could just _pretend_. Ezra was always so enthusiastic when you came back, always ready to smother you with attention or recite a new line of poetry that captured his interest. 

He broke away from the kiss before you had fully savored the brief brush with your imagination, his breath dancing over your lips as he pressed his forehead to yours. “I’m sorry, I—“

You pressed your fingers to his lips and shook your head. “Not yet.” You whispered, winding your arms around his body and pressing your face into the crook of his neck. He ran his hands down your back, but his touch was awkward — like he wasn’t sure how you needed to be held. There was just enough fumble to pull you back into the bleak moment. 

“So,” You started, twisting yourself out of his embrace and putting space between the two of you. “I apologize for returning so soon. I know I said I anticipated a week.” You had made it four days — not including travel time. 

“You don’t have to apologize for that, moonbeam.” He assured you, shifting his weight from the heels of his feet to his toes and back again. He looked as awkward as you felt. 

“I know, but I told you I would give you space and I’m… Clearly not great at that.” 

The faint smile on Ezra’s lips drew into a tight thin line, “Space. _Right_.” He clasped his hands together, “You indicated that there was more amiss than what you revealed over the com.” 

You grimaced a little, “Would you like to go sit?” 

“Sure.” Ezra gave a stiff nod, before starting down the corridor towards your quarters, instead of the common area. 

“Ezra?” 

He glanced back at you, “What?” 

“Do you know where you’re going?” 

He stopped, turning towards you then. “Your quarters?” 

“You haven’t been on my transport before… _since_ what happened.” You had spent your last night on Lykaios with him on his transport — before heading back to yours with Shiva the next morning. 

Ezra blinked slowly, “I haven’t.” 

You shook your head. 

“ _Oh_.” He laughed incredulously. “I think I remember…” He looked back down the hallway towards your quarters, brows drawn together. “It’s dark.” 

“It’s alright.” You moved towards him, reaching for his hand. “I don’t expect you to remember anything.” 

Ezra shook his head, “That was weird. It was almost like…” He squeezed your hand. “Like an impression of something I once knew.” 

You brought his hand to your lips, letting it linger. “It’s a start. _Another_ start.” 

He rubbed his thumb over the center of your palm, before guiding you down the corridor to your quarters. 

“You know,” You started. “I would’ve been a lot more nervous to tell _you_ this before.” 

“Bad news?” He arched a brow.

“It relates to Quinn.” 

“Do I _want_ to know?” Ezra eyed you suspiciously and ducked as you swung your hand at him. “I’m joking!”

“Am I laughing?” You protested as the corners of your lips twitched upwards.

He started laughing, “ _Yes_!” 

You put your hands on your hips, “No I’m not.” 

Ezra scooped you up — never ceasing to impress you with his strength — before depositing you unceremoniously onto the bed. “Tell me.” 

You huffed, sinking back onto your bed and propping your legs up on his lap. “It’s not _fun_ news, you know. It’s more like, the Corps might be after our baby.” 

“ _What_?” He stiffened, his eyes locking onto your face. “Why do you think that?”

“Well, at my appointment the medic discovered that the baby and I aren’t entirely compatible with each other. I personally think it only occurs when I’m not on Lykaios — I never feel _that_ bad when I’m here.” 

“But the Corps.”

“I’m getting there. The medic wanted to do some risky procedure, which I vetoed and then… I mentioned that the father wasn’t fully human. Look, you could be Zendovian, Yaelori, or any number of species that have been known to mix with humans, but… my record says the last place I jumped to was Lykaios.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he held your gaze, “And then what?”

“I lied. I said the baby was conceived on Ay-7, just to save face. Timing is off if they pull the logs, but…” You sank back and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t _think_ they’ll be a problem.” 

“When has the Corps ever _not_ been a problem?” He seethed. “They’ll come here and ruin everything. That’s what they do.”

“Not always. Especially… considering I discovered that all this time I knew the heir to Fiorta.” 

“Riordan Northcott vanished twenty years ago,” Ezra remarked. “Rumors always suggested he was caught with his pants down with the wrong person.”

You snorted, “That sounds about right.” You tilted your head to look at Ezra, “It’s Quinn.”

“Excuse me?” His jaw dropped. “ _Our_ Quinn?” 

You nodded slowly, “Rumors apparently weren’t largely exaggerated. He only told me the need-to-know aspects of his life, but… it makes so much sense now.” 

He was still just staring at you, “And he _isn’t_ involved?” 

“No.” You assured him. “But he’s going to get involved to try to waylay any danger. Given all of their ventures, I can’t imagine that Lykaios or our baby is high on their radar.” 

“And this was what had you so agitated?”

“Well, yeah. Quinn is about to get himself tangled up in a situation he tried to leave because of me, Shiva won’t talk to him, and you’re…”

“Broken?”

“For lack of a better word.” You sighed heavily. “If I hadn’t gone to Arcadia, if I hadn’t made that deal, if I hadn’t… stupidly brought it up with you.” 

Ezra lifted your legs off his lap so he could move up the bed, draping himself over your body carefully. His knees pressed into the thin mattress on either side of your hips, his hands planted beside your head. 

“You have to stop blaming yourself, moonbeam.” He told you, his dark eyes fixed on yours. There was a familiar warmth there, a quiet adoration that warmed you.

“I have a lot of regrets,” You admitted, trying to will the tears you felt welling in your eyes not to fall. 

Ezra’s brows creased together, “Do you regret what we had?” 

“No,” You whispered, before you quietly corrected yourself. “A little. More so now that I know that…” You shook your head slowly. “I didn’t know how _serious_ your condition was, Ezra. You hid it so well.” 

“If I chose not to reveal that to you, perhaps it was because it _didn’t_ matter to me anymore. A person can overlook pain if the alternative is better than they could’ve imagined.” He drawled out, brushing his knuckles against your cheek. “I may not truly know you, little lamb, but I know what the ghost of these emotions feel like.” 

You blinked slowly, causing a hot tear to slip down your cheek. “Everyone has had to make sacrifices because of me. How is that fair?” 

“Haven’t you made your own?” Ezra questioned, “You told me that you died and now you’re carrying our baby — something that is to the detriment of your own life. We all make sacrifices for those we love. We give little pieces of ourselves to the people who matter.” 

“ _Ezra_ —“

He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, “I may not remember, but I do know why I would make certain decisions.”

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, sliding your fingers over the scar that marred his skin there. “Why?”

“I feel the depths of my love for you, even still.” He murmured, his voice dropping low as he leaned down to kiss you. 

This was a dangerous game — one you _ached_ to play. 

You raked your fingers through his hair as you tilted your chin to close the distance between your lips. Your tongue slid out, trailing across his lips as you sought out his. A needy sound rising up the back of your throat. 

Ezra moved above you, planting a knee between your thighs. 

Once again, he broke the kiss before you were ready for the moment to end, breath dancing over your tender lips. “What about slow?” 

“ _Fuck_ slow.” You hissed out, reaching down to tug at the hem of his shirt, drawing the fabric up his back. 

Ezra sank back on his legs, peeling off his shirt and tossing it aside. You sat up, reaching out to run your hands over the warm skin of his chest. 

You pressed your lips to the hollow of his throat, letting your lips linger there, before he helped you pull off your own thin sweater. His hands roamed over your newly bared skin, sliding along the curve of your waist. 

“You’re sure?” He questioned, brows drawn together with concern as he cupped your cheek. 

“ _Yes_ ,” You nodded, reaching down to unlatch the buckle of his belt, pulling it from the loops of his pants. “I need this.” 

Ezra kissed the top of your head. “Whatever _you_ want, moonbeam.” He murmured, his voice almost too quiet to even hear. But you did. 

You tugged the zipper down and forced the closure apart so you could shove his pants down his hips and thighs. After they were shed, you laid back and let him do the same with your pants, peeling away every barrier that separated the two of you — except for his memories. That was a barrier you couldn’t breach. Not yet.

Ezra laid you back against the bed once more, draping himself over you as he claimed your mouth again. His rough hands wandered, skimming over the swell of your breast, dragging his thumb over your taut nipple, before trailing downwards to grasp at your hip as he rocked against you. 

His cock was trapped between your bodies, rigid against your thigh. He moved downwards, mouth hot against your throat, lips brushing over that spot at the crook of your neck that always seemed to draw him in. 

You let yourself get lost in the sensation. Ezra’s skilled mouth tasting every inch of you from your lips to the soft flesh of your inner thighs. 

“Look at you,” He drawled out as he parted your slick folds, brushing his thumb over clit. “Fuck, you’re soaked, little lamb.” 

It reminded you of the first time your thighs had framed his face, the first time he coaxed a release from you. Your lips parted with a breathy moan as Ezra sank two fingers into your slick center, his tongue sweeping over that aching bundle of nerves. 

Your hips arched up off the bed and his grip tightened to hold you steady. He curled his fingers within you, seeking out that sweet spot that only he seemed skilled enough to find. 

“ _Ezra_.” You moaned, squirming beneath him as he sucked at your clit lightly. You were right on the brink, inner walls fluttering around his fingers. 

Ezra released his hold on your hip, reaching for your hand instead. It wasn’t fair — the way he slotted his fingers in between yours, the way he held your hand as he pushed you over the edge. 

It felt like bliss and agony rolled into one as you came apart at the seams, your cunt gushing around his fingers as he dragged them in and out of you. 

He took his time with you. You watched him lick his fingers clean, before he worked his tongue between your slick folds, lapping at your arousal. 

You pressed your foot against his shoulder, trying to push him away as you twitched beneath his ministrations, your clit far too sensitive to endure the teasing stroke of his tongue. “ _Ezra._ ” 

He turned his head and nipped at the inside of your thigh gently, “Tell me I never took this for granted.” He peppered kisses over your skin. “I could devote my life to making you come — just like this.”

“You took _full_ advantage,” You told him with a lazy smirk as you watched him move back up the length of your body. You ran your thumb over his bottom lip, fresh desire burning through you as he sucked your thumb into his mouth. “As did the beast.” 

“I bet.” He released your thumb with a wet pop, before leaning in to kiss you. You could taste yourself on his lips and his tongue, which only fueled your need. 

You curled your leg around his hip, moaning against his mouth as his cock dragged between your sensitive folds. “ _Please_.” 

He pulled back, resting his forehead against yours. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” You breathed out as you reached between your bodies to guide his cock to your center. “I need this. _You_.” 

Ezra gently cradled your jaw in his palm, keeping his gaze locked on yours as he pressed into you. His lashes fluttered, but he kept his gaze trained on you. “ _Fuck_.” He rasped. “You feel good.” 

“So do you.” You leaned up and caught his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging gently at it before trailing kisses along his jaw. “I missed this.” 

Ezra stroked his thumb down the center of your throat, before planting both hands against the bed beside your head for leverage. He rocked forward, snapping his hips into you before drawing back and repeating the motion again and _again_. 

It was different — good, but different. It lacked the desperation of that first time with Ezra and it lacked the tenderness that came from loving someone. It was still _him_. He just couldn’t remember what came before. 

A part of you wished you had rolled over beneath him, pressed your face into the pillow and let him drive the length of his cock into you, but it hasn’t felt right. This felt right. 

Looking up at him as he rocked into you, kissing him each time he dipped down to steal another one from you. There was so much there that just _was_ — memories or no memories. 

Tendrils of pleasure burned through you as you clenched around his cock, fingernails digging into the back of his arms as you climbed to him. 

Ezra picked up the pace, his breath coming out in labored pants as he filled you. Your name slipped past his lips as he buried himself within you and came apart. He kept himself there, rocking his hips slowly as he spilled out. 

He slid out of you far sooner than you wanted, rolling onto the bed beside you to keep from putting too much weight on your stomach. You prepared yourself for him to pull away — to put space between the two of you. But he didn’t. 

Ezra pressed his lips to the curve of your shoulder, molding his body into the shape of yours, his hand wandering over your bare skin, before settling at your stomach. “I don’t know the particular cautions around copulation during pregnancy.” He remarked, his words muffled against your shoulder.

You snorted, “ _Never_ change.” 

He tilted his head to rest his chin against your arm, flashing you a cheeky grin. “What?” 

“ _Copulation_.” You rolled your eyes. “You’re the only man I know who would use ‘copulation’ immediately after fucking.” 

Ezra shrugged a shoulder, “It sounded right, little lamb.” He smirked a little, his fingers wandering lower. 

Your lips parted with a breathy sigh as he skimmed his fingers between the slick folds of your cunt, gathering up the mess left behind there. “ _Ezra_.” You whispered, curling your fingers around his wrist as you pulled his hand away. 

He arched a brow as he watched you bring his fingers to your mouth, dragging your tongue over them before wrapping your lips around them. He stroked his fingers over your tongue as you let them go with a wet pop. 

“Fuck, that’s…” Instead of finishing his sentence, he kissed you. The kind of kiss that was bound to leave your lips tingling tomorrow. 

You melted into him as he kissed you, meeting his desperation with your own until you were both nose-to-nose and drawing in ragged breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t be.” You murmured, kissing his shoulder as you curled your arms around him. “This… _you_ . You’re all I need right now, Ez.” You didn’t have to pretend. You could just fall in love with him all over again. 

* * *

Ezra tossed his satchel onto the bed beside you as he shook a handful of loose lunaxium in his palm, “You wouldn’t happen to have a mortar and pestle, would you?”

“You brought one,” You finished the last bite of fruit, before sliding out of your bed. “How is it?”

“Thought I could ignore it. We had such a good evening last night, but…” He grimaced and shook his head. 

“Would you be willing to tell me more?” You questioned as you stepped out into the corridor to retrieve the device from the fresher. “You were always downplaying it until, well… You were in rough shape.”

“Right now it’s simply just a mind-numbing headache. Everything is darkly tinged at the corners.” He took the mortar and pestle and started grinding it into a thin powder. “I am _almost_ proud of myself for concealing it. That had to have been no easy task.” 

You watched him as he carefully lined up the lunaxium dust, before snorting it. It didn’t look particularly pleasurable at first. His brows knit together and his jaw dropped, but then his features softened. 

“ _Sorry_ ,” He muttered, rubbing the back of his hand under nose. 

“No, no.” You shook your head. “It doesn’t bother me. You just always hid when you had to use it.” 

“I was probably ashamed,” Ezra admitted. “I get the impression that I didn’t like the _reminders_ of our differences.” He rubbed at his nose again, before scooting back to lean against the wall beside you. “How are you?” 

“I slept well last night.” You told him as you picked up another piece of fruit from the dish beside you, peeling off the peel. “Someone wore me out.”

Ezra chuckled, cocking his head to the side as he looked at you, “It was quite a way to end my five year dry spell a _second_ time.” 

You pried out a segment of the fruit, biting it in half before offering the other bite to him. “I think it was exactly what we both needed.” 

He leaned over and used his mouth to take the fruit from your fingers, licking the nectar off his bottom lip. “It didn’t feel like scratching the itch.” Ezra drawled out, rubbing his thumb over the center of his forehead. 

“Is it helping?” 

“Yeah.” Ezra exhaled slowly. “Takes a few to kick in.” He slumped back against the wall. You could tell it was working it’s magic on him. His movements seemed sluggish and _relaxed_. All of the tension in his body seemed to ebb away. 

“Do you think I should take lunaxium?” 

Ezra’s eyes slid to meet yours, “For what?”

You gestured to your stomach, “This little spawn of yours.” 

“ _Pup_.” He corrected with a crooked grin. “I don’t know. You said you get sick when you’re off world?”

“Nausea, cramping, headache, general malaise.” You explained as you took another bite of fruit. “It’s getting worse every time I go back to the Block.”

“Then you should stay here,” Ezra ran his fingers down the side of your arm. “You already proved that you can endure the full moon here. That the beast _knows_ you, little lamb.” 

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “And that’s how I know you’re not _you_.” 

“But I am.” Ezra insisted, leaning to rest his head against your shoulder. “I’m still the man who loves you.” 

Your expression fell, “Ezra, you’re _high_.” 

“So?” 

“ _So_.” You muttered, grabbing a pillow to present him with instead of your shoulder as you started to move out of his grasp. “You _barely_ know me.” 

Ezra stretched out on your bed, his arms wrapped around the pillow as he rested his face against it. “But I _do_ know you. I feel you.” 

“Sleep it off, champ.” You remarked as you cleaned up the mess you’d made with the fruit, sitting the bowl of discarded peel on the little stand beside your bunk. 

“Are you listening to me?” He questioned, even as his eyes were tightly closed. 

“Yes, I am.” You sighed, dropping his satchel on the ground as you pulled the covers up and over him. “But you’re high and talking nonsense.” 

“I was confused,” Ezra mumbled. “When you brought me back to my transport. My thoughts were so disjointed and I didn’t mean… I care about you, moonbeam.” 

“It’s all been forgiven,” You assured him, brushing your fingers through the hair that fell against his temple. “Just relax. Hopefully you’ll wake up feeling better.”

“Will you stay?” He drowsily rubbed his hand over the bed beside him. 

“I’m going to call Shiva and then I’ll come back to bed.” You promised. “Just rest, Ez.” 

“I like when you call me that.” Ezra whispered, as his breathing _finally_ evened out. 

You quietly moved across your quarters to grab your datapad out of the charging dock, before heading down the corridor to the cockpit. Shiva hadn’t had enough time to set up the comlink like the one you and Ezra used — this one required an additional boost from the nav system to siphon off the satellite grid. 

It took three rings for them to answer, “ _Yrica’s frosty nips._ I was asleep.” 

“Shit.” You checked the time. “I forgot. So much of our time is spent inside I lose track of—“

“It’s fine.” Shiva assured you. “How are you? Did you stop puking your guts up?” 

“As soon as I re-entered the atmosphere, I felt like new again.” You rested your hand on your stomach as you kicked back in your jump seat. “I carb loaded as soon as I could.”

Shiva yawned dramatically, “I hope you hydrated too.”

“I drank plenty.” You laughed softly. “Ezra was insistent this morning… or whatever time it was. We slept for like eight hours.” 

“How’s _that_ situation going?” 

“ _Well—_ “

“You had your second first time with him, didn’t you?” 

“Am I that obvious?” 

“No, but he is.” Shiva snickered. “Despite how _deceptive_ the two of you were being while I was there, his interest in you was blatant.” 

“At least I’m not misreading that situation.” You propped your elbow up on the armrest of your jump seat. “It’s a delicate situation.” 

“How were things after?” 

“Great.” You shrugged. “He’s still… It’s still Ezra. He still does what I would expect from him. We cuddled and he fell asleep. I woke up a little later to use the fresher and he was just as clingy when I got back.” 

“Oh, he was _‘clingy_ ,’ huh?” Shiva taunted.

You rolled your eyes, “And then we slept for eight hours.” You felt your cheeks warm, “You’re not going to hear me complain about the wake-up.” 

“Called it.” They laughed softly. “You’ve got him wrapped around your finger. Where is he right now?”

“Resting. _Headache_.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “It kills me to know how much pain he’s been in all along, but he hid it from me.” 

“Yeah, well we all hide things from the people we care about.” 

“Have you heard from Quinn?” 

“Who?”

“ _Shiva_.”

“Fuck Quinn.” 

“He didn’t keep that from us for insidious reasons, Shiva.” You sighed heavily. “I don’t understand why you won’t at least give him a little grace.”

“I’ve given him a lot of grace.” Shiva said flatly. “I’ve hauled his ass around the galaxy and bailed him out when he’s fucked up. He could’ve told me. I wouldn’t have judged him.” 

“You wouldn’t have judged him? Like you’re _not_ judging him right now?” 

“It’s _different_ now. He waited too long.” 

“Shiva, I genuinely think Quinn just repressed his past. The only reason it came up was because of me. I don’t think he kept that from us as a ‘fuck you’ to either of us.” 

“Maybe he’ll prodigal son his way back into their good graces. Then I won’t have to be his emotional support person anymore.” Shiva huffed. 

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s just chomping at the bit to get back in there and have his life controlled by his ultra-conservative family.” You snapped. “Quinn definitely seems like the type to be content with that.” 

“We both know he loves glad-handing.” 

“He also loves being free to do who and what he pleases.” You sank back in your seat. “Give him an inch, Shiva. Don’t make me feel guilty over killing your friendship.”

“Then _Riordan_ shouldn’t have lied to us.” 

“I don’t think _Quinn_ was doing it as a slight.” You shook your head. “Just try, alright?” 

“No, but I’ll say _‘yes’_ to help you sleep better at night.” 

“I’m honoured.” You quipped. “I should probably go. I promised Ezra I’d nap with him.” 

“Com me later?” 

“Yeah. Go back to sleep.” 

“I’m up now. I’ve got an AI bot to tinker with.” 

“Have fun with that.” You offered, before killing the com. You had to hold onto the hope that the two of them would fix their friendship. They’d been friends too long to see that torn apart because of you. 

Ezra was still out cold on your bed and snoring softly. He looked so relaxed — he always did when he was asleep and unbothered by the pain. You wished he’d been honest with you about all of that before. It hurt a little more to find out from a version of him that was uninhibited by emotions. 

You leaned down to pick up the contents of his satchel that had spilled out on the floor by your bed. The little pouch of lunaxium had lost a few pieces of the rock. You tucked them back into the pouch — all but one. 

If your baby was like Ezra, wouldn’t they _need_ lunaxium too? 

Sinking down onto the side of the bed you placed the rock on your tongue, it tasted like copper and something oddly tangy. The rough texture felt strange against your tongue, but it softened into a malleable enough texture that you could swallow it. 

At least it seemed safer to try lunaxium with Ezra right beside you. It took awhile to feel anything. You’d done dust on At-7 — you knew what getting high felt like. But this was slower, it weighed down your limbs and made your insides feel… _different_. 

You drowsily slid under the covers beside Ezra, curling into the crook of his body, seeking his warmth as an unusual chill moved through your body. 

Everything felt a little brighter, a little louder… You could feel the life humming from within you. That star that you had plucked from the sky and swallowed. The life that had taken root within you, that was drawing from you for sustenance. 

Light twisted behind your eyes, causing you to fall upwards into an increasing brightness — like you were ascending into a supernova. Bathed in warm light. Was this what Ezra felt whenever he used lunaxium? 

You seemed more aware of your existence. Every little flutter in your womb felt like you should’ve been able to see the movement beneath your skin. If you could even see your own body. It was just light. 

“Moros holds the keys to all of our fate.” 

“Who’s there?” 

You recognised the voice. _Callisto._

“He tricked us to turn on our own brother.” She told you, her disembodied voice like a whisper against your skin. “Convinced Psophis that freedom was his, only to bind him into the form of a wolf for all eternity.”

“Can I get Ezra’s memories back?”

“They’re not gone… just out of reach.” Callisto told you. “Like your own were.” 

“But I remembered.”

“Ezra was weak. The fight was drained from him before he could cling to his mind.” 

“And I’m supposed to trust you?” 

“An enemy of my enemy is the closest of friends.” Callisto assured you. “Arcadia is out of reach for my siblings, but you…” 

“I’m not going back there,” You protested. “Not while I’m pregnant.” 

“Once the child is born,” Callisto said smoothly. “We will spare both of you, if you help to free us.” 

“And Ezra?” 

“Will be free too.” 

“But his memories.” 

“Are just out of reach.” Callisto repeated. “Promise me you’ll help to free us.” 

“I’m leery of making vows after Moros.” 

She sighed, “We’ll spare you and your child, regardless of your success.” 

“And Ezra?” 

“And Ezra.” 

“Then I’ll help.” You told her, blinking at the dark shape in the bright light that surrounded you. You could see her — the outline of her. “But I can’t make any promises.” 

“Hope is enough for me.” Callisto vanished, swept up in a breeze, taking the light with her. 

Stars cascaded above you, falling across the sky rather than downwards. Green light danced through the night sky, transforming into shimmering blue and pink shapes, before vanishing with the stars. 

You fell backwards, falling and falling until you felt the firm pressure of your mattress at your back. 

You gasped, sitting bolt upright in the bed. The movement was enough to jerk Ezra awake, a sharp growl escaping him like he was primed to attack someone. 

“It’s just me.” You assured him, meeting his wild eyes. “It’s just me. I had a nightmare.” 

Ezra kept staring at you, his chest rising and falling unevenly. “I thought…” He blinked, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I thought.”

“Are you okay?”

“ _Yeah_.” He rubbed the heel of his palm against his forehead. “I think I was still asleep.”

“You growled.” 

Ezra laughed a little as he sank back onto the bed, “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Did you think you remembered?” You questioned quietly. 

He nodded stiffly, before admitting, “For just a second.” Ezra pulled you towards him, pressing his face into your hair. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“It’s alright,” You kissed his throat and the underside of his jaw. “It’s just out of reach.” 

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “ _Exactly_.”


	23. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, congratulations! You get something that Tumblr may never get. I didn't want to leave this sitting in my docs, until the unknown (and currently unlikely) time that I return to Tumblr or feel inclined to write again. I'm sorry, but I'm just emotionally done with Tumblr and this fandom for the time being. 
> 
> So please enjoy this "final" chapter. At least I accidentally stopped writing on a high note.

“You took lunaxium?” Ezra fixed you with a judging look. “What _exactly_ were you thinking?” 

“That’s a good question,” You offered him a hesitant smile. “I wasn’t.” 

“ _Clearly_.” He huffed, looking away from you then. “What if something had gone wrong? I was out cold and you’re trying _lunaxium_ like it’s candy.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I only took one small piece.” 

“And? Did you _enjoy_ your trip?” 

“It was short.” You shrugged, curling your fingers around your mug of warm tea, bringing it to your lips. “I just wanted to see if that’s what our baby needed. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.”

“You’ve could’ve hurt _both_ of you.” He snatched his caf off the table, “You had no idea what kind of side effects you could’ve faced, moonbeam.”

“Have you always been this harpy and I just didn’t realize it?” You shot back, narrowing your eyes at him. 

“This is who I am.” Ezra told you. “Would you like me to apologize for caring? Because I’m not going to. What you did was foolish.”

“I don’t know if this is something that has sunk in yet, but our baby is probably like you. Maybe I underrepresented how sick I was.” Your hand went to your stomach. “I was just told — a handful of days ago — that the two of us are _incompatible._ I was sick, Ezra. If I had stayed on the Block much longer, it wouldn’t have been good.”

Ezra took a sip of his caf before sitting it back down on the table. “And what does incompatible mean? Where do we go with that?” 

“Well, the tests that the medic wanted to run on me, just to confirm it, were pretty risky. Like miscarriage risky.” 

His expression shifted, “That’s _not_ happening.” 

“That’s why I’m here and not there letting the Corps use me as a science experiment. But this isn’t some _light_ disorder, Ezra. If I can’t see the medic, I’m going to have to find alternatives for myself.” 

“What happened when you used it?” He questioned as he sat down at the table across from you, his brows drawn together with concern. 

“Well,” You started, running your finger around the rim of your cup. “It’s been awhile since I used dust, but it reminded me of getting high on Ay-7. I had a dream — one like the ones I’ve had before.” 

He frowned, “What dreams?”

“Oh, right.” You looked down at your tea. He didn’t remember. “When I was taken by the Guardians, when I died… I had weird dreams about you and the beast. I would dream about swallowing stars, falling through the ground, falling into the sky.” 

“Do you still have these dreams?”

“Sometimes when I’m away from you, I’ll dream about the beast chasing me through the forest.” You explained, chewing at your thumbnail. “But what happened with the lunaxium wasn’t quite a dream. The Guardians found me. I was bathed in white light and I could hear Callisto.” 

His expression sobered, “You could hear them?” 

“What?” 

“I’ve always heard their voices when I use lunaxium.” Ezra admitted. “I assumed it was because we’re all connected. They’re the reason for the curse.” 

“You never told me that before.” 

He smiled a little, “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you.” 

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” You lowered your gaze. “Callisto wants our help to take on Moros.” 

Ezra stiffened, “ _What_?” 

“It would seem that Moros has made enemies with a lot of people.” You folded your arms atop at the table. “I told her I wasn’t making deal with anyone, but… I did say I would help _after_ the baby is born.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Ezra seethed. 

“If I don’t help, there’s no cost.” You pointed out. “But if we’re successful then you’ll be free.” 

“Free?” 

You nodded slowly, “Moros is the key for getting everyone off of this rock. If we succeed… you’ll be free.” 

Ezra looked away from you, his brows drawn together as he absorbed your words. “You mean to tell me that six months from now I may no longer be bound to this moon? That I’ll be able to go _wherever_ I want to go?” He laughed incredulously. “I didn’t think that was possible.” 

You swallowed thickly, “And don’t feel like…” You trailed off. How were you supposed to tell him that whether he remembered or not, you weren’t expecting him to enjoy freedom with you. 

“What?”

“Callisto said that your memories are just out of reach.” You told him, swiftly changing the topic. 

The bleak reality that he might change his mind about being with you, once he was presented with freedom, made you ache to the very depths of your being. Especially if he didn’t remember. You couldn’t tell if he _really_ cared about you, or if he was just going through the motions. 

“I don’t know where I’m supposed to _reach_ for them.” Ezra rubbed this thumb over the crease between his brows. “Last night… When I woke up, I thought I remembered. I looked at you and I thought _I know her_ , but then it slipped out of my grip.” 

“Perhaps we can work on cataloging what you do remember.” 

“Like Byron.” 

You nodded, “The layout of my transport.” 

“Kissing you.”

You felt your body warm in response to the way the words settled on his tongue. “You remember that?” 

He gave a little nod, “Something about last night felt familiar.” Ezra worked his jaw slowly. “I know I’m not exactly the same as the man you knew, moonbeam, but I do… I do care about you. _Deeply_.” 

“We should get a book to write down what you remember,” You said as you moved to stand up. “How about the last few blank pages of Whitman?”

“Moonbeam—“

“You said all of this while you were tripping on lunaxium last night.” You pointed out, slipping out of his grasp as you moved towards your bookshelf, taking more time than necessary to find the Whitman book. 

“So, what? You don’t want to hear about how I feel?” Ezra scoffed, “That’s bullshit and you know it.” 

You swiftly turned around, “No. I’m _protecting_ myself. If you don’t remember — even if you do — I have to prepare myself for you to leave.”

“I’m not _leaving_!” Ezra snapped, raising his voice. “I get it. I do. But I’m not Mars. I’m not Alia. I’m not any of the people who have told you they loved you, only to leave you.” 

Whatever retort you had ready to snarl at him died on your lips as you realised that he was speaking with memories he shouldn’t have had. “How can I know?” You continued, pushing him to remember more of past conversations. “What makes you different, Ezra? They all said pretty words and still left me high and dry.” 

“I thought I played it close to the chest, but you’re something else.” He gritted out, frustration coating his words as he crowded close to you. “You say you love me, but you keep one eye open. Like you expect me to steal your cabalton while you sleep.” 

“Maybe that’s because you made it clear to me that you used to have this _life_ — before me, before Lykaios. I’ve seen your records, I know what you’re about.” You didn’t back down. “I made that deal with Moros, knowing full-well that you might leave me. That the promise of freedom without the burden of _me_ would be a tempting offer.” 

“Do you know why I made _my_ deal with Moros? Why agreed to let him steal my memories if we failed?” Ezra’s nose was almost brushing against yours, the fire burning in his eyes as he pinned you between his chest and the bookcase. “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of being expected to continue living, if you decided being bound to this planet — and me — wasn’t _for_ you. So go on, moonbeam, continue telling me about how you expect _me_ to leave.” 

“Ezra,” You started, lips parting in surprise as you _realized_ what was happening. 

“Don’t ‘ _Ezra’_ me.” He snapped. “You know it’s the truth. This back and forth. You’ll grow tired of it. Find someone back on the Block that can provide for you and our child. Who isn’t trapped in a farce of a life.” 

You reached up and grabbed his jaw, using your other hand to cover his mouth. “Don’t you realize what you’re saying, Ezra?” You held his gaze as you slowly pulled your hand away. “You remember.” 

He stared back at you, his lips moving like he was trying to find the words. “I _remember._ ” He breathed, like saying it too loudly would break away from reality. “I… all of it.” He blinked slowly, sucking in a shaky breath. “I don’t understand.” 

You shook your head, “We don’t have to understand.” A triumphant laugh escaped you as you threw your arms around him, letting go of the annoyance and frustration that had built up within you. None of it mattered. 

Ezra sank into your embrace, all the tension in his own body fading away as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck and clinged to you. “I love you.” He murmured, the words lost as tears fell against your skin. 

You cradled the back of his head, “I love you too.” You meant it, with every fiber in your being. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say it again — and mean it.” 

He held you a little tighter, your back pressed against the bookcase behind you, supported by the firm pressure of his arms wound around you. 

Ezra pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, “I’m still mad about the lunaxium.”

“Forget about the lunaxium right now,” You retorted, cupping his jaw as you drew him in for a kiss. His mouth slanted over yours briefly, before he pulled back again. “ _Ezra_.”

“Do you have any idea how _dangerous_ that was?”

You shoved him lightly in the chest, “Are we now going to discuss the fact that you’ve been _lying_ to me since we met?” You taunted, cocking your head to the side. 

He backed down a little then, “I didn’t do it to lie to you.” Ezra brushed his thumb over your bottom lip. “I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want to lose you."

“Why would you lose me?”

“I’m trapped here, moonbeam. I’m trapped here and this has an end date, whether we like it not.” He shook his head slowly. “But the burden of living with this curse… I thought it would be too much for you.” 

“ _Never._ ” You searched his eyes sadly. “None of this is too much for me.” 

“No sympathy. No pity. _Please._ I don’t want you to look at me differently just because I’m in pain.”

“Just tell me the truth.”

Ezra swallowed thickly, “Don’t you know it?”

“I want you to tell me.”

“I have a headache right now,” Ezra told you quietly. “Pain throughout my shoulders and back. It’s constant. It’s not new. But… enduring it is worth it.”

You gently rested your hands on his shoulders, applying the gentlest pressure, working your fingers into the tense muscles at his back. “So all this time you weren’t just a _super_ tense person?” You questioned, “That’s what I thought. I thought you were so unused to being touched, that you would just tense up because of that.” 

“It’s not that.” Ezra shook his head, relaxing under your touch. “I’m used to the pain, little lamb. It’s been five years. Constant and never-ending.” He took your hand from his shoulder, pressing a kiss to the center of your palm. “I mean it when I say that it’s worth it.” 

“I just wish you’d been honest with me, Ezra.” You brushed your fingers over his lips. “I wish I hadn’t had to learn about your condition, when you didn’t care about my reaction.” 

“I know.” He exhaled heavily, his shoulders sinking. “I’ve shielded you from the truth since we first met. My condition _is_ degrading, but it’s always been bad.” 

You leaned in to press a kiss to his nose. “If you need to use lunaxium _more_ … I don’t mind if you sleep, Ezra. It doesn’t bother me.” 

“I don’t want to miss out on life,” He told you, turning his attention to your stomach then. “Look at you.” Ezra drawled out as he knelt down until he was eye-level with the swell of your stomach. Every day it seemed like there were new little changes. Subtle, but enough. “Oh, moonbeam.” He whispered, peeling up your shirt so he could stroke his hands over your skin. 

“He or she is getting bigger.” You raked your fingers through his hair as he peppered kisses to your skin. This was the reaction you’d been longing for.

“Your beloved father has returned, little one.” He whispered against your skin. “How are you?” He fanned his fingers out over your skin, like he hoped to feel one of the flutters you had told him about. “Their heartbeat is so loud.” 

“Do they sound okay?” 

Ezra nodded, pressing kissed to your stomach. “They sound _perfect_.” He told you, looking up at you as he stroked his fingers over your stomach. 

“Even when you didn’t remember,” You started, winding your fingers through his hair, skimming them down the back of his neck. “You couldn’t keep your hands off my belly.” 

He chuckled, pressing another kiss to your stomach. “I was so confused. I had all of these feelings — these emotions.” 

“You told me you were still the same man who loved me.” You smiled adoringly at him as he stood back up, nose-to-nose with you. “It hurt because I knew it was true, but I didn’t know if I could get you back.”

“I don’t know how you got me back,” Ezra admitted. “But I’m not looking this gift horse in the mouth.”

“The second you mentioned Mars and Alia.” You laughed a little, a poor mask for the tears welling in your eyes.

“It was like a floodgate lifted.” Ezra recalled, using his knuckle to whisk away a tear as it rolled down your cheek. “One second I was reaching out into nothing and then… it was right there in my grasp.” 

You cupped both of his cheeks, scraping your nails lightly through the scruff there. “I missed this.” 

“What?”

“That look in your eyes.” You whispered, tilting your head to kiss him, your breath dancing over his lips. “Sometimes I thought I saw it.” 

Ezra kissed you again, dragging his hands down your sides, before settling at your hips as broke away, “Your tea is getting cold.”

“So’s your caf.” You grinned, sliding your hand over his chest. “How do you feel right now?” 

“It’s manageable.” He assured you, squeezing your hip when you gave him a skeptical look. “I promise.” 

“On a scale of one to ten.” 

“I live at seven.” Ezra grimaced a little. “My seven is your three.” 

“ _Ezra_.” 

“I don’t want your pity.” He reminded you, crowding you back against the bookcase again. “ _Stop_.” 

You played with the hair at the nape of his neck, “Caring about you _isn’t_ pity.” You tugged gently at the strands as they slid through your fingers. “I just want what’s best for you, Ezra.”

“You’re what’s best for me.” He whispered as he kissed your lips, your nose, and your forehead. “And what I need right now,” Ezra took you by surprise as he swept you up in his arms, “Is you.” 

“Ezra! Put me down, I can walk.” 

“I’m aware.” He grinned at you. “But I’m making up for the fact I tried to kick you out of my transport.” He kissed your cheek. “Will you forgive me?”

“I didn’t hold it against you,” You assured him, pressing a kiss to his throat as you curled your arm around his shoulders. “You weren’t _you_.” 

Ezra gave your hip a squeeze where he was holding you. “ _Still_ — it was a dick move.” He remarked, hitting the button on the wall to open the door to your quarters. 

“You were an _acquired_ taste.” You taunted lightly as he sat down on the side of your bed. 

He smirked at you, “And you certainly acquired the taste.” 

You bit down on your bottom lip, unable to hide your grin as you maneuvered yourself on his lap to straddle him. “ _Me_? Acquiring a taste for _you_? Sounds like a lie.” 

Ezra hummed contentedly as you curled your fingers around his throat loosely, stroking your thumb over his Adam’s apple. 

“I missed you.” You whispered, holding his gaze. That warmth you had longed to see looking back at you was there again and it was… everything. 

“I know.” He whispered, tilting his head as he leaned in to kiss you. It was a gentle kiss at first, lips sliding against lips, before his tongue crept out to sweep into your mouth. 

You groaned, the sound caught between your lips. You could feel the hard length of Ezra’s cock pressing against you and you couldn’t help but rocking downwards, grinding your own aching flesh against him. 

Ezra grabbed at your hips and for a second you thought he was going to stop you, but he helped guide your movements instead. The slow friction was delicious — your clit catching against the seam of your pants every time you moved. 

You pulled back enough to catch your breath, nearly panting as you pressed your forehead to his. “Let me up. We’re too dressed.” 

He reluctantly let go of you, a throaty sound escaping him as you slid off of his lap. 

Ezra watched you with hungry eyes as you peeled off your clothes: your shirt first, before shimmying out of your pants. 

“See something you like?” You questioned lightly as you slid your underwear down your thighs and kicked them out of your way. 

“ _Everything._ ” He drawled out the word, beckoning you towards him. 

“Aren’t you getting undressed?” You questioned, resting your hands on his shoulders as you stood before him. 

Ezra nodded, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip. “Momentarily. I’m enjoying the scenery.” 

He ran his hand over the curve of your stomach, still content with marvelling at the subtle changes to your body. “You’re perfect, moonbeam.” Ezra whispered, looking up at you. 

You cupped his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, smiling against his lips. “So are you.” 

“ _Hardly_.” He laughed quietly, “But the sentiment is always welcome.” His hand slid downwards, cradling the swell of your belly once more, before he moved with a new purpose. 

Your jaw dropped as his fingers slid between your thighs, your hands tightening at his shoulders, clutching at him for support as he teased you. 

Ezra kept his eyes on your face as he dragged two fingers between your slick folds. “Always _so_ ready for me.” He said lowly as he stroked his thumb over your clit, toying with that little bundle of nerves. “ _Fuck_ , moonbeam, you’re so wet.” 

“I wonder why.” You mumbled as you cupped his jaw and leaned down to kiss him. You moaned against his mouth as he worked those two fingers into you with skilled-ease. 

He kept crooking his fingers just right, rubbing against that sweet spot within you, as his thumb dragged over your clit with an uneven rhythm that had you on edge for _more_. 

Your body quaked around him, the first flutters of your release taking hold — but he stopped. Abandoned you right on the cusp of euphoria. He pulled away from the kiss, a crooked grin forming on his well-kissed lips. 

“ _Bastard_.” You seethed, clamping your legs together in a vague attempt to ease the desperate throb there.

Getting Ezra undressed wasn’t _actually_ a necessity, you realized. 

“What? Did you want something?” He taunted, running his hand down your hip. 

You reached down to tug his shirt out of his pants, before you fumbled with the fastenings of his heavy cargo utility pants. “Unfortunately I wanted to come.” You retorted. “But that didn’t happen.” 

There was absolutely _nothing_ graceful about the way you shoved him back on the bed and straddled his thighs. You jerked his pants down and out of your way, just enough to free his cock. 

Ezra leaned up to meet your lips, kissing you with just as much _need_ as you felt coiling low in your belly as you mounted him. Your knees dig into the mattress at either side of hips, using his bent legs for support as you sank down onto him — taking the full length of him into you. 

“That’s it,” He encouraged you, rolling his hips beneath you. 

“Making me do _all_ the work?” You mumbled against his lips. 

“Pacing myself.” Ezra retorted with a grin, giving your ass a playful swat as he rocked upwards again. 

You moved above him more earnestly then, twisting your hips as you sank down onto him again and again. You grabbed at the hem of his shirt, clutching it tightly as you moved. 

“Planning to keep me up all night?” 

“All day first.” He smirked, snaking his hand around to tease you, stroking his thumb over your clit. You were already _so_ close and that was all it took to set you off. 

Ezra sat up then, wrapping his arm around your waist and cradling you to his chest as he fucked you. His cock drove into you again and again, pushing you straight through your orgasm and into the crest of another as he moved beneath you. 

You were content just to melt into him and let him have his way with you until you felt him stiffen as his own release took hold. 

Somehow you both managed to get him undressed as you rearranged yourselves on the bed the _right_ way. Tangled up in one another — the way you had missed. It was always close, but never the same. Until now.

“I love you.” Ezra whispered as he pressed his lips to your shoulder. 

You rubbed your foot against his ankle, “I love you too.” You curled closer to him, as if that were possible. All that mattered was that Ezra was back and, at least for a little while, things would be _normal_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. Goodbye. For now or forever.


End file.
